In brief...

I'm a Nature-lover, aspiring conservationist, and wannabe traveller in search of outdoor adventure.
My interests vary from conservation to education to heritage to Nature (biodiversity & wildlife) to outdoor activities to life in general.
They occupy most of my waking moment.
Do read my blogs, follow me on Twitter (@jocelynesze) and friend me on Facebook (subject to my discretion). Visit my Nature blog, Nature Rambles, at http://natureramble.wordpress.com.

UPDATE 2 Apr 2017 - This site is no longer maintained, please visit jocelynesze.wordpress.com if you're interested in more recent writing.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

glossing over a horrible day in school, i got high today. after a very long time. i cant even remember the last time i got high, even for a while.

watched How To Train Your Dragon with classmates, and it's a super nice show! ahh the dragon's so cute, looks a bit like stitch xD super cute seriously. then had b&j ice cream, and i cant believe nad, tucky and shu han never had b&j before! nad had to check very thoroughly whether b&j was halal first but well it passed her inspection. havent been high is a long time so wells (:





everything in life is so transient. life is transient. nothing is for certain. taking everything into perspective, i suppose there shouldn't be much that we should be upset over in our lives. it may seem the world to us now, like our lives' biggest problem, but just a few weeks later, perhaps, it may not even seem like it mattered much. but i suppose at that point in time, it seemed like the whole world hinged on it and you just get so consumed by it, you fail (or perhaps refuse to) see the big picture.







been reading Harvest for Hope: A Guide to Mindful Eating by Jane Goodall whenever i could spare some time, and whatever i've been reading is so disturbing seriously, i think sooner or later i might really go vegetarian. am already trying to cut down on my red meat intake. shall blog about the essence of the book one day, i think there's a lack of information about our food consumption, and as all econs students should know, we may consume these goods at a higher level than what is socially desirable, due to a lack of information. demerit goods whose consumption leads to negative externalities and hence a divergence between marginal private cost and marginal social cost. and so on so forth.


in any case, we are consuming more than what is sustainable, and the governments/regulatory bodies/everyone is not helping by encouraging consumption so that we can continue experiencing economic growth (which is presumably good for us, but i think in the long term, will be very bad. cos we have finite resources.)





so many things, but then again, maybe nothing.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

cts and the long break have ended. today and the past 2 days actually felt more like a holiday and more.. worthwhile? then the whole mar hols. definitely more relaxing in any case. so much so that i almost thought that next week was week 1 of term 2.


feeling rather refreshed and charged up after this break. climbing at dairy farm, team seagrass intro session at botanic gardens, then seagrass monitoring at chek jawa. (:


shall study harder this term.


and all the best to people in team and having season!

Friday, March 26, 2010

as we grow older, we lose our childhood. we get so absorbed with doing school work, going for various commitments and meetings and trainings, going out with friends and socialising and being very busy, that that's all we think about.


so i spent half an hour on the swing today. it's a very therapeutic and stress-relieving activity.

i shall aim to swing half an hour on the swing each week.




and i realise, i actually like being alone at times. i dont mind being alone, it gives me time to process thoughts and think about stuff and de-stress and well, i just enjoy being without constant company.




and in a rush, we're all back to our usual busy routines.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

ct1 is nearly almost over. just one paper left, and thankfully it's an afternoon paper (meaning i can slack off a bit today). didnt dare take a nap yesterday cos there's too much to study for chem. but halfway through attempting to study, decided to give up and be prepared to fail. i cant imagine studying for a levels; i think i will really cry trying to.

watched just for laughs gags asia at night, over dinner. super funny, was super amused watching it. it's especially funny cos it was in singapore, and you wonder why people actually fall for the tricks. but the comic relief was good anyway.


math and chem were bad, math especially (considering it's supposed to be my best subject) but wells. it's over already. though not for long.



