In brief...

I'm a Nature-lover, aspiring conservationist, and wannabe traveller in search of outdoor adventure.
My interests vary from conservation to education to heritage to Nature (biodiversity & wildlife) to outdoor activities to life in general.
They occupy most of my waking moment.
Do read my blogs, follow me on Twitter (@jocelynesze) and friend me on Facebook (subject to my discretion). Visit my Nature blog, Nature Rambles, at http://natureramble.wordpress.com.

UPDATE 2 Apr 2017 - This site is no longer maintained, please visit jocelynesze.wordpress.com if you're interested in more recent writing.

Sunday, July 29, 2007

Right Here Waiting - Richard Marx

Oceans apart day after day
And I slowly go insane
I hear your voice on the line
But it doesn't stop the pain

If I see you next to never
How can we say forever

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you

I took for granted, all the times
That I though would last somehow
I hear the laughter, I taste the tears
But I can't get near you now

Oh, can't you see it baby
You've got me goin' CrAzY

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you

I wonder how we can survive
This romance
But in the end if I'm with you
I'll take the chance

Oh, can't you see it baby
You've got me goin' cRaZy

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you

- http://www.lyrics007.com/Richard%20Marx%20Lyrics/Right%20Here%20Waiting%20Lyrics.html

anyone got the song with lyrics?
you know how to tell when you've grown up? when you really believe in your religion, and not just follow blindly, as i know many people do.
i can't say that my church is the most interesting, considering the lack of any youth activities there. comparing with other christian churches which have really active youth ministeries, my church is really dull. we all attend the same mass service, and it's quite boring. if you're in desperate need for sleep, it's so easy to fall asleep. i mean, there's no teacher looking out for you, and since we're talking about religion here, and not something more realisitic, for lack of a better word, like academics, it's easy for a lot of people to just not care about their religion.

A passage from the bible
1 Corinthians 13
Love
1If I speak in the tongues[a] of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,[b] but have not love, I gain nothing.
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
- http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?book_id=53&chapter=13&version=31

for those who don't read the bible, the numbers are verse numbers, for easy reference. you don't have to be a Christian to read the bible. as long as what it says hold true, it's fine to read it, even if you just treat it as fiction...


so love is the greatest of all, even J.K.Rowling says it in her Harry Potter books... if only i'm able to love everyone and equally, i wouldnt get angry so easily then.
ahhh, Connie's so cute! six-year-old who doesn't even take singing lessons... and i found this blog who was talking about another show in America, America Got Talent where an 11-year-old girl won, and she wasn't even half as nice as Connie. Connie's just so angelic and innocent and sweet, and she has such a cute smile! (:

and yesterday was my first time selling stuff for osl during concerts, and it was so fun! haha, i got high and slightly insane(: which i hardly ever do anymore, so c'mon give me a break! everyone's entitled to be crazy once in a while... anyway it was only till the night concert that i found people to sing PPP's The mysterious ticking noise anyway... :D and so i spent the whole day not at home, and hardly managed to do my homework. dang, i hate weekends for the hw):

Connie Talbot - Over The Rainbow (BGT Final)

her singing at the finals. really cute lor!

Britain's Got Talent - 3rd Semi-Final - Connie Talbot

Chanced upon a clip of her singing in my friend's blog and decided to search for more about her. she's really sweet and cute!

Friday, July 27, 2007

You are...














Explanation of the Results:This type of personality test uses four indexes of personality and the combination of the four is your personality type. The first index relates to how you interact with other people and can be Extroverted (E), meaning you're more outgoing or Introverted (I), meaning you keep more to yourself. The second relates to how you make decisions; whether you're Intuitive (N), getting answers from within, or you rely on Sensing (S) information from your surroundings, using your five senses. The third relates to whether you're more emotional and Feeling (F) or rational and Thinking (T). The fourth relates to whether you prefer things to be organized, meaning you're Judging (J), or you prefer things to be more unbound, meaning you're Perceiving (P).
- http://piratemonkeysinc.com/quiz.php from sihui's blog.

haha interesting, i'm like Dumbledore... anyway, my "personality" keeps changing. it depends on my mood and my circumstance then? maybe i change when my circumstances change and my reaction is different.

anyway, math is over!(: not till term 4 week ONE now. but i think i'm so going to fail english, i can't pronounce words properly! argh.


http://www.potterpuppetpals.com/! :D
snape - snape - severus snape - DUMBLEDORE! (:

