In brief...

I'm a Nature-lover, aspiring conservationist, and wannabe traveller in search of outdoor adventure.
My interests vary from conservation to education to heritage to Nature (biodiversity & wildlife) to outdoor activities to life in general.
They occupy most of my waking moment.
Do read my blogs, follow me on Twitter (@jocelynesze) and friend me on Facebook (subject to my discretion). Visit my Nature blog, Nature Rambles, at http://natureramble.wordpress.com.

UPDATE 2 Apr 2017 - This site is no longer maintained, please visit jocelynesze.wordpress.com if you're interested in more recent writing.

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

i think, all i want if for the march hols to come. and the bold-ed words in Perfect are really apt, think about it.
i think the more i think, the more confused i get. i should just stick to thinking about surds and modulus functions and inequalities. instead of my life and others.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

feeling quite happy today, for a change. i dont know, maybe i've just given up. but if only you knew, that if you were to do statistics on the thought i think of most, it'll be about you. how we became like that, and if it was ever my fault. and i've tried and i'm trying. but i find it really stressful. and not just that, with the exams and congress informal chat, i'm starting to feel the heat. i guess i'm just worried about expectations to keep up. but i think, compared to others, what i have to do is little. sometimes i seriously worry about our seniors (notice the term our, and think who i am referring to as us?) like andy and elynn, perhaps more andy. she seems so stressed, i dno. and i just find it hard to accept that this is going to be their last year in odac and i'm not goin to be there often. feel like i'm missing out on a lot. and i really miss odac 2005. i just miss the warmth. and i feel and think, odac is not what it used to be, and it will never be like that again.

-all i think will always be about odac and everyone in it. even when i have a zillion things to do, exams to revise for, proposals to write. and my last thoughts are nearly always about odac, and you. trust me on that. no matter that i dont go for odac sessions much.
Perfect

Hey dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
Do you think I’m wasting my time doing things I wanna do?
But it hurts when you disapprove all along

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I’m never gonna be good enough for you
I can’t pretend that
I’m alright
And you can’t change me

’cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I’m sorry
I can’t be perfect
Now it’s just too late and
We can’t go back
I’m sorry
I can’t be perfect

I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All the days you spend with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don’t care anymore

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I’m never gonna be good enough for you
I can’t stand another fight
And nothing’s alright

Nothing’s gonna change the things that you said
Nothing’s gonna make this right again
Please don’t turn your back
I can’t believe it’s hard
Just to talk to you
But you don’t understand

Thursday, February 22, 2007

HAPPY BELATED 15TH BIRTHDAY ROY'YANI BTE ABDUL RAZAK!
HAPPY BELATED 14TH BIRTHDAY JO-ANN YEO!
HAPPY 15TH BIRTHDAY TAN JUANMIN!
HAPPY 15TH BIRTHDAY TZE QING, THOUGH I DON'T KNOW YOU!
HAPPY EARLY 15TH BIRTHDAY SOFFIA BTE oops sorry i forgot!
there, that's all the birthdays i know of this week. so happy birthday, birthday girls. sorry i got no money to buy any present, except for juan's. i'll try to get you all yours by march hols!

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

i realise i really miss xin tian and haslina. not that i don't see them, but i miss their presence in odac, i really do. i can nearly cry thinking about the times when they were still in odac. that time, during overnight cycling, and we just reached the jetty. pet and haslina and someone else, im not quite sure who>< were lying down and just looking up at the sky thinking. and xin tian with all her sarcasm. funny, i rmb that day when haslina told her batch she was quittin odac, and everyone was crying. yet when jiayan said she was quitting odac, i doubt anyone shed a tear.
it's not the end of year and i'm already starting to miss the sec 4s

Monday, February 19, 2007

happy CHINESE new year to everyone:D not that it makes much difference, we still get hw ): and i din get many hong bao ): and my batchmates did. cos they come my hse and they get from my mom and then my relatives came over and they got somemore. hmph. and i still got my one-week overdue zuo wen and SS FA to do! it's a horrid chinese new year in that sense. but it's always fun, to go ard and play, and see my cute little cousins/nieces and nephews. i like little babies, they're so adorable! anyway, still got one more day, shall enjoy while i can. and then 2 days of sch before SLI! :D looking forward to march hols already....
enjoy last day too!!!

Thursday, February 15, 2007

it's post valentine's day! and tmr's chi new year celebrations:D but sch so irritatin, tmr still got first 2 blocks.... then cannot go back pri sch visit teacher... argh, and tmr is math and geog, so sad. on a lighter note, we got "batch attire" for tmr!! haha, it's cute! but then now got geog fa to do):

Sunday, February 11, 2007

just got back from learning camp, and after i bathed, the first thing i did was to switch on my computer. haha. anyway, i think learning camp was really a new learning experience for me. imagine, this is my THIRD learning camp! feel so old. the next one would be us who's planning ): anyway, i think i really learnt a lot from this camp.that #16 is STRONG and resilient and PROFESSIONAL and dno wat else... like what elynn said, odac really changed me a lot. it made me nicer, care more for others, give others a chance, have courage and take charge of my own life. i think, if i weren't in odac, i wouldnt be where i am today. i'd be MEAN. odac taught me sarcasm, laughter, care and concern. #15 taught me Affirmation, Beauty, Courage, Dynamics, Efficiency and last but not least, Friendship. #16 taught me how people react differently to the same situation. #17 taught me how much i should treasure learning camp. #18 (wow!) taught me how we should always have a positive outlook on life. mr tan taught me how to appreciate nature, and that we often take it for granted. mrs miller taught me (well i couldnt really hear her...) how if we're lactose intolerant, it's very easy to break bones...
all in all, thank you odac for the many opportunities you have given me!
and finally, the ODAC #16 cheer:
ODAC ODAC all the way,
all the lanterns we will sway(i know this doesnt make sense)
up the staircase down the slope,
we will always sit and mope.
just go on, don't look back,
otherwise your voice will CRACK!

haha, juan and i are sick! we have sore throats and a sexy voice.tho hers is sexier.. but watever.

- i dont want to go school tmr): i want this feeling to last

Thursday, February 08, 2007

:D i like talking to juniors! they make me feeel highhhhhhhhh! kay, nvm. i realise im in deep shit... got 2 chi compos (actually it's one compo and one gong han, but nvm) due tues... learning camp ends on sun... then i got tuition... then mon got sli rehearsal... >< and im missing dance prac! kay, nvm. i dont feel like doin hw today as well... and i decided that i like chem better than bio. andandand! march expedition changed to cave climbing! ): was sooo looking forward to sailing. nvm. and june ex now goin to hk. so -.- imagine climbing mountain in hong kong? and i want to go wales for first 2 weeks, then my mommy wants to go london for the 3rd week. so i pray and pray that odac ex will be last week.
I realise being in PSB has had a definite impact on me. I didn’t use to stress over school work, but now I do. Maybe it’s cos they say that those whose grades drop will be suspended. Either way, i’m starting to get really stressed over school work. Not because I don’t understand, but because I’m afraid I won’t understand. I don’t want to go to school. Now, I understand all my lessons, and I’m afraid that I won’t be able to understand the future lessons, so I don’t want to go school. It’s not helping any, I know, and I still go to school. But I feel that now, the only subject I look forward to is perhaps, philosophy and research studies and of course, physical education.

Sunday, February 04, 2007

when was the last time you encouraged someone?
made someone's day?
told someone you loved him/her?
comforted someone and made him/her felt all better?
hugged someone?
cried cos you were not able to be with someone?
showed your appreciation for someone?

don't take people/things for granted. don't make false assumptions. you are more important than you think you are. you may make someone feel that their life is worthless.
The reason

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That's why I need you to hear

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
And the reason is you
And the reason is you
And the reason is you

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you
- http://www.997wooffm.com/thereason.html

you are important in my life, i may not show it, but i hope you know it. you may think this is referring to someone else in my life, but it is not. it's meant for you.
i think mr tee has really meaningful songs/poems/whatever they're called. he's so weird. humans are freaky.

You are loved

Don’t give up
It’s just the weight of the world
When your heart’s heavy
I, I will lift it for you

Don’t give up
Because you want to be heard
If silence keeps you
I, I will break it for you

Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don’t give up
Because you are loved

Don’t give up
It’s just the hurt that you hide
When you’re lost inside
I, I will be there to find you

Don’t give up
Because you want to burn bright
If darkness blinds you
I, I will shine to guide you

Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don’t give up
Because you are loved