thought it was quite apt, in some way.
It's Not Over - Secondhand Serenade
My tears run down like razorblades
And no, I'm not the one to blame
It's you; or is it me?
And all the words we never say
Come out and now we're all ashamed
And there's no sense in playing games
When you've done all you can do

But now it's over, it's over, why is it over?
We had the chance to make it
Now it's over, it's over, it can't be over
I wish that I could take it back
But it's over

I lose myself in all these fights
I lose my sense of wrong and right
I cry, I cry
It's shaking from the pain that's in my head
I just wanna crawl into my bed
And throw away the life I led
But I won't let it die, but I won't let it die

But now it's over, it's over, why is it over?
We had the chance to make it
Now it's over, it's over, it can't be over
I wish that I could take it back

I'm falling apart, I'm falling apart
Don't say this won't last forever
You're breaking my heart, you're breaking my heart
Don't tell me that we will never be together
We could be, over and over
We could be, forever

I'm falling apart, I'm falling apart
Don't say this won't last forever
You're breaking my heart, you're breaking my heart
Don't tell me that we will never be together
We could be, over and over
We could be, forever

It's not over, it's not over, it's never over
Unless you let it take you
It's not over, it's not over, it's not over
Unless you let it break you
It's not over

Monday, March 22, 2010

exams really arent the end of the world. the world doesnt stop just cos you're having exams.

like how my parents and bros went to my grandma house last night for dinner, leaving me at home to study for econs. and like how my parents and bros went to catch a movie tonight, leaving me at home to prepare for math.

my home is more full than empty these few days. mainly cos i'm having exams (ie cannot go out), jon is having his e-learning week (which actually only comprises 2 measly days), kor for some reason or another hasn't gone back to camp, my mom's on mc, and my dad's usually home anyway. quite awesome really, almost everyone's present during mealtimes(:



3 days more. and after that, there's still ct2, prelims before the all-important A levels. cant wait for it to be over already.



and econs went as econs always goes. more of a speed-writing competition than anything. and they love to set it at northern hemisphere temperatures for some reason or another.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

in the middle of mar hols. or what moe considers to be mar hols, but is really just a study break.

place-based education seminar organised by riel has been quite interesting, one of the key note speakers said stuff that really made sense and i quite agreed with. i really do think that ecology/ecological literacy/environmental studies or something along those lines should be introduced into the formal curriculum. doesnt it make much more sense then say, nucleophilic substitution? it is applicable to everyone, not just people intending to be chemists or whatever, and it affects everyone. people should be more aware of the environment and of Nature around them, understand it and understand the human-Nature relationship. whether or not you care for the environment, you ought to KNOW about it first.




slacked off yesterday, didnt do much but went to climb. i'm glad to see that despite climbing only about once a week/fortnight, my standard still hasnt dropped (i think). probably havent improved much, but wells, i'm just hoping that i wont deteriorate much over the course of A levels.




was just thinking about my blog name, something worth leaving behind. in rg, when i was in osl and various cip things, i think it meant more. more large scale, more community based. but now in rj, i must say that i havent committed much time to cip or service learning. but i hope that doing something worth leaving behind hasnt been forgotten, and is something that i am still doing. on a smaller scale, more personal, perhaps. making an impact on people around me in a good way, (and i hope that i am) helping people.


i cant really help much in any way, but all i can say is if you want to talk, i'll be here to listen.




On Fire - Switchfoot
They tell you where you need to go
They tell you when you'll need to leave
They tell you what you need to know
They tell you who you need to be

But everything inside you knows
There's more than what you've heard
There's so much more than empty conversations
Filled with empty words

And you're on fire
When He's near you
You're on fire
When He speaks
You're on fire
Burning at these mysteries

Give me one more time around
Give me one more chance to see
Give me everything You are
Give me one more chance to be... (near You)

Cause everything inside me looks like
Everything I hate
You are the hope I have for change
You are the only chance I'll take

When I'm on fire
When You're near me
I'm on fire
When You speak
And I'm on fire
Burning at these mysteries
These mysteries...

I'm standing on the edge of me [x3]
I'm standing on the edge of everything I've never been before.
And i've been standing on the edge of me
Standing on the edge

And I'm on fire
When You're near me
I'm on fire
When You speak
(Yea) I'm on fire
Burning at these mysteries... these mysteries... these mysteries
Ah you're the mystery
You're the mystery




perhaps it's now, more than ever, that we need Him in our lives.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

dont know what to expect for CTs. probably wont do very well, hopefully can pass all subjects. cos even though yes i've been pretty much studying for the past two weeks, for the first two months of term one havent really been listening in class/keeping up with work like i used to.

but somehow no, everyone thinks i'm really mugger. hate pressure.



and as much as people think i'm really hardworking and all, i still cant seem to really concentrate and study hard. spending a lot of my time doing random stuff that i shouldnt be doing, not this close before cts anyway.






went to st johns yesterday afternoon. pretty cool, kinda miss the place but wells. went to the mangroves, which i've never been to before, and walked through the entire stretch of sandy shore. not much to see/find, but there are lots of palm-sized common sand stars on the sandy shore, and it's overcrowded with creeper snails it's quite scary. and lots of fiddler crabs too.





i think i am outspoken, yet reserved; friendly, yet dao; hardworking, yet slack. do i make sense?

Friday, March 12, 2010

dramafest was quite interesting, though some of the houses were pretty draggy :/ hh and mt were definitely the better ones xP



am quite amused that perhaps, my study club is actually gonna come true. before coming into rj (which was a very long time ago and really, so much has changed since then. dont talk much to some people whom i used to talk to and stuff.) i actually intended to become a mugger and set up a study club as an sig. it was a very amusing thought but it never worked out. mainly because after coming into rj, everyone just went their separate ways and everyone became busy and wells.

but now that a levels are 8 months away or so, people are starting to study again. ah wells, we'll see. term two is coming up and sports season and stuff like too.




and i am starting to wonder again, what is the purpose of this blog? perhaps it just serves as a source of distraction for me, and for others as well.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

you know what's worse than being stressed out (over acads, school work, performance at cca, relationships etc)? it's seeing your friends being stressed out and not being able to help them/doing anything about it, constructively.

not being in training, i've taken a step back from the "busy" side. it's like looking through a glass, and seeing your friends all still at the other side, fretting over performance at cca, injuries that might hinder their progress, worried about not being able to study/do well for cts (or some have somewhat given up already) and stressed out over whatever problems they have. and you just wish there is something that you can do for them, to help them.


if anything, i'm worried for my friends. :/ term two's gonna be, if possible, an even crazier term than term one.





so many things to do, so little time. as always.




Meant To Live - Switchfoot
Fumbling his confidence
And wondering why the world has passed him by
Hoping that he's bid for more than arguments
And failed attempts to fly, fly

[Chorus]
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside
Somewhere we live inside
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside

Dreaming about Providence
And whether mice or men have second tries
Maybe we've been livin with our eyes half open
Maybe we're bent and broken, broken

[Chorus]

We want more than this world's got to offer
We want more than this world's got to offer
We want more than the wars of our fathers
And everything inside screams for second life, yeah

We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live
We were meant to live

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

gp ct was much better than expected. perhaps because my expectations were already rock bottom. thank God for questions concerning the environment (:



think my posts are becoming increasingly inane. but then again, i dont have much to talk about, apart from lamenting at the futility of studying content that i am sure i would not require one year down the road.



maybe it is just me, but i think it's pretty amazing how shallow one can get after just two years in a "higher institute of learning".



and the singapore govt is really amazing. when population is shrinking, there are tv serials with characters extolling the benefits of having more kids; when it's ayg/yog, there are tv serials about sports competition and what not; and now that the IR is opening, there are tv serials admonishing the social ills associated with gambling.

i look forward to seeing a drama serial about the environment and how going green is not a luxury that only developed nations can afford.

