In brief...

I'm a Nature-lover, aspiring conservationist, and wannabe traveller in search of outdoor adventure.
My interests vary from conservation to education to heritage to Nature (biodiversity & wildlife) to outdoor activities to life in general.
They occupy most of my waking moment.
Do read my blogs, follow me on Twitter (@jocelynesze) and friend me on Facebook (subject to my discretion). Visit my Nature blog, Nature Rambles, at http://natureramble.wordpress.com.

UPDATE 2 Apr 2017 - This site is no longer maintained, please visit jocelynesze.wordpress.com if you're interested in more recent writing.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

had an awesome break, good to be outdoors again. didnt do much, slacked mostly but well had fun (: at orchard, dairy farm (snake!) and botanic gardens(: grass and sun and sweat and not much wind, picnic and dirty hands, spiders, birds, clouds. tree climbing(:

back to reality tomorrow. harsh reality. straight in your face.

Monday, September 27, 2010

it's the end of prelims (like finally), but not the end of everything. last two papers were hard, but well not as bad as econs and gp and all the others.

went out with classmates to eat lunch, watch movie, e
at yami, walk around taka. nice to walk around and not feel guilty for wasting time.


but the end of prelims signifies something more. it's the start of mugging for the actual As (which sound scary but i dunno. kinda numb to it already). and all the things that i've been pushing back to "after prelims", i've gotta start doing them.
like personal statements and unis to go to and studying for sats and everything.

but well there's more time to relax i guess. or perhaps i shouldnt, might just lose momentum.



and somehow, i cant fall asleep. i'm tired, physically and mentally (i dont wanna do another chem paper one) but my brain just wont shut down. and it's annoying, cos i need my sleep.
so now i'm out, lying on the hammock in the balcony.




the nearer it gets to the As, the more thoughts i have, more things running through my mind. things that i want to do after As, else imagining what i'll be doing one year from now; 10 years from now; 20 years from now. there are so many things i'd like to do. but i dont know if i can do all of them. which would i choose ultimately?

everytime i start thinking too much, i tell myself to just trust in God's plan. for He surely has already laid out plans for what i am to do. but still, i cant help wondering.



ah wells. this post has been extremely self-centred. :/

Thursday, September 23, 2010

the bulk of prelims is over; only 2 paper ones left (:

the more i think about it, the more i think i'm gonna do badly for gp and econs T.T ah wells. just hope As will be much better.


there's still so much to do despite prelims being over. uni apps, personal statements and essays, studying for SATs and As. it's like you're really reaching the point in life where the road ahead is still free for you to mark out and it's kinda foggy out there, you cant really see where it's leading to.

all the people whom i've been seeing around school for the past 5/6 years, even though i dont really say hi/dont really know them, but still, at the end of this stretch, chances are i wont see most people around anymore.

well there are always choices that take you down familiar paths and you'll see familiar faces. or you could "take the path less trodden" and just see where it leads you to. i suppose i could always study econs or accounting or something like that, join a bank, and lead a life like my mom's. which materially is comfortable enough, but would i be happy with it? i dont suppose so. i dont really like the corporate world, and i dont feel like i'd be helping anyone.

i think whatever i do, i've gotta be happy doing it. but i think it probably wont be very financially rewarding, which i guess doesnt really matter to me, but i suppose i feel quite :/ for my (future) kids in that they may not get to enjoy what i had in my childhood. but wells we'll never know right, things in the future.




all these dreams we have, i wonder if we'll ever achieve them. how many will end up doing something we never saw ourselves doing at this point in time? in any case, i hope we all end up happy. happy, satisfied and contented. i am looking forward to reunions already, in the future, just to see how much we've all changed. after all, right now at this point in time, there's nothing interesting to talk about. we're all studying our heads off for As. but just one year down the road, when most of us are in unis and the rest in the jungles, i guess there'd be more to talk about.


i really wonder what i'll be doing 10 years down the road. if i've lived out my aspirations. if i'm married o.O if i'll still be in close contact with the people i am in close contact with now. i suppose only time will tell.




