In brief...

I'm a Nature-lover, aspiring conservationist, and wannabe traveller in search of outdoor adventure.
My interests vary from conservation to education to heritage to Nature (biodiversity & wildlife) to outdoor activities to life in general.
They occupy most of my waking moment.
Do read my blogs, follow me on Twitter (@jocelynesze) and friend me on Facebook (subject to my discretion). Visit my Nature blog, Nature Rambles, at http://natureramble.wordpress.com.

UPDATE 2 Apr 2017 - This site is no longer maintained, please visit jocelynesze.wordpress.com if you're interested in more recent writing.

Friday, July 30, 2010

hmm been a while since i last posted.

and it's mainly been
1) mommy and daddy in japan having lots of fun (and messaging every night to tell us about it).
2) listening to and getting influenced by liangsi's whining everyday in school about studies and work. and subsequently getting weird.
3) attempting and failing to study everyday.
4) trying not to feel to stressed out by everyone around me studying very very hard.



pretty boring. life is pretty boring now. nothing much to do except study. nothing to look forward to. until all the way after As, which is some many months later.






i think i was happier and weirder in rg, and yet also daoer (or less conscious of the fact that i naturally, by default, have a dao face). i was "high" more often but small things also get me depressed/upset more often.




hai wells. just a few more weeks to prelims. what if you study really hard and you do well for prelims and everyone expects you to do well for As but somehow, it just doesnt happen? what happens then.

Monday, July 19, 2010

with all the scholarship fairs, scholarship and university talks coming around, i guess now is the time when we start questioning our past 18 years of education.

we have all been studying towards this point in life, everyone converging towards A levels, then after that, exploding in all directions to study all kinds of courses. law, business, accounting, medicine, biomedical, engineering. and many more other courses.

and there are many who are not too sure of what to study in university, having been prescribed certain subjects to study all this while. and so now comes the headache of having to choose a course that we'd be able to do for at least 4 years, having to choose a university that's good not just academically but also in terms of culture. as well as fretting over whether our current grades are good enough to let us get into a decent university, let alone get a scholarship.


i was feeling pretty frustrated over the weekend cos of it, not knowing which uni is good for the courses i'm thinking of studying, whether i can still take my gap year, the applications for scholarships and unis and all that stuff. but my friend sent out this prayer, and i think it's really quite apt. whether or not you are christian, i believe it is still relevant.



Prayer of Discernment
Spirit of guidance, I see before me numerous choices and a decision to be made.

There is division in my heart. Sometimes I want none of what I find. Sometimes I want it all. Sometimes I want to give up making decisions and wish that the future would go away.

I entrust my decision-making into Your hands, ready to do my part but also knowing that I cannot do this without Your help.

Lead me through all the unsure, unclear, doubtful, hesitant, and questioning moments that are mine as I search to find the right way in which to go.

Grant me the grace to choose freely, without being attached to the outcome. I trust that You will be with me as I make my decision prayerfully and with faith.

Assure me that Your peace will rest deep within me as I make the decision that seems best for me at this time. I may continue to experience feelings of turmoil and confusion, but deep within I know that I can return to that settled place in me where You always dwell.

Guide and Director of my life, I place my life in Your hands. Lead me to the path that will best deepen and strengthen my relationship with You.

Joyce Rupp

Sunday, July 18, 2010

most of yesterday was spent outside (: away from civilisation and books.

wet dreary start to the day, with the heavy deluge. but made it to marina south pier and we set off to semakau to monitor seagrasses (albeit rather late).

there was a huge driftnet lying across our site, cutting across the 3 transects. and all sorts of fish and crabs were trapped in it. some had already died, but most were still alive, thrashing about once in a while. most were pretty weak, having spent most of their energy thrashing around and trying to free themselves (but only ended up getting tangled even more). it's really saddening. i was just standing there and feeling pretty helpless. you could free some of these animals and hope they survive the ordeal, you could cut up the net and bring it out to be disposed of properly, but somewhere out there elsewhere there are more driftnets killing yet more life.

we should really try to make this destructive method of fishing illegal. it traps fishes that the fishermen dont want (and they just leave it there to die), and when they dont want it anymore, they just leave the driftnet there to kill yet more marine creatures. not just fish and crabs, but sponges, corals and algae too. sighs.

but on the bright side, we managed to clear the net (along with a couple of live swimming crabs and fish :/ a small sacrifice compared to what it could potential kill i guess) so well (:



went over to sungei buloh with mr lim and his ra students in the late afternoon and yay it was a very awesome trip (:

highlight of the day!
Oriental Pied Hornbill! (Anthracoceros albirostris)

and i brushed up my mangroves knowledge too hehe. hopefully will be able to remember the mangrove plants (:






i really dont know what i want to/am going to do in the future. there are so many things i want to do. and i dont know if i can do it.

dont really want to think about all the uni applications, scholarship applications stuff now. or ever. but well we dont always get what we want.

Monday, July 12, 2010

Crash And Burn - Savage Garden

When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart
I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you
It's hard to find relief and people can be so cold
When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you can't take anymore

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone

When you feel all alone
And a loyal friend is hard to find
You're caught in a one way street
With the monsters in your head
When hopes and dreams are far away and
You feel like you can't face the day

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone

'Cause there has always been heartache and pain
And when it's over you'll breathe again
You'll breath again

When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please
To tame your wild wild heart

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone






of inadequacies and imperfections.




i realise that one really doesn't have much to complain about. for one, it is a sin. and for another, everyone else is going through the same thing. different problems and different circumstances maybe, but essentially the same issue.

time is always running on, faster than us.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

you know, it's just slightly more than a week after cts ended and we're back to studying again. it's tragic. and depressing. i feel like i barely stopped studying.


floorball farewell yesterday. wasn't a very sad affair, but i think i'll quite miss it, even though i havent exactly joined the sport for very long. i'll probably never play it again. but in any case, i'm kinda glad i joined floorball, albeit halfway through they year. gave me an experience that i wouldnt ever have experienced otherwise. and the people are nice and funny and fun to be around (:



was just sitting on the couch this morning thinking about what i'd do if i didnt get the grades i wanted for As next year. and i got scared. and so i guess, even though As still seem so far away (4 months T.T), i'm not gonna take chances. even though i still think that most of what we learn for As is useless and redundant and i'm gonna forget it by next year.





different expectations, different aspirations, different perspectives.


my photos may not be as nice as many others but awesome skies still make me catch my breath and wish that i could see the sunrise/sunset everyday, with pretty clouds and pretty colours streaked across the vast blue sky.

Sunday, July 04, 2010

after the brief reprieve from mugging for ct2, it's gonna be so hard to go back to school again.

the thought of the topics left to finish the syllabus, the tutorials to do, endless revision and studying, all over again, just makes me want to crawl under my blanket and sleep until everything is over. i have always been an escapist.


one day more. long road ahead. sighs.



was watching Money No Enough 2 last night on tv with my family. super sad :/ cried buckets cos of how they treated their mom. shuttling her from house to house, with her belongings in some laopok bag (not even a proper bag), making her sleep on the floor or even in the toilet! dumping her at an old folks' home, refusing to pay for her hospital fees and stuff. it's just so so sad. i hope it's just a movie and no one really treats their parents/grandparents like that. just like how all those sappy romance movies dont actually happen in real life.




ringers concert was awesome. everytime i go back to rg, all sorts of memories and emotions rush back.

i think rj made me very jaded. and i dont know, more self aware in some sense?


i miss ringers. i've forgotten the insane practices. memorising of score. all the actions and expressions and everything. timing. stress. but just watching the concert, i started thinking again. and i think i miss it. that wistful, nostalgic feeling associated with the past, of wanting to go back to how things were just a few years ago.


when my whole life just revolved around school, around ccas and related stuff. when i stressed over things that, now when i look back, dont seem to be worthy of the stress it caused. but at that point in time was my whole life.


and listening to deborah talk about how she stayed up late to finish concert presents (or sth like that)... no one ever does that anymore in rj. everything becomes impersonal and unfriendly. farewell is just. a gathering. chats about studies, about universities, about the vague and uncertain future. otherwise whining about a levels and how crappy everything is.




Boston - Augustana
In the light of the sun, is there anyone? Oh it has begun...
Oh dear you look so lost, eyes are red and tears are shed,
This world you must've crossed... you said...

You don't know me, you dont even care, oh yeah,
She said
You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains... oh yeah,

Essential yet appealed, carry all your thoughts across
An open field,
When flowers gaze at you... they're not the only ones who cry
When they see you
You said...

You don't know me, you dont even care, oh yeah,
She said
You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains... oh yeah,

She said I think I'll go to Boston...
I think I'll start a new life,
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name,
I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather,
I think I'll get a lover and fly him out to Spain...
I think I'll go to Boston,
I think that I'm just tired
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind...
I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset,
I hear it's nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice... oh yeah,

Boston... where no one knows my name... yeah
Where no one knows my name...
Where no one knows my name...
Yeah Boston...
Where no one knows my name.

Thursday, July 01, 2010

oh joy :) i feel liberated. first time in days, no weeks, that i dont feel a compelling need to study or feel guilty when i'm not studying.


feel so contented and at peace with the world now. shall slack for a few days more. cos after that it'll be back to reality and the hellish road to As :(


but okays yay for now slack (:





and got really nice french toast too. but somehow cant load. but wells :) those were more or less the highlights of my june hols. and issc too but didnt get many photos of that.