In brief...

I'm a Nature-lover, aspiring conservationist, and wannabe traveller in search of outdoor adventure.
My interests vary from conservation to education to heritage to Nature (biodiversity & wildlife) to outdoor activities to life in general.
They occupy most of my waking moment.
Do read my blogs, follow me on Twitter (@jocelynesze) and friend me on Facebook (subject to my discretion). Visit my Nature blog, Nature Rambles, at http://natureramble.wordpress.com.

UPDATE 2 Apr 2017 - This site is no longer maintained, please visit jocelynesze.wordpress.com if you're interested in more recent writing.

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Merry belated Christmas (: hope it was a joyous occasion.



i really dont know what i'm doing, why i'm doing what i'm doing.


met lifang for tea on thu, and we were just talking. and i realise that seriously, whatever that i would want to do and would like to do in the future, probably wouldnt require me to get straight As for A levels, or do very well in all the CTs and prelims. i'm not aiming to be a doctor, nor lawyer, nor banker, nor do business. so why then, am i studying hard(er than last year)?



and on that note, i've been so slack these past few weeks, that seriously, i think all tests leading up to CT1, and CT1 itself, i will not do very well. like seriously really :/ kinda worried about it. my grades are so gonna suck for at least the first 2/3 months next year.




and yet, despite the fact that i still have hw and srp and tests to study for, i still go out. i'm rather amazed really, have my priorities changed or what? i still go out to climb, for floorball training, for fun. :/



not looking forward to coming back from korea.





random quotes
"There are two kinds of people, those who do the work and those who take the credit. Try to be in the first group; there is less competition there." - Indira Gandhi

"The world is full of willing people, some willing to work, the rest willing to let them." - Robert Frost"

and i totally agree with this:
"The ultimate inspiration is the deadline." - Nolan Bushnell



so gonna play hard this coming week. probably the last time in a long time.



and since i wont be around, Happy New Year in advance! :)


till 3 jan.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

done with draft one, finally. rather crappy job, in my opinion. but i really dont have much time left. appendices and draft one of second report still left to be done.


:/ homework and studying is so cmi.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

i realise that i am one of those people who act differently in different social settings. on a deeper level, i'm still the same (i think), but perhaps superficially, i behave rather differently. if you know me in this one setting, i may be rather quiet, in another, i'm really noisy.


and so, perhaps there is no (or few) one person who can say they know me completely.





4 days to christmas. as i grow older each year, the meaning of christmas changes. when i was a kid, it used to be so exciting, bright lights and presents and gatherings and parties and games and fun. but in recent years, just like all other holidays, it's somewhat lost its .. commercial appeal? i no longer feel excited over the presents that i may/may not get, no longer anticipate the whatever parties that happen during christmas season. i think i'm just getting jaded. it's the same for new year, and national day, and everything else.



but yes, perhaps i'm growing more aware. more aware of the spiritual side of life, deeper meaning to life.





comparing last year to this, i think i've thought less about certain stuff, but more about others. laughed less, perhaps, but prayed more. cried less certainly, but not really been happy more. more at peace with my life, perhaps? i dont know.





to finish my reports, homework and study by the end of this week, i think i need a miracle.

Friday, December 18, 2009

oh and Happy Birthday Li Fang! :)


haha i really miss the times when we were classmates in s2 and math tuition in s3 and s4 and osl in s3 and s4 and dwen an in s4.



haha we've come a pretty long way since being (lousy) reserve swimmers in kong hwa.


and that hand sign is short for i love you in sign lang.
i need to slack less and do more work. i have 1 week left to finish 2 reports, all my homework and study for week 1 tests.



quite exhausted. hardly been home this week, with srp and highlights stuff and photog outing to ubin (where i got almost 20 bites :/) and nerites hunting at sentosa and flu jab and wedding mass and climbing.


cant wait to go korea. but before that i need to finish my work, sighs. and the weekend is rather packed.





life is pretty busy, perhaps. people (not from raffles) seem to think we are very busy. perhaps yes. but i dont know, that's the only way i know it, maybe? so used to it that to not have anything is just weird. this is normal, for me at least. and well, when all your friends are busy with something or another, to not have anything is a bit :/ not that i'm always out everyday. this year, i've been home more often than i have in the past two years, perhaps. and it feels good, to be able to slack once in a while and just rot at home.





marriage is such a sacred thing. i wonder if couples, years after their marriage, look back and think of the vows they said, and reflect on them. and those who divorce, what do they think then? at the time of marriage, when they were so in love with each other, that they vowed to be with each till the end of time and what not.



You are my all in all - Point of Grace
You are my strength when I am weak
You are the treasure that I seek
You are my all in all
Seeking You as a precious jewel
Lord, to give up I'd be a fool
You are my all in all

Taking my sin, my cross, my shame
Rising up again I bless Your name
You are my all in all
When I fall down You pick me up
When I am dry You fill my cup
You are my all in all

Jesus, Lamb of God
Worthy is Your name
Jesus, Lamb of God
Worthy is Your name

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Home - Michael Bublé
Another summer day
Has come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
Mmmmmmmm

May be surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

And I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
“I’m fine baby, how are you?”
Well I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another aeroplane
Another sunny place
I’m lucky, I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I’ve got to go home

Let me go home
I’m just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life
It’s like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
'Cause this was not your dream
But you always believed in me

Another winter day has come
And gone away
In even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home

And I’m surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
Oh, let me go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home
I’ve had my run
Baby, I’m done
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It will all be all right
I’ll be home tonight
I’m coming back home



but i'm not in paris or rome. i'm just at st john's island.




:/ an impossible load of work to complete in less than 2 weeks.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

"Rich countries are responsible for three-quarters of the emissions in the atmosphere today.
The poorest 10% of the world's population have contributed less than 1% of the carbon emissions currently in the atmosphere. Yet these people are the first to feel the devastating effects of climate change on their lives and livelihoods."
- http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/8375406.stm




during this season of advent, to prepare for Jesus Christ's coming, we should help those in need. that was the central theme of today's mass, from what i gathered.



somehow, helping those in need gives me a sense of purpose, a meaning to life. but it makes me wonder, do i really do it altruistically? or is it for the sense of self-satisfaction, of knowing that i'm needed by someone else? kinda like fueling egoism, in a sense, if you get what i mean? i know i'm not very coherent now :/





Brothers and sisters:
Rejoice in the Lord always.
I shall say it again: rejoice!
Your kindness should be known to all.
The Lord is near.
Have no anxiety at all, but in everything,
by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving,
make your requests known to God.
Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding
will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
- Phil 4:4-7






quell that mounting stress.