Thursday, July 26, 2007

comm interviews finally over! or is it? most of it anyway. and i think, that it's my worse performance ever, in an interview. maybe cos it's the first time i really hoped i'd get it. cos other times, i was mostly quite bo-chap, helps me keep my composure... and it was so freaky. no chocolates, no smiling faces. and i still havent ans a most impt question.

well anyway, before that, wei and i were walking along the track. and you know, it was raining heavily right before that. and so the field got flooded, and the earthworms got washed out. and so, when we were taking a nice walk along the track, there were a ZILLION EARTHWORMS crawling all around!!! i got soo freaked! so i forced wei to save the earthworms by picking it up with a stick and putting back in the grass. at first there were few, but at the side nearer the gym, there were so many!! and there were birds like all around, feeding on the earthworms i bet! and wei got impatient and picked up an earthworm with her fingers cos it's quite difficult to pick up with a stick cos they keep wriggling off. then anyway, there were too many, so i gave up. poor little things, i hope they didnt get eaten by the birds. or maybe that's how they maintain a balance in the eco system... well anyway, after that, the softballers came out to run!!! goodness knows how many earthworms they killed lah!! grossness, i couldnt stand it, and ran off the track. and wei went to wash her hands. and then at the little path next to the T&D door leading to the toilet, there was this DEAD BIRD. i got so traumatized, i didnt dare walk down that path, and went the other way to the toilet instead. all in all, it was horrifying. plus the interview.

and there's math SA 4 tmr, too tired to study, goin to fail. going to pray and hope that what i alr know of coord geo and kinematics will be able to save my hopeless log and expo graph. spent the whole night doing chem PT. i better get a good grade for that>.<

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

on the other hand, thinking about potter puppet pals highly amuse me... should go check out the link http://www.potterpuppetpals.com/index.html the video "the mysterious ticking noise" is highly amusing. "snape snape severus snape dumbledore..." haha(: the funniest one is "sexy snape animation"!! haha well i guess everyone's happy that snape turned out to be good in the end(: though i (finally) finished the book, i glossed over all the details and stuff, was too preoccupied with trying to finish the book so i can concentrate on MATH SA>< ah wells, shall read it properly in the hols!
have i ever told you about the vicious cycle of school life? it starts of with stacks of hw. and so to finish it, you stay up late, and deprive yourself of sleep. only the next day you get tired, and sleep in class, so you dont listen. and then teacher gives hw, and you dont know how to do it, so you stay up even later to finish it. and you sleep in class the next day, and so on so forth. and the side effect of it is that the lack of sleep causes you to feel severely grumpy. and dao.
so maybe, we shouldnt spend so much time doin hw at night, so long as we get enough sleep to stay awake and listen and most importantly UNDERSTAND in class. cos now i've got a backlog of work to do, plus lots of revision not done. dang it, my grades are so screwed, and it'll prob just affect everything else. cos i just realised, that subconciously, i do care about my grades. or maybe it's just this year.

anyway, FAM this year is going to be great!(: pity i'm in AVA/video comm, which means i'll be stuck in either the AVA room or backstage ): ah wells, least i get to see them..

and i think what's most important for me now, is to get back my positiveness and optimism and cheerfulness and everything else that flew away unnoticed by myself. (cos i'm quite a dao person xD)


- and still, i'm wondering if i made the right choice. will you tell me?

Saturday, July 21, 2007

been reading my past entries, dating from like, nov last year... and i realise i do sound quite different now. less spirited and more down, i guess. over the course of less than a year, and i became so.. changed? so what caused it...





maybe one day you'll realise how much you mean to me and how much you hurt me.




and everything's changed, for me.
just woke up from a nap. blegh, slept at 1, intended to wake up at 2, but guess what? i woke up at 340 >.< anyway i had another funny dream while sleeping, and in my dream, odac was there. sth about us boarding some bus and going to this place where there was this giant statue of a pigeon, and then dno suddenly end up running to a campsite or sth, but anyway, right before i woke up, it was this scene where we were supposed to come up with a dance or sth with some music? anyway wei started to show us how to dance, the the music suddenly changed to some mission impossible-like song, and wei started to get dramatic like how she usually does, then dno suddenly it became on tv, and odac? was running around originally, but wei just cut in and started running all over the place.... doesnt really make much sense, but when did dreams ever do? it was srsly amusing in my dream tho...
blegh, now i dont have much time to do my hw, have tuition at 520... i hate naps, i never seem to be able to wake up at the time i intend to...
anyway doing ushering duty in the morning for FPS Qualifying Rounds was interesting, got to many more people better... hmm, and some things said made me think, if you really think this is good, i trust your judgement, but the ones to suffer the consequence is us. it's all been really weird.
and i've been kind of mood-swingy lately (or maybe it's all the time, only i didnt realise it) and i still dont know if i made the right choice..

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

i realise i always only think properly and well when i'm showering. i'll think of what to blog, or how's the day been, or just stuff like that... but by the time i'm done and sitting in front of the computer, i've forgotten what i wanted to blog...

anyway, i was just thinking, what if life was just a dream. like maybe the real you was actually comatose, and everything that you have been doing was just a dream! i really used to think that might be true when i was younger, and when times were bad, you just prayed that you would wake up so you wouldnt make the same mistake... come to think of it, it sounds vaguely similar to the idea of matrix...

and it's funny how some people you used to be really close with, turns out so differently from you now. i think the only people whom i am similar to would be most rgs girls. must be something about the school... or maybe it's just me...

and it's funny how people can go through the same thing, yet have different experiences. how teachers like to say "share your experience", when there's really no point, cos you cant share experiences! it'll always be different for different people... just like i cant implant a memory into your head, that even if i show you pictures, while they'll only be pictures to you, they'd be lovely memories for me...

anyway, enough crapping, back to work now.
was just taking a nap just now, to make up for lost sleep, and i had a really strange dream... this group of us, i cant rmb who they are, went for a movie... but i felt it was really boring so i left halfway. and my younger bro was with me, and roy was with her sister, and they also left halfway, but before me. then i took a lift down to the main road to go back home. then roy was there and she was talking about how mean the drivers were cos they didnt allow her sister on board. then i wanted to ask my dad to pick my bro and i. but for some reason or another, we boarded this bus. which drove to this really crowded place, when suddenly the air pressure dipped so low that oxygen masks were dropped. though somehow or rather, you can actually still breathe normally... and the tour guide or sth was taking photos of ppl breathing through the masks. then suddenly we saw the president or prime minister and we said "oh no wonder so many people, cos the president/prime minister's here! the oxygen masks is just to attract attention one lor". then somehow or rather we went into a book store, and there was this book abt something zhang yue... and then i cant rmb what else happened, but anyway, i woke up an hour after i intended to wake up:/ actually i managed to wake up on time, but fell asleep again...

backtracking a little, today's lesson was amusing, and i hardly slept! which was surprising cos i slept past 1 last night and didnt manage to sleep in the morning cos i was out collectin newspapers... haha so during geog, i asked ms pang if we could be allowed to eat sweets in class, and she said sth abt sweets not being healthy, it just gives you a temporary high, but soon just to get back that same high, you have to look for stronger stuff, like coffee, then coke, then drugs (well we were all highly amused, considerin all i asked was whether we could eat sweets... it was a nice diversion anyway) then after that she started teaching us brain gym. cos apparently, when she was at this conference thingy, she taught the speaker something, and so the speaker wanted to teach her something too, and asked ms pang to crawl... sth about how we were forcedto walk before really learning how to crawl, so our brains arent properly intergrated... and so ms pang got into brain gym, and is now the consultant of brain gym... and she taught us that rubbing your ear lobes would keep you awake in class, and a whole load of amusing stuff. and she said that if we wanted to do those funny actions during exams, just have to tell the teacher that ms pang taught us that and nth will happen, cos apparently, mrs tan highly regards this brain gym.

so anyway, that was something highly amusing that happened today... (:

backtracking to ytd...
the day went past pretty quickly, and during rs, mr lim asked me how was i. so i said fine. then he said what you mean by fine. so i said means i'm still alive lah, not dead yet. cant wait to see me die ah. then he laughed and said no lah, cos not havent use finish yet. use finish alr then throw away.
then after school was the thing i dreaded for...the whole week. was really hard for me, though now that i think back on it with a clear mind, i feel quite stupid. and i'm really sorry and hope i didnt disappoint you >.<
then after that went back for odac. (wei treated me milo and samosa xD) and mr tan wanted to talk to me. and then, he said sth along the lines of, after i've been used, until finish alr, then throw me away. -.- so scary, the way mr lim and mr tan think. but anyway did the roof under the stairs after that. pleased to know that i even managed to progress a little further, even though i havent climbed since outram! which was in apr... (: the juniors were pro too! and though i didnt manage to do any top rope ): the highlight was sihui doing the overhang :D i even have some pics of her! shall upload another time... would have blogged this yesterday, but got so much hw that i didnt manage to find time... phooey. but i think, i'm someone who needs to be busy, who craves busyness, cos other wise, what am i going to do during my time? of cos, when i'm busy, i think of a whole lot of other things i wanted to do but never really found time, but when i'm free, i cant think of anything... and anyway, busyness is good, keeps you from thinking too much, like how lousy you are and everything


anyway, most stuff's just starting up, exams are all coming one after the other... i'm really dreading next year now...

Monday, July 16, 2007

loong weekend): but i had more sleep than other days (: not that it helped, cos i still felt tired...
so tripod camp's finally over, after all the mad, last minute rush for planning(: it was really good, get to know more people and stuff(: good job ics :D
on the other hand, i had some mood swing during the camp, which happens all the time, when i'm with the same group of people 24/7... which doesnt mean it's good, or right, but still, everyone has the faults....
anyway went for my first LSL today! the kids are superr cute lah!! (: tho a bit naughty, but i'm determined to teach them manners before i leave xP



anyway, finally gathered my courage to do something, and it took me a whole week. but that's the easy part>< and i've been asking myself, do i really want to do this? it isnt a definite yes for me now, sometimes i feel like i'm just not supposed to be there. the other would give me a lot less trouble, for one. it's just like, something driven into me, that it leaves no room for argument.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

today's bio lesson was for once, interesting and insightful. that movie was quite cool... it was about how sports cars are manufactured to go very fast and are very powerful, compared to normal, family sedans. just like how girls in our schools have programmes such that we are more well prepared than the rest... however, it will and can only go really fast on a straight road. and the road of life is never straight. it curves from left to right, goes up and down. and so, the normal, family sedans will also be able to overtake sport cars.

and i realise too, in that half hour which my dad made me wait for him, that life is full of disappointments. has always been, and will always be. but that doesnt meant that we should give up on life. just that sometimes, i wonder whether perhaps it is time to give up hope. everytime i get high hopes, i get disappointed. get hopeful, and disappointed. hopeful, and disappointed. it's the same thing, over and over again. the same case, the same scenario. so if you constantly get disappointed, is it time to just give up hope and not expect anything so that you'll not be disappointed? and i'm sorry if i ever disappointed anyone. and i know i will be.


i think that maybe, my only hope and wish in life, would be that one day, i'd be able to come home from work/school, and not do any hw, any work, not switch on the computer, nor flip open a textbook. i'd be able to sit in front of the tv and watch all the funny shows i want to watch, be able to read any storybook i want to. without a constant nagging at the back of my mind that i have hw not done, or stuff to settle. i see my brother, my mom able to do this. seriously speaking, i think i have less of a life than them.

Monday, July 09, 2007

time and again, i'm reminded of these songs

Hold On - Good Charlotte
This world, this world is cold
But you don’t, you don’t have to go
You’re feeling sad you’re feeling lonely
And no one seems to care
You’re mother’s gone and your father hits you
This pain you cannot bare

But we all bleed the same way as you do
We all have the same things to go thru

Hold on...if you feel like letting go
Hold on...it gets better than you know

Your days you say they’re way too long
And your nights you can’t sleep at all (hold on)
And you’re not sure what you’re looking for
But you don’t want to no more
And you’re not sure what you’re waiting for
but you don’t want to no more

But we all bleed the same way as you do
And we all have the same things to go through

Hold on...if you feel like letting go
Hold on...it gets better than you know

Don’t stop looking you’re one step closer
Don’t stop searching it’s not over...hold on

What are you looking for?
What are you waiting for?
Do you know what you’re doing to me?
Go ahead...what are you waiting for?

Hold on...if you feel like letting go
Hold on...it gets better than you know

Don’t stop looking you’re one step closer
Don’t stop searching it’s not over...

Hold on...if you feel like letting go
Hold on...it gets better than you know...hold on


Crash and Burn - Savage Garden
When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart
I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you
Its hard to find relief and people can be so cold
When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you cant take anymore

Let me be the one you call
If you jump Ill break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn

Youre not alone
When you feel all alone
And a loyal friend is hard to find
Youre caught in a one way street
With the monsters in your head
When hopes and dreams are far away and
You feel like you cant face the day

Let me be the one you call
If you jump
Ill break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn

Youre not alone
And there has always been heartache and pain
And when its over youll breathe again
Youll breath again

When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please
To tame your wild wild heart

Let me be the one you call
If you jump Ill break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
Youre not alone

only i want someone else to sing it for me.
just got back at like, 930... (stupid blogger doesnt show ><) anyway, went for this seagrass talk at botanic gardens (that place is cool lor, and just 15 mins bus ride from sch.. should go there study one day...) and the talk was quite interesting, even with siling sleeping beside me -.- anyway, our RS project is super cool! and we have this (rather dumb but still better than nothing) blog at http://labrador-park.blogspot.com/tho of cos, if we're going to advertise it, we'd better have sth to show ><

yay tmr odac! tho quite disappointed, no climbing): really sad, in fact )';




problems and dilemmas all around. and no one around.

Saturday, July 07, 2007

oh right, and today's LiveEarth! so we should wear green. hmm pity i dont have many green shirts. anyway, so we shall all help to save the Earth and not waste electricity:D or anythign else for that matter.





ahh bio spa...and a zillion other hw):
ahh, Ringer's concert is finally over): such a long day today, spent nearly 15 hours in school><>

and some random pics of us while waiting for our turn at the concert...

Elaine after make up!





Jo-Ann! haha she has soo many boyfriends giving her flowers :P






Amelia! she can be make up artist lor...







haha Brenda! well least i didnt put up the other one.. (:








Rachel and I! I'm going to miss her): (and her love for food, haha)








Ziqi and I! and a bit of Huiyi... Ziqi's my SYF partner! :D







Shuna and I! a bit blur lah, but still(:






Shara and I! haha this is blur too. maybe it's just them:P I'm going to miss BOTH of them really really a lot):











Huiyi and I! haha i look taller than her! i'm going to miss her too):








Rebecca and I! right, this is really blur too><>
and thanks for the nice flowers that the nice PITS were selling, Mr Lim, Sherrie and Lifang. Lifang's the pink one with the BROKEN stem. i suspect she broke it trying to throw it up to me... and the programme booklet. and BALLOONS!(: thanks #16, Mr Lim, and my family:D
so that's the Ringers year over now, which means i can go for more ODAC! but was feeling quite sad today anyway...><

Thursday, July 05, 2007

haha, spent most of the afternoon hiding in the library cds there with jo ou and mr de souza trying to make our wales presentation for tmr more presentable... and after rushed down for Ringers, and realised that my gown was there all along-.- made me worry for nothing... and although i'm missing ODAC KAYAKING (againn), i realise actually it's better, cos i'd rather miss ringers to do the wales thing then odac. okay you didnt just see that. but still, ODAC ON TUES! heh, cant wait!
and i TOTALLY dont understand bio. or chem. or physics. or geog. dang it, i wished i hadnt taken geog. but then again, i would have been worse at lit or hist... ><

i was listening to the radio on my way home, A Slice of Life, to be exact. and it really does quite make sense, why do we always look at the negative side of things? when someone's late, we always assume that maybe that person doesnt respect our time, or that the person doesnt think we're worth his time or watever... hmm.. so we should just wait? i dno, i guess things are always a double edged sword, it can happen like that, but sometimes that's also the wrong approach. life's complicated.

oh! the vid's on colours of the wind, which we're playing this sat! super cool(: so ringers concert this sat, plus tripod precamp briefing... i hope THAT turns out right, at least.

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Spirit: Stallion of the cimarron - Colors of the wind

the one i tried to upload and failed.

): i tried to post a vid of colours of the wind here but clearly, sth wrong happened. anyway, i lost my Ringers gown>< and court shoes!! i need THAT on fri, least. dang it, i'm getting more and more forgetful by the day... everyday i'll have to go through a checklist to see if i've missed out any work...
-Homework done?
-Any OSL work?
-RS?
-ODAC? any batch stuff?
-PSB?

oh noo, this term's really hectic... and i DONT get any chem/bio/geog/physics stuff at all! and that stresses me out more than anything><



cant wait for next tues(:

Sunday, July 01, 2007

OSL working camp's over ): it was really good, like a beginning, a start to osl. kudos to the mentors for organising it! like i really got to know lots of people better and the mentors' name, and also how crazy our teachers can be.... and it was fun too! or maybe i was just sick of school. blegh, just the first week and alr, so much things to do...

sometimes it's better to have friends older than you are. they see things in perspective and give you very helpful advice and encouragement. and maybe in some way, they really understand, cos they've been through it before.

noo, odac's having climbin assessment on tues, and i cant make it. and supposedly kayaking too, on thursday! ): ringers is making me saaad, although it's fun.

math SA 2.5 coming up, i'm losing track on chem, physics, my bio's crap, my eng's not any better. blegh, somehow or another, i'm looking forward to august. this waiting period is making me nervous and i cant concentrate.

there's so much to catch up on: my studies, OSL, and various other committments. bleegghh.