In brief...

I'm a Nature-lover, aspiring conservationist, and wannabe traveller in search of outdoor adventure.
My interests vary from conservation to education to heritage to Nature (biodiversity & wildlife) to outdoor activities to life in general.
They occupy most of my waking moment.
Do read my blogs, follow me on Twitter (@jocelynesze) and friend me on Facebook (subject to my discretion). Visit my Nature blog, Nature Rambles, at http://natureramble.wordpress.com.

UPDATE 2 Apr 2017 - This site is no longer maintained, please visit jocelynesze.wordpress.com if you're interested in more recent writing.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

okie dokie. tomorrow marks the start of my last MYA in rgs ever! and the rest of my cohort of course. unless we get retained :/

ss and chi paper 2. really hope they go well, especially ss :/



went for free cone day at united square just now. queue was frighteningly long. but being the rgs geeks we are, we queued the whole time with our hw. i was doing chinese papers while queuing, thereby proving all the other schools right that rgs girls are a bunch of geeks D:
met quite a few rjc seniors too... thankfully, they havent changed. much.


okay, shall sleep early in preparation for tomorrow.


"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." ~Proverbs 3:5-6

Sunday, April 27, 2008

well it's mugging period now. for two weeks. and after that, we shall go have fun(:

Hold On - Good Charlotte

This world, this world is cold
But you don't, you don't have to go
You're feeling sad you're feeling lonely
And no one seems to care
You're mother's gone and your father hits you
This pain you cannot bare

But we all bleed the same way as you do
We all have the same things to go thru

Hold on...if you feel like letting go
Hold on...it gets better than you know

Your days you say they're way too long
And your nights you can't sleep at all (hold on)
And you're not sure what you're looking for
But you don't want to no more
And you're not sure what you're waiting for but you don't want to no more

But we all bleed the same way as you do
And we all have the same things to go through

Hold on...if you feel like letting go
Hold on...it gets better than you know

Don't stop looking you're one step closer
Don't stop searching it's not over...hold on

What are you looking for?
What are you waiting for?
Do you know what you're doing to me?
Go ahead...what are you waiting for?

Hold on...if you feel like letting go
Hold on...it gets better than you know

Don't stop looking you're one step closer
Don't stop searching it's not over...

Hold on...if you feel like letting go
Hold on...it gets better than you know...hold on




trigonometry formulae and d.c. circuits formulae are my constant nightmares :/

Saturday, April 26, 2008

oops, i forgot to watch razia debating on live tv :/ sighs.

ah wells, really hope she and soff can quickly catch up on their studies...



it's a real pity i never knew sine graphs before sec 4, else in lead camp when they asked what do you think you are most like, i would have said without hestitation "a sine graph". think about it. every single aspect of my life is like a sine graph.

which reminds me, i was supposed to study math today. but never did.




sec four is so different from sec three, sec two, sec one. you're used to the system, take it somewhat for granted, think more about jc and uni and life beyond, and somehow see everything from a different perspective.



wakeboarding's made me slightly woozy. sometimes i feel like the ground's moving :/ maybe i'm not suited for land life.
i swear i have the coolest parents ever!(:
haha going to some east coast of malaysia during june hols, Terrenganu. super cool, can go scuba diving there!
and cos we're not certified, my mommy says we shall go learn. and there's a course from 12 may - 19 may! :P weekdays are in the evenings/nights. then weekend go malaysia to practice diving or sth. super cool lah. even my younger bro can go scuba diving! (: hehehehehe. kay that's enough motivation for me to get past exams.


had wakeboarding in the morning. quite cool lah, didnt manage any cool, fancy stunts like jumping, but did hand waving and went from side to side(or maybe that was just in my head...) so yep. juan, sihui, siling, cheng ee and parisa were in the same boat as me, haha quite cool(: only gee and i didnt go twice, and i think juan's really satisfied with her second time :P she jumped lah, that pro girl. tho of course, she didnt land properly xD but all the rest of you were damn pro, i shall post pictures later :P

went to support soff and sheila at malay debate later, arrived in time for prize presentation only. haha i think the four of us felt pretty awkward, the only chinese there.. couldnt understand a word of it :P and nvm, i think you all did great! the badges are super cool! should make soff pin them to her bag...

anyway, have to study now, to get past exams. i think i'll never study as long as i'm in front of my comp... should ban myself from the computer for the next two weeks... sigh :/ i need intense, focused mugging sessions.


post exams!! semakau, scuba diving and terrenganu :P whee! and i want ice cream.


oh btw, if anyone of you happen to read this, there are cool natural rock climbing sites in malaysia! shall show you the brochure sometime...

