In brief...

I'm a Nature-lover, aspiring conservationist, and wannabe traveller in search of outdoor adventure.
My interests vary from conservation to education to heritage to Nature (biodiversity & wildlife) to outdoor activities to life in general.
They occupy most of my waking moment.
Do read my blogs, follow me on Twitter (@jocelynesze) and friend me on Facebook (subject to my discretion). Visit my Nature blog, Nature Rambles, at http://natureramble.wordpress.com.

UPDATE 2 Apr 2017 - This site is no longer maintained, please visit jocelynesze.wordpress.com if you're interested in more recent writing.

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

chinese is seriously taking over my life, i'm starting to have dreams in chinese, and i dream of 成语s :( and during random times of the day, random phrases pop up in my head. and i'm reading chinese books. hopefully i can get an A for 'o' levels..


slept during my last math lesson in rgs for my entire life. >:( was really drowsy, my ws's a mess cos well i dont copy too well when i'm half asleep. sheesh, math next week :( but still, it's just 芝麻绿豆 (a little, insignificant thing) next to others who have eyas and 'o' levels, so i shant complain.

options today were retarded, should have taken the advice of so many people to pon them. history was totally -.- thought had presentation today, but just watched the second half of a malay film. and ended one hour early. had two and a half hours to eat lunch and slack around, waiting for lit film to start.

then wonderful group mates came late, and werent very prepared. got super annoyed (though i know i shouldnt be) not like they really care anyway, so whatever, filming was just >:( and i should have just gone home after netball prac. and saved everyone the pain of having to put up with a not-too-cooperative me.



and i realise netball is pretty fun, even though i'm not all too good at it, i can annoy the opponents xD



thank goodness wed and thu are holidays, though sadly it is raining so maybe tmr cant go dairy farm climbing after all :( and it was like a highlight of my week, i was soo looking forward to it! nvm, thu will be fun(:





and you began to wonder why you came.







Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri to the Muslims out there(:

Saturday, September 27, 2008

today was a long and tiring day. at least i'm tired now, and i fell asleep on the mrt, think my mouth was hanging open D: how un-glam! ah wells, when you're tired, you dont really care.

woke up early (for a saturday) to go climbing. it's just two weeks of training or so, and i'm already getting calluses :( i'm gonna die by Climb On!

then went to Botanic Gardens for Team Seagrass gathering. pretty cool, we met this ex-RI guy. apparently he was the head of NCC, though he thought that ncc was useless (or rather, not as useful as scouts) and it was quite fun, and it's really heart-warming to see that these people are willing to spend their whole saturday afternoon on this, and like, go out to monitor seagrasses and stuff, since people dont usually care :(

seagrass ecosystem is like the 3rd most valuable ecosystems in the world, yet not much is done to protect it, unlike more prominent ones like coral reefs and mangroves and rainforests.. which is really sad, cos that's where your seafood comes from, cos seagrass estuaries are nursery grounds for juvenile prawns, crabs, fish etc. and dugongs and sea turtles feed on seagrass. and there are lots of useful stuff that seagrass does! but sadly, no one really cares :( land reclamation, dredging etc done at our shores are gonna kill our seagrasses.

by the way, singapore has 12 species of seagrasses, out of the 60 which can be found in the Indo-Pacific region! new species found at lab park(:
and monitoring seagrass is cool cos you get to see other interesting marine life(: they're really pretty and interesting, but if you dont conserve our shores, then you wont get to see them anymore.

so how to play your part as an active and environmental-conscious citizen?
when you go to the seaside/shore:
1) do NOT pick up anything, like seashells. they are an important part of the habitat, cos empty seashells are where hermit crabs get their home from.
2) do NOT litter. cos the litter you leave behind not only mars the beauty of our shores, you kill marine life too. terrible, tsk tsk.
3) do NOT catch crabs/other stuff! it isnt free seafood, like some seafood buffet or sth. dont be evil, let these animals grow and reproduce, else poaching could cause them to go extinct! singapore's already lost quite a bit of biodiversity since we were a wee little fishing village, so we should do things like that to aggravate the condition.
4) educate your friends/family! (: even if they think you're annoying :( (like me)


yeahh so do your part to save the earth! even if it's already dying :( ah wells. and if you want to monitor seagrasses and see pretty pretty marine life, join team seagrass!(: yay.





and my life is now like CHINESE. math. CHINESE. math. climbing! CHINESE. math. CHINESE. math... rather monotonous, at least the people mugging for exams now have a variety of subjects to study. though i should be thankful that i have less to study for..




