In brief...

I'm a Nature-lover, aspiring conservationist, and wannabe traveller in search of outdoor adventure.
My interests vary from conservation to education to heritage to Nature (biodiversity & wildlife) to outdoor activities to life in general.
They occupy most of my waking moment.
Do read my blogs, follow me on Twitter (@jocelynesze) and friend me on Facebook (subject to my discretion). Visit my Nature blog, Nature Rambles, at http://natureramble.wordpress.com.

UPDATE 2 Apr 2017 - This site is no longer maintained, please visit jocelynesze.wordpress.com if you're interested in more recent writing.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

what's the use of getting an A for gp if it's not gonna make a difference to anyone in the world? and does it mean that if i dont get a pass in GP i'm gonna be a failure and wont be able to help anyone? just cos i'm superficial and uncritical and probably overly accepting of everything that is told to me?


the world is a cruel place. reality sucks, and reading about poverty in places around the world hurts. all the poverty and inequity. how the rich nations get richer and the poor nations get poorer.

like how the world bank and imf try to help the poorer nations achieve economic growth and stuff, through the free market. privatising national assets and removing trade barriers and stuff like. things that may work in the countries which are major contributors to the two organisations. but it doesnt always work. they may try to help (or maybe they arent..) but they just end up exacerbating the problem. the people in those developing countries lose jobs and dont get access to basic necessities and sanitary conditions and everything. maybe it's because of ineffective and corrupt governments, who dont care about their impoverished citizens, or maybe it's just because the terms and conditions for loaning money to those countries are ridiculous and do not address the problems.

and the worst thing is you cant really do anything about it. cant help, dont know how to help. dont know what to do. so many problems, so many issues. there's no panacea to the world's problems.


the world is such a tragic place. i think the reason why most people dont usually think so is because they're not really on the receiving end? i dont know, but mostly, problems are forgotten by majority of the people who dont have to worry about it. and i'm no exception. like i may be so torn up by it now, but after gp is over, when i study for my other subjects or whatever, then it just gets put out of my head. and most people dont bother thinking about it unless they have to - like a disaster strikes or something. after all, we live comfortable lives, our main grouses are having to study (as opposed to no education) or the squeeze on public transport (imagine the horror of it, as compared to having no public transport at all) or foreign immigrants stealing our jobs (when the subsidies given to producers in rich countries cause countless producers in developing countries to lose their only form of livelihood) or whatever other problems we may face in our lives. i dont know if i make sense, or if my opinion/argument/whatever can even hold water, but really.

and at the end of it all, i suppose much of this is just pointless meaningless griping since there's no action taken - just a whole lot of talk. and i could say, i wish i could help, do something about the poverty in the world, but i dont think there's anything i could do. but i suppose there are people out there who disagree, and believe that anyone and everyone can do something about it, if you will bother.

:/ i dont know. i'd like to do something, but i think i'd come across as nothing more than a hypocrite, since all i can do is bemoan the state of affairs in the world now and offer no tangible solution.




but i suppose God didnt put us all on this earth to try and think of a solution to the world's problems. i suppose if we could all do what we're good at to the best of our ability and try to make positive contributions whenever we can, it'd be good enough already? :/



or perhaps, the solution to all of humanity's problems, is just a natural disaster. like 2012. after all, all the volcanic eruptions and typhoons and floods and earthquakes and other disasters have been occurring more often in recent years. could be a sign...





meanwhile, there are still many things that make me smile.
i guess what's most important at the end of the day is just to never give up hope. cos through Him, anything is possible.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

was just listening to radio, when this song came up. reminds me of primary school. they used to teach it to us. but i asked my younger brother, and he never heard of that song!

i think the song is some govt propaganda thing for people to work harder. and happily.

快乐工人
Happy Workers

你可不要 小看了我
you better not look down on me
再大的事 我都能做
even bigger things, i also can do
你也应该 看一看我
you also should look at me
大家的事 大家来做
everyone's business, everyone come and do!

我们是快快乐乐的工人
we are happy happy workers
轻轻松松过一生
slack slack live this life
今天的工作一起今天做
today's work together do today
明天会有收获
tomorrow will have rewards!

你可不要 小看了我
you better not look down on me
我的理想 比你更多
my dreams are more than yours
但我从来 空话不说
but i have never made empty talk
不去做梦 只努力去做
dont go and dream, just hardworking do it!

我们是快快乐乐的工人
we are happy happy workers
轻轻松松过一生
slack slack live this life
今天的工作一起今天做
today's work together do today
明天会有收获
tomorrow will have rewards!


translation was literal. and obviously not in proper english.




hai somehow or other, between then and now, things have changed. now parents even make their students go for tuition to get into GEP! seriously that's so.. retarded. if dont go tuition then cannot get in, then dont get in lah. really, i think in part, everyone knows tuition should only be for students who are academically weak in that particular subject, but because of societal (or personal or parental) pressure to get straight As (or get into GEP), people just go for tuition even if they dont really need it anyway. and yeah, then what is school for? and our teachers in the school. maybe that's why nowadays people dont really seem all that enthu about teacher's day. cos maybe external tuition helps them more and so they dont really see a need to thank school teachers? :/ obviously this is just a generalisation and may not even be true, but yeah.


in any case i'm thankful for all my teachers, whether they teach/taught me in class or not. (: they really have made a difference in my life.



okay back to studying for prelims T.T

Saturday, August 28, 2010

i think i might be allergic to studying. or exams. every time right before the exams, i start sneezing and having a runny nose. T.T and it's damn annoying to be sneezing/blowing your nose when you're trying to study. i've used enough tissue to stuff a cushion probably.

i need to start studying properly :/ less than a week to prelims ahh. i feel so much less prepared than for ct2. blehhh.


haiz. kay jiayou mugging.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

the school gives us so many revision exercises/lecture notes/tutorials...
2 huge ring-binder files per subject is not enough.
foolscap paper runs out too quickly.
i need to buy pen refillS every few weeks.
all the money (all the notes, foolscap paper and stationery) i spend on the above could probably buy me air tickets to somewhere cool and back.

sighs.



how bout a 24-hour study marathon?


was quite fun studying overnight at the airport on friday, with jolyn, lynnette and andrew. cant wait for krabi sighs, it's still 4 months away. and amazing thing was, i didnt even fall asleep the entire night. must be like, the 2nd time in my life or something. 4 hours of sleep in 40 hours.

oh and i've done so much chem the past week or so that now when i think of 40, i think of the fact that calcium's Mr is 40.1.



should i do a gap year, or should i not?
should i go to uk, australia (or new zealand!), or us (or canada!) for uni?
should i do conservation biology or marine biology (or outdoor education!)?




people say you choose your friends. but i dont think so. isnt it more like your friends chose you?



i still cant believe that i'm taking the A levels, i think i should be a lot more stressed than this. i am quite :/ over prelims and studying, but i'm not stressed to the point of... insanity? hysteria? nervous breakdown? but yeah. i thought A levels would be a lot more stressful than this.





yog is not that bad. quite a few ppl seem to be watching it. though whether to watch the sport, or to watch singapore's effort and feel proud of singapore, or to watch the apparently quite hot guys/girls doing the sports is another matter.

Friday, August 20, 2010

watching the olympics makes me very glad i'm singaporean. because the Chinese are owning in everything. okay i'm not exactly too sure about that, but seriously. they're scary. i was watching the trampoline event, and like, the Chinese girl is damn good. and according to jon, she not only participates in the trampoline event, but also in all the other gymnastics events. and then the tennis one, and again the girl's really good.

and then when you think about academics, the Chinese are also owning in everything!

they're scary. i cant believe my grandparents were from China. but in any case, i'm very very very glad they came to Malaysia/Singapore.




prelims are in 1.5 weeks. so many things to do. all the revision exercises, prelim papers and all that stuff. bleargh. you'd think there's almost no more joy in life anymore. almost, but not really. maybe all the studying and stress is driving my (slightly) insane, but i think i'm getting more retarded. or it could also be the effects of certain classmates of mine who are nonsensical and retarded and very very amusing and entertaining. the only reasons why school life now is remotely exciting. (: really, Hoong Yan and Liang Si totally make my day, every day i go to school.



on the other hand, it's not good to become retarded when prelims are nearing. i need my brain cells. preferably myelinated neurons.


and i'm still really undecided over where to study in uni :/ maybe i should just apply to everything and hope one of them takes me in.



Your Guardian Angel - The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
When I see your smile
Tears run down my face
I can't replace
And now that I'm strong
I have figured out
How this world turns cold
and it breaks through my soul
And I know I'll find
deep inside me
I can be the one

I will never let you fall(let you fall)
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all(though it all)
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.
Seasons are changing
And waves are crashing
And stars are falling all for us
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter
I can show you I'll be the one

I will never let you fall (let you fall)
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all (through it all)
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

Cuz you're my, you're my, my, my true love, my whole heart
Please don't throw that away
Cuz I'm here for you
Please don't walk away and
Please tell me you'll stay, stay

Use me as you will
Pull my strings just for a thrill
And I know I'll be okay
Though my skies are turning gray

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven






save me.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

i think yog opening ceremony was pretty awesome. though some/most of the performances (okay all those that didnt feature little kids) were quite cheesy/boring/uninteresting, most of it was pretty cool.

and i really think it's damn annoying that it has to be on our a level year. ah wells.




i think most people never really mean what they say.
everything is so trivialised.
people become increasingly skeptical.


i dont really know what i mean to say.

Saturday, August 07, 2010

have we lost sight of the bigger picture?

everyone seems so consumed by mugging these days, with studying, revising, doing prelim papers, tys and it seems like any amount of time not spent mugging is a waste of time. or maybe it's just what i'm telling myself.


but really. i no longer question the point of studying all the things they're cramming into our heads. long past that stage. now i just do my best to memorise all i have to and try to do more practices. just to get over A levels.



now that we're looking back on our past achievements to write our resume, our write up, for our university courses and potential future careers, i just wonder how much of it actually mattered at all.



there's just that fear, deep down, that i wont be able to get into a university that i want. but i guess, in the first place, i dont even know which university i want to go to.




and now's the time when everyone holes up and studies like crap. people whom you dont usually see in school, now you see even less of them. in fact, perhaps the people i see the most in school apart from my classmates and teachers would be the uncle from the western stall and the aunty from the fruit stall.





studies and drab school life aside, it's great to have my parents back from their >1 week long anniversary honeymoon to japan. apart from the increase in food supplies, it's nice to have them around :)






and i realise i havent really sung national day songs in 2 years. national day seems less and less hyped up each year. and the songs are no longer as catchy as they were in pri sch. or maybe we just got more chances to sing them in pri sch.





If Today Was Your Last Day - Nickelback
My best friend gave me the best advice
He said each day's a gift and not a given right
Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind
And try to take the path less traveled by
That first step you take is the longest stride

If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had, if today was your last day?
What if, what if, if today was your last day?

Against the grain should be a way of life
What's worth the price is always worth the fight
Every second counts 'cause there's no second try
So live like you're never living twice
Don't take the free ride in your own life

If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had?

And would you call those friends you never see?
Reminisce old memories?
Would you forgive your enemies?
And would you find that one you're dreaming of?
Swear up and down to God above
That you'd finally fall in love if today was your last day?

If today was your last day
Would you make your mark by mending a broken heart?
You know it's never too late to shoot for the stars
Regardless of who you are

So do whatever it takes
'Cause you can't rewind a moment in this life
Let nothing stand in your way
'Cause the hands of time are never on your side

If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had?

And would you call those friends you never see?
Reminisce old memories?
Would you forgive your enemies?
And would you find that one you're dreaming of
Swear up and down to God above
That you'd finally fall in love if today was your last day?



take care and jiayou mugging.