Where Is The Love - Black Eyed Peas
What's wrong with the world, mama
People livin' like they ain't got no mamas
I think the whole world addicted to the drama
Only attracted to things that'll bring you trauma
Overseas, yeah, we try to stop terrorism
But we still got terrorists here livin'
In the USA, the big CIA
The Bloods and The Crips and the KKK
But if you only have love for your own race
Then you only leave space to discriminate
And to discriminate only generates hate
And when you hate then you're bound to get irate, yeah
Madness is what you demonstrate
And that's exactly how anger works and operates
Man, you gotta have love just to set it straight
Take control of your mind and meditate
Let your soul gravitate to the love, y'all, y'all

People killin', people dyin'
Children hurt and you hear them cryin'
Can you practice what you preach
And would you turn the other cheek

Father, Father, Father help us
Send some guidance from above
'Cause people got me, got me questionin'
Where is the love (Love)

Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love
The love, the love

It just ain't the same, always unchanged
New days are strange, is the world insane
If love and peace is so strong
Why are there pieces of love that don't belong
Nations droppin' bombs
Chemical gasses fillin' lungs of little ones
With ongoin' sufferin' as the youth die young
So ask yourself is the lovin' really gone
So I could ask myself really what is goin' wrong
In this world that we livin' in people keep on givin'
in
Makin' wrong decisions, only visions of them dividends
Not respectin' each other, deny thy brother
A war is goin' on but the reason's undercover
The truth is kept secret, it's swept under the rug
If you never know truth then you never know love
Where's the love, y'all, come on (I don't know)
Where's the truth, y'all, come on (I don't know)
Where's the love, y'all

People killin', people dyin'
Children hurt and you hear them cryin'
Can you practice what you preach
And would you turn the other cheek

Father, Father, Father help us
Send some guidance from above
'Cause people got me, got me questionin'
Where is the love (Love)

Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love, the love, the love?

I feel the weight of the world on my shoulder
As I'm gettin' older, y'all, people gets colder
Most of us only care about money makin'
Selfishness got us followin' our wrong direction
Wrong information always shown by the media
Negative images is the main criteria
Infecting the young minds faster than bacteria
Kids wanna act like what they see in the cinema
Yo', whatever happened to the values of humanity
Whatever happened to the fairness in equality
Instead of spreading love we're spreading animosity
Lack of understanding, leading lives away from unity
That's the reason why sometimes I'm feelin' under
That's the reason why sometimes I'm feelin' down
There's no wonder why sometimes I'm feelin' under
Gotta keep my faith alive till love is found
Now ask yourself

Where is the love?
Where is the love?
Where is the love?
Where is the love?

Father, Father, Father help us
Send some guidance from above
'Cause people got me, got me questionin'
Where is the love?

Sing wit me y'all:
One world, one world (We only got)
One world, one world (That's all we got)
One world, one world
And something's wrong wit it (Yeah)
Something's wrong wit it (Yeah)
Something's wrong wit the wo-wo-world, yeah
We only got
(One world, one world)
That's all we got
(One world, one world)

Saturday, September 18, 2010

i feel like some hermit really, i never knew it was possible for me to stay off the comp for so long. to not have to go online at least once a day to check mail or anything. but wells i actually managed it and didnt feel any need at all to use the computer. amazing what exams can do to a person.

i feel completely shut out from the rest of the world's happening. rather, i have a better idea of what's going on in the rest of the world cos i read the newspaper daily now, but i have no idea what's going on in other people's lives. cos of the lack of facebook/blogs. feel so removed from "reality". like studying is just the norm now, that people going out to play is just o.O and when i see sec 4s complaining about studying for eyas on facebook i'm just -.-

and my ability to express myself effectively in words is waning, as can be seen from the previous sentence. studying teaches you to write sentences and phrases that the teachers want, and it's not good for me cos my vocab just dwindles from whatever little i previously had.



