In brief...

I'm a Nature-lover, aspiring conservationist, and wannabe traveller in search of outdoor adventure.
My interests vary from conservation to education to heritage to Nature (biodiversity & wildlife) to outdoor activities to life in general.
They occupy most of my waking moment.
Do read my blogs, follow me on Twitter (@jocelynesze) and friend me on Facebook (subject to my discretion). Visit my Nature blog, Nature Rambles, at http://natureramble.wordpress.com.

UPDATE 2 Apr 2017 - This site is no longer maintained, please visit jocelynesze.wordpress.com if you're interested in more recent writing.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

been feeling pretty :/ :/ these few weeks/days. like suddenly all the work just caught up with me and i realise there's a damn lot of work to do, always, no matter how much/fast you try to finish.



but lacrosse today was pretty fun, so yay. even though the guys were (obviously) better than us and um we didnt really get to play proper; and whatever chance that we had to come in contact with the ball, i always manage to foul/fail :P


and yearbook's out, and i look damn unglam/horrid in every photo there is of me. kinda :/ if you think about it. cos like after 4 years in rg, and the last memories that other people will have of you (cos of the yearbook) is with horrible photos. but ah wells. i suppose the photographers just enjoy taking blackmail pictures, and worst of all, publish them in a book that everyone gets/reads.




so i've been feeling pretty worried over work and all those stuff, and on Sunday, the priest talked about why God put us on earth. for Christians i suppose it would be to spread God's word and His goodness and the like.

but i started thinking about what i want to be when i leave school. not that i only started thinking then, i keep wondering about that, constantly. while i used to be quite sure that i want to study marine biology in uni, after srp, i'm not so sure. dont really like research; apart from being tedious, it's also quite wasteful, and i dont think i can stand going back to the lab day after day to do the same thing over and over again. if there's one thing useful i gained out of srp, it's probably that i realise i dont really want to do that again anymore, not in the future or for my career.

the priest also talked about being nice, patient, kind etc, even to annoying people. which is getting increasingly difficult. when you're feeling stressed/annoyed by something, you dont really feel like talking to annoying people, let alone being nice to them. but still have to try, until it becomes.. natural? one day... and sometimes, i wonder if you're purposely being nice to an annoying person, is it being fake?






and i dont get how GM food is the solution to world hunger. wouldnt it be wiser, perhaps, to just limit world population until it is sustainable? but then again, this brings up a lot of problems in itself too. if only the world was just right, and everything was good and perfect, as God had presumably meant it to be. with no hunger, no prejudice, no social injustices, no violence. i really think humans are killing the very things that sustain our life. cutting down rainforests and hunting animals to extinction, manufacturing all kinds of chemicals that destroy Nature, causing global warming and reducing our supply of fresh water, climate change, less agricultural output, turning to technology to right all these problems that we created in the first place, and after that, wreaking more havoc. though i think that in the long run, humans will just drive ourselves to extinction (probably the first species ever to do so, contradictory to Darwin) and the earth will right itself again.




and my memory is really failing. i'm increasingly having short-term memory loss.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

my favourite new hangout: Changi Airport(:

i guess it's not much of a life when you spend your weekends completing tutorials and homework and stuff. but wells. not much of a choice.


and i was just thinking, that the one thing that EVERYONE has -- whether you live in a MEDC or LEDC, whether you're rich or poor, young or old, disabled or fully able, smart or not-so-smart -- the one thing is that everyone has 24 hours in a day.


so it depends, really, on how you want to spend your (limited) time.