"The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." -Deuteronomy 31:8

Thursday, September 25, 2008

when you coop yourself up, like a 井底之蛙 (frog at the bottom of the well), you dont know much about the rest of the world and stuff. life seems much simpler, less complex and happier. why do we pursuit knowledge? does it make us happier? i think not, else why would the adage of "ignorance is bliss" come about?

we're happier of not knowing certain things. and shouldnt our purpose in life be to be happy? some people say happiness need not be chased after, it should come naturally to us, in all aspects. but sometimes we might just need to be reminded, to put in a little extra effort to be happy. and after a while, it'll come naturally. isnt that how habits are formed? little by little.



and there are times, when you feel unjust, that despite the fact that you are the one who does most of the stuff, other people still gain credit. indignant, anger, and you wonder why. i'll just say it's God's will.




but the thing is, once you're used to it, and suddenly it's taken away from you, dont you feel a bit unnatural, like you're deprived of sth, a sense of emptiness?






well, whatever it is, it's just the way life works. so just live with it.







Far Away - Nickelback
This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know,
you know, you know

[CHORUS]
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore

On my knees, I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
'Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything but I won't give up
'Cause you know,
you know, you know

[CHORUS]

So far away
Been far away for far too long
So far away
Been far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know

I wanted
I wanted you to stay
'Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

they say, a picture speaks a thousand words.

odac at learning camp 2006
odac last year
odac at learning camp this year
odac this year

hope you get my point. 8, the magical number.






but still, odac<3 style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_-vLu3zKUh8k/SNpiH5_bZCI/AAAAAAAAAVU/OLkVwQ3OdKE/s320/P9060491.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5249616203619197986" border="0">

and #16(:








for each and every one of you, to pass it on.
mom just showed me an article in the chinese newspaper, which read "外国人喝牛奶结实,中国人喝牛奶结石" xD it means "foreigners drink milk get stronger, Chinese drink milk get (kidney) stones"

:/ but well, it's quite sad, i dont understand how could anyone put such dangerous chemicals into baby milk formula! and into (nearly) everything else as well :( wonder how long this would last, i mean, Chinese products are almost everywhere, and many people could have consumed it already. it's so unethical, seriously.

juan's away in taiwan :( (not sad that she's away, more the fact that she gets to go taiwan! :P) ahh but i really want to go taiwan, the place is super cool. though it gets hit by typhoon rather often...


so easy to get lazy, but difficult to get back on track. so easy to tangle up a rope, but difficult to untangle it.



jiayou to those out there who have yet to take their exams/'O' levels!






the little things, just forget it. forget the past.

Monday, September 22, 2008

looking at past photos always bring back fond memories.


i miss lab park, i miss ringers, i miss odac (before s4), i miss osl07. i miss all the times spent and gone past.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

been too tired to type out proper posts the past few days, sleeping a lot, dont know why. but though things have been slack, think i'm getting back into the working mood(: though haha, not as much as all the other people having exams xD


honestly, i think our childhood should be spent being happy, cos really, it's the only times when we're not troubled by financial and other adult world problems, sheltered from the real world. the problems of the adults dont affect us so much, all we are concerned with are our grades, friends and little little stuff. that's why i think we shouldnt make kids grow up too fast, dont force them. maybe it's just sheltering them, letting them live in their fairy-tale world, but what's the point of forcing primary school kids to read newspapers? they'll find out about wars and crises, lose their innocence and might just grow up to be cynics and pessismists. which is kinda sad. cos once you grow up, you cant grow back down. which is also why we should act silly and play a fool while we can, be a little childish, cos once we start work, we probably wouldnt even want to.



and most humans are short sighted and dont want to do things if the results cant be seen fast. i mean, what are you expecting, a 立竿见影 sort of response? :/ we should look far and work towards there, even if you cant see the favourable results immediately...




anyway bio options field trip yesterday was quite interesting, went to ecp to take photos and admire beauty, symmetry, design etc in nature. dinner on a breakwater. there were only 8 of us, but still, was relaxing and calming and enjoyable(: then went to nus for star-gazing. saw jupiter, venus, antares and various other stars, but towards the end only could see jupiter. it was really bright, and at first, i thought it was a satellite :P i mean, i was brought up with the notion that if the light is faint and flickering, it's a star. if it's really bright and not flickering, it's a satellite. but well, we learn new things everyday(: jupiter actually gives out more radiation than it receives, only it's too small or sth, else we would have a second sun in our solar system.