You are loved
Don’t give up
It’s just the weight of the world
Don’t give up
Every one is to be heard
You are loved
- Josh Groban http://www.completealbumlyrics.com/lyric/131206/Josh+Groban+-+You+Are+Loved.html

and i mean it. i don't like the way we've changed, we've drifted apart, in a sense. maybe it's my fault, i started the whole thing, i started to change. i just wish life could be the way it was.
ohh! and good job ODACians who took part in Lycee Francais de Singapour competition! don't be disheartened, cos the route was tough. tho i think, for our trng we should have like some structure thing... like get mr tan to set routes which will make us use our techniques and apply the models! haha... i miss climbing!! i should pon ringers sometimes and go for climbing/pt... else i'll fail my napfa><
i sooo miss climbing!! i know i bouldered twice already, but i miss top rope more): im thinkin of goin climbing fortnightly on mondays... but the first mon which i'll be free will be week10... anyone interested in joinin me?

Saturday, February 03, 2007

ahha! thanks to sihui, i found the lyrics! i din even need to type chi la, just type pinyin will do:/ anyway!

kuai le gong ren
(happy workers)

ni ke bu yao, xiao kan liao wo
(you should never, look down on me)
zai da de shi, wo dou neng zuo
(even bigger things, i also can do)
ni ye ying gai, kan yi kan wo
(you should also, look at me)
da jia de shi, da jia lai zuo
(everyone's things, everyone do together)

wo men shi kuai kuai le le de gong ren
(we are happy happy workers)
qing qing song song guo yi sheng
(easy easy[but it means relax] breeze through life)
jin tian de gong zuo yi qi jing tian zuo
(today's work, everyone finish it today together)
ming tian hui you shou huo
(tomorrow will get the rewards)

ni ke bu yao, xiao kan liao wo
(you should never, look down on me)
wo de li xiang, bi ni geng duo
(my aspirations, are bigger than yours)
dan wo cong lai, kong hua bu shuo
(but i never, told any lies, [i think])
bu qu zuo meng
(don't go dream, [i think])

wo men shi kuai kuai le le de gong ren
(we are happy happy workers)
qing qing song song guo yi sheng
(easy easy[but it means relax] breeze through life)
jin tian de gong zuo yi qi jing tian zuo
(today's work, everyone finish it today together)
ming tian hui you shou huo
(tomorrow will get the rewards)
-national day song http://www.geocities.com/stephchl/national_day/NDlyrics2.html
Chiquitita
Chiquitita, tell me what's wrong
You're enchained by your own sorrow
In your eyes there is no hope for tomorrow
How I hate to see you like this
There is no way you can deny it
I can see that you're oh so sad, so quiet

Chiquitita, tell me the truth
I'm a shoulder you can cry on
Your best friend, I'm the one you must rely on
You were always sure of yourself
Now I see you've broken a feather
I hope we can patch it up together

Chiquitita, you and I know
How the heartaches come and they go and the scars they're leaving
You'll be dancing once again and the pain will end
You will have no time for grieving
Chiquitita, you and I cry
But the sun is still in the sky and shining above you
Let me hear you sing once more like you did before
Sing a new song, chiquitita
Try once more like you did before
Sing a new song, chiquitita

So the walls came tumbling down
And your loves a blown out candle
All is gone and it seems too hard to handle
Chiquitita, tell me the truth
There is no way you can deny it
I see that you're oh so sad, so quiet

Chiquitita, you and I know
How the heartaches come and they go and the scars theyre leaving
You'll be dancing once again and the pain will end
You will have no time for grieving
Chiquitita, you and I cry
But the sun is still in the sky and shining above you
Let me hear you sing once more like you did before
Sing a new song, chiquitita
Try once more like you did before
Sing a new song, chiquitita
Try once more like you did before
Sing a new song, chiquitita
- ABBA http://www.lyricsfreak.com/a/abba/chiquitita_20002978.html

Thursday, February 01, 2007

there's a last song i wanted to post, but it's a chinese song and i can't find the lyrics ): it's a song i learnt in primary school, i shall say it in pinyin. and i forgot some words too. eng translation is in brackets!

ni ke bu yao, xiao can liao wo,
(you should never, look down on me)
zai da de shi, wo dou neng zuo
(even bigger things, i also can do)
ni ye ying gai, kan yi kan wo,
(you should also, look at me)
_ _ _ _, _ _ _ _ _
(well if i cant rmb chi lyrics i dont sps i can give a translation...)

wo men shi kuai kuai le le di _ ren,
(we are happy happy ____ people)
qing qing song song guo yi sheng,
(relax relax breeze through life)
jin tian de gong zuo _ _ jing tian zuo,
(today's work ___ do today)
ming tian hui you shou huo!
(tomorrow will reap the benefits)

i think there's another verse as well... >< but i cant rmb it... it's quite meaningful, this song... i like it :D
"World"
Got a package full of Wishes
A Time machine, a Magic Wand
A Globe made out of Gold

No Instructions or Commandments
Laws of Gravity or
Indecisions to uphold

Printed on the box I see
A.C.M.E.'s Build-a-World-to-be
Take a chance - Grab a piece
Help me to believe it

What kind of world do you want?
Think Anything
Let's start at the start
Build a masterpiece
Be careful what you wish for
History starts now...