dang, and blogger's having probs, i cant upload photos.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

was just thinking about this while going home today, though i forgot about it till i read lou's blog. "What happened to the brainy kid I was in Primary school who could effortlessly score in exams?" hope you dont mind :P but yeah. i was just thinking, we always strive to do our best, and beat our personal best (pb. which brings back somewhat horrible memories of swimming competitively as a kid) and i was just thinking, that really, my pb was my psle. that was such a total fluke. i'm not smart (compared to the rest of raffles, not the world), and have never been. in primary school, i was always in the second best class (and not the best, unlike many other rafflesians), and even got recommended for EM2. not really helping that most of my pri sch mates in rj now are smart -thinks of 3P, 3O etc- that i got my psle score, and got into rg, i still believe, must have been an error on the part of the examiners. maybe they mixed up my script with that of someone else. but in any case, i dont regret going to rg, so yeah.

in rg, i didnt do very well. so maybe, it's just that i do well in exams that matter, national exams. but higher chinese wasnt spectacularly good either. hopefully, my As will um, be a pleasant surprise.


i just want my grades to be average, really. which i doubt it is now. ppfftt ah wells, i shall be comforted by the fact that my talents may lie in other areas apart from the realm of academia.




Crash and Burn - Savage Garden
When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart
I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you
Its hard to find relief and people can be so cold
When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you cant take anymore

Let me be the one you call
If you jump Ill break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
Youre not alone

When you feel all alone
And a loyal friend is hard to find
Youre caught in a one way street
With the monsters in your head
When hopes and dreams are far away and
You feel like you cant face the day

Let me be the one you call
If you jump Ill break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
Youre not alone

And there has always been heartache and pain
And when its over youll breathe again
Youll breath again

When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please
To tame your wild wild heart

Let me be the one you call
If you jump Ill break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
Youre not alone




and i think, i shall stick with status quo and not put a tagboard. cos i wont reply to tags anw, and it's kinda sad how tagboards die after a while when readership drops. at least i will be living in ignorance if no one reads this blog anymore, and ignorance is bliss (though it's a pretty flawed phrase).

Saturday, July 18, 2009

i am actually feeling pretty contented now. satisfied.


nsscc finals was pretty awesome (for me, at least) though still, i think it's somewhat still a fluke.



and though there's still as much work to do, if not more, i'm feeling kinda positive now. just hope this feeling stays(: as long as i have the discipline, motivation, it should be fine.


and as long as i have people to go out with/other things to do apart from study and mug.





"The Lord is my shepherd; there is nothing I shall want" - Psalm 23

Thursday, July 16, 2009

i dont like forwarding chain mails. but this is really quite nice. i'm sure it applies to all of you.

What would our life be without our friends?

I hope you are all lifetime friends!!!


I'm sending this to you to see how
many actually read their e-mail.

Your response will be interesting.

Pay attention to what you read.

After you have finished reading it, you will know

the reason it was sent to you.

Here goes:



cid:1.280809248@web54302.mail.re2.yahoo.com




People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that
person..

When someone is in your life for a REASON,

it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.

They have come to assist you through a difficulty,

to provide you with guidance and support,

To aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.

They may seem like a godsend and they are.

They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,

this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.

Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.

Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.

What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire
fulfilled, their work is done.


The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.




cid:2.280809249@web54302.mail.re2.yahoo.com




Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has
come to share, grow or learn.

They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.

They may teach you something you have never done.

They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.

Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.




cid:3.280809249@web54302.mail.re2.yahoo.com



LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons,

things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional
foundation.

Your job is to accept the lesson,

love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other
relationships and areas of your life.

It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.




cid:4.280809249@web54302.mail.re2.yahoo.com





Thank you for being a part of my life,

whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime.





cid:5.280809249@web54302.mail.re2.yahoo.com




Send this
to every friend that you have on-line,

including the person who sent it to you.



0 Replies - you may need to work on your 'people skills'

2 Replies - you are nice but probably need to be more outgoing

4 Replies - you have picked your friends well!

6 Replies - you are downright popular

8 Replies or More - you are totally awesome

(and that's probably why you're on MY list)



I wonder what mine will be..




cid:6.280809249@web54302.mail.re2.yahoo.com

GUARDIAN ANGEL


Forward this message the same day you received it
.

It may sound ridiculous, but it is right on time.

We believe that something is about to happen..

Angels exist, only sometimes they haven't got wings and

we call them friends; you are one of them.
Something wonderful is about to happen to you and your friends.

Tomorrow at
10.35am somebody will address you

and tell you something you have been waiting to hear.

Please do not break it.




Send it to at least 7 of your friends.



kay there were actually very nice photos, but wells. live with that blank, black space. and even though i didnt send this to your email, know that it's meant for you(:
saw yan yu and thashi in rj sch u this week! haha nice to see them after a long time, even though i'm not exactly very close/didnt really say very much to them. hmm vacation for them now, while it's only the start of our school term :/


and although it's already more than half the year/i've said this so many times, i still feel .. like that. on one hand, kinda accepting the way life is with never ending tutorials and work to do and dreary sch days and stuff like. on the other hand, continually whining and refusing to accept the way my life revolves around school work.

perhaps the two years will be over before i fully get over it.




maybe i should just stop thinking so much. about this kind of stuff that doesnt really make a difference anyway.








and i wonder, why do we keep pretending to give a damn about something, when we really dont give care? speaking in general terms and nothing in specific.

perhaps just trying to do what others expect of us, or make ourselves out to be someone whom we arent. or perhaps just trying not to be hurtful.




and it's now, more than ever, that i need my discipline and motivation. only that is majorly lacking. i mean, i still do all my sch work and stuff like, but i'm just doing it cos i know i have to. not to mention srp and stuff like, where the onus is on you to take charge of the project, with no one bugging/reminding you to do stuff.

Monday, July 13, 2009

am quickly getting annoyed at how fast the work piles up. feel like i'm in a rat race.

there's so many things to do, that i'd like to do, but somehow dont really have time for it.


training tmr and wed. that's two afternoons gone, and it's not even like i'm gonna be spending it going out and having fun.



pfftt. i need to seriously get down to studying. and srp is starting to give me a headache everytime i think of it. why why why. need to sleep before an overwhelming feel of despair gets to me.




on the bright side, soff never fails to amuse me(: and i dont mean to be selfish or socially irresponsible or whatever, but i'm glad for h1n1, if only for the extra time it affords me to spend with my friends.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

been sleeping a lot more this weekend than i am supposed to. but yeah, i guess sleeping is good. only i really need to finish my tutorials.


today's climb was good. much easier than expected, though i suppose finals would really be a lot tougher. but yays, am glad that all three of us got into finals, for once. we're gonna give rj a name in climbing too, even if the sch doesnt even care that we're climbing.



a song that always come to my mind when i'm in a very good mood. when i was in wales, kinabalu, and stuff like.

Top Of The World - The Carpenters
Such a feelins comin over me
There is wonder in most everything I see
Not a cloud in the sky
Got the sun in my eyes
And I wont be surprised if its a dream

Everything I want the world to be
Is now coming true especially for me
And the reason is clear
Its because you are here
You're the nearest thing to heaven that Ive seen

(*) I'm on the top of the world lookin down on creation
And the only explanation I can find
Is the love that Ive found ever since you've been around
Your love's put me at the top of the world

Something in the wind has learned my name
And it's tellin me that things are not the same
In the leaves on the trees and the touch of the breeze
There's a pleasin sense of happiness for me

There is only one wish on my mind
When this day is through I hope that I will find
That tomorrow will be just the same for you and me
All I need will be mine if you are here


and oh man, haha shaina, reshmi and soff amuse me(: <3
"okay yay then! :) haha i haven't ran in the longest time ever but very lazy lah (x okay okay i'm such a pig, i planned wed's Pigging out session already!! omg haha can't wait tell you guys tmr! :D"
gives me such a nice warm fuzzy feeling, haha i'm really quite glad for h1n1, if anything.




and i'm really just trying my best not to think of stuff like srp.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

nsscc (which stands for national schools sports climbing competition) tmr. pfftt, scaryy.


stayed home for most part of the day (actually woke up proper only at 11am..) and did tutorials. but cycled to bedok library to return book and that was nice(: should go out and cycle more often.


choices really make a damn big difference in your life. in choosing to go rg, you effectively choose to go rj. and then in rj, you can choose to stay home on your free days and finish homework, or you can go out, have fun (like everyone else) but feel guilty about not doing work.

so i guess, you cant really complain that you spend your saturdays at home doing tutorial after tutorial. cos it's really your choice. though that doesnt mean it doesnt suck.





the times when saturdays were spent doing happy things.

rgodac<3

even though as the years went by, the numbers slowly diminished, and it is totally "wiped out" now.
and even though rg doesnt see any value in odac, i think they have made a big mistake. you can never find another cca that is like odac.


and it totally sucks that in singapore, people dont see value in anything, unless you can win awards for it. or get certs for it. at least, the system seems to portray it that way.


on the bright side, rock climbing is gonna be officially recognised by ccab next year. took them long enough. i always found it amusing how people use rock climbing pictures to bring across a sense of adventure and danger and risk taking and stuff like, but it is not actually a recognised sport (sorta).


need to keep my sanity and not go off tangent by studying the whole time, or stressing about not studying.

Thursday, July 09, 2009

these few days have been pretty crappy days. getting back test papers/discussing exam questions. extremely depressing. ah wells.

after the disappointment of chem on tues, soff, liang si and i decided, on the spur of the moment, to watch transformers. it's a bit like retail therapy i guess, only you spend a lot less. just to get your mind off stupid grades and calm down a bit, and then after everything, think about what went wrong and how to go about from now.

maybe i was hardworking at the start of school term, but after a while (perhaps about mid term) i started slacking. in any case, i need to get back on track and stay there.


but i'm real glad for my parents, grateful that they dont scold/pressure/voice their disappointments when i get less than ideal grades. not that they dont care, but i suppose they know that i myself want good grades.





and i realise as you go on in life, you accumulate more and more experiences and memories. and almost any little thing could trigger a memory and make you recall the good times (and presumably bad as well) gone past. like walking around ntuc in bishan with juan and sihui on mon (after i took 1.5 hours to get to yishun to find the adventure centre at safra closed), it reminded me of the times we went shopping for various reasons with/for odac. for farewell dinner in s2, for various camps, price checking, and everything.





and as dreary as life seems to be for me now, with nothing to look forward to, except for exams and tests of various kinds, i guess i should still be thankful and grateful for all that i have. awesome friends and everything(:


and everytime this song gets played on my comp, i get reminded of 101'07, of the then s1s, now s3s, of the times when i was s3 and everything.

You'll Be In My Heart
Come stop your crying
It will be all right
Just take my hand Hold it tight

I will protect you
from all around you
I will be here
Don't you cry

For one so small,
you seem so strong
My arms will hold you,
keep you safe and warm
This bond between us
Can't be broken
I will be here
Don't you cry

'Cause you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more

You'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be here in my heart, always

Why can't they understand
the way we feel
They just don't trust
what they can't explain
I know we're different but,
deep inside us
We're not that different at all

And you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more

Don't listen to them
'Cause what do they know
We need each other,
to have, to hold
They'll see in time
I know

When destiny calls you
You must be strong
I may not be with you
But you've got to hold on
They'll see in time
I know
We'll show them together

'Cause you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on,
Now and forever more

Oh, you'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be in my heart, always
Always


and on the way home today, i just wondered. what if i am not the person you thought i was? that everything that you knew about me was just a facade, and i'm actually very different from what i make myself out to be/what you think i am.




and i'm wondering whether i should consider putting (back) a tagboard on this blog.

Sunday, July 05, 2009

i think cts are bad for health, cos i think i gained weight during cts. like, keep eating and not exercise. ah wells. if i manage to pass all my cts, i dont think i'll really care.


feeling really tired already. hmm somehow after cts, i'm feeling exhausted very easily.

i'm annoyed with my laptop cos it's low on hard disk space, and i've already deleted all the things that i can, without rendering my laptop useless to me. argh, and so it's super slow.


and i really need to backup my files. and upload all my photos somewhere. sighs but haha these things are things that are always last on my priority, especially the uploading of photos. ie, they never get done.


climbing tmr again. hopefully can squeeze in 3 more trainings before comp. bleargh.

Saturday, July 04, 2009

second time in two days i'm coming back home really tired and exhausted.

chi listening compre ytd was nothing short of hilarious. there was no exam feeling at all, didnt remotely feel like we were taking an exam. and my brilliant batchmate for four years and classmate for the next two, managed to wake up so late that she only left for school, 20 mins to the start of the exam. -applauds and kowtows in awe of that extraordinary feat-

anw, the cd player broke down, and well, basically we had a pretty long break in the middle of the exam, while they replaced the cd, then the cd player.


then went for movie with soff and nair and shaina (: was nice catching up with them again:D and nair was nice enough to hang around ps with me till 8 plus, cos my parents decided that they would like to go orchard for dinner..
the world's highest indoor via ferrata and Asia's first, is not much, i think. i guess you cant really compare to the one at mt kinabalu, cos that's on real mountain. but really, there's so much lacking in the indoor one, and haha there's not much you can do about i guess. for one, you dont have the great and spectacular view. nor do you have the feeling that if you slip, you might possibly just tumble down all the way (cos it's really high up and pretty steep). and all sorts of other stuff.





climbing today was slightly demoralising. really, i guess it's true that i'm only feeling pretty upset, cos i know i did better last time. only the comp's next week, and i'm getting pretty.. stressed? worried? nervous? over it. pfftt, and the new shoes are painful :( need to climb more this week, heh so quite thankful for h1n1, that cancelled cca sessions.


photog outing was pretty fun and cool, i think, even though there were so few of us. hmmm i really need to organise all my photos and upload them somewhere so that even if my laptop crashes, i wont lose my photos..

quite amused by how everyone says my bro's tripod/lens/whatever else is cool and good and stuff like. cos i have no idea of that myself :P


maybe tmr i'll figure out how to upload photos from my bro's cam to my laptop. or will not be lazy and do it..


thank goodness monday's a holiday.

Thursday, July 02, 2009

finally over. though not for long; A levels chinese orals is next week, and A levels SPAs and stuff this term and what not.

but for the time being, at least till tomorrow, let me enjoy myself.

i dont really know what to say about the common tests, except that they were horrible in the sense that you dont have enough time to finish them. except for math, thank goodness. even bio was :/ disappointing i guess, cos i made several careless mistake and also didnt have time to finish off everything properly. but ah wells. i doubt they'd kick of bio soc members who fail bio right...





it's quite interesting how, while you're studying, you're thinking of the billion and one other things you'll do after the exams. but after the exams, you're so caught up and overwhelmed by everything else, that you forget what you wanted to do. if you get what i mean.

everytime i study, i leave the laptop on running with my music, but after a while it goes to screensaver mode, and my pictures start coming out as a slide show. and inevitable, i get distracted, and as i look at the pictures, memories start coming back.

of cambodia, of thailand, of fam, of odac! of various family trips, class outings and everything.





am trawling through past pictures, for some stuff. and oh man, jon jon looked so cute 5 years ago!

k am annoyed cos pics wont upload, somehow or another.


today is a pretty miserable day.





thinking back, this time one year ago, i was feeling.. excited i think. cos the dwen an winter camp 2008 people were coming over (: for three days. i miss taiwan. and the people, and the things we did.



k outing with soff and shaina and reshmi to look forward to tmr! :D


and i'm really glad, grateful and fortunate that i have such awesome friends, really.
i dont have many close friends perhaps, but the few that i do have, are really awesome people. and that makes me happy (:


and jiayou soff! hahaha malay lit tmr :P while i only have -.- chinese listening comprehension.