Wednesday, December 09, 2009

while the Copenhagen Climate Talks appear to be the fore-front issue for most of the world, and even in singapore (front page headers), no one seems to be talking much about it.

perhaps most of us are unconcerned over what happens in Copenhagen, since it's so far anyway, and probably doesn't really concern us. but it does anyway, and it's nice to know what's happening there.


apparently there was some scandal in which some people hacked emails of climate scientists and cherry-picked some phrases from the emails to make it sound as though all the science on climate change was faked.

and then Sarah Palin started talking about how climate change is totally not happening and Obama should boycott Copenhagen. i'm not very good with words, nor do i really like to think critically, hence not a good critique, so i shall just copy past an article about the whole issue. obviously it's about how Palin doesnt think before she speaks.

Sarah Palin’s zombie charm …
December 3rd, 2009 · 10 Comments

Sarah “Energy Exert” Palin has weighed in on ClimateGate, using Facebook to jump in with her perspective on SwiftHack. Let’s take a moment to parse this statement.


The president’s decision to attend the international climate conference in Copenhagen needs to be reconsidered in light of the unfolding Climategate scandal.

This is a nice assertion: “needs to be reconsidered.” Typically, wouldn’t the call be more direct? Something like, “Mr President, I call on you to reconsider …”

And, in fact, despite the assertions that follow and will likely appear in (some) comments, it is hard to see how it “needs to be reconsidered”. While Marc Morano and serial denialsts are twisting the material with joy, to suggest that it provides a window on a global cabal, there is nothing that has come out that calls into question any of the fundamental scientific conclusions about the Theory of Global Warming.

The leaked e-mails involved in Climategate expose the unscientific behavior of leading climate scientists who deliberately destroyed records to block information requests, manipulated data to “hide the decline” in global temperatures, and conspired to silence the critics of man-made global warming.

A theme to follow. “Critics of man-made global warming …?” Guess what, Sarah, I consider myself a “critic of man-made global warming.” I know that this is happening and that it is endangering my, my (and your) children’s future. We should all be critical of “manmade global warming” and act, forcefully, to end it.

What is the “conspiracy to silence”? It comes from those, like Marc Morano and the Competitive Enterprise Institute, who have diligently worked to distort the discussion and attack those who follow the evidence of and sound the alarm about humanity’s ever-mounting impact on the global eco-system.

As for that conspiracy against a journal, perhaps worth looking here before running too far with this truthiness.

And, well, to better understand the emails beyond the Faux News-promoted snippets taken out of context, perhaps it might make sense to try to understand the stolen emails’ contents in a larger context.

I support Senator James Inhofe’s call for a full investigation into this scandal.

Well, I too could support a “full investigation” which, of course, would include the past 15+ years of Exxon-Mobil emails related to their efforts to support disinformation and deception efforts about global warming. And, the emails of a number of other organizations who have worked so hard to distort and inhibit truthful discussion of Global Warming.

Because it involves many of the same personalities and entities behind the Copenhagen conference, Climategate calls into question many of the proposals being pushed there, including anything that would lead to a cap and tax plan.

Actually, simply put, no. ClimateGate does not call into question “proposals” at Copenhagen.

Policy should be based on sound science, not snake oil.

How about that policy should be based on scientifically sound advice? Sound Science, after all, is a code-word for subordinating science to polluting industry interest. (”Sound science is a phrase often used by corporate public relations and government agency spokesmen to describe the scientific research used to justify a claim or position.”)

I took a stand against such snake oil science when I sued the federal government over its decision to list the polar bear as an endangered species despite the fact that the polar bear population has increased.

True information, if it is true, doesn’t necessarily mean truthful. Even if there are patterns of polar bear population increases (note, not an area of expertise or focus), scientific analysis shows diminishing Arctic Ice coverage and reduced Arctic Ice mass to be a significant threat to polar bears in the years to come. (”Wildlife biologists and climate scientists overwhelmingly agree that the disappearance of Arctic sea ice will lead to a sharp drop in polar bear populations.“)

I’ve never denied the reality of climate change; in fact, I was the first governor to create a subcabinet position to deal specifically with the issue. I saw the impact of changing weather patterns firsthand while serving as governor of our only Arctic state. But while we recognize the effects of changing water levels, erosion patterns, and glacial ice melt, we cannot primarily blame man’s activities for the earth’s cyclical weather changes.

Someone needs to ask: How can you simultaneously believe that it’s a problem that we can address (why else have a subcabinet position) and also believe that it’s not a manmade problem and we just have to throw our hands up in the air about it.

In addition, take a look at the skill of that last phrase:

we cannot primarily blame man’s activities for the earth’s cyclical weather changes.

Of course we can’t. The climate has been through constant change through it history of millions and billions (not 6000) years. Some change has been gradual, some has been relatively sudden, and some is even cyclical. No one (NO ONE) who looks seriously at climate issues denies that there is the Earth’s climate system undergoes natural change and no one (NO ONE) says that there are not natural elements interacting with humanity’s actions. No one (NO ONE) is blaming man’s activities for climate change 10s of millions of years ago.

What scientific analysis is showing, with greater conclusiveness with essentially every passing day, is that human action is overlaying on top of the natural system and has become a forcing function that almost certainly is having a greater impact on driving the “changing weather patterns” that Sarah Palin saw “firsthand” than natural processes (cyclical or otherwise).

PS: Does anyone else note the continued confusion and conflation of “cyclical weather changes” and climate?

The drastic economic measures being pushed by dogmatic environmentalists won’t change the weather, but will dramatically change our economy for the worse.

So many attacks and falsehoods in one sentence. “Drastic economic measures” that will likely lead to lower energy costs and lower health care costs for most Americans. And, well, again “weather” rather than “climate” — action will “change” Climate Change (we hope) by reducing the extent of damage to come from climate change in the years and decades ahead. And, it will change the economy … for the better.

Policy decisions require real science and real solutions, not junk science and doomsday scare tactics pushed by an environmental priesthood that capitalizes on the public’s worry and makes them feel that owning an SUV is a “sin” against the planet.

Yes, seeking to understand how we structure a robust and prosperous society sustainable in the face of limited resources is evidently a ‘religion’.

And, we don’t need to talk about the “planet” to talk about the SUVs problems. While you might like oil prices to be high to boost your family’s annual subsidy checks of oil royalties from exploiting oil resources on federal lands, there is a simple fact: the US exports $100s of millions every day (and $billions when oil prices are high) to pay for imported oil. We cannot produce enough oil in the US to meet current demand. Does sending money to Venezuela to put oil in that SUV strengthen American security?

In his inaugural address, President Obama declared his intention to “restore science to its rightful place.” Boycotting Copenhagen while this scandal is thoroughly investigated would send a strong message that the United States government will not be a party to fraudulent scientific practices. Saying no to Copenhagen and cap and tax are first steps in “restoring science to its rightful place.”

No, Sarah, perhaps actually showing respect for scientists and the scientific process would achieve much of this. And, if you would start to take that route, taking a principled stand to end the Republican War on Science, perhaps scientists would consider returning to the Republican Party.
NOTE: From an email …

It feels like objective reality is sliding backwards and playing defense again.

The thing about zombies is that their unthinking determination usually wears down the sentient humans and destroys civilizations.

It’s happened in far too many movies not to be true.

The best single stop ’shopping’ about ClimateGate/SwiftHack remains:The SwiftHack Scandal: What You Need to Know

- http://getenergysmartnow.com/2009/12/03/sarah-palins-zombie-charm/



the whole refute was written by Adam Siegal. the words in yellow were taken from Palin's fb note which was later published in Washington Post as an op-ed.




i find this rather amusing.

Sunday, December 06, 2009

heh zoning out is a good thing after all.

The Brain: Stop Paying Attention: Zoning Out Is a Crucial Mental State
Researchers say a wandering mind may be important to setting goals, making discoveries, and living a balanced life.
by Carl Zimmer
From the July-August special issue, published online June 15, 2009

I am going to do my best to hold your attention until the very last word of this column. Actually, I know it’s futile. Along the way, your mind will wander off, then return, then drift away again. But I can console myself with some recent research on the subject of mind wandering. Mind wandering is not necessarily the sign of a boring column. It’s just one of the things that make us human.

Everybody knows what it is like for our minds to wander, and yet, for a long time psychologists shied away from examining the experience. It seemed too elusive and subjective to study scientifically. Only in the past decade have they even measured just how common mind wandering is. The answer is very.

Some of the most striking evidence comes from Jonathan Schooler, a psychologist at the University of California at Santa Barbara who is one of the leading researchers on mind wandering. In 2005 he and his colleagues told a group of undergraduates to read the opening chapters of War and Peace on a computer monitor and then to tap a key whenever they realized they were not thinking about what they were reading. On average, the students reported that their minds wandered 5.4 times in a 45-minute session. Other researchers have gotten similar results with simpler tasks, such as pronouncing words or pressing a button in response to seeing particular letters and numbers. Depending on the experiment, people spend up to half their time not thinking about the task at hand—even when they’ve been told explicitly to pay attention.

Psychologists have also discovered ways to increase and decrease mind wandering. Jonathan Smallwood, a colleague of Schooler’s at UC Santa Barbara, instructed subjects to tap a key every time they saw a new number appear on a computer screen but to hold off tapping if the number was three. The more quickly the numbers came, the less often the subjects’ minds wandered. But as people practiced the task and became more familiar with it, their mind wandering increased. Smallwood has also found that mood affects mind wandering: If he showed people a short video about a sick dog before they performed the task, for example, they spent more time mind wandering than did a separate group that had watched a comedy clip.

Alcohol tweaks mind wandering in a particularly interesting way, as Schooler and his colleagues report in a new paper entitled “Lost in the Sauce,” published in Psychological Science. The psychologists ran the War and Peace experiment again, but this time after serving their subjects some vodka with cranberry juice. Drunk readers actually reported less mind wandering than sober people did. That does not mean that you should swill vodka if you want a laser focus on Tolstoy’s deathless prose, though. Schooler has shown that there are, in fact, two kinds of mind wandering: mind wandering when you are aware that you’re thinking about something else and mind wandering without awareness. He calls this second kind “zoning out.”

To determine which kind of mind wandering people experience, Schooler and his collaborators told the participants in the War and Peace experiment to report their own drifting but also asked them every few minutes if they were thinking of something else. If people responded to those questions with a yes, that meant they weren’t aware enough of their own minds to report their mind wandering on their own. These experiments show that we spend about 13 percent of our time zoning out. But when we are drunk, that figure doubles. In other words, inebriated subjects report less mind wandering only because they are less aware of their own minds.

When our minds wander, we lose touch with the outside world. We don’t actually black out, of course, but we are more likely to make mistakes, fail to encode memories, or miss a connection. Zoning out makes us particularly prone to these errors. Schooler and Smallwood, along with Merrill McSpadden of the University of British Columbia, tested the effect of zoning out by having a test group read a Sherlock Holmes mystery in which a villain used a pseudonym. As people were reading the passages discussing this fact, the researchers checked their state of attentiveness. Just 30 percent of the people who were zoning out at the key moments could give the villain’s pseudonym, while 61 percent of the people who weren’t zoning out at those moments succeeded.

These results are shocking when you stop to think about them. Each of us has a magnificent hive of billions of neurons in our head, joined to each other by trillions of connections. The human brain is arguably the most complex organ in the natural world. And yet studies on mind wandering are showing that we find it difficult to stay focused for more than a few minutes on even the easiest tasks, despite the fact that we make mistakes whenever we drift away.

Neuroscientists are investigating this paradox by searching for the signatures of mind wandering in the brain. To that end, Schooler and Smallwood recently ran yet another experiment—this one in collaboration with Alan Gordon of Stanford University, University of British Columbia neuroscientist Kalina Christoff, and Christoff’s graduate student Rachelle Smith. The researchers put people in a functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) scanner and gave them the standard press-a-key-unless-you-see-three test. From time to time they asked the subjects if they were paying attention to the task; if they hadn’t been, the researchers asked if they had been aware that their mind had wandered. The subjects reported mind wandering 43 percent of the time they were asked. In nearly half those cases, they said they hadn’t been aware of their inattentiveness until the scientists asked.

Later, the scientists pored over the scans, looking closely at the activity in people’s brains right before they were asked about their state of mind. Overall, people who said they were mind wandering had a pattern of brain activity quite different from those who were focused on the task.

The regions of the brain that become active during mind wandering belong to two important networks. One is known as the executive control system. Located mainly in the front of the brain, these regions exert a top-down influence on our conscious and unconscious thought, directing the brain’s activity toward important goals. The other regions belong to another network called the default network. In 2001 a group led by neuroscientist Marcus Raichle at Washington University discovered that this network was more active when people were simply sitting idly in a brain scanner than when they were asked to perform a particular task. The default network also becomes active during certain kinds of self-referential thinking, such as reflecting on personal experiences or picturing yourself in the future.

The fact that both of these important brain networks become active together suggests that mind wandering is not useless mental static. Instead, Schooler proposes, mind wandering allows us to work through some important thinking. Our brains process information to reach goals, but some of those goals are immediate while others are distant. Somehow we have evolved a way to switch between handling the here and now and contemplating long-term objectives. It may be no coincidence that most of the thoughts that people have during mind wandering have to do with the future.

Even more telling is the discovery that zoning out may be the most fruitful type of mind wandering. In their fMRI study, Schooler and his colleagues found that the default network and executive control systems are even more active during zoning out than they are during the less extreme mind wandering with awareness. When we are no longer even aware that our minds are wandering, we may be able to think most deeply about the big picture.

Because a fair amount of mind wandering happens without our ever noticing, the solutions it lets us reach may come as a surprise. There are many stories in the history of science of great discoveries occurring to people out of the blue. The French mathematician Henri Poincaré once wrote about how he struggled for two weeks with a difficult mathematical proof. He set it aside to take a bus to a geology conference, and the moment he stepped on the bus, the solution came to him. It is possible that mind wandering led him to the solution. John Kounios of Drexel University and his colleagues have done brain scans that capture the moment when people have a sudden insight that lets them solve a word puzzle. Many of the regions that become active during those creative flashes belong to the default network and the executive control system as well.

Of course, being permanently zoned out has its downside. It is one thing to drift away for a few lines of War and Peace. But if you’re pondering where you’ll be in five years as you drive through a busy intersection, you may not be around in five years to find out. Our brains delicately navigate between near-term and long-term thinking, monitoring our own awareness to make sure that we are not missing something vital. Perhaps, Schooler and Smallwood argue, the secret to a good life is finding the balance between the two, the rhythm that brings harmony to the different timescales at which we live.

And if you are staring at that last sentence and wondering what on earth I’m talking about, you might want to scan back a few paragraphs to find the spot where you zoned out. Honestly, I won’t mind.


- http://discovermagazine.com/2009/jul-aug/15-brain-stop-paying-attention-zoning-out-crucial-mental-state/article_view?b_start:int=0&-C=

Saturday, December 05, 2009

it's already the last month of the year. 4 weeks more to the start of what is probably the most gruelling and horrible school year in the 12 years of formal schooling that we're gonna get.



and reflecting on this year, i think i have really changed quite a bit. to say that i didnt change would be a lie -- even though i really hoped i wouldnt change in jc. but i guess it's really inevitable, just a part of growing up.



one year ago, i certainly wouldnt have thought that i'd be studying during holidays now. and reading my past blog entries, about my fears of jc and inability to cope with workload and everything, it's all vastly different from what i'm thinking now. i guess we've just grown used to jc life, and i think i've become more jaded and less... passionate about stuff. which is bad thing :/
now i'm just going through the motions as though on autopilot, doing things that i have to do, and not feeling any real passion for them. the drive is still there, but for different reasons. it's more cos i'm already like that, already accustomed to doing my best in everything, trying hard and well putting in effort. more than cos i really... want to?


glad for certain decisions i made, but really regretting some others. in feb/mar, i know i was agonising for a really long time over whether to join council or not. but now, i think i'm quite glad that i didnt.


and joining floorball (in oct -.-) was something i totally didnt expect earlier in the year. not regretting it so far, and i hope i wont ever. it takes my mind of stuff (like studies and srp) which is something i really need now. i think i'm getting a bit obsessed :/ bad bad bad. i always feel immensely guilty when i take naps, cos i intend to sleep for half an hour, but end up sleeping 2 hours. like today :/

but at least i managed to keep climbing through the year (except for 3 weeks of so before promos) which i think is a fair achievement, and managed to go sentosa once, semakau twice, chek jawa twice and cyrene once this year too (:



think i'm getting more inane and self-centred as jc passes by.




this song was stuck in my head while monitoring seagrasses out at cyrene.
Freedom - Akon
Everything I have, everything I own
All my mistakes man, you already know
I wanna be free, I wanna be free

From Senegal, West Africa
To St. Louis, Missouri
Thanks to Catherine Dana
For giving my pops his glory

He came down with his drum
And a dream to change the world
In a free uplifting world
And that's all he ever want

Mom came a little after
Gave birth to my brother
Then all of the pressure
Made 'em fight one another

See, the pain would never last
Did the best with what they had
He knew the world was out for grabs
And he searched to find his

Freedom, freedom, freedom, freedom
Everything I have, everything I own
All my mistakes, man, you already know
I wanna be free, I wanna be free
So I search to find my

Freedom, freedom, freedom, freedom
Everything I have, everything I own
All my mistakes, girl, you already know
I wanna be free, I wanna be free

As a kid I never knew
I'd have to hustle just to make it through
So I found myself skipping school
'Cause the girls don't think I'm cool

And because of that I didn't care
Whether or not I went to jail
I just wanna be treated fair
'Cause that's all I ever knew

Telling me I need to slow down
'Cause everybody in the whole town
'Cause they know how I get down
Foreigner from another town

Can you believe we still around?
After so many hit the ground
And we ain't gon' stop now
Until we get that

Freedom, freedom, freedom, freedom
Everything I have, everything I own
All my mistakes, man, you already know
I wanna be free, I wanna be free
Won't stop till I find my

Freedom, freedom, freedom, freedom
Everything I have, everything I own
All my mistakes, girl, you already know
I wanna be free, I wanna be free

If you wanna be free, and the land is drug free
Put your hands up, put your hands up
If you wanna be free, from all your misery
Put your hands up, put your hands up

If you wanna be free, with plenty money
Put your hands up, put your hands up
If you wanna be free, just praise G O D
Put your hands up, put your hands up

Freedom, freedom, freedom, freedom
Everything I have, everything I own
All my mistakes girl, you already know
I wanna be free, I wanna be free, yea




people going overseas - take care(: you'll be in my prayers.

and i realise that this year, i usually end off with take care. like when i say bye to someone, i'll add "take care!"

Friday, December 04, 2009

visited kk hospital's cleft and cranofacial centre to know more about cleft lip treatment and stuff, for op smile. was a very interesting and informative visit, really hope i can do more to help. but as always, time is a major limiting factor, and i really dont know how much i can commit.

but everytime i see the op smile videos, it makes me rethink about what i want to do in the future. to be a doctor/do something medical and be able to impact and change a person's life, really is quite cool. though people would say that other jobs would also be able to impact other people (like being a teacher) too...


and i think i like working (or rather playing) with kids. and not just cos they're cute. for one, you can act really childish and be like a kid, and people cant really say anything, cos hey, i'm working with kids, need to think at their level :P



ah wells, it'll be a year more before i need to seriously think about this. cant believe the j2s' torture has ended, while ours has barely started.

Wednesday, December 02, 2009

havent posted photos in a really long time, so shall take the time and effort to do so now. cyrene today (: in case you dont know, cyrene reef is Made up three submerged reef flats: Terumbu Pandan, Pandan Beacon and South Cyrene Beacon, Cyrene Reef is ringed by petrochemical plants on Jurong Island and Pulau Bukom. It is also right next to the container terminals on the mainland. The Reef is also along major shipping lanes for huge container ships and other ocean-going vessels.
taken from wildsingapore.com

reallyy fortunate to be able to go there, cos not everyone gets to go there! one of the main draws of team seagrass -- that you get to visit places that no one else gets to! plus get to ride on cool boats for free. well you pay in terms of the time and effort spent. monitoring seagrass :D

only 6 of us today, really small group, each of us had to take a line.

sky was pretty cloudy, but thankfully it didnt rain (: thank God for the awesome weather and no accidents.walking on the sand flat to our sites
shrimp. if you can see it.
seagrass meadow extending out. looks a bit like semakau, only the grasses are shorter. and slightly more sparse. but super lot of species :/

finished my transect with 20 mins to spare or so.

sea stars are really commonplace.
common sand star

knobbly sea star
knobbly eating something jelly-like



sea urchins.



and sea slugs

bad shot but this is a sea cucumber. synaptid sea cucumber if i'm not wrong.

sunset was awesome


(colours were actually more vivid and prettier than captured on the camera)


highlight of my week, that was. awesome place to just walk around and soak in nature's beauty and wonder why people dont do this more often.

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

spent some 15 mins sitting on the swing in the park outside my house this afternoon. random people walking through the park must have thought i was quite weird, swinging in the park all alone. the sky's been a nice pretty blue these few days. with really pretty clouds.



i feel like i've lost my sense of identity since coming to rj. not that i dont know who i am, but i dont seem to be able to identify myself with anything anymore. like what lifang said, just drifting along, not "belonging" anywhere.

like in rg, most people associate me with odac, or with osl. or perhaps, to a lesser extent, with psb, or ringers, or whatever else i was in.

but in rj, there's nothing. didnt join odac, nor isle. even though i still climb, but rock climbing isnt recognised in rj anyway. and though i still kaypoh around rg osl stuff this year. nor council, and there are 150 or so other ogls (which is most like psb, perhaps). total noob at photog, so no one would associate me with it. bio soc is just ... and i dont hang out at the open lab as much as bio geeks, nor am i in bio o/bio ra/other random bio stuff. and floorball is even more needless to say. and hardly anyone would associate me with op smile either.



ah wells. just a year more in rj.
one more year to squeeze in memories, hopefully good ones. to experience different things.



friendship is such an intangible concept.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

i wonder if my blog is ever as interesting a read as some others.


rock on route for U20 seems kinda fun, i half wished i had joined :/


and i wish we had more hours in a day, so we can finish more things. the work just seems never-ending. i'm looking forward to the end -- which is in one years' time i guess.





i miss Cambodia. sok ann and meakea in particular. the dark night skies with many stars, clear blue skies with fluffy clouds in the day, tall skinny trees, ano cows, vast expanse of green padi fields, gravelly sand roads, rows of bicycles, the adorable kids and the Cambodian accent, the cold stone floors, uniquely-Cambodian designed toilets and everything. the simplicity of life there (not that the Cambodians' lives are simple, but that when i'm there, my life becomes very simple, back to basics, and your mind is less split up over the thousand and one things that you need to do), facilitations at night, the cooking and mural painting and teaching and sharing of stories and all the other stuff that happens only in Cambodia.




and my bro got the same numbers for psle as i did. only in different order. not bad i guess, haha really right smack in the middle between my older bro's and my score.



life's a journey that only happens once. better make the most out of it, do the right things and leave with no regrets.
but how do you know you're living life the "right" way? and in any case, i think it's impossible to "live like you were dying", cos if everyone lived that way, no one would do any work and well the world wouldnt be able to function.



and i feel extremely guilty about napping for 3 hours in the afternoon when i only meant to nap for half an hour.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

hk is really quite polluted. perpetually shrouded in a layer of smog, worse that Sumatran fire haze in singapore. and the way almost everyone smokes is really annoying too.

but apart from that, it is quite like singapore. oh but i dont suppose in singapore people would readily give up seats to elderly and stand on one side of the escalator.


in any case, i think i am more suited for tropical climate with just one season -- monsoon.

went there with a cold and came back with flu. the cold temperatures make everything worse.




anw back in singapore. back to reality. the break was nice(:


excited for my bro's psle results tmr (: hope he did well.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

i'm just waiting, waiting for the break to come.



yeah, perhaps i'm very free. been going down to rg 3 times in the past month or something to that extent. makes me feel almost like i never left. though i always dredge up past recollections and memories of each part of the school as i walk through each time.



too many things that i'm thinking about/feeling, cant express them in words.
all i'm praying for is that everything will go well for everyone.


Fix You - Coldplay
When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I...

Tears stream down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you




faith, hope, trust and believe. too much to ask for, perhaps.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

(: glad op's out of the way now. pw can be struck off the to-do list permanently now (: and i think op went well. i'm really thankful that 1) topic this year had conservation! 2) i got an awesome group that was awesome from the very start :D really thank God, i feel very blessed (:


but i'm getting increasingly stressed over srp :/ managed to push away the slight guilty/stressed feeling the past week by telling myself i had to focus on op (which was actually quite a rubbish excuse cos i didnt really do anything for op). but :/ now that pw is finally over, i get really worried every time i see my stack of books meant for reading for srp. and when i think about oral defense next year D:



ah wells. no point stressing over it, i gotta do something about it.



One Way - Hillsong United
I lay my life down at your feet
'Cause You're the only one I need
I turn to you and you are always there

In troubled times it's you I seek
I put you first that's all I need
I humble all I am, All to you

One way
Jesus
You're the only one that I could live for
One Way
Jesus
You're the only one that I could live for

You are always, always there
Every how and everywhere
Your grace abounds so deeply within me

You will never ever change
Yesterday today the same
Forever till forever meets no end

One way
Jesus
You're the only one that I could live for
One Way
Jesus
You're the only one that I could live for

You are the Way the Truth and the Life
We live by faith and not by sight... for You
We're living all for You


i am truly thankful to God for all the graces and blessings he has given me over the course of this year. He has given me so much more than i could ever ask for (: and i'll try harder to be a better Christian.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

psb nite 09 was really quite nice. i really miss my juniors. it was good talking to them and catching up with them, though didnt really manage to talk to all. that's one of the things i miss the most about rg -- having juniors. and it was nice talking to spsls 08 too, been such a long time since we met up (probably a year or so). haha i still remember during psb nite last year, we were just talking about whether or not to join council, and all the jc stuff. in any case, i'm glad i didnt join council, and i dont regret my decision.


ah wells hope i've been a good enough senior to them anyway. and i hope that even after they leave rg, they'll continue being good seniors to their juniors.




the bus driver of the 190 i was on was mean. i was going home from rg, meant to alight at dhoby ghaut. for some reason or another, card reader couldnt read my card in my wallet. so i had to dig it out. and the door closed. and i pressed the 'stop' button twice. but no, the uncle just happily ignored me, and pulled out from the stop. so annoying. i was damn annoyed. lucky 190 still can go city hall, else i'd be pissed.




PSB board song
Voices That Care
Lonely fear lights up the sky,
Can't help but wonder why
You're so far away.

There, you had to take a stand
In someone else's land,
Life can be so strange.

I wish we never had to choose,
To either win or lose,
That we could find a way...

But I won't turn my back again,
Your honor I'll defend
So hurry home, and 'til then...

Chorus:
Stand tall; Stand proud!
Voices that care are crying out loud.
And when you close your eyes tonight,
Feel in your heart how our love burns bright.

I'm not here to justify the cause.
Or to count up all the loss...
That's all been done before.

I just can't let you feel alone.
When there's so much love at home
We're sending out to you.

All the courage that you've known
The bravery you've shown,
Clearly lights the way.

We pray! To make the future bright,
To make the wrong things right,
Right or wrong, we're all praying you remain strong
That's why we're all here and singing along.

(repeat chorus)
You are the voice
You are the light

(repeat chorus twice)



all the memories. all the experiences.

Sunday, November 08, 2009

woke up early and cycled to bedok reservoir to spend my morning watching people (mostly getting ready to) dragon boat. but anw, good job to soff, juan, sihui (hahah), sophia, shamira, jolene and um various other guys mostly from canoeing for getting 2nd! (:



spent most of the day catching up on sleep debt accumulated from the entire week. got extremely bored at night.



last week of pw! really hope op goes well.





will the to-do list ever shorten?

Saturday, November 07, 2009

i think when i have less sleep, i get short term memory loss. keep having to read my own blog to recall what i last talked about. or when the last time i blogged was.


this week was a really tiring week. and we only had 2 days of school (lectures + tutorials). if this is anything to go by, i'm gonna be so dead next year. but i'm quite glad that 1) pw is ending this week! and 2) during the last 2 weeks of sch, i wont have h3/remedial lessons to go for.


pw was quite fun lah, tho tiring at times when you have to keep working at it for periods of time. and i enjoyed it particularly because it enhanced my understanding of lnr. and made me realise how woefully limited my knowledge of lnr was when we were doing our seagrass monitoring in s3/s4.






this came from my daily bible for thursday, 5 nov.

1st reading - Rom 14:7-12

7 We do not live to ourselves, and we do not die to ourselves. 8If we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord; so then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord’s. 9For to this end Christ died and lived again, so that he might be Lord of both the dead and the living.

10 Why do you pass judgement on your brother or sister? Or you, why do you despise your brother or sister? For we will all stand before the judgement seat of God. 11For it is written, ‘As I live, says the Lord, every knee shall bow to me, and every tongue shall give praise to God.’ 12So then, each of us will be accountable to God.

(http://bible.oremus.org/?passage=Romans+14:7-12)

just fyi, it's a letter from St Paul to the Romans, chapter 14 verse 7-12.

and so here's what my daily bible says about it:
Today, Paul is asking us to make ourselves presentable to God. When we do things that are damaging to our minds and bodies, we make ourselves less appealing to God. We have an obligation to take care of our bodies, minds, and spirits to the best of our ability, so that we are fit servants of Christ.
Beyond that, we have a responsibility to each other. We are to care for each other like true brothers and sisters. When we treat others as Christ treats us, we put others needs before our own. This is a concept that few Christians embrace and fewer still practice; yet, that is how we should behave. In effect, when we sacrifice something we need for the sake of someone else, we're trusting God to provide for us. We are not only to provide for those in need but also to protect those who are weaker than us. We ought to take young ones under our wing and we should offer support to those who are struggling with problems like alcoholism and drug abuse. The point is for us always to be there for each other, with a helping hand and a willing heart.



i guess this is something i'm still trying to work towards. it's so hard sometimes, to put aside your own needs for others. and i'm not talking about this in an extreme manner; just out of my comfort zone.

take a breather.





and incidentally, i cant receive offline messages.

Thursday, November 05, 2009

was so tired, i really didnt feel like going to school today. just for civics. where we played um interesting games? wish mrs lim (ct) had given more time for us to do the notes thing for everyone though.


spent 6 hours with shimin and nad in vivo, was really quite fun (: amazing really, how you just click with some people, and find endless things to talk about. whether or not you have common interests is really quite irrelevant to making friends, i think. there's just something that makes a good friend, but i dont quite know what.



just read amanda chin's blog, and oh man, her ris low video is so funny! cant figure how to upload youtube vids here (and i cant be bothered) so go check out the link yourself http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fpHoHJ4DFIQ&feature=player_embedded but haha it's seriously damn funny. i've got a feeling they're really mocking her >< i really cant quite believe some of the things she says...




it's nearing the end of year, and again it's time to reflect. reflect on this year, what went right, what went wrong, what i will do better next year. been thinking about stuff for quite a while already, and even though i prefer rg to rj (many times over), i do think i've improved in rj.



and a bit ego maybe, but i do think i know myself quite well. i know my own abilities, that my studies are not very bad, that while i'm not a natural at sports, i'm not very bad either, that while i'm not a genius at music, i'm not completely hopeless either (even though yes i know i've failed my grade 8 three times T.T). i know that my art is really cannot make it, and i'm not being humble. and while i dont think i'm the nicest person in the world (cos i am human after all), i'm not a very horrible person either (least i hope so ><).

i think what's most important in a person, is his/her character and values, and his/her personality. even if you're a very nice person and mean well, but your personality is :/, then still it wont do. and obviously if your personality is okay and you can interact with people, but your character is :/, then well it wont do either.



and really, i think to do well, all you need is two things. motivation and self-control (discipline). the motivation to do well, and the discipline to practice hard and keep yourself on task.




many, many things to do from now till june next year. i really hope everything will just fall in place and go well and i'll be able to cope and survive with everything.




and i'm very amused by how my ct thinks i'm "sensible". and how most of my class thinks i'm a "responsible cip rep", with my "passion for the environment and cip". after one year, is this really what people perceive of me?

Sunday, November 01, 2009

i realise i do the most redundant things ever before exams. before promos, it was transferring various files, music etc, and playing with various functions of the mac.

and before chi A levels, i was copying bookmarks over from my old comp.



:/ i need to practice more self-control.




went for great eastern 5k in the morning with my mom. lost her after 2km mark, at the water point. running feels good. i should run more; my only problem is that i'm too lazy to go out and run.




i think i was much more scared for higher chi Os last year than i am for chi As this year. or maybe the panic just hasnt settled in.


and on some accounts, perhaps i am glad that i dropped out of bio o. else my entire jc life would just be studying after studying. studying for various tests and exams, else working on pw and srp. and yes, i guess it's a bit 自找 too.

Saturday, October 31, 2009

annoyed with myself for having wasted so much time unnecessarily today.


newspaper collection with lifang (and various other people whom i dont really know) for project ownage in the afternoon was not to say fun, but i enjoyed it anyway (: miss spending time with her. and after we ended, there was a super heavy downpour. and we couldnt be bothered waiting for it to lessen up (it didnt for a long time anw), so we just took out our umbrellas and walked in the rain. had to wade across various flooded walkways and the field between s11 and j8. it was like walking in a padi field, you can really feel each surge of water rush into your shoes and your feet getting thoroughly wet. was fun anw (:




too many thoughts and feelings to process now.

Friday, October 30, 2009

this week has really been a long and tiring week for many people. perhaps due to the onslaught of relentless training, along with tutorials and lectures and ihc. people are starting to burn out, which is bad :/ we havent even started j2.


promos went well enough for me, though i suppose there are people who cant say the same. i just hope that it can be sustained, especially next year. :/ worried for ct 1 and ct 2 next year, cos first half of the year is just crazy.


and i'm really glad my parents are back home (they ditched my bro and i for a week to go hainan island, which apparently isnt all it's made out to be) and that i can be back home (:




halloween's tomorrow, and guess how i'm celebrating? by studying for chinese! how fitting, isnt it? high expectations perhaps, but i'll be really disappointed if i dont get my A. and unfortunately, there really is that chance that i wont get it.


4 weeks to the end of sch, and from now till then, it'll just be rushing pw op, srp report, o'team stuff, and all sorts of other miscellaneous activities. and i'll be going overseas in the first week of dec! to st john's island for srp. exciting. cant wait for the end of year. or perhaps, the end of next year.


and according to mypaper, my horoscope for the day: 尽量减少应酬,争取多些时间休息,对身体健康不能掉以轻心,尤其是气管方面的疾病。try to cut down on patronising others, and get more time to rest, cant treat physical health lightly, especially respiratory problems.


well i guess i should be getting more rest time, as should everyone else. hang in there, and not to sound cheesy, but i'll be there if you need me. no matter what.

Friday, October 23, 2009

tired but pretty happy (: even though people pangseh-ed me for house stuff.

cos i'm back at home and i went cycling! :D

house was really super dusty, so i mopped the whole house from top to bottom. mummy should be proud of me xD



op was pretty disastrous (by my standards) though, but hai ah wells, least it was dry run. was super nervous; was feeling numb after i finished presenting. but yay it's over, for now.




and yes, two years is really too short to do everything you want. there's so much that i want to do. but dont know if i can actually cope doing them. when do you know enough's enough, before it becomes too late?

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

today was a horrid day.

looking forward to friday. miss my family. suanning does not help, thanks.





i think people need more alone time. to just be by yourself to reflect and wonder and ponder.

Monday, October 19, 2009

i'm starting to feel like a charity case, relying on my friends' and friends' parents' goodwill to get me through the week. from transport to accomodations and meals. :/ but in any case, glad i've got nice friends :D special mention to juan for putting up with me for the week xD


rather an inconvenience to be away from home though. the comforts of home and all that. but wells, it wont be long.



and i think i'm going senile, or getting dementia, cos i was about to proceed to talk about how awesome semakau was...



hope osl cambodia goes fine this year. unexpected things always happen, but i guess what's most important is to leave knowing that you made a difference. made a difference in this world, made this world a better place.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

weekend's just been pretty hectic. really makes me think i cant cope with everything and still expect to not decline in psychological health or sth. dont think i'm making sense - which proves me point.


i'll either find a new equilibrium, or something has to give.



so many things on my mind, from the most mundane of washing clothes and other house stuff, to pw and srp and everything else.



semakau today was awesome. couple of scouts joined us (i had one from maldives and one local. and they were all older than me..) and i saw octopus (spotted by one of the scouts!), huge noble volute (which is a.. mollusk.. snail..), thunder crab, upside down jelly fish, knobbly sea star, common sea star, sea cucumber, hairy crab, among other stuff (: octupus made my day :D

had dinner with some of the team seagrass people, and it was interesting.





hope coming week's gonna be okay.

Friday, October 16, 2009

yesterday was :/

today was kinda fun. morning quite sian, but afternoon was quite interesting.

couldnt recognise my bro when he came out of camp today. quite fail :/

parents and jon leaving for thailand tmr morning.



i spend my daylight hours thinking about pw and srp. :/ stress.


lessons havent even started properly and i'm already lacking sleep. please tell me if you think i'm biting off more than i can chew, cos i think. i can barely judge for myself. slipping back into old habits.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

sometimes, all you need is just a quiet place to think, reflect, ponder, wonder. a place where you can see the clear blue sky, nice green trees, breathe fresh air, and with nothing to distract you from anything.



and i'm starting to find myself in the same position as in previous years. perhaps it's just the inability to refuse an opportunity.

what the world needs, is more happiness and simplicity, and less sorrow, anger and hurt.

Monday, October 12, 2009

i realise that most of the time, in life, you're just trying to strike a balance. a state of dynamic equilibrium maybe. cos whenever you reach a balance, think that everything is going just fine, the way you want it to be, something will come and tip it one way or another again. and you struggle to reach another balance. like le chatelier's principle i guess.


sunday morning was spent at safra quadthlon. cycled over to ecp early in the morning, and it was a really nice morning. lingered around before the start of the race, took photos for the 2 rj teams and zann's team too. congrats to zann's team for getting 3rd! considering they're the youngest and everything (:


and yay i can finally download photos from my bro's cam, thanks to ben aw for lending the cable.

Canon Photo Marathon
togetherness.
weird guy who used damn lot of coupons.
motion.
energy.
group photo.sunset.

Safra Quadthlon
sunrise.
yuda, jeanhui, juan. short of their swimmer, no idea why he isnt in the photo :/
rachel, theodore, dew and matthias.




and i really cant quite believe that i'm actually reading campbell for bio o selection test tmr. i mean what are the chances? but ah wells, just try i guess.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

canon photomarathon today was kinda fun, but super tiring.

for one, the organisation was much, much better than sypc, the one that acsi organised. a lot more efficient and well thought-out. the themes were much better than macabre -.-, being 'togetherness', 'motion' and 'energy'. though i suppose canon is an oligopolistic firm with supernormal profits, hence they have the resources to organise this kind of large-scale event as part of non-price competition.

spent most of the day walking around tanjong pagar, orchard, somerset, city link, marina square and suntec city.


oh and i like my brother's fish eye lens (: really fun to play with.



photos will have to wait, cos i dont know where the usb cable for the camera is, nor do i know where he placed his card reader.



and D: saw my srp mentor at suntec city while walking around looking for inspiration. pfft, i dont want to think about it.

Friday, October 09, 2009

hmm post-promos has been a mixture of fun and stress. mostly been going out, eating, watched a nc-16 movie (the ugly truth. it's seriously morally degrading. i suggest bringing a blindfold to watch the not-so-savoury parts of the movie.), cycling(: and climbing :/

pft climbing sucks now, and the thought of having to train so much more, just to get back to the standard i was before promos, is just :/


hai, and everyone thinks after promos is a damn slack period. i think... all i can say is i hope to make it to march next year.



super tired now (cycling in the morning with shaina was super cool :D and going out with ringers batchmates was fun too(: ) and tomorrow's a super long day.

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

math today was horrible, a disappointment. panicked during the paper, made stupid mistakes, all in all, not what i expected. but nvm, it's over and there's nothing i can do about it now.

hopefully bio will be much better.


No Christian has any valid reason to be in fear or anxiety. In fact, it's a sin (when it's a free will choice, which is different than anxiety attacks that indicate a need for medical and/or psychological help). It's a sin when it occurs because we've wandered away from Jesus and his wisdom and his renewing strength and his peace. Compounding the sin, we inflict our bad mood upon others and send it rippling out into the world.
- © 2009 by Terry A. Modica. Good News Reflections


ahh wells. (: even though i keep whining about everything, i'm really thankful for everything, really.

Monday, October 05, 2009

k i really shouldnt be so angsty about promos. they're just exams. and i should stop whining about how the rest of my family doesnt have to study so much either, cos jon's psle starts on the day i end.



In The End - Linkin Park
It starts with
One thing I don't know why
It doesn't even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind I designed this rhyme
To explain in due time

All I know
Time is a valuable thing
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
Watch it count down to the end of the day
The clock ticks life away

It's so unreal
Didn't look out below
Watch the time go right out the window
Trying to hold on, but didn't even know
Or wasted it all just to watch you go

I kept everything inside
And even though I tried, it all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be
A memory of a time when

I tried so hard and got so far
But in the end it doesn't even matter
I had to fall to lose it all
But in the end it doesn't even matter

One thing, I don't know why
It doesn't even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind I designed this rhyme
To remind myself how

I tried so hard
In spite of the way you were mocking me
Acting like I was part of your property
Remembering all the times you fought with me
I'm surprised

It got so far
Things aren't the way they were before
You wouldn't even recognize me anymore
Not that you knew me back then
But it all comes back to me in the end

You kept everything inside
And even though I tried, it all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be
A memory of a time when

I tried so hard and got so far
But in the end it doesn't even matter
I had to fall to lose it all
But in the end it doesn't even matter

I've put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
And for all this
There's only one thing you should know

I've put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
And for all this
There's only one thing you should know

I tried so hard and got so far
But in the end it doesn't even matter
I had to fall to lose it all
But in the end it doesn't even matter



and even though the work never ends, still looking forward to a time when we dont have to study day in day out. 2 days more (:

Sunday, October 04, 2009

i hate jc. it places such importance on academics that it forces you to rot at home, frantically trying to revise for a subject that is hopeless anyway, while the rest of your family goes off to celebrate mid-autumn festival with your relatives.

and it doesnt end. no, because seab feels the need to give pri sch students 4 days of psle marking day holidays, right on the same week as the school holiday for Deepavali. such that, like i said before, my family will disappear off to thailand for a holiday, and leave me alone in Singapore.


and i give up on chem. the possibility of failing it (for promos) has never been so real.

Saturday, October 03, 2009

been going to Novena for the past few sats. (and if you dont know, Novena church is the one involved in the exorcism case a.. few months ago?)

anw, when i went today, the homily was about "why pray?" and the Father said sth about his friend in Philippines who said that after the disaster that struck, more people go to church than before.
i suppose you pray because you have nothing to lose; pray cos you place all your hope in a Higher being that is God, cos He can do things that you cant; pray for comfort, for reassurance, for a peace of mind, for strength.


and reading all those newspaper reports about the disasters in Indonesia, Phillippines, Samoa, Vietnam, i realise i really feel quite affected by them. in the past, it just seemed.. so far away, and it doesnt concern me, and you have other more pressing problems (like trying to cover all the topics and do enough revision for promos) that yeah you feel sorry for the people affected by the disaster, but that's it. life goes on.
but this time, reading some of the reports can actually make me cry. like that report about this guy who saved his relatives and this mom and kid from drowning during the floods, but in the end, he lost his life.


i really think teenagers are one of the most self-absorbed bunch of people, cos we're so often absorbed with our own problems, problems that we perceive to be of great importance. and i suppose i'm one of them. but then again, that is a generalisation, i'm sure there are exceptions around.



flow of thought a bit disjointed; sounds a bit hypocritical perhaps, but promos are really :/ now. i'm starting to wonder if i'll ever pass chem. and now i understand how it feels to study really hard, but never do well.