all the papers so far have been completely crappy, personally i think i've done my worst. made the stupidest kinds of mistakes, like substituting wrong values or not being able to see the link between (i) and (ii) or keying the wrong equation into the GC, or best, for econs, not being able to read the question properly and choosing all the questions which i dont know how to answer. and if stupid mistakes like that can happen now, during prelims, they may just happen again for As :/



and the worst thing of this whole period is there is no escape. during the day, i study. the whole day, everyday. almost. and you'd think that sleep would be a good escape from all the rubbish i try to stuff into my brain during the day, but no, acads haunt me in my dreams as well. and i wake up feeling as though i've not rested my brain. pfft.



the end is taking too long to come.



i need to run climb jump and feel the wind in my face.

Wednesday, September 08, 2010

If

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream---and not make dreams your master;
If you can think---and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same:.
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build'em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings,
And never breathe a word about your loss:
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings---nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And---which is more---you'll be a Man, my son!

Rudyard Kipling





if only all the people in the world could live by the same (or broadly similar) values and ideals, such that there was no need for war. and all the people be compassionate enough to want to work together to eliminate world poverty, and feel for the earth enough to want to commit to protecting the environment and conserving Nature.


if only singapore wasnt a british colony (we might not have to do As). but yes at least we get a good education.

Saturday, September 04, 2010

life is boring when all you do is study. okay fine so there's a choice between studying bio, chem, math, econs or gp. but it's still awfully boring. not to mention sleep-inducing.


and i cant imagine how can people survive if they've been studying hard since like pri sch. or even pre sch. i only started studying proper in jc, and already i'm so tired and sick of it, and it's not even been two years! how do people study like that since p1 D:


the school has not been very kind with respect to the papers we've taken so far. i just hope it improves over time. the night before econs, i dreamt of AC-pricing and MC-pricing D: the horror.




Holiday - Boys Like Girls
When I was younger I used to be wild
As wild as an elephant's child
No one could hold me down
No one could keep me around
Now it's your turn, take a shot
Baby show me everything that you got
Maybe you can keep me alive
Maybe you can get in my mind
But it's only a matter of time

Before I run far away
I need to take a holiday
Maybe it's a fall from grace
I gotta find a new place
A holiday
I'll set off on a new chase
I gotta see a new face
I need to take a holiday

My father, he was always wise
As wise as an elephant's eyes
He couldn't hold me down
He couldn't keep me around
So are you gonna take your shot?
It's the only one that you got
Maybe I'll go out on a limb
Maybe I'll jump in for a swim
When the lights go dim

You know I'll run far away
I need to take a holiday
Maybe it's a fall from grace
I gotta find a new place
A holiday
I'll set off on a new chase
I gotta see a new face
I need to take a holiday
(Need to take a holiday)

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa

A new start
I've broken too many hearts
And I don't have any clue where to go
I don't know
But maybe I'll be back someday after my holiday

When I was younger I used to be wild
As wild as an elephant's child
And I don't think I'll ever change
I think I'm gonna stay the same

I'll run far away
I need to take a holiday (need to take a holiday)
Maybe it's a fall from grace
I gotta find a new place
A holiday
I'll set off on a new chase (set off on a new chase)
I gotta see a new face
I need to take a holiday

A new start
I've broken too many hearts
And I don't have any clue where to go
I don't know
But maybe I'll be back someday after my holiday

All of the wasted time
The hours that were left behind
The answers that we'll never find
They don't mean a thing tonight



i need a holiday. and yay my mommy is planning one! :) she is very amusing. she shows me pictures of Japan and says that it's really much better (than Korea, the alternative) cos it's natural. and i dont say anything but i wonder, how are you supposed to tell that the place is "natural" from a photo? it's like that video on terrorism that is shown on the green line, where the lady describes the suspicious-looking bag as heavy, when she hasnt held it.



omg exactly 3 months more before liberation!