In brief...

I'm a Nature-lover, aspiring conservationist, and wannabe traveller in search of outdoor adventure.
My interests vary from conservation to education to heritage to Nature (biodiversity & wildlife) to outdoor activities to life in general.
They occupy most of my waking moment.
Do read my blogs, follow me on Twitter (@jocelynesze) and friend me on Facebook (subject to my discretion). Visit my Nature blog, Nature Rambles, at http://natureramble.wordpress.com.

UPDATE 2 Apr 2017 - This site is no longer maintained, please visit jocelynesze.wordpress.com if you're interested in more recent writing.

Monday, August 31, 2009

you know you're sleep-deprived when you cant find your own blog.

i typed "something-worth-living-behind.blogspot.com" and out came "blog not found". and i was like huhhh? you mean someone hacked my account and deleted my blog?!? and even after i checked my msn nic to make sure i got the words correct (though obviously i didnt check close enough) i still couldnt figure what's wrong. took me a long while :/



went back to rg with soff, shaina, nair, juan (who cycled from home D:), kalya, joan, amanda, jasselyn... and it just made me miss rg even more.

even though there are new teachers, at least you can recognise half the teachers. even though you have left rg, your teachers still wave merrily to you and ask how's life. and with psb organising the celebrations, i think the programme was much nicer than last fri's. but wells, that's just me.


but i dont know, i feel like i've regressed since sec sch. dont think i became more mature (if anything, probably more whiny and annoying), dont think i've reflected enough on myself, nor thought about stuff. while last time i would actively participate in philo discussions on abortion and ethical issues etc, now i can barely bother to think about them. it's like, my life is so consumed by content subjects and various other stuff that... personally i'm not developing.



at least in rg, with osl, i felt like i had some other purpose in life, apart from doing well for eyas. to watch out for my juniors, help them along, and do stuff that's not related to academics. but now, i feel like my entire existence is just hinged on doing well for A levels. or perhaps, for now, promos.




i was just blog-surfing (even though i know i shouldnt, cos i havent finished my work), and realising, yet again, how different all our lives are. how different we all are. and i wondered, what's life?
according to answers.com, life is
1. a. The property or quality that distinguishes living organisms from dead organisms and inanimate matter, manifested in functions such as metabolism, growth, reproduction, and response to stimuli or adaptation to the environment originating from within the organism.
b. The characteristic state or condition of a living organism.
2. Living organisms considered as a group: plant life; marine life.
3. A living being, especially a person: an earthquake that claimed hundreds of lives.
4. The physical, mental, and spiritual experiences that constitute existence: the artistic life of a writer.
5. a. The interval of time between birth and death: She led a good, long life.
b. The interval of time between one's birth and the present: has had hay fever all his life.
c. A particular segment of one's life: my adolescent life.
d. The period from an occurrence until death: elected for life; paralyzed for life.
e. Slang. A sentence of imprisonment lasting till death.
6. The time for which something exists or functions: the useful life of a car.
7. A spiritual state regarded as a transcending of corporeal death.
8. An account of a person's life; a biography.
9. Human existence, relationships, or activity in general: real life; everyday life.
10. a. A manner of living: led a hard life.
b. A specific, characteristic manner of existence. Used of inanimate objects: “Great institutions seem to have a life of their own, independent of those who run them” (New Republic).
c. The activities and interests of a particular area or realm: musical life in New York.
11. a. A source of vitality; an animating force: She's the life of the show.
b. Liveliness or vitality; animation: a face that is full of life.
12. a. Something that actually exists regarded as a subject for an artist: painted from life.
b. Actual environment or reality; nature



i'm too exhausted to continue this discussion, and there's still so much work to do, but only one day of "holiday" left. or perhaps it's just excuses. but in any case, you get to decide what you want to do with your life. to do something that you want to do, but know you should not? or to just not do anything you know you should not?






back to rg teacher's day celebs. couldnt talk much to teachers, cos there was highlights meeting. next time perhaps.
but for the rest of the afternoon, i just spent a lot of time with shaina, nair, juan, soff, doing nothing but talking.





i realise, for the most of term 3, i'm just very glad i've got my friends around. and i would gladly forsake some tutorial time, just to chat with them.




countdown: 30 days to promos. we can do this(:

Sunday, August 30, 2009

lots more tutorials/worksheets/assignments to do, plus pw stuff. and econs mock promo to study for. over the next two days.


and yes, i conclude that when stress levels go up, my tolerance level goes down. and i get annoyed. which is why i should increase my tolerance levels.


but it's just beyond me to say mean things to a person straight in the face.. at least i dont think i've ever done that..



and when things get tough, pause for a while and think about the bigger purpose in life.


The Reason - Hoobastank

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why I need you to hear

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You [x4]

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
and the reason is you



God bless and take care(:

Friday, August 28, 2009

it's louise's bday today (: and i rmb last year i posted unglam photos of her :P shant do that this year, cos i havent really been taking many photos this year, of people and stuff. and it would just be a repeat. but yeapp happy birthday my dear girl(: hope you had an awesome birthday :D



impromptu-ly when to get her present with lifang yesterday after chem remedial. and going to ps was an eye-opening experience hahah. been such a long time since i went there. or since i went out, in the first place. and i havent talked to lifang in such a long time, i had forgotten how whiny/weird she is :P



and watching teacher's day celeb today just kept reminding me of rg. and like everyone says, jc is really different from sec sch.





time to finish tutorials and start revising :/ i'm sooo not looking forward to after promos though. it's like, now we're just pushing everything to "after promos" that i'm quite worried for what will happen when promos end. everything will just come crashing down i guess. :/

Thursday, August 27, 2009

finally a breather. when i come home and not need to rush out tutorials.


limited time, unlimited things to do.



Chek Jawa on sunday was awesome. even though i didnt see much (no sea stars/peacock anemone etc, mostly seagrass, carpet anemone and crabs) but there was an awesome sunrise, and i just like the fact that i could spend some time with nature. even though the time could have been used on finishing work (which in actual fact would never have happened, seeing as i spend my sunday mornings sleeping), it was good to go out and breathe fresh air and recharge (: which is why we need more nature places in singapore, and people should take care of the environment.


and the past few days was just a flurry of coming home late and doing tutorials.



but i'm starting to get worried over the fact that i havent started revising. on one hand, i'm glad the long weekend's here, but i know the "holiday" is just an excuse to give us more work and make us study more.




but watching the op smile video today, reminded me that there's more to life than just yourself and studies. though i suppose before you want to help others, better make sure you yourself are in a position to talk about it.




in any case, it's the start of the mugging season. just dont burn out (:

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

class cip yesterday made me wish i could re-live primary school.

but it also made me wonder, what will happen after cip ends. after having made friends with the kids, and then just walking out of their lives (probably forever) when it's time for us to study for our As, how would they feel?

reminds me of all the past cip which involved interacting with kids, and making friends with them. and then, you never see them again. i wonder if it'll make them feel... cheated? or would they just not remember us anyway.



next few days are just gonna be a rush for deadlines (like jc life never was that in the first place).


sighs, i wish i could just be worried about psle oral tomorrow instead. but "time, is a real and constant motion always, rolling us along." (I Hope You Dance, Lee Ann Womack) and like what Mr Chan (the current bio lecturer) said, "you have a choice, to do something or not. and you pay for the consequence, whether you choose to do something, or not to." he was talking about gene regulation (i think). but i thought it is quite apt.


and the quotation marks come from too much aq writing, essay writing, report writing. when you have to substantiate almost every thing.





and a chinese song that's quite old. if 1997 can be considered a long time ago (i was 5). provided a somewhat literal translation (where i understand it).

朋友 - 周華健
Friends - Emil Chau

這些年 一個人 風也過 雨也走
all these years. one person. wind also over. rain also left.

有過淚 有過錯 還記得堅持什麼
there was tears? there were faults. still remember what you persevered for.

真愛過 才會懂 會寂寞 會回首
real love over. then you know. will get lonely. will look back.

終有夢 終有你 在心中
in the end? got dreams. in the end got you. in my heart.

朋友 一生一起走 那些日子 不再有
friends. walk together for life. all those times. will never have again.

一句話 一輩子 一生情 一杯酒
one sentence. one lifetime. one lifetime of feelings (or life situation, according to google translate). one cup of wine.

朋友 不曾孤單過 一聲朋友 你會懂
friends. will not be lonely. one call for friends?. you will understand.

還有傷 還有痛 還要走 還有我
still got injuries. still got pain. still need to walk. still have me.




quite an emo song, but i like it(:



and get well soon soff! 7 days mc is just unfair :(

Saturday, August 15, 2009

while i'm stuck here doing tutorials, assignments, readings, pw etc, my bro and his friend will happily be in thailand/cambodia for the next 3 weeks, backpacking and enjoying their last month or so of freedom before ns. life's unfair.


so i asked my mom, if i could go backpacking with my friends when i'm 20. and she said "all girls, cannot lah." and so my bro suggested getting a bf. and my dad said no too.



hence i conclude that gender inequality is steeped in the fact that there are anatomical differences that no one can change. gender inequality is here to stay, and there's nothing anyone can do about it.




i am taking far too long to do math. there's not enough time in the day to finish all the tutorials i need to do. but then again, some people manage to achieve this feat, so i dont have any excuses.

Friday, August 14, 2009

i think i cannot have long weekends. cos everytime after i go back to school from a long weekend, i feel thoroughly fed up with school, and get damn stressed and wonder why the hell i have to learn how to draw graphs/know that acid is a proton donor/other stuff that we have to know for A levels, when most of the adult population dont know them, and are still survivng fine.

and it takes me a while to acclimatize back to normal. cos for a period of time, i'll just.. not be myself.





went to church today, cos 15 Aug is a day of obligation, because it's the day of Mary's Assumption into heaven. when she got taken up to heaven, body and soul.

and during the sermon, the priest (who came from Manila, and is really funny) was talking about Mary and her role in church and stuff like that. and he mentioned something about prostitutes back in Phillipines and in Thailand and around the world, and it got me thinking.

about inequalities and inequity in the world. it's a bit like all the stuff we do for gp, that gets me so frustrated and wish that i could just not bother myself with it, since it doesnt really concern me. like all the gm debate about how it'll solve world food shortage when the poor dont get enough to eat. and like, little kids, girls, are forced into prostitution just cos they are poor. i mean, most of the people dont really care anyway, cos they're not affected by it. you live your own life, all you worry about is your kid's education, whether they're getting As, whether your stocks are rising or falling, whether you're getting that new clothes/gadget/whatever else. there are probably a lot of assumptions in what i said, but in any case, i really think most people cant be bothered about the poor in the world, and all the inequalities. (it's very economics, i know.)

but i dno, i dont know of a fast solution to all these world problems, but i just wish that they could be solved, cos it's just so wrong that a little girl has to be forced into prostitution, and that's the only kind of life they know.

while i am here, for the most part of my life, complaining about school life and how it sucks. oh man, the world is seriously unfair :(



but i suppose there has to be a reason why God made it this way. though in all honesty, it's more of man that did it. humans create a lot of the problems in this world.


and there's a lot more i can say about the problems that human create, and how it's annoying how we cant/dont want to solve them, or are trying to solve them to late. or not bothering at all. but i shall not attempt to talk about stuff that i probably dont understand fully, because it's beyond me.





what i can say though, is that some people on earth, just dont know when to shut up. the world is problematic, and it makes me miserable.




and this sounds naive and idealistic, but i wish the world could just be a happier place for all. and that there arent any evil people around, or people who create problems. and that everyone could just be happy and contented and not kill the environment.





and i wonder why, even though most educators know that life is not all about getting As in exams and acing all the tests, our lives still revolve around finishing tutorials and doing well for tests. and we feel horrible when we cannot achieve it. shouldnt the education system be about life, about the kind of person we should strive to be in life, about helping to make the world a better place (though i guess, in some ways you still have to do it through academic means, like wanting to be a doctor), about how to be a good person and lead a meaningful life?





since blogger allows me to upload photos now, i shall just end with a photo. too many thoughts, incoherently formed.


it's actually my current dp. super cute. kids make the world go round (:

Friday, August 07, 2009

ahh i missed soff's great debut yesterday, during the red parade :/ daddy didnt let me stay for the celebrations.


ah wells, playing ndp songs ytd during econs class reminded me of osl.

all the memories they bring back.

This Is Cambodia (by Shi Min and I, to the tune of Home)
Whenever I am feeling low, I look around me, and I know,
This is a place that will stay within me,
Wherever I may choose to go.
I will always recall the rice fields, and all the ano. Cows
Look at the blue sky and wonder why,
There are so many stars.

Chorus:
This is Cambodia, where we know we must be,
Where the people are friendly,
No matter where you come from.
This is Sok Ann High, where we stayed in Takeo
We came here to teach and learn
For this our OSL

When there is cow poo on the floor, I look around and, I see more
There are many animals, so the place is beautiful
I will think of the cold mornings, and the warm afternoons,
Squat in the toilet with a torch light, brushing teeth in the fields.

Chorus



as time goes by, life just gets more complicated. you have more choices, and you have to make more decisions. and well, with every decision you make, as we have learnt in econs, there is an opportunity cost involved. and possibly regrets.



and this is.. 2008 Sec 1 Orientation song if i remember correctly.

I Hope You Dance - Lee Ann Womack
I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat
But always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed
I hope you still feel small
When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances
But they're worth taking
Lovin' might be a mistake
But it's worth making
Don't let some hell bent heart
Leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out
Reconsider
Give the heavens above
More than just a passing glance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
(Time is a real and constant motion always)
I hope you dance
(Rolling us along)
I hope you dance
(Tell me who)
I hope you dance
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
(Where those years have gone)

I hope you still feel small
When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
Dance
I hope you dance
I hope you dance
(Time is a real and constant motion always)
I hope you dance
(Rolling us along)
I hope you dance
(Tell me who)
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
I hope you dance
(Where those years have gone)

(Tell me who)
I hope you dance
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
(Where those years have gone)





enjoy the long weekend(: and take care (:

Wednesday, August 05, 2009

for the first time in 11 years of my schooling life, i actually went home halfway through the school day! least i dont recall ever having done this before. hmmm, took me a long time to flag a taxi, get to the doctor's, buy lunch and go home. but strangely enough, even though my temperature was apparently about 39degC plus, i wasnt feeling cold.

and the school system is :/ i went to the staff room, was told to go down to GO to get the blue slip, then went back up again to get them signed. then had to wait to pass a copy to amanda chin. and i had to lug my bag + file + laptop the whole time. utterly miserable process :(


hmm, but i've been sleeping early recently anw, so i have no idea why. ah wells. still have to do pw/hw.


and i hate blogger. all the editing buttons/uploading photo options are seriously not appearing. maybe i should move to wordpress...

Saturday, August 01, 2009

climbing at dairy farm today was quite fun (: kinda wasted the whole morning though. but after i reached home, spent lots of time on math. quite glad, think i understand functions and graphing techniques now (: a bit slow yes, but wells, at least i managed to understand it in the end.


only pfftt chem T.T haha it's only now that i realise how possible it is, to be more or less awake in every single lecture, take down notes while the lecturer's talking, but still NOT understand a single thing about kinetics.



long day tmr :/


looking forward to nat day hols (though i'm still very torn between spending time going out, or dutifully studying for promos) and sept hols.



and i saw a sun skink, a monitor lizard, and an escaped parrot/parakeet/some pet bird at dairy farm today (: the bird's really cute! shall upload photos when i finally can.. blogger.. still doesnt give me that option, strangely. and someone brought his pet dogs, so there was a golden retriever and another dog whose breed i cant really identify. and it was really quite nice, that big patch of grass, the trees, the wall... and abseiling was fun too(: