In brief...

I'm a Nature-lover, aspiring conservationist, and wannabe traveller in search of outdoor adventure.
My interests vary from conservation to education to heritage to Nature (biodiversity & wildlife) to outdoor activities to life in general.
They occupy most of my waking moment.
Do read my blogs, follow me on Twitter (@jocelynesze) and friend me on Facebook (subject to my discretion). Visit my Nature blog, Nature Rambles, at

UPDATE 2 Apr 2017 - This site is no longer maintained, please visit if you're interested in more recent writing.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

cca trials coming to an end, next up's orientation, then the actual real deal (of jc life)

and after all the trials for sports, i realise i'm really not a sports person. not cut out to be one, prob not gonna be one. not really lousy (i think), but not outstanding. and not a very competitive person. never been in a competitive sports, save swimming in pri sch and i was so lousy it doesnt count. and as much as odac sounds like a sport, it really isnt. there's no A div trekking tournament from Macritchie to BTNR, nor is there a competition testing how fast you set up your tents nor how well an outdoor meal is cooked nor anything of the sort. and all the kayaking/cycling/blading/wakeboarding/climbing is done for fun. and climbing now, is still done for fun. and comps are individual so i wont feel like i let anyone down (i think.)

gah. competitions are too stressful for me, and so i dont think me being in a sports cca will work out much. unless it's recrea.

and i realise, i really do love outdoor activities, very much. just doing things (ie activties) outdoors. be it just prancing around the RI astro turf with bella and lou xD or trekking at macritchie for biophilia. just like being in the outdoors under the sun (after putting sunblock :P) maybe i should just stick with only bio soc (and maybe photog if i'm convinced) and just study hard and go trekking on my own. since i think getting into a cca that i really want is next to zilch and that would possibly mean being very much on my own. anyone care to join me?

and right now, juan, sihui, kexin and various other ppl are at Southern Islands, probably star gazing after having a very nice walk at the reef, looking at all sorts of cool stuff. and later they're gonna kip in an air-con dorm. gah, i so want to go. gonna make sure i'm in for the next trip.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Happy Chinese New Year! (: hope all of you got lots of ang bao and had a great time eating (:

so CNY is over (for me at least) and well, now everything seems to be nearer. orientation, and after that, actual lessons. shall not think too much about that, and just enjoy the 2 weeks.

realise i'm really comfortable with life the way it is now. perhaps bumming around not thinking as much as i should be, but well, otherwise, i'm really quite happy the way things are.

reading my past blog entries, i realise i'm less bogged down by stuff that now at this point in time, seems rather trivial. and i guess either i've matured, or that i care less about this kind of things now. perhaps now comes the point in time when i look back and really see how much i've grown, over the past 4 years.

and right now, even though the future doesnt seem very certain, at least i'm happy. happy with the way i am, happy with what i have, happy with everything. which is more than others can say, i'm sure.

and cos that's all that matters, be happy. no point fretting over things you cant control. if you can control it, then there's no point worrying/being upset over it either, cos then you can remedy it. but if only things were as simple as that.

there's never a straight path.

Friday, January 23, 2009

floorball is (insert word here). not the game, i think the game's really fun, and i like the game, really. but seriously, telling people that you'll msg someone else the details of the next training and that person will pass the msg to those people, and THEN, on the supposed training day, tell them that there's been a mis-comm and they are not supposed to have come, is NOT the way to go. if it's because of certain things we said, of certain commitments we are considering making, then at least, tell us that. or give us a definitive answer that we're OUT. it is downright rude, inconsiderate and to a certain extent, cowardly, to make us go down (whether intentional or not) and tell us that it's been a miscommunication. like now, it's OUR fault, that we thought that we got in and turned up for a training that we're not supposed to have gone for.

and you proceed on to whack balls at the poor gk (it's her first training, incidentally) so soundly that she now has really horrible bruises (actually they're blood clots. you know when your skin has red spots on it?) and all in time for CNY. well all i can say is, for those who didnt make the second round, it's okay, you didnt miss much. and for those who are still in it, good luck (: all the best!