and it's really mind-boggling. our solar system is just one of many in our galaxy. imagine, we have like billions and billions of stars in our galaxy, which is just one of many galaxies in our universe, and well, i dont know but there could be many many universes out there. which means that the possibility of life out of the Earth is actually quite possible.

astronomy is actually quite interesting, but the math is crazy and honestly, i'm not really bothered about things that are so far away.


but when you think of it, who are we in the big picture of things? i mean, why are we so concerned with our grades, our looks, our performance etc, when in the big picture of things, like in our universe, we are mere insignificant things?

we should just live life happily, no one really cares if we're fat or thin, smart or stupid etc. happiness, whatever makes us happy, should be what we live life for. if you think being skinnier would make you happy, but in the process, you're not really happy, then do the means justify the end? and besides, who's to say that being skinny would make you happy. you would probably be even more miserable.

let's just face it. there'll always be someone better than you are. so just live with what you have, and be happy. is happiness that difficult to find? every night, i pray that all of you will be happy and not be so concerned with the things that dont really matter. though of course, whether it matters or not is subjective.



climbing training today resulted in 3 blisters on my fingers, 3 blue-blacks on my legs and a fair number of abrasions. with time, we'll improve.




take care.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

bio options today was positively mind-numbing and brain-draining. and it was only for two hours, tomorrow's is for three! D: how to survive... it is seriously complex and draining stuff...


and finally went climbing today.. more of bouldering, but still(: managed to do three routes, not that bad. but i suspect i will have serious muscle aches tomorrow:/ more training!(:



symmetry in chemistry, symmetry in physics, symmetry in biology T.T




spsb handover was ... missed most of the later part, but well, looking back on the past year, i dont really think i did much for psb per se, but i do hope i at least made some impact in some of the psls/jpsls... i hope.. :/ time for much reflection.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

funny how paralympics dont garner as much support nor has there been much hype over it, despite Yip Pin Xiu getting something like two Gold medals already? or maybe it's just in school, since everyone's so busy with eyas (except for s4s) kinda unfair :/ i really think the paralympians put in more effort, i mean overcoming the odds and everything isnt that easy.. ah wells, congrats to them(:


and on the mrt home today, i met this really adorable baby(: she's only 17 months, but she's really smart! learns fast and is super super cute:D like seriously! haha she was playing with my jacket and my file and she waved to me and blew-kissed me goodbye (: really cute! i dont understand how people can not like babies, they bring like, joy to everyone!




and food also makes everyone happy(: at least most. depriving yourself of food is just making you miserable. unless you're fasting lah, then you cant help it. but it's amazing how much people can starve themselves.. really scary actually.




climbing tomorrow!(: after spsb handover.



it is not over, yet.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved. - Gospel of John 3:16-17


celebrated Mid-Autumn Festival with my aunt's family. mooncakes, and a walk around the area with lanterns, with jon and my oldest cousin (who's a bio teacher in sajc!) it's not much fun though, when everyone's saying that they're gonna get fat after all the mooncakes :/ but mooncakes only come once a year!


anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY YAP SI HUI AND YAP SI LING! (:




so close, so close.


need to get used to being so slack. alternatively, find something worthwhile and productive to do.

Saturday, September 13, 2008

which is worse: not going for speech day, not going for speech day when people expected you to go, or going for speech day when you're not getting anything.


anyway, so nair and i, being in the minority of the s4 population not going for speech day, decided to go out today. intended to wake up early and go running, but well, the law of inertia stays and got woken up instead by nair who called me at 920 (when we were meeting at 10). actually i suddenly woke up at 7am, thought i had school and thought i was late. then i realised it was saturday.

so we met, and cos the sushi place wasnt open, we went to walk around Velocity. a lot of times. went back to Revenue House for sushi (which was at $0.99 per plate!) then went back to Velocity and Novena Square to walk around a lot more. the most aimless thing i've done in ages. but it was enjoyable and well, rather meaningful. havent spoken to her in a long long time.

met up with juan and soff at Cathay after, then went over to PS. after much debate and discussion, finally decided to watch Mamma Mia. so we walked around (Carrefour) aimlessly for a bit more.