Thursday, April 24, 2008

bad day today. got back two papers. didnt do too well. not that i expected to do better, but well you always hope. :/ must work harder, really.

went climbing after sch, quite satisfying. after that all four of us went back to juan's house to study :P haha it was quite fun/amusing, i really want to do it again... and quite productive. more than it would have been at home, anyway.

really tired. shall sleep soon, pray hard that eng tmr isnt that bad D:


i really really need to study. before i start panicking at the fact that i have no idea what i've been doing in lessons so far. need to take stock of learning...





if You should mark our guilt O Lord, who should survive?

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

i really think my family's the best(:
you know the cake odac made to sell during ora? yeah i brought home one, and cos eating that cake on its own is just plain boring, my brilliant family made icecream cake from it:P
it's super easy, just cut the cake into smaller pieces and line the bottom and sides of the cake tin with it. then put a layer of icecream over it, then if you want, another layer of cake. you can have as many layers as you want, but anyway, we put strawberries all over the cake, and it looked damn pretty, and it tasted very good:D and there you have it, home made ice cream cake! considering my mom helped to bake the cake, my younger bro and i put the icecream in the cake, and my father bought the strawberries(: (heh no, we're not ptl, we dont grow strawberries like beansprouts, hidden under a bed)

i hope my older bro has a happy birthday, even though we didnt get him any present xP



i feel blessed. really. being born in a place like singapore, it's hard not to be blessed. especially if you have a fantastic family like mine, and wonderful friends in a not-so-wonderful system.


i think the four of us rock. like seriously. the wall's fantastic, and there's gonna be new equipment. and though we did not directly influence the system's decision to get new stuff, at least we helped(:

gonna handover rs soon, and i'm really going to miss it. very much. it's very much helped form an integral part of who i am now, and made me realise there's so much more that we have yet to explore. there's so much each of us can do to preserve nature, and made me want to study more about it(:



i'm very determined to leave sec four without regrets. it's already half way through my term, but i dont think i've accomplished much. and i have half of the time left.





what kind of legacy do you want to leave behind?
yay okay i feel accomplished :P

climbing today was very fun, i really miss our school wall! haha(:

older bro's birthday today, the same as Shakespeare, and his death day too.

:/ i need to study. soon.





9 may!(:

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

myas are really approaching.. really have no idea what i've been study for the past few months, going to need intense studying (note: not revising, STUDYING)... cross my fingers, pray hard and hope i do well.

had an informal bio ethics discussion after bio today. very interesting, wish could have discussed more, but mr tee wasnt feeling well. but it's all very complex and complicated and confusing. it's like either way it doesnt work out kind of thing, and it's so complex that you just feel like giving up trying to figure the way humans think, feel like giving up on finding a conclusion/solution, and you just wish that we would go back to the stone age. live a life that's not so complicated, where technology did not ruin everything. it's like a double edged sword, technology, and while people argue that we do research and everything for the benefit of humans, for the greater good, the fact still remains that there are really evil people out there, or people with different sets of values, and they use this technology to bring about harm.
and then again, what is harmful and what is good? how do we know, how can we judge, how can we set the criteria? how do you draw the line, where do you draw it?
there are people out there who are researching on stem cells, on chimeras (human-animal gene mixed, come up with a cross species), on stuff which are so controversial, and they say it's for the benefit of the human race. but imagine, in the future, when almost all the animals found on earth has been wiped out, extinct, and instead, animals which now roam the world are half human. they might look like a tiger (or whatever you want) but they have the intelligence of humans. can you imagine how frightening that would be? our whole race could be threatened.

i think humans are ultimately selfish people who only work for their gain. the number of people who are truly selfless and work for the greater good of all living things on earth are very few. why cant everyone be innocent and idealistic? :(

dont need to talk about the future, even now, there are people who spend hundreds of dollars on their pet poodle, or on dresses, or on any other frivolous pursuits. when there are millions of people starving somewhere on this earth which we all reside on.
there are people with more than enough food to eat, that they waste it, when there's someone out there who needs this life-saving food. i'm not saying that we should ship what you cant finish over (though i wish we could), but that whatever food that you have before you, caused someone else to be deprived of food.

but for all i rant, i dont really do anything about it. which makes me feel doubly guilty, but i often just brush it aside so that i can concentrate on other stuff like homework. :/



was watching Discovery Channel just now, Fearless Earth: Great Barrier Reef. amazing show, i think it is super cool, how they produce the film. really makes me want to join discovery channel/national geographic to produce documentaries/take photos, but i think i cmi. but marine biology is super cool, and i think that's what i'm going to study in uni. or maybe some other branch of bio, but see first. geology is quite cool too, how they link natural features and stuff to the existance of the Great Barrier Reef, but i think i wont be able to sustain my interest in it :P i wanted to be one in sec one, cos i thought volcanoes were cool...

i dont understand why i have to read up and study about stuff like current electricity and motor effect, when what i would really like to do is watch documentaries/read up on bio ethics or some interesting stuff. but i guess the singaporean in me rules and i just study to pass my exams. think about it. i pass my physics exam, just so i can drop it in jc. does it make sense? cos if i fail physics, my gpa will go down, and then i might not be able to take what i want in jc.



i really want to change my blog layout, but blogger isnt cooperating :( nvm. re-routing the school wall tmr, quite excited(:



10 may. motivation for getting through exams(:
20 apr. motivation for getting through the year(:

Monday, April 21, 2008

what makes you you?
people identify you by your identity. the most basic of which is your NAME. yet i dont understand how people can be so fixed on the small, minute details, that they cant even spell your name right. or even know how your name looks like.
i mean, sze, is so clearly not a malay surname. but i have certain people (like teachers) asking me if i'm malay. nearly one year after teaching me.
and amazingly, when i'm speaking to people on msn convo, with my big name spelt correctly on my nickname, people can still spell my name wrongly. which is what made me decide to spell my name in caps, just in case people cant see it.

there are so many things to do before the exams. and still, so many things to do after the exams. that you wonder if you'll ever have enough time to do them all.

but overall, i think i'm not suffering from burnout. not yet, at least. dont think i will anytime soon(:



many things to think about, it's a wonder they can all fit into my head. of course, i just think of one at a time, to reduce stress, but it's still somewhere in there, floating about..


cant wait to go climbing/lab park/semakau/out with people(: i need motivation to get past exams..

Sunday, April 20, 2008

lately, i've been talking a lot about life, school, the system and so on so forth. maybe it's cos now's the time when you take a look back in your life, and realise how much the system has impacted you, some for the better, some not. and you wonder how it can be improved.

anyway, just some trivialities in life, but still important to me(:
got my own climbing harness! xD i'm well on my way to getting a full set of climbing gear, i've got a chalk bag (red, courtesy of andrealim) and climbing shoes (which are too small, but anyway courtesty of sihui, siling and a couple of seniors) now!(: sadly, i had to pay about 30 bucks more than juan for a harness, cos i couldnt wear that one :( sigh. nvm, i'm sure i can get that in the future(:
and today's lunch was cool(: now i've got a mountain of chocolate to eat xD apparently, when i'm sad/stressed...


kay back to reality. this week's gonna be a half half. english sa on friday, and it's the last week of all lessons before MYAs... but climbing on wed and thu WILL be a blast xD kay, i'm just feeling very happy over my new harness(: it's super cool and light. though the leg straps cant be adjusted... ah wells! gain some lose some.



i wanna change my blog skin to sth else, but that template's kind of screwed... anyone html savvy to help?


i seriously cant wait for after myas. so many things i want to do/can do. monitoring at semakau with teamseagrass for the FIRST time, climbing, kayaking, and more!



cos i've got that to keep me going.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

you come into the system in sec one, not used to anything and everything, struggling with everything from subjects to friends to cca to who-knows-what-else.
you were scared of the teachers, the seniors, and everyone else. esp. the seniors who were so tall, so smart, and so pro. never talked to them.

now you're up there, not quite at the top of the system, but the highest you can ever go. from here, the view looks quite different. but everything seems different, from last time.

the seniors, we're about the same height as the sec ones. generally. respect, the value of it and the meaning of it, has changed a lot. dont quite know if the meaning's changed, or that it's just non-existent.


maybe in some sense it's 自找 zi zao (look for it your self/deserve it)



anyway, myas are coming, i see it all around me. and i'm feeling the heat of not understanding any subject. but i think it cant beat the sports people, debate people and whoever else having comps now.

either way, even if my only purpose for studying (unnecessary) subject like physics is for exam purposes, i still need to get good grades. so that i dont have to study so much for eya. which is kinda screwed logic, but whatever.



but whatever i whine about is groundless. cos there are people who are worth living for. there are things worth living for. and they far outweigh whatever crap we have to go through(:





few, but precious all the same.

Friday, April 18, 2008

feeling really mellow now. had much to think about this whole day.

what's the purpose of education? what do i study for? for grades, obviously, i feel as though i must get good grades. but is there any other purpose? yes, perhaps. for certain subjects, i truly study for what i'm learning.

still, no matter what we discuss in congress fgs, at the end of the day, we'll still go back to our routine life, dont we. get back home about 8, 9+. by the time you've showered and eaten dinner, it's nearly 10+ before you start work. and for me, 2 hours after sitting in front of my comp, and i'm still not started. maybe my life is really pointless. there are few but precious things that i live my life for. few but precious people whom i truly care for.


then again, i always wonder, who on earth would visit my blog and read my nonsense ramblings. personally, i just treat my blog as some sort of impersonal diary. like when you look back 2 years later and you think, wow, i was that dumb?


anyway, myas are round the corner. but still, i cant find time (or a valid excuse) to study properly. if i'm not careful, i'm just going to flunk all my subjects.


and on the other hand, i wonder, since when have seniors evolved from mentors to become babysitters?






feel like a job badly done.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

kay i think i suffer from severe mood swings. but anyway, feeling happy now cos odac's made money!(:

got back my piano practical exam results. guess what? i failed! and the best comment is this ' Aural Tests - Unfortunately nothing was correct in this section' sigh, i knew i had no talent for music...

physics spa today was a disaster, but whatever, it was rather short-lived...


shall be a good girl and finish my hw ahead of time(: i hope.





just cos i dont say doesnt mean i dont know.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

i cant believe how crazy people can get over math. http://www.calculus-help.com/funstuff/calculussongs.html check it out.

anyway still desperately struggling with ss fa, decided to go check out this website which could effectively replace ms tan as math teacher. so you see, the internet can replace the teacher. it's just a medium but still...

it's quite annoying how english, social studies and geog all seem to run through together. they're so interlinked, first glance at the article and you cant tell if it's for english or ss...


2.4 today was okay. really made me think though. anyway, juan injured her knee again (as in the injury was always there but yeah) so maybe no 2.4 for her. hope she can still come for odac though.


i cant wait to climb the sch wall(:

havent studied for physics spa tmr:/

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

suddenly feeling very stressed. maybe cos my file's getting very fat, then when i try to clear the ws for filing, i realise many of the ws are not completed/i dont understand!!! >< argh. i feel a sudden urge to study. maybe this is why i'm in rgs :/

rgs girls are freaky. they walk around, even overseas, talking about various subjects and various topics. and they study to relieve stress. at least for me. :/

there's just too much this week. information overload kind of thing. mgms every morning, rs presentation today (which was a horrible disaster, elaborate later), 2.4km tmr, physics spa, spsb gm on thu, in convo on fri. not to mention intense selling of ora stuff and lots of coordination. argh. cant wait for next week. i desperately need time to study!!!!! myas are approaching :/

today was a most horrible day, alleviated slightly by the free block.
rushed to school, late for mgm, rushed through it (with 2 people and 5 mins). after morning assembly was rs presentation, a most horrible experience, we didnt know how to ans qns and our whole presentation was un-clear. argh anyway, after that was geog, tried my best to follow, think i more or less understand it now, but oh no, all the previous lessons!!! :/ :/ then math was quite okay, didnt fall asleep, though i saw others who did xD chinese was a huge stack of papers, im not looking forward to it...
and all through the day i was carrying packs of honey joys/cupcakes, selling and getting more stocks. delivering and selling. and to cap it off, the free block which i intended to use to finish up my math assignments and physic assignment was spent walking around holding ora stuff. ARGH.

odac PT trng was quite okay though.. slack but fun. at least to me.



argh, i'm so looking forward to the weekends!

come to think of it, next week isnt so fun either. i think i'm looking forward to 10 may.

Monday, April 14, 2008

somehow, Stop and Stare and I'm Yours seem all the rage..

back to school tomorrow, rs presentation first thing of the day :/ hope that goes VERY well, cos i really think we deserve it(:

kay should go to sleep now. i cant wait for the holidays. but no holidays are ever holidays by the time they come around.
i just want one week. of nothing being arranged, not even to go out with friends. just one week of nothing planned, nothing to do. so that i can just slack around, wake up at noon, do nothing but read newspaper/watch tv/read a good book. but i guess i wont ever get to do that for a whole week, till my retirement. which is kinda early to talk about when you havent even graduated from sec sch...

i really love my parents for all they've done, dont understand why there are people who can run away from home...
i really feel very blessed and fortunate to be born in singapore. and i have no idea why other people can actually complain about it, or not count their blessings.

i mean look around. read the newspapers. everywhere, food prices are rising. people in phillipines, indonesia, africa are starving to death. many people are in poverty, dont even have clean water and food, let alone the latest handphone model or mp3 or tv or computer.
but here we are, wasting FOOD (which to hundreds and thousands and millions of people is a life-saver) and wasting water. maybe it's not exactly intentional, i mean i'm looking at my washing machine at home, and it's pouring out so much water! and it just goes into the drain, wasted. where in other countries, they dont even have water to drink.

every little bit goes a long way, i dont mean to make a big change, like go vegan overnight or anything. i just try my best to use less plastic, recycle paper. it's not even extreme, i'm not pushing for people to go vegetarian or dont switch on the lights. im just asking for others not to take plastic bags when you dont need it, switch of the air con when it's raining cos it's cool anyway.
but still, people (and i mean friends, class mates) dont want to. and think i'm some environmental freak. which is kind of a screwed thinking. i dont get why cant people just not take plastic when they dont need it! it's not that difficult. argh. singaporeans are way too pampered.

point of this post is: USE LESS PLASTIC. DONT TAKE PLASTIC BAGS IF YOU DONT NEED IT. just carry that ONE item in your hands! SWITCH OF ELECTRICITY IF YOU DONT NEED IT. like if it's not that warm, dont switch on the air con, or fan. i'm not even a ptl extreme kay, at least i have both at my house, even if i dont use them that often. recycle paper! dont just convenient dump them in the rubbish bin (i'm talking about in sch when we have a recyling bin RIGHT OUTSIDE OUR CLASS) i wish my estate has recycling bins... maybe i should go request for one or sth :/





sometimes i think i worry excessively.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

so ora's over. and for all my whining about how ora will be a disaster, it wasnt so much of it. or maybe i was just immune to it. wasnt really thinking about ora, the whole time i was sitting there. was just thinking about how we can sell the stocks after ora... talk about future problem solving....

anyway, yeah. disappointment, worry, anger. quite usual(:

but good job osl anyway! and to odac too, cos i really saw the effort you all put in to sell our stuff, even if we didnt manage to sell all(:



tmr's outram. quite excited/nervous. hope all will be well. but somehow, everytime i think of outram, that super pro girl who has long hair and is skinny (some outram girl i think, or guang yang) keeps popping up cos she is damn pro! :(





should i go for apec? it's quite close to taiwan... and i'll prob never get a chance at icyl or any other thing any more. sigh.






the disaster may be over, but the nightmare isnt.

Friday, April 11, 2008

kay, just finished settling everything for ora slightly past 12am. thanks much to sihui and siling for staying(:

really hope we can sell out everything tmr :/ :/ please please buy! it's very nice(:



had enough of baking to last me a lifetime. but still, have a lot at home...



wish all the om teams good luck, and debate teams as well(: and #18, angie and jaslyn for outram tmr(:




and there you see the difference.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

had ora baking after sch... quite a disaster, at the start. but towards the end, i think we did a pretty neat job(: although we still have a long long way to go. my house looks like a supermarket. tell me why again, did i listen to the ridiculous idea of andrealim's to x2 the number of ingredients?


anyway, super sleepy now, havent done much hw. why does ora have to be now, such a bad time! so much hw D:


anyway, think i may be able to do some hw tmr(: baking again after sch! and maybe sleepover till ora. kay, quite scary.


and rs! D: must ace oral presentation(:

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

<3 thanks to 113'08 class ics, #16 and osl mentors(from fri!) <33

and nair and lifang and roy and eunice and everyone else!!!<33


chem spa fa was quite rubbish. but whatever, it's over. got back math sa and geog sa results too. what a great birthday, isnt it? well anyway, did quite okay...

after sch spent some time with juan's om team, realised how horrible om can get...

went for radio play next, haha i think 407 did great(: haha we're cool people! xD



kay hope ora baking tmr goes well. i really hope we can finish most tmr... cos there's no time on fri! :/
and i hope rs oral presentation will go well next tues... :/ :/




jiayou to juan and nair! for om(: soff and razia! for debate(: and sadly, all of them arent coming on sat :(




i wanna get my climbing harness, shoes!




annoying.

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

in case you're curious to know how i'm going to spend my 16th birthday, here's a rough guide:
- first few hours sleeping
- rest half of the day in school, doing last minute mugging for chem spa, doing the radio play, physics spa fa, rushing through math ws, trying to understand what's going on in lessons, and so on so forth.



how exciting.


going to sleep soon.
had quite an amusing/nerve wracking morning, but whatever, it's over. if it were an exam, i'm very sure i'd have flunked it. that s1 girl was so super eloquent and pro lah! kay nvm. cant wait to see it :P



slept during math today. but she was talking about sth i already knew! sigh. at least math is still okay, still floating about. i really think i'm going to fail the next geog test. i have no idea what on earth we're studying about for geog now. i cant wait to go to jc and just drop geog altogether. to think in s1 i was actually thinking about a career in geog (like volcanologist (whatever the spelling is) or oceanographer or seismicologist (or whatever it's spelt) kind of things)


climbing was quite fun today, did 3 or so 6a+ and a really cool boulder route. couldnt finish it tho, got me so irritated. my fingers are aching now tho, still sort of sore. ah well. small sacrifice. just hope outram will go well.


really worried about rs and ora D: argh, i dont want to fail rs oral presentation!! and i realise ora baking's quite screwed. sheeeeesh why everyone suddenly at home got stuff on one!

and chem spa tmr is prob gonna be screwed. :/ ora is driving me nuts.





and i do NOT look like a s1/s2. so annoyed. i should get some really mature looking specs. maybe on the first day at jc, the people will think i went to the wrong sch -.-




cant wait for ora to be OVER.

Monday, April 07, 2008

Wake Me Up When September Ends - Green Day

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
wake me up when september ends

like my fathers come to pass
seven years has gone so fast
wake me up when september ends

here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we are

as my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost
wake me up when september ends

summer has come and passed
the innocent can never last
wake me up when september ends

ring out the bells again
like we did when spring began
wake me up when september ends

here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we are

as my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost
wake me up when september ends

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
wake me up when september ends

like my father's come to pass
twenty years has gone so fast
wake me up when september ends
wake me up when september ends
wake me up when september ends
i suppose it must mean something when your own mom cant even recognise your picture in the yearbook photos.



things seem to be looking up, yet maybe not. maybe just a fleeting impression.



cant wait for ora to be over. cos really, what's the point of being there, when they arent?



hw and studies seem screwed. only hope the rest of the subjects are better...






focus has changed.

Sunday, April 06, 2008

Almost - Bowling for soup

I almost got drunk at school at 14
Where I almost made out with the homecoming queen
Who almost went on to be miss texas
But lost to a slut with much bigger breastes
I almost dropped out to move to LA
Where I was almost famous for almost a day

And I almost had you
But I guess that doesn't cut it
Almost loved you
I almost wished u would've loved me too

I almost held up a grocery store
Where I almost did 5 years and then 7 more
Cuz I almost got popped for a fight with a thug
Cuz he almost made off with a bunch of the drugs
That I almost got hooked on cuz you ran away
And I wish I woulda had the nerve to ask you to stay

And I almost had you
But I guess that doesn't cut it
Almost had you
And I didn't even know it

You kept me guessing and now I'm destined
to spend my time missing you
I almost wish you would've loved me too

Here I go thinking about all the things I could've done
I'm gonna need a forklift cuz all the baggage weighs a ton
I know we had our problems I can't remember one

I almost forgot to say something else
And if I cant fit it in I'll keep it all to myself
I almost wrote a song about you today
But I tore it all up and then I threw it away

And I almost had you
But I guess that doesn't cut it
Almost had you
And I didn't even know it

You kept me guessing and now I'm destined
to spend my time missing you
And I almost had you [x3]

I almost wish you would've loved me too






i think it's really a case of 一代不如一代 (the next generation is worse than the one before) dont you think so? sometimes i wish i was born a few hundred years ago. then you dont have to think about problems like globalisation, bioethics, global warming, horrible hi-tech warfare etc. life's nice and simple, and your life's goal is to grow up and get married (for women). i know, i'm an escapist. but i'm also a realist, and sometimes i dont really like reality.



if you could live your life all over again, would you?
Science and God

'Let me explain the problem science has with Jesus Christ.' The atheist
professor of philosophy pauses before his class and then asks one of his
new students to stand.

'You're a Christian, aren't you, son?'

'Yes sir,' the student says.

'So you believe in God?'

'Absolutely.'

'Is God good?'

'Sure! God's good.'

'Is God all-powerful? Can God do anything?'

'Yes.'

'Are you good or evil?'

'The Bible says I'm evil.'

The professor grins knowingly. 'Aha! The Bible!' He considers for a moment.

'Here's one for you. Let's say there's a sick person over here and you
can cure him. You can do it. Would you help him? Would you try?'

'Yes sir, I would.'

'So you're good...!'

'I wouldn't say that.'

'But why not say that? You'd help a sick and maimed person if you could. Most of us would if we could. But God doesn't.'

The student does not answer, so the professor continues. 'He doesn't, does he? My brother was a Christian who died of cancer, even though he prayed to Jesus to heal him How is this Jesus good? Hmmm? Can you answer that one?'

The student remains silent.

'No, you can't, can you?' the professor says. He takes a sip of water from a glass on his desk to give the student time to relax.

'Let's start again, young fella Is God good?'

'Er...yes,' the student says.

