In brief...

I'm a Nature-lover, aspiring conservationist, and wannabe traveller in search of outdoor adventure.
My interests vary from conservation to education to heritage to Nature (biodiversity & wildlife) to outdoor activities to life in general.
They occupy most of my waking moment.
Do read my blogs, follow me on Twitter (@jocelynesze) and friend me on Facebook (subject to my discretion). Visit my Nature blog, Nature Rambles, at

UPDATE 2 Apr 2017 - This site is no longer maintained, please visit if you're interested in more recent writing.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

from hot tropical sun to sub zero temperatures, from tees and shorts to 3 layers of clothes, beanies, gloves and scarf.

but i love the feeling of whizzing down the slope :D :D it's like the wind-in-your-face feeling when you're cycling or on the boat. only the wind's really really cold. but i'm proud to say i went up really really high today. like it took us (my cousin, older bro and i) one hour plus to get down. including falling down and resting time :P cos it was so freaking steep. we decided to take that chair lift only cos the other one we meant to take was closed.

am so glad the chalet (that my extended family comprising my aunt and her two kids, my parents, brothers and i, and another cousin are staying in) has free wifi xD

quite funny too. cos you can totally see everyone (the kids) on facebook every night. everyone except my brothers.

gonna try snow boarding tomorrow hehe.

my mom and i and the evil snowman that the both of us plus my younger bro and dad built at the back of our chalet.

Saturday, December 25, 2010

barely back, and i'm heading off again. this time to freezing cold Hokkaido.

and when i come back, it'll no longer be 2010.

this past year flew past really fast, and so many things happened. from orientation for j1s, to h3 report and presentation, to season, to field trips, to endless studying and more studying and the final A levels and everything else in between.

not reminiscing much cos well, i dont want to go back to all that studying, and i've just been rushing from one place to another, rushing from doing one thing to another that i barely have time to sit back and really really reflect. in any case i think i've already somewhat accepted it. no more going back to school.

i just need to clear all the rj stuff from my room and tables and pack them into neat boxes and hide them somewhere.

and perhaps, i wont see some people again, but i guess i'll still see some others. we cant all stay status quo i guess. and already, things are changing.

when i come back, it'll be a whole new year, i'll have to find something to occupy my time with, and hopefully there'll still be time to meet up with some people. before everything changes. or maybe i'm too paranoid. maybe nothing's gonna change. in a sense.

hope yall had a great 2010, and well, till next year then.

and one last thing. Merry Christmas and have a Happy New Year (:

Friday, December 24, 2010

sitting in front of my laptop, trying to do uni apps, i realise i really miss krabi.

woke up today and dawdled around in bed, refusing to get up. something i havent been able to do the past 10 days. and the room is empty, the house is empty. all silence. apart from the little kids screaming outside my house.

it was really an awesome, carefree 10 days. carefree in the sense that i didnt worry about uni, or about jobs, or about anything. only perhaps that our cuts would get infected, that someone would eat something wrong and get diarrhea, or that equipment would get missing, or that the resort would charge us extra for squeezing in too many people.

but now you're back in singapore and everything comes back. though only for a while, cos i'm a very fortunate girl. just need to grit my teeth and do it, and in two days' time it'll be over.

on an entirely unrelated note, i celebrate christmas, but i dont really do christmas gifts and cards. i hope i show my care and concern for people in more ways other than gifts and cards during certain occasions, not to say that people who give gifts and cards are insincere about them. maybe i'm just finding excuses to not go through all the trouble :/

and i'm just blogging to delay having to deal with uni apps.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

backk from krabi! was an awesome trip, learnt new words and had great fun. company was great and the past 10 days passed too fast.

a lot of firsts; dont judge me because of them.

but no, i didnt drink excessively, nor ingested things that i shouldnt.

it's quite funny, how different groups may perceive me differently. ah wells.

not gonna ramble on a day-to-day account of what happened; too much to say, and well i dont see the need to publish to the world.

tired much, but there's US uni apps to settle T.T 2 days to chiong it out else i'll be giving US a miss altogether. not that i really mind but mom is insistent.

life from now on is gonna get really really different. for once i see nothing in the year ahead. a blank slate, for me to fill in. no school. dont know what i'm gonna do.

trust in Him that all is gonna work out fine(:

it's just kinda sad to know that change is inevitable, and time just moves on relentlessly.

Monday, December 13, 2010

have had a packed week. not that i am complaining much.
mostly outings and gatherings, to see people one last time in this year. hopefully will keep in touch(:

not very coherent now. it's been a long day.

i wonder, why is death usually taken to be a sad thing? not that i'm happy when someone dies; i'm just wondering. for the sake of questioning and inquiry and whatever. are we mourning the loss of someone who was very awesome in life, an asset that is now "lost"? or are we sad for the family of the deceased, that they now have to get by with one family member short? or?
but what if the person had been in a lot of pain and suffering for a long time before death, death is in fact, some sort of liberation, should not death then bring more relief than sorrow?

and besides, as Christians, we believe that death is not the end of life; it merely brings you to the next stage, where you receive eternal life. or something along those lines. we believe in life after death, going to heaven, free from pain and suffering, welcomed into God's arms. after all, is that not the whole point of Christianity? to be saved from hell, and to receive eternal life.

i think the most fundamental difference between all religions, is not how to treat other fellow humans. i think all religion tell their followers to be good people, do good works, help others and be nice. but the difference comes in what comes after death. maybe that's why Christianity appeals to people, cos it gives the assurance that hey, life after death is better. we'll be with God, in heaven, rested and in peace. it makes death, perhaps not more appealing, but at least not something to fear. as compared to, i'm not too sure bout this, but buddhism or taoism? or some other Chinese belief, in the 18 levels of hell or something. like, after death, there'll just be more suffering.

and it's reassuring, not just to people looking at imminent death, but also the living relatives. prayer and hymns and all, they all make one feel better.

i'm really sleepy now, and i wont be here again till, 23 dec maybe. take care friends (:

Tuesday, December 07, 2010

mainly, i'm here cos i cant sleep. not that i dont want to - i really want to - but i really cant. maybe cos there are so many things to do, maybe cos there are so many things to think about.

many many things, my brain cant hold all of them.

but anw, i realise i wish i could go back to the night before, and take more photos. missed taking some photos, and i just wish that i took those photos. with people who had been in my life the past 6 years, or 2.
dont know why i somewhat regret not taking; after all, i cant quite say for sure that we would still be in touch after this. taking a photo with someone is no promise that we'll keep in touch, but it seems to mean that hey we are still friends and we will be friends (forever?).

it's gonna be a pretty packed schedule for the one last week left in singapore, but i guess maybe hopefully, we'll still have time next year.

i think i'm really gonna miss school. not having a school to which i belong to now, is just weird. if that's not gramatically right, dont kill me. not gonna see most of the people again. no more lessons and homework suits me fine, but i think it's just quite sad that well. i'm not gonna be seeing/meeting/saying hi/smiling to most people again. probably not, at least.

ah wells. life goes on i guess.

Monday, December 06, 2010

so many things happened between the last post and now.
1. As ended. no more bcmegp again. i dont want to think about As anymore, cos the more i think about it, the more i think i'll get all Bs.
2. watched harry potter. not very nice. never really liked hp movies. but well it's more for the company (:
3. SATs. whatever it's over. dont really want to go us anw.
4. rmbr open house. spent half the day before SATs at RMBR (raffles museum of biodiversity research) and well was quite fun i guess. filled with little kids but yeah. quite cool.
5. dinner the night before SATs till nearly 10pm. really starting to treat exams rather flippantly but well glad wont have much exams for a long time. company was fun and well, looking forward to krabi already (:
6. seagrass monitoring at semakau. the day before gradnight. didnt explore the shore much but just being out there was awesome enough (:
7. and between the 2nd last paper and today, shopping for gradnight. dedications to the following people:
sihui, thanks for going shopping with me, from centrepoint to far east to dhoby exchange/plaza sing to city square mall the first day, then tampines (comprising tampines one, tampines mall and century square) and bugis on the third day, then tampines again today(: you're really awesome.
soff and roy, for going with me to ion and wisma, even though the dresses you pointed out werent all that awesome but you guys are (:
shaina and liangsi, for going with me to 313@somerset, taka, far east, then all the way to tampines, and for liangsi, to bugis as well. esp shaina, since you werent going for gradnight anw. thanks for being awesome people(:

really haha i'm as picky about dresses as i am about food, and you guys are just simply amazing to be willing to go around with me looking for a dress to wear for one night. i actually got two dresses. one in bugis out of desperation, and the other in tampines the morning of gradnight.

and the 8th and last event is obviously gradnight itself. food wasnt awesome but well. might have had more fun at cyrene with seagrasses, but it wasnt too bad. seeing most of the people for the last time i guess, quite a funny feeling really. like you know you're prob never gonna see that person again, and you take a photo, then what? but i guess with facebook and stuff now, even if you dont see the person around personally again, more or less will still keep in touch. maybe.

was quite sad, towards the end. that everything in jc is finally over, whether good or bad. not belonging to any school now is weird. and perhaps more practically, it means no more student concessions, ie no more cheap bus/train fare.

no photos, cos my compact ran out of batt and i forgot to take my kor's camera out of the car, but photos will be up on facebook so wells. and cos i promised to advertise, if anyone wants to know, i did my hair and make up (along with sihui siling and liangsi) at The Hair Secrets at eastpoint (simei). if you need to do whatever it is for whatever reason, can go check it out. quite a neat place. took 13 pins to keep my hair in place, if anyone cares. and i gave up wearing heels at the end and walked down the flight of stairs barefooted. heels are retarded. hopefully in the future i'll need to wear them only about maybe twice a year. and i went about the whole night with contacts in only one eye. haha but no matter what, this time was definitely better than the last.

and actually what i really want to know is, who on earth put my name down. if you know, please tell me thank you very much!

tired out, cos i woke up early in the morning after dreaming that i missed my bus stop. but make up removal is in my parents' room and they're asleep so. maybe i'll just wake up looking like someone punched my eyes.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

the commercial by cold storage got me hooked on Sound of Music again. but i'm horrified by how they can call dancing potato chip cans "my favourite things" cos like, isnt there some hpb ban against advertising unhealthy food?
anw SOM is honestly the most awesome musical? or whatever you classify it under i've ever watched. the music is awesome.

and i got hooked on narnia too. the movies are very nicely done i think. at least The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe, as well as Prince Caspian are. havent read the books but it's so cool seriously. from the start of As to the end i spent my weekends watching narnia and shrek. something about those movies draw me to them. might be the talking animals, the forest or just the whole fairy-tale thing. maybe i'd like to believe that such wonderful places exist. i'm quite an escapist. it's a bit like how harry potter books were to me when i was younger. but then you know, age 11 came and passed and like, i didnt get a letter from hogwarts so wells. i moved on (to raffles).

maybe that's why i really want to go uk. more than us at least. and esp a suburban uni. cos maybe i'll be able to find a spare room with a cupboard that would bring me to some spectacular fantasy land :) the possibility of it happening is higher than hogwarts existing at least.

and maybe a bit pedo to say this but the kids in SOM and narnia are so cute. gretl and lucy. i always wonder what's it like to be a child actor in films like narnia and harry potter. like you actually kinda get to live out that fantasy life. must be a really cool experience.
and those two films are set in war time. i wonder why.

anyway, more realistically speaking, if i didnt like the outdoors and nature so much, i think i might study neurology. i really think the brain is so fascinating. how we can see things in our mind's eye, how we form thoughts and stuff. if you think the brain is fascinating, check out these articles

our brains are just mind-boggling.

and this has been quite a fluffy post. ah wells. As are ending soon (:

Saturday, November 27, 2010

really bored, but not from lack of things to do.

US uni application is really tedious. so many essays/things to fill in T.T not even that keen on US. confuses the hell out of me, the websites and program/degree/courses etc. if i get accepted into a US uni, i wouldnt even know what i'd be doing there, cos i really dont get the system. UK uni application is so much easier. and i think my chances of getting into my UK unis of choice are higher.

plus still need to study for SATs and go through all the bother. really, why would people want to go US :/ they make it so inconvenient.

overnighting at the airport with soff was fun. miss spending time with her (: and then lifang joined us in the morning to send off rgs osl cambodia + project fab. haha and i was surprisingly still quite lucid. and we started questioning again. or maybe it was just me.

watching them file through customs and stuff brings back memories. i miss osl. i miss cambodia. the toilets and showering facilities, the cooking and washing up, the facils, the walks to meakea, the discussions. i miss the place.

but the thing is, i dont exactly miss the lessons, per se. and, isnt that more or less why we went to cambodia? to teach and serve the local community? it's not that i hated teaching and stuff; i enjoyed it and it was fun and well, interesting. dont quite know how much we actually taught them that would have been useful in real life, but well.

i dont quite know anymore. maybe i'm thinking too much, and i shouldnt think too much cos by doing that, it takes the meaning out of service? i dont know, really.

i suppose for now, we should just do what we can.

on a lighter note, gradnight is really a pain argh. thank goodness it's the last one (and that's really mainly the reason why i'm going). i was not made for shopping. whatever company i join in the future, will not have d&d.

and it's coming! so close (: the date i'm most looking forward to now is 14 dec, cos by then, uni apps and all other stuff will be over and out of my mind! :) :) but from now till then it'll be :/ :/

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

i realise i'm actually somewhat shy and inhibited. i'm an extrovert but also an introvert. outspoken, but also reserved. friendly but dao. outgoing but shy. maybe you disagree.

i would air my views if i want/need to. i would talk to strangers, sometimes even randomly. i will talk a lot and a lot of rubbish and try to break the ice and stuff if i need to. or if i'm high. but i dont like crowds and strangers. when i walk in a crowd i tend to not notice anyone. i dont like walking in a crowd, i'd rather choose a more deserted way if i could. put me with a bunch of strangers and chances are i may not open my mouth at all. not unless i'm supposed to. or if i have to.

and i realise, i tend to get high if everyone else isnt high. and if everyone else is high, i tend to not be high. usually.

coming to rj, never really needed to make completely new friends, in the sense that at least i already have friends from rg. but moving on to uni, i'll probably have no friends there and need to make new ones. or be a really lonely person. i wonder if i'll be able to make friends.

and like 2 years in rj is coming to a close. only have one last day where i need to wear the sch u. but right now, i'm not feeling any nostalgia. the past two years, i've had experiences that i would never have gotten in rg.

maybe i'll get nostalgic soon. like maybe during gradnight. which is a bit of a pain really. so much trouble. but then again, prob the last time in my life, might as well make the most of it.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

yay. the nightmare that is As are almost almost almost over. and then it starts all over again when we get back our results T.T

finally got to climb again. and go out. and stay up really late doing everything but studying and not feeling too bad about it.

there's still bio paper 1 and SAT 1, but well. a lil' break wont hurt. i hope.

i highly doubt i can get my As now. but nevermind. i trust and hope that. there'll be something for me anyway.

cant wait for 14 dec. cos it'll mean As are really over, SATs are over, and uni apps are over.

Friday, November 19, 2010

i think i must be the only person who didnt realise that the first qn was really a macro qn. it didnt even occur to me that it was testing macro stuff until everyone said it D:

ah wells the end is near. and the end = next tue, cos bio mcq doesnt count. i'm not gonna wait till bio mcq to start doing other things again, there isnt enough time!

and it's nice to know that, as crappy as my prelim grades were, nus and ntu would still like me to join them, and same for mfa and mha and whatever other ministries/companies. makes me feel slightly better. like at least the govt still wants me.

while studying for econs, i realised something.

i dont ever want to say that my biggest failure in life was to not have achieved straight As. true, As are important, but if my biggest failure in life was to not get straight As, then i think there's something really wrong with my priorities. remind me if i say that come feb/mar next year.

and i realised many other things too. because i lack the concentration to focus solely on econs, as worried as i was about it.

the most worthwhile jobs do not require straight As. or perhaps even good grades. i suppose the definition of "worthwhile job" differs from individual to individual, but well. i know that at least for me, the jobs that would give me satisfaction and happiness would not require straight As.

and i wonder, what's the point of an education, if it doesnt go back into helping to solve problems (like poverty which is the basis of lot of other problems like human trafficking and env issues and i dunno what else that exists but i'm sure there are)? isnt that the point of education? and of course to run the economy and all that stuff.

and while studying for econs, i realise that econs acknowledges that economic growth harms the environment, causes negative externalities and all that. but for all that talk, it still encourages economic growth at the expense of the environment anyway.

i still think about my dream job and wonder if i'll ever reach there. ah wells there are lots of alternatives anyway.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

the chem paper-setting department of cambridge hasnt been in a very good mood this year.

i really dont know what to expect come feb/mar next year.

been watching way too much tv (shrek 2 and 3! and narnia) maybe.

but i think no matter how important As are to us now, family and friends (and of course God) are still the most important, and should always be. time spent with them, is worth the time not spent studying. the opportunity cost of not studying for As may be high, but i think the benefits of spending time with family and friends far outweighs whatever cost there may be.

what if you chose to stay at home and study, and not go to your grandma/grandpa/aunty/uncle/whoever's house for family gatherings and what not. and because life is unpredictable, something happened. i think the regret would last forever. far longer than not getting straight As for a levels.

and i believe, God loves us very much and would not let us fail As, just because we spent time talking/laughing/eating with people we love. trust in Him, in His plan for us. no matter what grades i get, what uni i get into, what job i get, it's all in His hands. He knows what's best.

in any case, just 2 weeks more. or even less, for some. all the best, before we graduate from the system. and wander off into the depths of the unknown ahead.

Chances - Five for Fighting
Chances are when said and done
Who'll be the lucky ones
Who make it all the way?
Though you say I could be your answer
Nothing lasts forever
No matter how it feels today

Chances are we´ll find a new equation
Chances roll away from me
Chances are all they hope to be

Don't get me wrong I'd never say never
Cause though love can change the weather
No act of God can pull me away from you

I´m just a realistic man
A bottle filled with shells and sand
Afraid to love beyond what I can lose when it comes to you
And though I see us through yeah

Chances are we´ll find two destinations
Chances roll away from me
Still chances are more than expectations
The possibilities
Over me
Eight to five, two to one
Lay your money on the sun
until you crash what have you done?
Is there a better bet than love?
What you are is what you breathe
You gotta cry before you sing

Chances chances

Chances lost are hopes torn up pages
Maybe this time
Chances are we´ll be the combination
Chances come and carry me
Chances are waiting to be taken
And I can see
Chances are the fascination
Chances won't escape from me
Chances are only what we make them
And all I need

Friday, November 12, 2010

i want to go to Patagonia once in my life! it's a super cool place. south america, located in argentina and chile. the photos are simply awesomee. taken from Nat Geo.

dont they make you wish you were there already? :/

yayyy half of A levels is done. cambridge is ridiculously mean. 6 papers in 4 days, and the next 6 papers in 3 weeks. and out of those 6 papers, 3 papers are in 2 days.

super annoyed with my chem paper :/ for not studying things that came out. everyone said it was hard, but on top of it being a difficult paper, i didnt manage to do some pretty standard questions, and that makes it all the worse. hai. need to mentally prepare myself :(

gp was okay enough, thankfully not killer-standard kinda tough, but pfft essay qn on environment didnt come out >:( wasted all my time reading up on and writing out environ stuff. ended up doing a qn that i havent touched since like, start of j1. and since everyone though gp was okay, i really hope i didnt screw up my papers :/

bio was pretty okay too, thankfully managed to spot a few topics but it makes the bell curve scary. either way, whether the paper was okay or not, you dont really know what to expect for results.

and math paper 1 had some hard questions, really thought paper 2 was gonna be damn hard, but hai. ah wells on the very very bright side, no more math and gp forever! :) maybe some stats, but no more calculus, vectors, complex (and annoying imaginary numbers) etc etc.
and no more having to read newspapers and try my best to remember everything i read.

i feel like going for a run, havent exercised in like, a million years. but inertia and all is making me lazy.

hope econs and the rest of bio and chem will be okay. cambridge is totally playing with our minds, giving a damn tough chem paper 3 then relatively okay bio p2 gp and math, when you're expecting them to be tough. ahh.
but i think As is much better than prelims, at least i'm not having nightmares about some subj or other every night (though i dreamt about negative externalities last night) and i still can fall asleep relatively easily (: in fact i'm dreaming about completely unrelated things. like going to wales on a solo trip immediately the day after As end.

looking forward to the end of As, but not so much to having to deal with uni applications and everything :/

King Of Anything - Sarah Bareilles

Oh (oh oh oh)
Oh (oh oh oh)
Oh (oh oh oh)
Oh (oh oh oh)

Keep drinkin' coffee
Stare me down across the table
While I look outside

So many things I'd say if only I were able
But I just keep quiet
And count the cars that pass by

You've got opinions, man
We're all entitled to 'em
But I never asked

So let me thank you for time
And try to not waste any more of mine
Get out of here fast

I hate to break it to you babe
But I'm not drowning
There's no one here to save

Who cares if you disagree
You are not me
Who made you king of anything
So you dare tell me who to be
Who died
And made you king of anything

Oh (oh oh oh)
Oh (oh oh oh)
Oh (oh oh oh)
Oh (oh oh oh)

You sound so innocent
All full of good intent
You swear you know best

But you expect me to
Jump up on board with you
Ride off into your dellusional sunset

I'm not the one who's lost
With no direction oh
But you won't ever see

You're so busy makin' maps
With my name on them in all caps
You got the talkin' down just not the listening

And who cares if you disagree
You are not me
Who made you king of anything
So you dare tell me who to be
Who died
And made you king of anything

All my life
I've tried
To make everybody happy while I
Just hurt
And hide
Waitin' for someone to tell me it's my turn
To decide

Oh (oh oh oh)
Oh (oh oh oh)
Oh (oh oh oh)
Oh (oh oh oh)

Who cares if you disagree
You are not me
Who made you king of anything
So you dare tell me who to be
Who died
And made you king of anything

Who cares if you disagree
You are not me
Who made you king of anything
So you dare tell me who to be
Who died
And made you king of anything

Let me hold your crown, babe

Sunday, November 07, 2010

As are cominggg. for sanity's sake, i wont repeat the annoying jingle here.

i keep alternating between stressing and panicking cos i dont feel prepared enough (the more practices i do, the less confidence i have :/), and between assuring myself and telling myself to trust in God's plan for me, whatever grades i have. i'm sure He'll have some plan for me, whatever grades i'll get, whatever uni i'll get into, whatever career i do. i'll be fine, i know.

but wells. the stress is still there :/ stomachaches and diarrhoea doesnt help :(

andddd the tv. is a major distraction i know understand. the documentary, Great Migrations, is starting todayyyy.

trust and have faith.

Wednesday, November 03, 2010

while most people spent the significant 'one week left to As!' studying hard, i spent it sleeping.

hope i didnt get any lasting brain damage. else i'll be very sad, after all the studying :(

and i wonder, how are you supposed to take capsules? are you supposed to put the whole thing into your mouth, plastic and all? or are you supposed to open the capsule and and pour the thing in your mouth? i just did the latter, cos i didnt think i could swallow the whole capsule.

bleh now it's less than one week to As. scary but exciting too. i honestly could never imagine myself crossing this barrier in life. didnt have much foresight. and i suppose, it is really better to just stay on top of studies and keep it as a top priority all through the different things you do in these two years of jc. though my mugger club never worked out, but i think i kept that drive, and even though i never really excelled as much in my studies as i would have liked to, but at least it wasnt that bad. so in other words, better to aim for the moon and land among the stars. to the graduating batch of rg students, if anyone even comes here, i hope you enjoy the next few months and when you go to rj, try and do something different, but always do your work consistently. rj is different from rg in so many ways, from the teaching styles to the people around and how they behave to the place and the workload. but at the end of it all, i suppose it was a great experience all the same, and you get so used to it that i can hardly think of exactly how rg is different from rj now (apart from the fact that rj has boys). but then again, i scarcely spend time thinking about that now anyway.

and i got a new pair of specs! okay a bit of consumerism there but hey, a back up pair is always good. oh no sounds like a slippery slope argument. but wells, point is, it makes me feel smarter(: hopefully it'll help me think critically and write cogent, evaluative and insightful essays/aqs. and perhaps see clearer so i will read everything on the exam paper from cover to cover and not make any silly mistakes, like copying wrongly.

on an unrelated note, i always get annoyed by that advertisement in the papers that says "exams are just a game! is your child winning?" because it makes it seem as though exams are just there for the sake of being there and that if you're not "winning" which i interpret as getting As, you need tuition and tuition will definitely help. as though handling exams were just a matter of getting tuition or not. i dont know what rubbish i just said, but bottomline is that that advertisement just annoys me. i think tuition is making kids think less, learn less. it's like just cramming notes and "cheatsheets" for kids to memorise and regurgitate during exams. and "evaluative" comments could easily be fed to them to score during exams. but there is no tuition for worklife in the future, nor for tertiary education (not that i can think of), or for life in general. i think the most important thing i learnt from As, was how to study and plan my time and stuff like that. skills that tuition teachers cant teach you. not really anyway. but okay, i suppose there is something to be said about tuition centres, tuition is probably not all that bad as i make it out to be. some tuition centres probably try to teach students how to think, or something like that. it's a necessary evil maybe. just like exams themselves.

kay i should blog less and study more. and stop treating As so flippantly :/ :/

i need to think more critically and evaluate the larger reasons behind certain trends/phenomena instead of being shallow!! :/

Saturday, October 30, 2010

this is bad, 10 days before A levels, and i'm watching more tv than i ever had the past 6 years of my life.

watching stuff on conservation in madagascar, human trafficking in cambodia (which is most heart-rending and upsetting), and on threats to the ocean. and also Mythbusters (which is totally cool and i wonder how the hell they get jobs like that. though it is very destructive yes) and Top Gear (only because my brothers like it. though i do agree that the host is very witty and entertaining).

and i just fool myself into thinking that it's for gp. but it's a lie, haha i know i wont be able to remember anything enough to write them into my essay.

brothers are annoying because they choose the channel, usually happening to be something about borneo or madagascar or something on nature, and then they leave it on and do something else. like read their book or the newspaper. and i'm left sitting in front of the tv, watching it. when i'm supposed to be studying nooo.

i'm amazed by the number of similar shows there are out there. like Hooked, Monster Fish, River Monsters. all on fishing scary fish with sharp teeth or something along those lines. or Man Vs Wild, Survivorman, Man, Woman, Wild (or sth like that), Dual Survival. all on some human trying to survive in the wild, just with different variations (like bringing along a wife, or going with someone else who's totally different in approach and value system). and i'm sure there are a lot more out there, of which i'm unaware.

and i alternate between being very excited about a levels (it's a crime to feel that, i know) and being worried about it (esp gp!!! and econs. and bio chem math.) i just want all of it to be over!! i think it'll be hard for me to go back to the pre-prelims level of muggerness already. and i highly doubt i'll go on a hiatus, though everyone else is. kay i need more self control.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

spent almost the entire day at the Outdoor Education Conference at SOTA today.

i think really, i'm quite blessed and fortunate to have been able to participate in quite a few conferences/conventions/seminars over the past few years, whether as participant or faciliatator or some sort of speaker, whether it's on leadership or peer support or service learning or the environment or outdoor education. and for all this, i really must credit my school for the opportunities and teachers.

and maybe some might think it's a waste of time or really not worth it, that 12 days before THE A levels, we're still not spending our every breathing moment mugging. not that i'm fully prepared for As; i am quite scared for what may come, with everyone studying as hard as they are, afraid that i may screw up and forget something that i totally should have known. but still, OEC was a good experience (as always).

it's all quite inter-related. outdoor education, biodiversity, climbing, adventure and outdoor activities, experiential learning, nature, the environment. and getting to meet people in these fields, talking to them, it just reinforces the fact that there is more to life than all that we're doing now, or what most people are doing their entire lives.

it's quite interesting how people are impressed with what youths are doing/can do. how they are inspired by what we have done. because honestly i didnt expect such an overwhelmingly positive response. the book that we authored and published, i didnt think too much of it. i thought that perhaps it would just be left to languish on bookshelves of libraries, its ripped and torn pages handled by careless kids who read the book, but cant care less about the message behind it. and that it would soon be forgotten. or maybe it will be; it's too soon to say.
and people seem more interested by projects done by youths, more willing to listen. in any case, the affirmation is heartwarming. but i dont suppose anything could really diminish the importance of A levels.

i really dont know what i can do in the future, without getting good grades for As. i am not particularly eloquent or a good advocate, able to give a convincing speech about what i believe in, and i dont have much literary skills, nor artistic or photography skills. not to say that i think i'm untalented; God gave everyone a talent. i think i'm good at doing saigang(:

and i really dont know what i will do in the future. academia, or shaping the minds' of future generations, or outreach. i dont suppose they must totally be mutually exclusive. but well, i really dont know.

ah wells. better study hard first. just 12 days more.

no point stressing over things which we have no control over. study hard and hope for the best.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

just re-read Tuesdays with Morrie.
the times we live in today are so conflicted.

we say, the people today are increasingly narcissistic, self-absorbed, spoilt, uncaring, apathetic about world affairs. consumeristic, chasing material wealth and status and all that glitz.

yet fundamentally, even though cultures change and societies have evolved over time, we are still the same people. humans, who crave love and emotional comfort. perhaps we replaced emotions with materials. but fundamentally, we've remained the same. and to say that today's generation is uncaring and unfeeling would be an over-generalisation, cos there are still so many instances of inspiring people who live life the way i'd like to live.

why else would books like Tuesday with Morrie touch so many lives and be international book sell outs? or The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch have such a great impact on people worldwide who viewed that lecture millions of times on Youtube?

or maybe the people of today are divided into two camps. one who believe that life is more about living without regrets in a spiritual, emotional way, the other who believe that success is defined by the amount of material wealth you have, and chase that dream meaninglessly. or perhaps, the divide was always in existence, just that with the proliferation of the Internet and all other social factors, it's only now that we realise it.

i'd like to think that i belong to the first group. that i seek to live my life meaningfully by the relationships i have, the things i do, the values i believe in. that success is more about making the world better, than about earning more money. that happiness comes in little things that people say to each other, in seeing Nature's beauty unfold before your eyes.

to not be caught up in worldly affairs, scandals and gossips of people who dont know that you exist and who wouldnt really care if you died. to be aware of what's going on around the world - wars waged by people who lack understanding and mutual respect, the living conditions of those who are neglected and exploited for the satisfaction of wants of the rich, the habitat and biodiversity lost due to short-sighted and mindless ravaging by humans - i do not belittle the importance of international news. but yet i find so many things of this world unnecessary, whole industries created based on human wants. economically speaking it makes sense, yet i think somehow, most of these things are what destroys us spiritually speaking.

i dont know if i make sense; i am probably nowhere qualified to say such stuff, not when i'm only 18, yet to experience the "real world", not when i barely know what i'm talking about, not when i, for all my talk, still enjoy material comforts and have a relatively high carbon footprint.

i think the scary things is when people remain unaffected by people like Morrie Schwartz and Randy Pausch. over and over again, the same ideas are repeated, by people who are dying and people who have lived life to the fullest and die with little regret. they're all about loving others, not focusing so much on material wants, leading a happy, satisfied and contented life, and dying with the only regret being not being able to be with their children anymore. yet despite these reminders, the fact still remains that many of us, after jc and university, are probably gonna end up living life the way we probably did not want when we were younger, minds constantly filled with work and money used to purchase material goods that we do not need, our children ending up with no childhood, only endless tuitions and assessment books and worse, not knowing anything about Nature and what the natural world does for us.

or perhaps, because more people are owning cable tv and subscribing to channels that inform us of the greater world out there (and not of drama stories about non-existent people living wholly unrealistic lives), people will gain greater awareness of what life has to offer us, and live life more meaningfully.

if we can even stay on earth for that long. i dont believe that the world will end in 2012, but i wouldnt be surprised if it did. i saw an article in some old issue of nat geo, on how the earth would be like after humans. i think it's an article on the book written by Alan Weisman a few years ago, titled The World Without Us. it's quite an interesting read, the article, and an excerpt i read from the book. the thought that plastics would survive us millions of years after the extinction of the human race, and how plastics are going to enter our food chain. it just makes me wonder, what on earth were those scientists thinking about when they created all those synthetic materials. no surprises that they probably didnt think about what would happen in the long run, as myopic as humans are, and in any case, we probably hail them as some kind of god for creating plastics. can you imagine a life without plastic?

on a completely unrelated note, i lament my lack of writing skills. hai. gp is doomed. so hard to find words to phrase my thoughts succinctly. gonna need to work so hard to just try to get that A for gp, and the possibility of not getting it is just so high.

Pictures Of You - The Last Goodnight

This is the clock upon the wall
This is the story of us all
This is the first sound of a newborn child,
Before he starts to crawl
This is the war that's never won
This is a soldier and his gun
This is the mother waiting by the phone,
Praying for her son

Pictures of you, pictures of me
Hung upon your wall for the world to see
Pictures of you, pictures of me
Remind us all of what we used to be

There is a drug that cures it all
Blocked by the governmental wall
We are the scientists inside the lab,
Just waiting for the call
This earthquake weather has got me shaking inside
I'm high up and dry

Pictures of you, pictures of me
Hung upon your wall for the world to see
Pictures of you, pictures of me
Remind us all of what we used to be

Confess to me, every secret moment
Every stolen promise you believed
Confess to me, all that lies between us
All that lies between you and me

We are the boxers in the ring
We are the bells that never sing
There is a title we can't win no matter
How hard we might swing

Pictures of you, pictures of me
Hung upon your wall for the world to see
Pictures of you, pictures of me
Remind us all of what we could have been
Pictures of you, pictures of me
Hung upon your wall for the world to see
Pictures of you, pictures of me
Remind us all of what we could have been

Friday, October 15, 2010

farewell assembly was today. half felt like ponning, but glad i didnt, and in any case i wouldnt have. i have never ponned school.

so we've "officially" graduated from this school, from this community. and though we've just been in rj (or technically ri) for 2 years, we've been in raffles for 6 years. and really, though there are times when i dont say hi, seeing familiar faces around school have been quite reassuring and comforting. probably something i've been taking for granted these few years. though there is something nice about going to places and feeling completely anonymous and invisible.

award presentation was. not completely boring. watching familiar faces go up on stage to receive awards, multiple awards at times. there's that sense of pride that there are others, friends who managed to achieve so much in the same few years. and i just wonder what will happen from henceforth.
and like what the goh said today (i think he made a really nice speech though haha i think he was quite nervous. justifiably so.) awards really arent what you remember when you look back 5, 10 years down the road. i cant remember much else about what he said, just remembered him naming a lot of his batchmates and what they were doing at the moment. but well, about not fitting into stereotypes. i dont know. i think i know what i want, and i hope i'll be able to achieve what i want, without going an extraordinarily long way. and i hope that 10 years down the road, i'll be able to look back and reflect on my life and know that i've had some accomplishments. that i've achieved success. or perhaps, 10 years is too early to tell.

anyway, halfway after getting bored of studying, i decided to take a walk around school. all those feelings of nostalgia started coming in. revisiting memories, things that took place at certain locations in the school, shared experiences and almost-forgotten memories.

graduating from rj, it's really bitter sweet (to borrow the words of someone). in part, i cant wait to leave. the education system, the endless mugging and stressful environment (when everyone around you is carrying prelim papers and being so focused), and well, there are some things that i could do without. but there's also a slight reluctance. but i believe... that next year i'd be happier, i'd have more fun and a more interesting life. and that's gonna keep me going(:

but i think what's most important, is to leave with no regrets. i tread quite a different path in rj, from what i did in rg. took a chance, between what was familiar and what wasn't. i look at my friends, and i think, i could have gone down that path. it would have been very different. but i really dont regret my life in rj. i think i did the best i could in most of what i was in, and i tried to enjoy as much of rj as possible. i whined and complained and moaned, but i was also retarded and hyper and random. maybe less so than in rg, but i think well. the whole raffles experience has been quite awesome, for me at least. maybe some would think i'm super pc and whatever, but that's just the way i am.

i wish i decided to repair my specs today instead of yesterday. hai. i didnt even manage to watch the farewell videos properly.

perhaps one thing that i regret, is that. things could have turned out better. i see what others have, and i wonder why i do not have it as well? or perhaps, i've been the one excluding myself all along. maybe i could have done more; maybe i couldn't. in any case, it's too late to do anything about it anymore. towards the end, i think i tried my best.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

the start of the dreaded exams creeps closer. i guess now is the most crucial time. just a few weeks more, then it'll start and there's nothing we can do about it. i believe in God's will, that if He wants me to get As, i will (and naturally i believe that He wants me to do well), so it's kinda like whatever happens in the next two months, it's already "fixed". in a sense. not that i'll stop studying, but well it's kinda reassuring. to study as much as i can and just leave it in His hands.

now's the time we try to perfect our skills and content knowledge, or try to reach a satisfactory standard. and i guess we're all stressed. i dont think i'm consciously stressed, but maybe subconsciously. if that makes sense.

anyway to everyone who's been tolerating my nonsense, thanks (: this period of life is gonna be over soon and well, whatever that lies ahead is gonna be more fun and interesting! i hope.

The Riddle - Five for Fighting
There was a man back in '95
Whose heart ran out of summers
But before he died, I asked him

Wait, what's the sense in life
Come over me, Come over me

He said,

Son why you got to sing that tune
Catch a Dylan song or some eclipse of the moon
Let an angel swing and make you swoon
Then you will see... You will see

Then he said,

Here's a riddle for you
Find the Answer
There's a reason for the world
You and I...

Picked up my kid from school today

Did you learn anything cause in the world today
You can't live in a castle far away
Now talk to me, come talk to me

He said,

Dad I'm big but we're smaller than small
In the scheme of things, well we're nothing at all
Still every mother's child sings a lonely song
So play with me, come play with me

And Hey Dad
Here's a riddle for you
Find the Answer
There's a reason for the world
You and I...

I said,

Son for all I've told you
When you get right down to the
Reason for the world...
Who am I?

There are secrets that we still have left to find
There have been mysteries from the beginning of time
There are answers we're not wise enough to see

He said... You looking for a clue I Love You free...

The batter swings and the summer flies
As I look into my angel's eyes
A song plays on while the moon is hiding over me
Something comes over me

I guess we're big and I guess we're small
If you think about it man you know we got it all
Cause we're all we got on this bouncing ball
And I love you free
I love you freely

Here's a riddle for you
Find the Answer
There's a reason for the world
You and I...

brief spells of brainlessness have been hitting me again. my bro stole my brain and refuses to return it to me.

Saturday, October 09, 2010

i'm glad SAT II is over, after haunting me for the past two weeks. i actually dreamt of it last night. dreamt i was late for the exam. but anyways, i'm glad it wasnt prelims, else i'd be utterly demoralised.

havent really been studying much and i'm feeling quite guilty about it, but the inertia has half settled in and i'm really finding it so much harder to study now. to start studying again.
especially since i think i studied hard for prelims, yet still didnt manage to do as well as i expected due to carelessness and brainlessness. it makes me wonder if there's really any point in studying harder. ah wells. just the last 30 days or so, better not waste the hard work of the last two (ten actually) years of my life.

school has kinda ended. in any case not gonna have classes like tutorials anymore. i dont know, usually when it's farewell of some sort, it's usually pretty sad and you wonder if you'll see each other ever again. but maybe because it's near the As/SATs and everyone is busy studying and in any case, you'll still stay in touch with people whom you're close to, i guess. last day of school doesn't seem like a big deal.

but i keep wondering, if we'll keep in touch. if facebook and msn will help us keep in touch. if we'll still be talking, or still be good friends. i wonder what we'll be like 5, 10 years down the road. or perhaps just 1 year on. which unis we'll be going to. what career. then getting married. then having kids. or maybe not.
if we'll ever fulfill our dreams. if we'll lead exciting, interesting, fulfilling lives. if we'll make a difference in other peoples' lives. positive differences. if we'll ever be successful.

or maybe, i should stop wondering, and start studying.

i think i am very fortunate to have a very awesome family. and especially retarded younger brother. i suspect there is an allele that codes for retardedness. and another that codes for sanity. and they're incompletely dominant. and while my parents and my older bro and i are heterozygous, my younger bro has both retarded alleles. but he makes my day(: usually.

Friday, October 01, 2010

prelims have been bad, sad and disappointing so far. made way too many careless mistakes, and everyone says it's okay cos you know you wont make those mistakes again during As. but that's not very reassuring, to me at least. if i can make them during prelims, why not during As?

but wells, in any case i'm thankful they arent any worse. and i'm sure God has His plans for me. should trust in Him and just do my best. maybe there's a higher reason why i got the (disappointing) grades i got.

like maybe i'm meant to do outdoor ed in australia instead of conservation bio in uk/us/somewhere. or maybe i'm supposed to take a gap year instead of applying this year. or maybe it's just to keep me on my toes and not get complacent so i will really get my As for As.

now is a very sad period. cos it's just studying day in day out. it's very horrible, because when i study in the day, i dream of studying (some subject) at night. and when i dont study in the day, i cant sleep at night.

i think actually maybe i need to study less. and go out and play a bit more. might just help. cos i was never this careless/brainless before. might be a side effect from all that studying. as ironic as it sounds.

but i think, in rj, people judge by grades. somewhat. ah wells i should stop moaning about grades right. not when other people in the world have much more pressing things to think about.

i shall think about happier times. like during the two-day break. a very smart someone called si hui was happily mixing the salad (the ready made kind you get from cold storage, where all you do is pour in the sauces and shake the bag), and she tipped it upside down so the vege stuck to the bottom can mix as well, when everything just poured out. and we were having a picnic at dairy farm, so it provided much entertainment(:

i like hanging upside down from a tree branch. or any bar.

oh and my pet caterpillar hatched while i was not at home >:( okay that's not technically correct but yes. the lime butterfly emerged and flew away while i was eating lunch at manna cafe. hai.

Same Mistake - James Blunt
Saw the world turning in my sheets and once again I cannot sleep.
Walk out the door and up the street; look at the stars beneath my feet.
Remember rights that I did wrong, so here I go.

Hello, hello. There is no place I cannot go.
My mind is muddy but my heart is heavy. Does it show?
I lose the track that loses me, so here I go.

And so I sent some men to fight, and one came back at dead of night.
Said he'd seen my enemy. Said he looked just like me,
So I set out to cut myself and here I go.

I'm not calling for a second chance,
I'm screaming at the top of my voice.
Give me reason but don't give me choice.
'Cause I'll just make the same mistake again.

And maybe someday we will meet, and maybe talk and not just speak.
Don't buy the promises 'cause, there are no promises I keep.
And my reflection troubles me, so here I go.

I'm not calling for a second chance,
I'm screaming at the top of my voice.
Give me reason but don't give me choice.
'Cause I'll just make the same mistake,
I'm not calling for a second chance,
I'm screaming at the top of my voice.
Give me reason but don't give me choice.
'Cause I'll just make the same mistake again.

Saw the world turning in my sheets and once again I cannot sleep.
Walk out the door and up the street; look at the stars.
Look at the stars fall down.
And wonder where did I go wrong.

yeah i'd really rather wish they dont give me a choice (of econs essay questions to do) cos i might just make the same mistake again. and then wonder where did i go wrong (cos we wont get them back the next time).

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

had an awesome break, good to be outdoors again. didnt do much, slacked mostly but well had fun (: at orchard, dairy farm (snake!) and botanic gardens(: grass and sun and sweat and not much wind, picnic and dirty hands, spiders, birds, clouds. tree climbing(:

back to reality tomorrow. harsh reality. straight in your face.