i think it's different from the musical... but still it was funny and uhh a bit weird/crude at times, i think. those people were seriously crazy, but well, good entertainment(:



and jean hui dreamt that she and i were playing soccer, and she threw the ball in to me from the sidelines (actually i think in soccer you cant throw..) and i did a fabulous header into the goal, and there was a roaring crowd cheering :P which is super amusing! cos she cant really play soccer cos of her knee, and i scream like crap when the ball is coming towards me, and i cant do headers for nuts etc...





despite everything, feeling satisfied now at how the day has been(:

Friday, September 12, 2008

really felt like ponning sch today, only had assembly and double chinese block. but i've never ponned a single day of sch since forever, so.

reached home, napped before a last ditch effort at playing the piano. and overall i think it went okay. scales were all fine, played perfectly by my standards. 6th apart was screwed up (F#minor!D:) and worse of all, i thought i played Bminor in second inversion wrongly, so i stopped halfway and re-started :/ turns out it was actually correct.. dominant 7 was bad, but diminished was okay. first and second pieces were okay, had minor slip-ups but no major errors. and third piece was bad, sounded wrong and weird and unclear, though i think it's more to do with the piano than my playing. sight-reading was a disaster, as usual, and aural singing was bad. discussion was horrendous.
examiner: "so what else do you observe about the piece?"
me: "uhh, it's slow and uh... i dont know...."

:/

ah wells, it's over(:


rushed down to osl parents' meet. i'll really miss osl next year.








you're always the first to know. somehow.



and somehow, it always happens to me. why?






anyhows, looking forward to a slack day tmr and going out with nair tmr. dont ask me.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

i've discovered my new-found talent in soccer: screaming. -.- but i think sth's wrong with me today, cos i usually dont scream when the ball comes near me. right? :/


went to bishan with soff after to order ncc shirts. so we met biquan's mom xD and dad i think. they're really nice, gave us a lift to the mrt after she found out we werent in rj after all. and it's really really far from j8, where i ate lunch.

bio options was pretty okay. delivered in mr tee's usual style, only cos half the class are GEPers (no offence to them) and they're like damn smart, and know everything, and keep chattering, and makes his class seem livelier than before. soff and i feel dumb now, but we'll read up and be geniuses xD


osl vaccinations! haha it was quite fun for me, seeing as i didnt take the jab. ah well, it's the last time i'm gonna be seeing osl get vaccined, and stuff. (we're all counting down our "lasts" :/)



on the brighter side, i'm gonna see the last of scales tmr, and it would be a joyous moment for me. even jon complained about my frequent playing of the piano this week. dont know if it's cos it's that unbearable, or just cos it interferes with his tv-watching (and my concentration)





and somehow, this song just keeps playing in my head, the whole day.


Untitled (How Could This Happen To Me) - Simple Plan
I open my eyes
I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light.
I can’t remember how
I can’t remember why
I'm lying here tonight
And I can’t stand the pain
And I can’t make it go away
No I can’t stand the pain


*CHORUS*
How could this happen to me
I've made my mistakes
got nowhere to run
The night goes on as I’m fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

Everybody’s screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I’m slipping off the edge
I’m hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again
So I try to hold
On to a time when
Nothing mattered
And I can’t explain
What happened and I can’t erase the things that I’ve done
No I can’t

*CHORUS*
How could this happen to me
I've made my mistakes
got nowhere to run
The night goes on as I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

I've made my mistakes
got nowhere to run
The night goes on as I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me







soon. and it's gonna be last year all over again.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

even though the dratted exam is just two freaking days away, it seems too long for me. having to practice the darned scales and pieces every single day (and it's no joke, it requires two whole hours and lots of patience, sitting there in front of the stupid piano playing the same thing over and over again) and all i can see in my immediate future is more piano practice.

and if that's not enough, the only thing my parents ever tell me is "go and practice piano". as if i dont know to do that. or that i havent already done it. darned the piano, no wonder soff dropped it after grade 1.


and honestly, i cant care any less whether i pass or fail this time. i've practiced so much more than i ever did in my entire life (i think), even though it's been two years since i started prepping for grade 8, that even if i fail, i wont bother taking it again and i wont feel a sense of failure. cos i've definitely improved since the last exam. though it would be nice to have a pass for my very last piano exam in my life. and the thing about piano exam, especially for me, is that anything and everything can go wrong on that day, even if you've practiced very hard before that. at home during practice, you can play perfectly well, but during the examination, you may just suck so much, you fail. which is what i'm afraid might happen :/




msn is being annoying.










it is the worst thing of all, to start and end like that. things dont always get better as they go along; for all you know, they may snowball and get worse. start and end, the same. makes me feel like crap. even if it's not my fault.







feeling more emotional than ever, and yet still manage to smile more. not fake, just push the things out of your mind and pretend. pretend it doesnt exist.
close your eyes and pretend all problems don't exist.