Sunday, March 07, 2010

feeling much more reassured and considerably less stressed after today's homily. which was about love and sacrifice and putting others before self (if i remember correctly).



sometimes i think i just worry excessively/unnecessarily.





i find it somewhat interesting how i have a group of friends who are always busy with school, always staying back in school till late for school stuff. and another group of friends who are not. not busy with school stuff. and i wonder, so what group am i in?
it's like having friends who are high-fliers, well known. and friends who are not high profilers and not that well known (to the general school population).




ah wells. last week of school for term 1. not that it actually makes much of a difference now; everyday is just a day for studying.


life is so full of contradictions. i think a levels are pointless and whatever i learn now will be redundant in my future. and yet i know that if i fail my a levels my life is (effectively) screwed. the world is so complicated and fraught with problems. and yet in some ways it is also really simple.

Saturday, March 06, 2010

spent the entire day today studying org chem. woke up late, napped in the afternoon, had lunch and dinner, but all other time apart from that was spent in my room trying to figure out all the different reactions and reaction mechanisms and what-not about org chem.

and so i thought it was pretty okay. until i did a short quiz meant to be done during class yesterday (but class was cut short cos we needed to get back our h1 chi results). and so now i think i'm really screwed for chem. 2 weeks to the exam, and i cant still remember a single reaction or what goes with what to form what or the mechanisms involved or anything.

hate chem and the massive memorisation involved. arghh seriously. to be stressed out over chemistry, over something that i am 100% sure i will never look at again after a levels (who the hell cares about Sn1 or Sn2 nucleophilic substitutions), is just plain dumb. [okay that was just meant to be said in a fit of anger. i'm sure there are people who care about nucleophilic substitution.]



pfftt i still dont get the point of our education system, our a levels. most of what we learn wont be relevant to whatever we do in uni/with our lives, i'm sure.



cts are so close :/ :/ (but i'm glad i dont have much else to worry about. apart from the health and sanity of my friends.)

Friday, March 05, 2010

on further thought, what kind of relationship do you think friendships are? mutually beneficial, mutualistic? one-sided, commensal? or perhaps just parasitic?


i think for Lent this year, i'll just focus on one thing. others before self. which means patience, tolerance, forgiveness and love. everything that i ought to strive towards, as usual.




Gone - Switchfoot
She told him she'd rather fix her makeup
Than try to fix what's going on
But the problem keeps on calling
Even with the cellphone gone
She told him that she believes in living
Bigger than she's living now
But her world keeps spinning backwards
And upsidedown
Don't say so long in the cellphone
Don't spend today away
Cuz today will soon be

Gone, like yesterday is gone,
Like history is
Gone, just trying to prove me wrong
And pretend like your immortal

She said he said live like no tomorrow
Every day we borrow
Brings us one step closer to the edge (infinity)
Where your treasure, where's your hope
Forget the world and lose your soul
She pretends like she pretends like she's immortal
Don't say so long
Your not that far gone
This could be your big chance to makeup
Today till soon be

Gone, like yeterday is gone,
Like history is gone,
The world keeps spinning on,
Your going going gone,
Like summer break is gone,
Like saturday is gone
Just trying to prove me wrong
You pretend like your immortal your immortal

We are not infinite
We are not permanent
Nothing is immediate
We're so confident
In our accomplishments
Look at our decadence

Gone, like frank sinatra
Like elvis and his mom
Like al pichino's cash nothing lasts in this life
My highschool dreams are gone
My childhood sweets are gone
Life is a day that doesn't last for long

Life is more than money
Time was never money
Time was never cash,
Life is still more than girls
Life is more than hundred dollar bills
And oh the town fills
Life more than fame and rock and roll and thrills
All the riches of the kings
And up in wills we got information in the information age
But do we know what life is
Outside of our convenient lexus cages

She said he said live like no tomorrow
Every moment that we borrow
Brings us closer to the God who's not short of cash
Hey bono I'm glad you asked
Life is still worth living, life is still worth living
a level results collection is pretty nerve-wracking.

but i'm glad i did well for h1 chinese, didnt waste those 4 hours/week of chinese lessons last year (: congrats to everyone else who did well too!

not sure how i'll be this time next year, when we get our results for ALL the subjects. afraid of disappointments (perhaps because i always expect too much of myself).


i concede though, that i am a very fortunate and blessed child, being able to do decent in most stuff that i put my mind to. and almost always exceeding my expectations. which is kinda contradictory to what i said earlier about expecting too much of myself, and so probably doesnt make sense. but well, i somehow manage to expect too much from myself but yet exceed my (or perhaps it's others) expectations.





two weeks to CTs and i am really unprepared. dont quite know what to expect from it; probably nothing much. rather worried, for all the subjects. not been very good this term :/





how far would you go for a friend? sometimes i wonder if i'm just plain dumb.





and yes, i am feeling rather confused with lots of disjointed thoughts. as can be seen from this post. perhaps sleep is calling.






Only Hope - Switchfoot
There's a song that's inside of my soul
It's the one that I've tried to write
over and over again
I'm awake and in the infinite cold
But You sing to me over and over and
over again

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands
And pray to be only Yours
I pray to be only Yours
I know now You're my only hope

Sing to me of the song of the stars
Of Your galaxy dancing and laughing
and laughing again
When it feels like my dreams are so far
Sing to me of the plans that You have
for me over again

I give You my apathy
I'm giving You all of me
I want Your symphony
Singing in all that I am
At the top of my lungs I'm giving it back

Tuesday, March 02, 2010

feeling pretty much like much of my j1 life. revolving around bio stuffs, climbing and studying. not that i'm complaining much(:


random stuff from various websites.

"the introduction of meat into our ancestors' diet caused their brains to grow and their intelligence to increase.
"
"Our ancestors most probably dropped food in fire accidently. They would have

found it was delicious and that set us off on a whole new direction."


Professor Stephen Secor at the University of Alabama found that not only does cooked food release "more energy, but the body uses less energy in digesting it."
- http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/8543906.stm

"global business is driving rainforests to destruction in order to provide things for you and me to eat."
"Because of growing demand for beef, soy and palm oil, which are in much of what we consume, as well as timber and biofuels, rainforests are worth more cut down than standing up."
"thousands of square miles of rainforest natural capital is going up in smoke each year, often illegally, to provide pastureland for just one cow per hectare to supply beef hungry Brazilians or more prosperous mouths in China and India."

"Firstly, evolution is being changed forever. Most of us, sadly, can live with that.

Secondly, burning tropical forests drives global warming faster than the world's entire transport sector; there will be no solution to climate change without stopping deforestation.

Finally, losing forests may undermine food, energy and climate security. Yet saving them could, according to UN special adviser Pavan Sukhdev's forthcoming review on The Economics of Ecosystems and Biodiversity (TEEB), reduce environmental costs by $3-5 trillion per year."

"The effects are rippling all the way up the supply chain - well, to you and me again.

Consumers and businesses can play their part by demanding that their suppliers know where their "Forest Risk Commodities" come from. But will they?

Evidence from certification schemes shows that consumers care but not enough to get their wallets out."

"Conservation will never out-compete commerce with a global population rising toward nine billion.

Feeding and fuelling our growing world is one of the greatest opportunities of the 21st century, but sending natural capital up in smoke and squandering ecosystems that support wealth creation in the process will, ultimately, be counterproductive.

- http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/8516931.stm


so yes, while eating more meat may make you smarter, meat production (in particular, beef) is killing our earth. i am obviously more inclined towards the second article, but hey least i kinda gave a balanced argument. at least presented both sides, of sorts.


i will try to be more vegetarian. really.