'Is Satan good?'

The student doesn't hesitate on this one. 'No.'

'Then where does Satan come from?'

The student : 'From...God...'

'That's right. God made Satan, didn't he? Tell me, son. Is there evil in this world?'

'Yes, sir.'

'Evil's everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything,
correct?'

'Yes.'

'So who created evil?' The professor continued, 'If God created everything, then God created evil, since evil exists, and according to the principle that our works define who we are, then God is evil.'

Without allowing the student to answer, the professor continues: 'Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things, do they exist in this world?'

The student: 'Yes.'

'So who created them?'

The student does not answer again, so the professor repeats his question. 'Who created them? There is still no answer. Suddenly the lecturer breaks away to pace in front of the classroom. The class is mesmerized.

'Tell me,' he continues onto another student. 'Do you believe in Jesus Christ, son?'

The student's voice is confident: 'Yes, professor, I do.'

The old man stops pacing. 'Science says you have five senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Have you ever seen Jesus?'

'No sir. I've never seen Him'

'Then tell us if you've ever heard your Jesus?'

'No, sir, I have not.'

'Have you ever actually felt your Jesus, tasted your Jesus or smelt your Jesus? Have you ever had any sensory perception of Jesus Christ, or God for that matter?'

'No, sir, I'm afraid I haven't.'

'Yet you still believe in him?'

'Yes.'

'According to the rules of empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your God doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?'

'Nothing,' the student replies. 'I only have my faith.'

'Yes, faith,' the professor repeats. 'And that is the problem science has with God. There is no evidence, only faith.'

The student stands quietly for a moment, before asking a question of his own. 'Professor, is there such thing as heat?'

'Yes,' the professor replies. 'There's heat.'

'And is there such a thing as cold?'

'Yes, son, there's cold too.'

'No sir, there isn't.'

The professor turns to face the student, obviously interested. The room suddenly becomes very quiet. The student begins to explain.

'You can have lots of heat, even more heat, super-heat, mega-heat, unlimited heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat, but we don't have anything called 'cold'. We can hit up to 458 degrees below zero, which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold; otherwise we would be able to go colder than the lowest -458 degrees. Every body or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero (-458 F) is the total absence of heat. You see, sir, cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat we can measure in thermal units because heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.'

Silence across the room. A pen drops somewhere in the classroom, sounding like a hammer.

'What about darkness, professor. Is there such a thing as darkness?'

'Yes,' the professor replies without hesitation. 'What is night if it isn't darkness?'

'You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is not something; it is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light, but if you have no light constantly you have. Nothing and it's called darkness, isn't it? That's the meaning we use to define the word. In reality, darkness isn't. If it were, you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?'

The professor begins to smile at the student in front of him. This will be a good semester. 'So what point are you making, young man?'

'Yes, professor. My point is, your philosophical premise is flawed to start with, and so your conclusion must also be flawed.'

The professor's face cannot hide his surprise this time. 'Flawed? Can you explain how?'

'You are working on the premise of duality,' the student explains. 'You argue that there is life and then there's death; a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can't even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life, just the absence of it.'

'Now tell me, professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?'

'If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, young man, yes, of course I do'

'Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?'

The professor begins to shake his head, still smiling, as he realizes where the argument is going. A very good semester, indeed.

'Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you now not a scientist, but a preacher?'

The class is in uproar. The student remains silent until the
Commotion has subsided.

'To continue the point you were making earlier to the other student, let me give you an example of what I mean.'

The student looks around the room. 'Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the professor's brain?' The class breaks out into laughter.

'Is there anyone here who has ever heard the professor's brain, felt the professor's brain, touched or smelled the professor's brain? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no
brain, with all due respect, sir. So if science says you have no brain how can we trust your lectures, sir?'

Now the room is silent. The professor just stares at the student, his face unreadable.

Finally, after what seems an eternity, the old man answers. 'I guess you'll have to take them on faith.'

'Now, you accept that there is faith, and, in fact, faith exists with life,' the student continues. 'Now, sir, is there such a thing as evil?'

Now uncertain, the professor responds, 'Of course, there is. We see it everyday. It is in the daily example of man's inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil.'

To this the student replied, 'Evil does not exist sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God.

God did not create evil. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God's love present in his heart. It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat or the darkness that comes when there is no light.'

The professor sat down.




I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else. - C. S. Lewis







ora is giving me a huge headache. so many people arent going, the school should just cancel it altogether. i dont even want to go anymore.

Saturday, April 05, 2008

sports fest ytd went by very fast for me. spent most of it shouting at hadlians. you know, people only cheer for their house if their house is winning. the thing is, if you dont cheer, the house may not win. and if the house doesnt win, then they will think that their house sucks, and therefore not cheer. and so on so forth, it's a vicious cycle. point is, sports fest is a day meant for cheering, therefore, open your mouth and cheer.

had house comm dinner at pastamania after that, 23 of us (or so) and jo ho's really happy about it (: we'll get champion overall, even if we got 3rd for sports fest, cos hadley's cool (:


rushed over to osl dinner after finishing my 2 slices of pizza, and had a fun time(: osl mentors 08 <3 honestly, i think you're the best bunch of people i could ever work with :D and now i look like i opened a disney store xD


went to my psl's house for sleepover, and there were only 3 of us... slept at 1am doing friendship bracelets... and we were very sleepy most of the time, so didnt really talk much :/ suppose there's still time for a proper one though...


last psl session today, like really very last one, cos it's my very last year in rg... was quite sad, the sec ones are really nice and some of them actually cried :( will miss them, just like how i still miss 101'07 very much...



i think a sine graph is applicable to every part of me.



and the singapore government should just ban plastic bags. or make everyone charge 20c for one bag. i think progress and development is killing the earth. on one hand, there are historical records that show that the earth's temperature fluctuates, like a few hundred thousand years very cold, then will rise, then will drop, then will rise etc. i rmb seeing sth like this anyway. and on the other hand, if global temperature really rises to high for us to live, then we'll all just die off the face of the earth. i suppose there are people who dont really mind dying if they can have their air con 24/7 and using excessive amount of resources...




juan wants to go on a workout every saturday (after her om ends). well looking forward to that... cos for now, i dont see much to look forward to. hw, exams, ora (=stress).






you're the one.

Thursday, April 03, 2008

ahh my fingers hurt from climbing :/ i cant type properly... sort of makes you realise how important your fingertips are. more often than not, we just take what we have for granted; and it's only when it's gone that we realise it's really important to us...


i really really <3 osl! 0sl mentors 08<33 haha we're a bunch of nutters who digress at every single topic xD xD a really fun bunch of nutters though xP



i dont wanna do hw. i dont want tests to come.


having sleep over with my class ics tmr. having house comm dinner after sports fest, then rushing over for osl meeting + dinner, then going for the sleep over... (: quite exciting yeah?




and i want to get abs. so juan and i, we're going to stick to the abs diet. which includes a lot of protein, and no commercialized sweets. :( i dont think i can make it. but i really want to like improve on my climbing, cos i think i'm deproving :/ okay i'm just jabbering rubbish here. i cant sleep but i dont want to do hw.





what's wrong with you.

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Bad Day - Daniel Powter
Where is the moment we needed the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to gray
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee you go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces every time
And I don't need no carryin' on

Because you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Will you need a blue sky holiday?
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on

You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day

(Oooh.. a holiday..)

Sometimes the system goes on the blink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I'm not wrong

(yeah...)

So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
You've seen what you like
And how does it feel for one more time
You had a bad day
You had a bad day




not being able to do my math assignment is causing me great distress. and that the teacher that you need to contact urgently is always uncontactable. sheeshh, i dont want to miss trng tmr :/




my memory's getting shorter and shorter. i think it'll just disappear sooner or later...







sine graphs remind me of a lot of things.

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

i realise i dont really use the day before tests to study (at least i didnt today) but to finish up stuff which i havent previously. kinda dumb, really.

hadlians please go check out the cheer video uploaded on youtube. AND YOU BETTER KNOW THE CHEER BEFORE SPORTS FEST THIS FRI.


i think bio's kind of screwed, not cause i dont know the content, but i dont know how to answer. just like my fa. i dont know what the question wants, i interpret it so differently from how it's supposed to! or maybe i just need more practice. but it's very nerve wracking.



climbing today was not up to standards again, couldnt clear a 6A+ :/ i think i perform better once in a while, rather than training consistently. or maybe it's just in my mind. i need more endurance! and i'm proud of you sihui, for doing 9 sets up and down!




and i really really really want to go to new zealand (to climb/kayak). it's so cool. there are so many things i want to do!



and i'm still suffering from slight insomnia. maybe that's why i cant climb properly, cos i dont rest enough. or maybe it's just an exuse... sigh. went to bed at 12+ and at 1+ was STILL awake. so annoying. i'm going to resort to sleeping pills soon..

and april fools was so normal. didnt prank anyone, and only got pranked by my class ics.. ONLY if you knew it was a prank from the start, does it count as getting pranked? haha it was quite a good one though, only I'M TOO SMART FOR THEM xD love you guys(:







sometimes, i wonder, did i make the wrong choice?