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

series of talk this morning, given by RJ vp and Aware. throughout that agonizing 3 hours, i used up 5 (incomplete) packets of tissue. :( it was miserable. finished up my own, used up eunice's two packets, borrowed two packets from various people. and still, it wasnt enough. there was this girl with the huge pack of tissue, so borrowed pieces from her. it was really the most miserable feeling, sitting there with your nose running.

then went to Gelare with soff, juan, sihui and kexin. poor soff just sat there watching us :( but well, one more month! or three more weeks :D cant wait. then after 1 plate of half-priced waffles which juan and i shared (the rest didnt eat), we went to Subway to get kexin and sihui their soup, and my cookie and drink. then we went to Chippy to get chicken and fish. then we went back for options. oh and cos i ran out of tissue paper, soff got me toilet roll to use instead.

which was boring:( they showed us lots of films that didnt quite make sense, then we were supposed to come up with our own story. it was hot (cos the aircon wasnt working), boring, and before options even started, i used up the toilet roll blowing my nose :"(

training after options! havent run so much in months, nor exercised so much. think when i leave rg, i'm gonna miss being sweaty and lying on the floor, doing crunches, push-ups and what-not :( i'm gonna miss odac trainings, and the mini-amphi, and everything about odac :( ah wells, one more term. better appreciate what we've got now.





came home, and i watched tv! 730 started watching channel 8, and 8 switched over to channel 5 (First Class was stupid-.-), at 9 finally switched off the tv to practice some piano. but bros and dad came home, switched on the tv, so well, played during commericals xD







what you dont know cant kill you. ignorance is bliss. but the enemy that you dont know, is more dangerous than the one whom you know. so well, i guess take things all in stride.


though i suspect i'm just a bit retarded. like i dont get the full impact of stuff till it really happens. like syf last year, the whole time while we were performing, i didnt feel like i was performing a piece for judges, so i wasnt nervous at all. or bungee-jumping last sat, it didnt hit in that i was going to go bungee-jumping, so i didnt feel scared at all. till i actually saw it being done D:




whatever will be, will be. have faith.

Monday, September 08, 2008

is all that you all care about whether you screwed up something or not? cos if it, then i am utterly disappointed.

it was very well done, i think so too. but if you all were more concerned with the outcome, with the product, than with the process and the thought and feelings put into it, then i think not.

to you guys, is it always about beating the rest, about being the best, about doing something with visible and significant results? do you not care about how it was done, about the learning that takes place?

for almost everything i can see, you guys do it at the last minute. the end results were all very good. but does that mean that you guys did a good job? to me, i dont think so.





but well, to each his own i suppose. all i can say is, i wish you well, cos this method doesnt always work.










i think i left out the last chapter of A Healing Fire

Final Healing

Before leaving Siem Reap, I promised the villagers I would come back to help dig wells and build a school. I also told them that I would like to meet Ean, the man I saw killing my mother, and forgive him.


I found him several months later. When we arrived at his house, Ean was waiting for me. Ean was amazed to see me, though he did not immediately recognize me.


In contrast to the others, Ean acknowledged his guilt: “I feel absolute regret for all that I did. Indeed, I was forced to do things that have made me feel guilty for the rest of my life. You have to understand that I had no choice because if I had disobeyed orders, I too would have been killed. But no matter why I did it, it was wrong.”


I felt moved by what he said and delivered my message to him: “I have come today to forgive you.”


Ean responded bravely: “I would like to thank you so much that you are able to do this. Please forgive me for the terrible wrong I did to your family.”

As soon as I heard these words, my heart wept. I was deeply touched, and I felt as though my burning fire of pain, which had previously been quenched, now brought about healing and restored my inner joy. He was the first of the killers to admit to what he had done and to ask for forgiveness. This was the message I had longed to hear all my life.







and the only thing we know, is things don't always go, the way we plan.
yay i love my options timetable. apparently, soff and i are too smart to be in GP prep, so we opted for narrative film-making and got better timings(: no options at all on fri! xD

today was a pretty -.- day. osl meeting, assembly, phototaking (which was retarded), osl meeting, farewell assembly briefing, options briefing, osl meeting. osl meeting(s) was the only thing that made the day better.


nat geo and discovery channel are super interesting, i think i should put my comp permanently in front of the tv(:



ginger pills may counter sea-sickness!(:





I Love the Whole World - Discovery Channel ad
I love the mountains
I love the clear blue skies
I love big bridges
I love when great whites fly
I love the whole world [Les Stroud]
And all its sights and sounds

Boom-dee-ah-da, boom-dee-ah-da
Boom-dee-ah-da, boom-dee-ah-da

I love the oceans
I love real dirty things [Mike Rowe]
I love to go fast
I love Egyptian kings
I love the whole world
And all its craziness

Boom-dee-ah-da, boom-dee-ah-da
Boom-dee-ah-da, boom-dee-ah-da [Richard Machowicz]

I love tornadoes [Joshua Wurman]
I love arachnids [Bear Grylls]
I love hot magma
I love the giant squids
I love the whole world
It's such a brilliant place

Boom-dee-ah-da, boom-dee-ah-da [Jamie Hyneman and Adam Savage]
Boom-dee-ah-da, boom-dee-ah-da [Stephen Hawking]
Boom-dee-ah-da, boom-dee-ah-da
Boom-dee-ah-da, boom-dee-ah-da
Boom-dee-ah-da, boom-dee-ah-da

Sunday, September 07, 2008

lesson of the day: we ALL came from AFRICA!

nat geo, the Journey of Man. our ancestors were all africans. then a group went to india, central asia, australia (aborigines). from central asia, spread to china, russia, europe. from russia, went on to american (red indians). cool eh? we're all relatives xD



so it's the end of the sept hols! mindset change from pri sch till sec sch is very different, i think. i rmb in pri sch, the start of term was a very big thing. you pack your bag hours before you sleep, prepare your uniform and you sleep very very early. but now, i guess you go back to sch so often even during the hols, that there's not much hype. especially when most of your exams are over, and you're looking forward to a term of not much studying :P



but ahh, grade 8 this fri, really think there's a high chance of failing D:




Far Away - Nickelback
This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know,
you know, you know

[CHORUS]
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore

On my knees, I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
'Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything but I won't give up
'Cause you know,
you know, you know

[CHORUS]

So far away
Been far away for far too long
So far away
Been far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know

I wanted
I wanted you to stay
'Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go
how would you feel if you got similar treatment as someone who did nothing, when you did everything?



so farewell, OUR farewell, is over. i must say, i think it was a very well-planned, and well-executed farewell(:

so on fri morning, went to sch for a non-existent training (when i could have gone for tuition). then went with wei to juan's house to do some stuff. late afternoon, came over to my house, went out to get batch attire, came back and (while i was out at tuition) continued doing stuff. sihui was the first to conk out, followed by siling, having slept very little at chalet the night before. then andrea, at 3am, and juan and i were the last to sleep at about 4am.

woke up next morning at 830, saw juan with a pained look on her face as andrea used her ribs as a pillow for the past 2 hours, and kindly pulled andrea off her xD breakfast-ed, woke the rest up, did last minute stuff, then left to get our batch shirts! which happened to be at a super ulu and inconvenient place, but the shirts were really nice(: thanks to juan.

reached chinese garden half an hour late, and went to jurong swimming complex! haha it was super fun(: after that we went D: bungee jumping! we were all super scared, and haha it was quite funny, cos we watched some people take it before us, and when they left ground, we started screaming (or at least i did), when they didnt. it was a horrifying first few seconds, when you're bouncing up and down metres in the air, and rotating back and forth, but after a while, when you're up there, you start to appreciate the view and the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity(: then we went for buffet high tea at Hyatt which was super good. the desert! after which we went to our accomodation for the night.

the place is super cool, right next to the future IR. the Sail or sth, it's called. posh apartment, security damn tight, you need the card key to go anywhere and everywhere. it was really cool, and i especially liked the gym :D it had a boulder wall in it, like wthh!!! i wouldnt mind living there just for the gym, i'd visit it every single day! then we spent one and a half hour in the toilet, while waiting to go to the apartment.