anyhows, went back to rg for cny in the morning. sadly they had lessons the whole day, and only assembly block was the celebrations :/ ah wells.
and i'm glad soff dragged me for hockey trials, so at least i wouldnt have wasted a trip down to rj. which wasnt that bad, it's quite fun, really(: though loads tougher than floorball, cos it's more technical.

btw, if anyone's going for the reef walk next thu/fri, and need a pair of booties (about size 6/7, 22cm) i can lend you mine.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Hold On - Jet
You tried so hard to be someone
That forgot who you are

You tried to fill some emptiness
Till all you had spilled over

Now everything’s so far away
That you don’t know where are
You are

When all that you wanted
When all that you had don’t seem so much
For you to hold onto
For you to hold onto

For you to belong to

When it’s hard to be yourself
It’s not to be someone else

Still everything’s so far away
That you forget where you are
You are

When all that you wanted
When all that you had don’t seem so much
For you to hold onto
For you to hold onto

Hold on [4x]

Hold on [4x]

When all that you wanted
When all that you had don’t seem so much
For you to hold onto
For you to hold onto
For you to hold onto

For you to belong to

quite pleased that i managed to clear the overhang after hanging thrice, thanks to you two who pushed me. though i doubt it helped clear my fear of falling/anticipation of falling.

soccer trials were quite okay, though i must say soccer's really not my thing. cant keep possession of the ball for nuts.

first time in 10 years, no cny celebs, no need to wear cny clothes to sch. one of the "perks" of going to jc i guess.
and i really dont feel much hype about cny this year, maybe cos of the economic downturn so less angbao $$ to expect or just cos i've been rather pre-occupied with the many cca trials and trying to fit climbing in someway somehow.

decisions are not easy to make even in the best of times. trust in good judgement and that God will watch over you. and all will be fine.

good luck for the remainder of trials/interviews/auditions.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

i really really dont ever want to go climb (the overhang) again. miserable :( cant wait for lfs to be over.

trials ytd and today. went pretty okay i guess. and as usual, slept through some talks (those in the PAC! cos it was really comfortable xD) and ate through the others. really need to like, stock up on more food.

and i realise i quite enjoy running (: ah wells, for leisure, not competition/exams. comps/exams put-off everything, to me.

and i realise practice does not make perfect, with me.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

intended to go running in the morning, but well being my usual lazy self, couldnt be bothered. anyway, went to republic poly to watch juan at finals of Climb Max 09. and as usual organisation was horrible. perhaps marginally better than last week's, but still, lots of improvement could be made. anyway, shall not whine about them here (majority prob wouldnt understand what i'm talking about anyway)

route was reachy, but well i think she fared not too badly.

training after that. gah, lead climb 6b overhang is my arch-nemesis. just get this inexplicable fear of falling when i'm up there, and so i prob short-change myself. which is quite terrible, i really need to get over it...

ahh i foresee a lot of running (of 2.4) in the coming week. trials almost everyday. wonder how training is going to fit in...

just cos it's not said, doesnt mean it's not known.

the thing about kids that strikes everyone, is their innocence. childhood innocence can never be replaced. and maybe that's why we should just live as kids while we're still kids. nothing wrong with being childish and just enjoying ourselves while we can.
btw, that's jon jon. before he became a chubby kid, that is. grandmas tend to spoil their grandchildren.

I will never let you fall,
I'll stand up with forever.
I'll be there for you through it all,
Even if saving you sends me to heaven.

Friday, January 16, 2009

and i shall sulk here cos i didnt get the elective of reef walk :(

but just so those who got in know, the tide isnt fantastically low for those days.

































but then again, these tides might not be for the southern islands area..

sigh :( now i dont need to go sch on 28 and 30 jan. which is great, but really, i'd rather the reef walk. you get to see all sorts of stuff like sting ray, seahorses, corals etc.

and if you'd like to see what interesting creatures you may see at a reef walk, check these out(:
(look for Sisters Island, St John Island, Kusu Island..)

and if you want to read up on Southern Islands specifically, here goes!

ahhh and if you decide you DONT want to go, tell me! i would gladly go in your place (:
today was a horrid day. sex ed class was a disaster (shall not recount the many activities that made me go up and do weird/stupid stuff) and was super long. was snacking the whole time. which is bad, cos imagine when lessons actually start, i'll be eating like, the whole day! how terrible. should go find some healthy snacks, so at least well, i wont die of kidney failure (from excessive intake of salt) or diabetes (from excessive intake of sugar)

and i realise that i feel a lot more comfortable in rg than in rj (like there's this sense of going home in rg that i currently dont feel in rj. even in ri, i get some semblence of that feeling, but just not rj). it's like, somehow you feel assured in rg, maybe the feeling that comes with being the oldest (students) in the school, but in rj, you're like back to being s1. and so many unfamiliar faces plus a huge and confusing campus, it just feels weird. and you cant even sit the way you usually do.

and i miss the juniors :( so nice and easy to just joke around with them. and the really nice thing about being a senior is knowing that you have (in some way, minor or not, or other) helped/impacted them and well, leave some sort of imprint/legacy on your juniors. which i really hope i did, cos i guess that's the most fundamental reason why i joined the things i did.

ah wells, gonna be stuck in rj for the next 2 years, so might as well make the best out of it. though haha, from what i gathered from the sex ed talk, they were like just saying "ppl from the opposite gender might interpret things wrongly, things might go wrong, you need to know when to draw the line etc" that i guess it'd just be best to not interact with ppl from the opposite gender at all.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

i realised that no matter what your passion is for something, training 3 days in a row is not good. today was seriously sian to go climbing, and was not helped by the 2/3 hour long wait for sex ed talk to end. and lead climb overhang was a total failure. not unexpected, but i guess i could have done better if i actually tried. (but when you're up there and the next clip is so damn far away and if you miss you'll drop a damn lot, you dont really feel like trying.)

first day of sch was pretty uneventful. and probably the next few days. until feb when sch actually starts and you start studying again.

on the bright side, eating (i think) is allowed in lecture theatres etc! (: went with soff to buy my (rather small) food stash. cant wait to get lockers...

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

12 jan was a significant day for me. because
1) i got back my Higher Chinese O level results
2) i visited ringers and actually PLAYED the bells again after like more than a year.
3) i saw a sting ray while monitoring seagrasses (do not laugh) at Sentosa!

okays getting back o level results was a horror. getting to rg before collecting the results was even worse. funny feeling, wearing your sch u again (after like 2 or more months) and then at the bus stop at orchard boulevard, seeing the rest of your cohort. all of whom seem to have come together and are classmates (or sth of the sort). which makes you feel terribly insignificant. walking around rg (alone) is even worse, especially when you've cut a hairstyle that makes you look younger than you actually are, cos well not wearing name tag makes juniors (s1/2) think that you're actually a s1. and well, you feel slighted. (shouldnt you, when you've like actually graduated from the school that they've only just started studying in?)
but the main point is actually the result, not the experience i had before/after getting the results. so well, my grade was pretty satisfactory, not what i would have liked to get (meaning an A) but well, better than my usual grade i suppose. so nothing to complain, though i'm going to retake again. lots of people seem to have done better/worse than expected though. maybe this is where being self-aware and being realistic has an edge.

playing handbells again was a horror, cos i was so out-of-touch, that it was horrendous. miss playing bells though, still. miss practices, the juniors, and i dno, playing bells in general. speaking of juniors, all the s3s were off at obs, so :/ missed seeing them.

monitoring was same as usual. reminds me a LOT of lab park (and i miss going there too) and well, in any case it was nice just walking around there looking at the crabs and various other organisms. lots of Hairy Crabs were around, and yay i saw a sting ray! a blue-spotted sting ray, to be exact. pretty small, about palm-sized, but it was pretty cool (: and you really shouldnt be laughing at other peoples' interests >:( nor should you be thinking of killing seagrasses. cos then you wont have seafood.

isnt it interesting, human relationships. how you can know some people so well, yet not be close to them at all. or be close to them physically but not emotionally. or that you can be close to some people emotionally yet only meet up once in a while. or know some people for a really long time yet not be very close. or know some people only for a short duration of time yet be closer to them. or talk for a really long time with some people without any of that awkward sense of trying to prolong conversation, but yet a short conversation with some others would be really painful. and often, you wonder what others think of you; do they think of you the same way you think of them?

rj open house tmr. and after that, no more waking up late :( but at least real lessons not happening till feb.

Chiang Rai, Thailand

Sunday, January 11, 2009

great to have my laptop and phone back (:

fri was orientation 09 night. was really good to see all the juniors again! and when i see my sec ones when i was a psl, they're like s3 now, i feel so old.. and i really forgot how busy we used to be in rg, watching them run here and there for this or that, preparing for stuff. ahh gonna miss the juniors. they're such a sweet bunch, really.

sat was climb max. it was horrible. got there really early, but registration started like 1 hour late. and honestly there was no point posting the registration form, cos they didnt process it anyway. waste my postage and juan's envelope. and the worst part was the climb. the judges didnt specify what pieces we can or cannot use during observation, so naturally you would assume you can use everything on the wall. that is, until you get told by the judge to get down cos you stepped on an insert that apparently, you're not supposed to use. fantastic. my climb lasted all of 1 min.

juan flashed (meaning cleared the route) though :D got into finals, so pro right! when we were like, the youngest there. (i cringed when they announced that we were from raffles instituition.) finals next week, so gonna go back to that horrid place with horrid memories.

today was SAFRA AVventura. reached diary farm at 620am, when sihui my partner was not even on the way. place was super dark, the route to registration was lit by scary green and red light sticks. registered, almost late, did last minute prep (spent a lot of time looking for a missing nut) before flag off at 730. ran one round back to where we started, got the bikes, and started the biking segment.
mountain biking's quite fun, i think. but we lost our lead (we were somewhere in the middle during the run) cos biking isnt exactly sihui's thing. so we were sweeping the whole race. got to zheng hua park where i had to piggy back sihui while she did one side of the rubik's cube. then cycled again to some place near the zoo. navigation! which saved us, i think. didnt follow map, just crashed our way through the jungle. had to bring one bike with us, so for the first part sihui cycled while i ran. then after that we decided to just walk together and push the bike. got lost (with everyone else) but nice people from other teams helped us along and we reached our checkpoint (: after wading across this river that was mid-thigh deep. and we smartly pushed our bike across instead of carrying it.
after that we had to run/walk for a super long stretch before we reached seletar reservoir where we kayaked. which was where i think we overtook some other teams, cos we were good girls and didnt cheat(: then walked/ran to yishun safra, where we did some shooting and climbing before we finished!
quite fun i guess. got more scratches on legs now though :/ and bikes are pretty scratched, heh. threw them around :P and you wonder why my things dont last long.

HMT results out tmr D: good luck!

Thursday, January 08, 2009

apcg outing was so !@#@!%!@#! juan and i went late, cos of training. and soff came along, so she rode this lousy red bike that goes half the distance for twice the effort. but couldnt bear to see soff riding that horrid bike, so the three of us just took turns cycling it. seriously painful to ride :/ so halfway to changi, we ditched the bike, and juan and i took turns cycling while the other just sat behind (: how fun. and we didnt even make it to changi! met the rest of the group on the way back and so we just turned back.

super late by the time got back to the bike rental place. and then went for dinner, and then cycled back home.

quite nice to see almost everyone again, though didnt speak much. (mostly i just whined, about the bike and the lack of dinner) ah wells, it's just a week more till sch starts.

osl ppt tmr, and orientation night surprise. back to rg since nov. cant wait to see the apparently rather gay j blk and nicely spruced up psb room (:

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

laptop sent for servicing, so using dad's and his laptop's slow :( and hotmail doesnt work. gah so if you've sent me emails to hotmail, dont expect me to read it.

laptop and phone all need servicing. sigh, i dont reckon i should get any electronic device unless it is shock-proof, water-proof and instantly locatable (meaning it cant get lost, ever. which seeing as such a thing hasnt been invented, i probably should never own an electronic device. which unfortunately i do.)

even though this extended holiday is really nice and enjoyable, somehow i really want sch to start. but when it does, i'm probably gonna wish holiday never ended, so :/ and i shall not speculate anything about og/class since it's out of my control. shall just wait and see.

and i know that we're gonna be fine.

Sunday, January 04, 2009

there's this article in the Sunday Lifestyle section, written by Patricia sth (i cant rmb her name :/) and it's about facebook and inferiority complex. and i totally agree with it, only add blogs to the equation.

anyway tmr looks to be a tiring day :/ am cycling a lot these days, in preparation for safra avventura next sunday D: and there's climb max day before that. coming weekend's a killer.

not looking forward to 12jan, when apparently our results will be out. though there are disputes over that claim.

waiting, just waiting.

and for comic relief:
during batch trip to malacca, at the night market there. i'll post batch trip photos. one day.

Saturday, January 03, 2009

today was a very weird but satisfying day.

was going out for training, but parents and jon happened to be going out for breakfast then so i just went with them. training was satisfying i guess, cos managed to clear all 6b routes except electric blue baby :/ and i really think juan and sihui improved a lot. while i on the other hand either stagnated or even dropped in standards :/ ah wells, there's still time. i do think my technique's like crap now.

halfway through got a call from kelly and she asked me to go to wenxin's apparently surprise bday party in the evening. (they're my pri sch friends fyi) and the party happen to be organised by her sec sch mates.

after training went for makan with mentors, then proceeded to ecp for party. really weird/awkward, but i think it was pretty okay. happy birthday to wenxin(: nice to see them after such a long while, really.

looking at the induction programme closely, i noticed that they have a 2-day camp, some reef walk at southern islands thing. and i think it'll be totally awesome if i can go for it(:

so many plans for the year ahead, that somehow i just cant wait for time to fly past. if you get what i mean. cos now it's like a stalemate or sth, we're just waiting, waiting, waiting for something to happen, so that we can do something. maybe i've got too much free time on my hands.

cause we're all different and there's no point comparing. be happy with the way you are and stay happy.

Friday, January 02, 2009

woke up at 640am and heard jon getting ready to go to sch. and then i happily went back to sleep :D really very happy that sch starts in mid jan (and though O level students have till feb, i think i would exchange two weeks more of sch for o levels anytime)

and i decided to clear out my drawers. which happen to be full of junk, stored for ages. and clearing out rgs stuff and storing it away. and i was just sorting through my letters, angel-mortal letters, farewell letters, birthday cards, christmas cards. letters that bring back happy memories, letters that remind me of the unpleasant past.

reading farewell letters from seniors, i dno, somehow i feel like i let them down (them in general, not specifically), cos well i dont think i lived up to expectations. dont think i did like i was supposed to. it's like passing the ball to me, when you expect me to shoot for the goal, but i took the ball and ran around the whole court with it, and in the end, lost the ball.

in some aspects, i guess maybe i did well, but in others, really bad. but it's over, the year's past, and i dont really want to dwell on it anymore.

and looking at the amount of cards i have, i feel like a really bad friend, cos i dont think i ever sent out cards to anyone. not in the habit perhaps, but well, we should always reciprocate, shouldnt we. and it's no wonder i cant keep friends, if that's the way i remain... i mean, if you keep sending cards to someone who never replies, you'll think that person doesnt care anymore right... :/ so if i ever find myself in a friend-less situation, it's probably 自找 ah wells, if you're my friend and you happen to be reading this, just remember that if i dont reply, it's more because i'm too lazy to, and not cos i dont take you as a friend (:

so jc's gonna start in 13 days. maybe i wont join a cca in jc, and spend all my free time sitting at a canteen table studying. an unofficial study club (cos geek club apparently turns people off), and quite a few people alr said they'd join me(:

and from now till then, all i have is training and outings squashed in between.

Thursday, January 01, 2009

so it's 2009.

2008 seemed to have past by pretty fast, yet at the same time, it's been so long. dwen an in jan seemed ages and ages ago, and apcg in july too. yet the days just pass by so fast.

good and bad year, but overall, a more jaded year. somehow, even though i'm not that old, things just dont excite me that much anymore. christmas and new year seem over rated.

- comp crashed again. it shuts down on its own when it over heats, and so now i'm having to hold the base up to the fan all the time, and it makes typing a pain. maybe it's a sign that i should use less of the computer (which i am) -