Monday, September 27, 2010

it's the end of prelims (like finally), but not the end of everything. last two papers were hard, but well not as bad as econs and gp and all the others.

went out with classmates to eat lunch, watch movie, e
at yami, walk around taka. nice to walk around and not feel guilty for wasting time.

but the end of prelims signifies something more. it's the start of mugging for the actual As (which sound scary but i dunno. kinda numb to it already). and all the things that i've been pushing back to "after prelims", i've gotta start doing them.
like personal statements and unis to go to and studying for sats and everything.

but well there's more time to relax i guess. or perhaps i shouldnt, might just lose momentum.

and somehow, i cant fall asleep. i'm tired, physically and mentally (i dont wanna do another chem paper one) but my brain just wont shut down. and it's annoying, cos i need my sleep.
so now i'm out, lying on the hammock in the balcony.

the nearer it gets to the As, the more thoughts i have, more things running through my mind. things that i want to do after As, else imagining what i'll be doing one year from now; 10 years from now; 20 years from now. there are so many things i'd like to do. but i dont know if i can do all of them. which would i choose ultimately?

everytime i start thinking too much, i tell myself to just trust in God's plan. for He surely has already laid out plans for what i am to do. but still, i cant help wondering.

ah wells. this post has been extremely self-centred. :/

Thursday, September 23, 2010

the bulk of prelims is over; only 2 paper ones left (:

the more i think about it, the more i think i'm gonna do badly for gp and econs T.T ah wells. just hope As will be much better.

there's still so much to do despite prelims being over. uni apps, personal statements and essays, studying for SATs and As. it's like you're really reaching the point in life where the road ahead is still free for you to mark out and it's kinda foggy out there, you cant really see where it's leading to.

all the people whom i've been seeing around school for the past 5/6 years, even though i dont really say hi/dont really know them, but still, at the end of this stretch, chances are i wont see most people around anymore.

well there are always choices that take you down familiar paths and you'll see familiar faces. or you could "take the path less trodden" and just see where it leads you to. i suppose i could always study econs or accounting or something like that, join a bank, and lead a life like my mom's. which materially is comfortable enough, but would i be happy with it? i dont suppose so. i dont really like the corporate world, and i dont feel like i'd be helping anyone.

i think whatever i do, i've gotta be happy doing it. but i think it probably wont be very financially rewarding, which i guess doesnt really matter to me, but i suppose i feel quite :/ for my (future) kids in that they may not get to enjoy what i had in my childhood. but wells we'll never know right, things in the future.

all these dreams we have, i wonder if we'll ever achieve them. how many will end up doing something we never saw ourselves doing at this point in time? in any case, i hope we all end up happy. happy, satisfied and contented. i am looking forward to reunions already, in the future, just to see how much we've all changed. after all, right now at this point in time, there's nothing interesting to talk about. we're all studying our heads off for As. but just one year down the road, when most of us are in unis and the rest in the jungles, i guess there'd be more to talk about.

i really wonder what i'll be doing 10 years down the road. if i've lived out my aspirations. if i'm married o.O if i'll still be in close contact with the people i am in close contact with now. i suppose only time will tell.

Where Is The Love - Black Eyed Peas
What's wrong with the world, mama
People livin' like they ain't got no mamas
I think the whole world addicted to the drama
Only attracted to things that'll bring you trauma
Overseas, yeah, we try to stop terrorism
But we still got terrorists here livin'
In the USA, the big CIA
The Bloods and The Crips and the KKK
But if you only have love for your own race
Then you only leave space to discriminate
And to discriminate only generates hate
And when you hate then you're bound to get irate, yeah
Madness is what you demonstrate
And that's exactly how anger works and operates
Man, you gotta have love just to set it straight
Take control of your mind and meditate
Let your soul gravitate to the love, y'all, y'all

People killin', people dyin'
Children hurt and you hear them cryin'
Can you practice what you preach
And would you turn the other cheek

Father, Father, Father help us
Send some guidance from above
'Cause people got me, got me questionin'
Where is the love (Love)

Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love
The love, the love

It just ain't the same, always unchanged
New days are strange, is the world insane
If love and peace is so strong
Why are there pieces of love that don't belong
Nations droppin' bombs
Chemical gasses fillin' lungs of little ones
With ongoin' sufferin' as the youth die young
So ask yourself is the lovin' really gone
So I could ask myself really what is goin' wrong
In this world that we livin' in people keep on givin'
Makin' wrong decisions, only visions of them dividends
Not respectin' each other, deny thy brother
A war is goin' on but the reason's undercover
The truth is kept secret, it's swept under the rug
If you never know truth then you never know love
Where's the love, y'all, come on (I don't know)
Where's the truth, y'all, come on (I don't know)
Where's the love, y'all

People killin', people dyin'
Children hurt and you hear them cryin'
Can you practice what you preach
And would you turn the other cheek

Father, Father, Father help us
Send some guidance from above
'Cause people got me, got me questionin'
Where is the love (Love)

Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love, the love, the love?

I feel the weight of the world on my shoulder
As I'm gettin' older, y'all, people gets colder
Most of us only care about money makin'
Selfishness got us followin' our wrong direction
Wrong information always shown by the media
Negative images is the main criteria
Infecting the young minds faster than bacteria
Kids wanna act like what they see in the cinema
Yo', whatever happened to the values of humanity
Whatever happened to the fairness in equality
Instead of spreading love we're spreading animosity
Lack of understanding, leading lives away from unity
That's the reason why sometimes I'm feelin' under
That's the reason why sometimes I'm feelin' down
There's no wonder why sometimes I'm feelin' under
Gotta keep my faith alive till love is found
Now ask yourself

Where is the love?
Where is the love?
Where is the love?
Where is the love?

Father, Father, Father help us
Send some guidance from above
'Cause people got me, got me questionin'
Where is the love?

Sing wit me y'all:
One world, one world (We only got)
One world, one world (That's all we got)
One world, one world
And something's wrong wit it (Yeah)
Something's wrong wit it (Yeah)
Something's wrong wit the wo-wo-world, yeah
We only got
(One world, one world)
That's all we got
(One world, one world)

Saturday, September 18, 2010

i feel like some hermit really, i never knew it was possible for me to stay off the comp for so long. to not have to go online at least once a day to check mail or anything. but wells i actually managed it and didnt feel any need at all to use the computer. amazing what exams can do to a person.

i feel completely shut out from the rest of the world's happening. rather, i have a better idea of what's going on in the rest of the world cos i read the newspaper daily now, but i have no idea what's going on in other people's lives. cos of the lack of facebook/blogs. feel so removed from "reality". like studying is just the norm now, that people going out to play is just o.O and when i see sec 4s complaining about studying for eyas on facebook i'm just -.-

and my ability to express myself effectively in words is waning, as can be seen from the previous sentence. studying teaches you to write sentences and phrases that the teachers want, and it's not good for me cos my vocab just dwindles from whatever little i previously had.

all the papers so far have been completely crappy, personally i think i've done my worst. made the stupidest kinds of mistakes, like substituting wrong values or not being able to see the link between (i) and (ii) or keying the wrong equation into the GC, or best, for econs, not being able to read the question properly and choosing all the questions which i dont know how to answer. and if stupid mistakes like that can happen now, during prelims, they may just happen again for As :/

and the worst thing of this whole period is there is no escape. during the day, i study. the whole day, everyday. almost. and you'd think that sleep would be a good escape from all the rubbish i try to stuff into my brain during the day, but no, acads haunt me in my dreams as well. and i wake up feeling as though i've not rested my brain. pfft.

the end is taking too long to come.

i need to run climb jump and feel the wind in my face.

Wednesday, September 08, 2010


If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream---and not make dreams your master;
If you can think---and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same:.
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build'em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings,
And never breathe a word about your loss:
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings---nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And---which is more---you'll be a Man, my son!

Rudyard Kipling

if only all the people in the world could live by the same (or broadly similar) values and ideals, such that there was no need for war. and all the people be compassionate enough to want to work together to eliminate world poverty, and feel for the earth enough to want to commit to protecting the environment and conserving Nature.

if only singapore wasnt a british colony (we might not have to do As). but yes at least we get a good education.

Saturday, September 04, 2010

life is boring when all you do is study. okay fine so there's a choice between studying bio, chem, math, econs or gp. but it's still awfully boring. not to mention sleep-inducing.

and i cant imagine how can people survive if they've been studying hard since like pri sch. or even pre sch. i only started studying proper in jc, and already i'm so tired and sick of it, and it's not even been two years! how do people study like that since p1 D:

the school has not been very kind with respect to the papers we've taken so far. i just hope it improves over time. the night before econs, i dreamt of AC-pricing and MC-pricing D: the horror.

Holiday - Boys Like Girls
When I was younger I used to be wild
As wild as an elephant's child
No one could hold me down
No one could keep me around
Now it's your turn, take a shot
Baby show me everything that you got
Maybe you can keep me alive
Maybe you can get in my mind
But it's only a matter of time

Before I run far away
I need to take a holiday
Maybe it's a fall from grace
I gotta find a new place
A holiday
I'll set off on a new chase
I gotta see a new face
I need to take a holiday

My father, he was always wise
As wise as an elephant's eyes
He couldn't hold me down
He couldn't keep me around
So are you gonna take your shot?
It's the only one that you got
Maybe I'll go out on a limb
Maybe I'll jump in for a swim
When the lights go dim

You know I'll run far away
I need to take a holiday
Maybe it's a fall from grace
I gotta find a new place
A holiday
I'll set off on a new chase
I gotta see a new face
I need to take a holiday
(Need to take a holiday)

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa

A new start
I've broken too many hearts
And I don't have any clue where to go
I don't know
But maybe I'll be back someday after my holiday

When I was younger I used to be wild
As wild as an elephant's child
And I don't think I'll ever change
I think I'm gonna stay the same

I'll run far away
I need to take a holiday (need to take a holiday)
Maybe it's a fall from grace
I gotta find a new place
A holiday
I'll set off on a new chase (set off on a new chase)
I gotta see a new face
I need to take a holiday

A new start
I've broken too many hearts
And I don't have any clue where to go
I don't know
But maybe I'll be back someday after my holiday

All of the wasted time
The hours that were left behind
The answers that we'll never find
They don't mean a thing tonight

i need a holiday. and yay my mommy is planning one! :) she is very amusing. she shows me pictures of Japan and says that it's really much better (than Korea, the alternative) cos it's natural. and i dont say anything but i wonder, how are you supposed to tell that the place is "natural" from a photo? it's like that video on terrorism that is shown on the green line, where the lady describes the suspicious-looking bag as heavy, when she hasnt held it.

omg exactly 3 months more before liberation!

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

what's the use of getting an A for gp if it's not gonna make a difference to anyone in the world? and does it mean that if i dont get a pass in GP i'm gonna be a failure and wont be able to help anyone? just cos i'm superficial and uncritical and probably overly accepting of everything that is told to me?

the world is a cruel place. reality sucks, and reading about poverty in places around the world hurts. all the poverty and inequity. how the rich nations get richer and the poor nations get poorer.

like how the world bank and imf try to help the poorer nations achieve economic growth and stuff, through the free market. privatising national assets and removing trade barriers and stuff like. things that may work in the countries which are major contributors to the two organisations. but it doesnt always work. they may try to help (or maybe they arent..) but they just end up exacerbating the problem. the people in those developing countries lose jobs and dont get access to basic necessities and sanitary conditions and everything. maybe it's because of ineffective and corrupt governments, who dont care about their impoverished citizens, or maybe it's just because the terms and conditions for loaning money to those countries are ridiculous and do not address the problems.

and the worst thing is you cant really do anything about it. cant help, dont know how to help. dont know what to do. so many problems, so many issues. there's no panacea to the world's problems.

the world is such a tragic place. i think the reason why most people dont usually think so is because they're not really on the receiving end? i dont know, but mostly, problems are forgotten by majority of the people who dont have to worry about it. and i'm no exception. like i may be so torn up by it now, but after gp is over, when i study for my other subjects or whatever, then it just gets put out of my head. and most people dont bother thinking about it unless they have to - like a disaster strikes or something. after all, we live comfortable lives, our main grouses are having to study (as opposed to no education) or the squeeze on public transport (imagine the horror of it, as compared to having no public transport at all) or foreign immigrants stealing our jobs (when the subsidies given to producers in rich countries cause countless producers in developing countries to lose their only form of livelihood) or whatever other problems we may face in our lives. i dont know if i make sense, or if my opinion/argument/whatever can even hold water, but really.

and at the end of it all, i suppose much of this is just pointless meaningless griping since there's no action taken - just a whole lot of talk. and i could say, i wish i could help, do something about the poverty in the world, but i dont think there's anything i could do. but i suppose there are people out there who disagree, and believe that anyone and everyone can do something about it, if you will bother.

:/ i dont know. i'd like to do something, but i think i'd come across as nothing more than a hypocrite, since all i can do is bemoan the state of affairs in the world now and offer no tangible solution.

but i suppose God didnt put us all on this earth to try and think of a solution to the world's problems. i suppose if we could all do what we're good at to the best of our ability and try to make positive contributions whenever we can, it'd be good enough already? :/

or perhaps, the solution to all of humanity's problems, is just a natural disaster. like 2012. after all, all the volcanic eruptions and typhoons and floods and earthquakes and other disasters have been occurring more often in recent years. could be a sign...

meanwhile, there are still many things that make me smile.
i guess what's most important at the end of the day is just to never give up hope. cos through Him, anything is possible.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

was just listening to radio, when this song came up. reminds me of primary school. they used to teach it to us. but i asked my younger brother, and he never heard of that song!

i think the song is some govt propaganda thing for people to work harder. and happily.

Happy Workers

你可不要 小看了我
you better not look down on me
再大的事 我都能做
even bigger things, i also can do
你也应该 看一看我
you also should look at me
大家的事 大家来做
everyone's business, everyone come and do!

we are happy happy workers
slack slack live this life
today's work together do today
tomorrow will have rewards!

你可不要 小看了我
you better not look down on me
我的理想 比你更多
my dreams are more than yours
但我从来 空话不说
but i have never made empty talk
不去做梦 只努力去做
dont go and dream, just hardworking do it!

we are happy happy workers
slack slack live this life
today's work together do today
tomorrow will have rewards!

translation was literal. and obviously not in proper english.

hai somehow or other, between then and now, things have changed. now parents even make their students go for tuition to get into GEP! seriously that's so.. retarded. if dont go tuition then cannot get in, then dont get in lah. really, i think in part, everyone knows tuition should only be for students who are academically weak in that particular subject, but because of societal (or personal or parental) pressure to get straight As (or get into GEP), people just go for tuition even if they dont really need it anyway. and yeah, then what is school for? and our teachers in the school. maybe that's why nowadays people dont really seem all that enthu about teacher's day. cos maybe external tuition helps them more and so they dont really see a need to thank school teachers? :/ obviously this is just a generalisation and may not even be true, but yeah.

in any case i'm thankful for all my teachers, whether they teach/taught me in class or not. (: they really have made a difference in my life.

okay back to studying for prelims T.T