Should there be people or peoples
Money, Funny pedestals for Fools who never pay
Raise your Army - Choose your Steeple
Don't be shy, the satellites can look the other way

Lose the Earthquakes - Keep the Faults
Fill the oceans without the salt
Let every Man own his own Hand

What kind of world do you want
Think Anything
Let's start at the start
Build a masterpiece
Be careful what you wish for
History starts now...

Sunlight's on the Bridge
Sunlight's on the Way
Tomorrow's Calling

There's more to this than Love

What Kind of world do you want
What Kind of world do you want

What Kind of world do you want
Think Anything
Let's start at the start
Build a masterpiece

History Starts Now

Be careful what you wish for
Start Now

- Five for fighting http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/fiveforfighting/world.html
I Wish You Enough!
I never really thought that I'd spend as much time in airports as I do. I
don't know why. I always wanted to be famous and that would mean lots of
travel. But I'm not famous, yet I do see more than my share of airports.
I love them and I hate them. I love them because of the people I get to
watch. But they are also the same reason why I hate airports. It all comes
down to "hello" and "goodbye." I must have mentioned this a few times
while writing my stories for you.
I have great difficulties with saying goodbye. Even as I write this I am
experiencing that pounding sensation in my heart. If I am watching such a
scene in a movie I am affected so much that I need to sit up and take a
few deep breaths. So when faced with a challenge in my life I have been
known to go to our local airport and watch people say goodbye. I figure
nothing that is happening to me at the time could be as bad as having to
say goodbye.
Watching people cling to each other, crying, and holding each other in
that last embrace makes me appreciate what I have even more. Seeing them
finally pull apart, extending their arms until the tips of their fingers
are the last to let go, is an image that stays forefront in my mind
throughout the day.
On one of my recent business trips, when I arrived at the counter to check
in, the woman said, "How are you today?" I replied, "I am missing my wife
already and I haven't even said goodbye."
She then looked at my ticket and began to ask, "How long will you... Oh,
my God. You will only be gone three days!" We all laughed. My problem was
I still had to say goodbye.
But I learn from goodbye moments, too.
Recently I overheard a father and daughter in their last moments together.
They had announced her departure and standing near the security gate,
they hugged and said, "I love you. I wish you enough." She in turn said,
"Daddy, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I
ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Daddy."
They kissed and she left. He walked over toward the window where I was
seated. Standing there I could see he wanted and needed to cry. I tried
not to intrude on his privacy, but he welcomed me in by asking, "Did you
ever say goodbye to someone knowing it would be forever?"
"Yes, I have," I replied. Saying that brought back memories I had of
expressing my love and appreciation for all my Dad had done for me.
Recognizing that his days were limited, I took the time to tell him face
to face how much he meant to me.
So I knew what this man was experiencing.
"Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever goodbye?" I asked.
"I am old and she lives much too far away. I have challenges ahead and
the reality is, the next trip back would be for my funeral," he said.
"When you were saying goodbye I heard you say, "I wish you enough." May
I ask what that means?"
He began to smile. "That's a wish that has been handed down from other
generations. My parents used to say it to everyone." He paused for a
moment and looking up as if trying to remember it in detail, he smiled
even more. "When we said 'I wish you enough,' we were wanting the other
person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain
them," he continued and then turning toward me he shared the following
as if he were reciting it from memory.

"I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much
bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish you enough "Hello's" to get you through the final "Goodbye."
He then began to sob and walked away.
My friends, I wish you enough!

- Bob Perks www.BobPerks.com
i dont want to not go for odac. it's not that i dont like goin for ringers, it's just that... i think im missing out on a lot. for one, im so goin to fail my 2.4km run. and i wont be able to know the new intakes. i'll be like, an invisible senior. ah well, climbing to look forward to tmr.