had dinner, which was really nice, thanks to the s2s, albeit a bit sour :P then went back up for the performance segment. then phototaking, then gift-giving, then card playing xD

slept earl(ier) than the rest, but it was a horrible sleep. it was the most horrible night of my life (i think) kept waking up when someone opened the door, and sihui and juan who were beside me kept squishing me (actually it was sihui who kept rolling closer and closer to me) so i got horrid, interrupted sleep. then yapsiling's annoying alarm sounded, some chinese song (and i cant believe juan and sihui slept through it. andrea, wei and siling were sleeping outside the room) and after the second time, i finally found it and shut it. that was 6am. woke up again at 7 plus am, went out of the room for a while, then went back in to sleep. woke up again at 8 plus, and finally couldnt stand it and woke up properly at 9 plus. so that's 7 hours of interrupted sleep on a bed. which was horrible, compared to 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep on the floor.

spent the rest of the time cleaning up and waking the rest up, ate breakfast at the sky terrace again before leaving with the rest of the batch to raffles city for uh, more food. then we went back.



and thus concludes my last farewell in odac, which makes me feel really old, and think back to all the past farewells.

but it's not all over yet, there's still fansipan and lead camp. and overnight cycling, if we feel up to planning it. but i'm really going to miss odac very very much. odac taught me so much, had a great impact on me, discovered my passion for climbing and love for outdoor sports, imparted in me many values and well, pretty much shaped me to be who i am now. odac, along with osl and psb made me who i am now. rg undoubtedly has had a great impact on me.




and although there were many periods of frustration, times of doubt and sadness (especially in the last year), the past four years with odac has been a great one.






you wish you could turn it around,
go back and start over again.
you wish you'd thought it through more,
made a different choice, a different decision.
but it's been said, it's been done.
your life's been charted, from this point on.




it's the decisions we make that make us who we are.

Thursday, September 04, 2008

after sitting and slacking around for more than two months (i think), i'm really looking forward to odac training at macritchie tmr(: 



and while my brothers and daddy are playing tennis, i'm sitting at home, facing the computer. not healthy. need to train more!






considering all things, i think i'm really disappointed. they didnt manage to match up to my expectations, and maybe it's time to address this. 
to some extent, we're all escapists. to seek some temporary reprieve; to do something that makes you forget reality. sleeping, watching tv, reading fiction. reading about someone else's life to forget your own. to fantasise about what it would be like to be living in someone else's shoes. or even, to immerse yourself in the most mundane tasks like doing math, just to forget the real problems. immerse yourself in another world, to be so caught up with something insignificant, so as to forget, or put out of mind, the significant.



i've been cutting myself a lot of slack. only doing the most necessary, the barest minimum to keep it going, however feeble the attempt. maybe because i realise that no one else is bothering, so why should i. or that it doesnt make a damned difference whatsoever. i've given up a long time ago. when you feel as though you dont make a difference, that you're 微不足道, that you're easily dispensible and replacable, you just dont feel like bothering, dont have the motivation. what happened to the big dreams, goals, ideals of yesteryear? they withered, wilted, slowly vanished, in the face of restraints, lack of support and enthusiasm.






let it go, mourn for the loss, and move on.

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

today is almost a half miserable day.

nose is peeling, suspected bed bug bites from the coach is itchy and annoying, and even my lips are burnt. to start with.

woke up, found out that my dad left to send my mom to work, so had to take bus to chinese tuition myself. after one and a half hour of chinese, went to school for 40 mins of NE quiz. it was quite fun actually, soff and i were one of the highest scorers. haha she got about 560,000 worth in assets, and i got 510,000 plus.

then after that was class outing. rather miserable one, as usual. a grand total of 8 people. and instead of going to east coast (for ice cream), we went to lido. and didnt even watch a movie, after much bickering and debate. just walked down to lido, decided not to watch anything and just go home. (: exciting class outing, no?

but well, appreciate the effort(: by those who bothered. and poor shaina who always has to do this kinda stuff

went to 逛 east point with shaina after that. before i finally bothered to go home. then practised my piano.

math tuition for one and a half hour, came back, had piano lesson for two straight hours. (but to make things a bit better, at least my aurals seem to be improving.)

tired now :O

tmr, chi tuition, piano practice at the studio to look forward to. fri, chi tuition, odac training, apcg outing, osl outing, batch sleep over. sat farewell.





time flies fast, doesnt it. especially this year.

now, it's coming to the end. wrapping things up, getting ready to "pass the baton". looking back, i havent done much. only the most necessary, the most obvious, the most mundane. which is not much of a comfort. and all you see are mistakes, mistakes and more mistakes. you feel as though you havent met up to expectations, and you feel as though you havent done it well enough. but well, it's time for the next batch to take over, and on some part, it is a relief to be relieved of some duty. but on the other hand, you worry, about whether they're up to it. but then again, not like i managed much better.


you really really wish you could turn back time and do it all over again. do it perfectly, do it perfectly right this time. but well, we dont always get what we want, do we.




anyway so here's a better update of what i did at Pulau Redang Marine Park, Terenganu, Malaysia.

first day: reached some jetty in the morning, had some time before the ferry ride so explored the place. ferry ride took an hour and a half or so. the sea there is really, really clear. the water could be a few metres deep, but you can still see the sea bottom. it's that clear. but there wasnt much to see, sandy substrate with random coral boulders. lots of schools of fish, and jelly fish around. after we settled down at the hotel, jon refused to go anywhere except the swimming pool/sea, so while my parents and their friends went off for lunch, i was stuck with baby sitting duty. they finally came back, so we went off to the beach, where we spent the rest of the day swimming around, i think we kayaked too, to a place where there were many fishes and not-very-pretty corals. played frisbee. got a lot tanner.
and i did my chi compo.

second day: went to visit various islands to scuba dive. first place was seriously crowded. every underwater shot you took of the fish, there's bound to be some random leg/hand in it. it's so crowded, that it's mass tourism, no longer eco-tourism. so we left (cos we didnt go with the resort, my parents prefer external sources). in the middle of the sea, the guy suddenly stopped. for sea turtles apparently. saw two little ones, but they swum away too fast to be caught on camera. then the guy came back with two huge shells, which look a bit like... i cant rmb the name. then after a while, he came back with a huge turtle. really big. and i think it's a she, cos my dad touched it and it slapped him (missed, just hit the water. but my dad was shocked all the same) then it struggled and managed to get out of the grasp of the guy. (not very eloquent language, sorry brain-drained) then we visited various other snorkelling places, and the guy fished out a few sea cucumberes and a cushion star fish. pretty big ones(: after we went back to the hotel, spent the afternoon at the beach again. or rather my bro and dad did, i just slept.

third day: morning was spent cycling around our side of the island. pretty cool, went into the kampung place and the place is littered with goat dung (yeah, the place is filled with goats. like cows in Takeo. or crows in Singapore) and we saw a couple of cows, lots of chicken, and a few monitor lizard/iguana, i dont know the diff. cycled to the jetty, enjoyed the sea breeze, then went back. spent the afternoon at the beach again. swum a bit, played a bit of frisbee, and buried my mom in the sand.

then we went back. pretty cool, didnt rain a single bit, though i think it rained everyday in singapore :P but well, now i'm so dark, that i probably look more malay than ever.





i've got this funny feeling that term four is going to fly past faster than ever. and i wonder if i'll manage to do all that i want to do.

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

back from Pulau Redang Marine Park, Terenganu, Malaysia!

the thing about going to a place like that after studying geog, is that you cant holiday in peace. half the time, you keep thinking about the impacts (of eco tourism not managed properly)

the sea there, now, is seriously clear. like swimming pool water clear! even better actually, some swimming pools dont get maintained. but you wonder how long it'll take before the seas become those like.. singapore...
and the fish, they swim everywhere! but people feed them bread. i wonder if they're supposed to. i dont think so, but the thing is that the fish swims to the bread, so they use it to attract fish... so well, fish might just become reliant on human food some time soon...
and well, there are other impacts as well, but i shall not bore with the details. anyway it's like reliving geog lessons all over again, and that's a horror, so.


but anyway, it was quite fun(: first day went to the beach, played with sand with my bro (he's addicted to the sand, seriously!) second day went out to various islands, saw many fishes and several sea turtles, snorkelled, and played at the beach again. third day same thing. doesnt sound like much fun, but too tired to elaborate now. and the worst thing is, my camera failed me :( drowned i think, after excessive snorkelling.

sunburnt now, and it's not nice.


T.T chinese tuition every morning for the rest of the 3 days. tmr still gotta go back to sch for some ne quiz. well, shall upload photos (if they're safe!) soon(: