In brief...

I'm a Nature-lover, aspiring conservationist, and wannabe traveller in search of outdoor adventure.
My interests vary from conservation to education to heritage to Nature (biodiversity & wildlife) to outdoor activities to life in general.
They occupy most of my waking moment.
Do read my blogs, follow me on Twitter (@jocelynesze) and friend me on Facebook (subject to my discretion). Visit my Nature blog, Nature Rambles, at http://natureramble.wordpress.com.

UPDATE 2 Apr 2017 - This site is no longer maintained, please visit jocelynesze.wordpress.com if you're interested in more recent writing.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

the commercial by cold storage got me hooked on Sound of Music again. but i'm horrified by how they can call dancing potato chip cans "my favourite things" cos like, isnt there some hpb ban against advertising unhealthy food?
anw SOM is honestly the most awesome musical? or whatever you classify it under i've ever watched. the music is awesome.

and i got hooked on narnia too. the movies are very nicely done i think. at least The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe, as well as Prince Caspian are. havent read the books but it's so cool seriously. from the start of As to the end i spent my weekends watching narnia and shrek. something about those movies draw me to them. might be the talking animals, the forest or just the whole fairy-tale thing. maybe i'd like to believe that such wonderful places exist. i'm quite an escapist. it's a bit like how harry potter books were to me when i was younger. but then you know, age 11 came and passed and like, i didnt get a letter from hogwarts so wells. i moved on (to raffles).

maybe that's why i really want to go uk. more than us at least. and esp a suburban uni. cos maybe i'll be able to find a spare room with a cupboard that would bring me to some spectacular fantasy land :) the possibility of it happening is higher than hogwarts existing at least.

and maybe a bit pedo to say this but the kids in SOM and narnia are so cute. gretl and lucy. i always wonder what's it like to be a child actor in films like narnia and harry potter. like you actually kinda get to live out that fantasy life. must be a really cool experience.
and those two films are set in war time. i wonder why.


anyway, more realistically speaking, if i didnt like the outdoors and nature so much, i think i might study neurology. i really think the brain is so fascinating. how we can see things in our mind's eye, how we form thoughts and stuff. if you think the brain is fascinating, check out these articles http://discovermagazine.com/2010/nov/15-the-brain-router-in-our-heads-processing-bottleneck

our brains are just mind-boggling.



and this has been quite a fluffy post. ah wells. As are ending soon (:

Saturday, November 27, 2010

really bored, but not from lack of things to do.

US uni application is really tedious. so many essays/things to fill in T.T not even that keen on US. confuses the hell out of me, the websites and program/degree/courses etc. if i get accepted into a US uni, i wouldnt even know what i'd be doing there, cos i really dont get the system. UK uni application is so much easier. and i think my chances of getting into my UK unis of choice are higher.

plus still need to study for SATs and go through all the bother. really, why would people want to go US :/ they make it so inconvenient.



overnighting at the airport with soff was fun. miss spending time with her (: and then lifang joined us in the morning to send off rgs osl cambodia + project fab. haha and i was surprisingly still quite lucid. and we started questioning again. or maybe it was just me.

watching them file through customs and stuff brings back memories. i miss osl. i miss cambodia. the toilets and showering facilities, the cooking and washing up, the facils, the walks to meakea, the discussions. i miss the place.

but the thing is, i dont exactly miss the lessons, per se. and, isnt that more or less why we went to cambodia? to teach and serve the local community? it's not that i hated teaching and stuff; i enjoyed it and it was fun and well, interesting. dont quite know how much we actually taught them that would have been useful in real life, but well.


i dont quite know anymore. maybe i'm thinking too much, and i shouldnt think too much cos by doing that, it takes the meaning out of service? i dont know, really.

i suppose for now, we should just do what we can.




on a lighter note, gradnight is really a pain argh. thank goodness it's the last one (and that's really mainly the reason why i'm going). i was not made for shopping. whatever company i join in the future, will not have d&d.





and it's coming! so close (: the date i'm most looking forward to now is 14 dec, cos by then, uni apps and all other stuff will be over and out of my mind! :) :) but from now till then it'll be :/ :/

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

i realise i'm actually somewhat shy and inhibited. i'm an extrovert but also an introvert. outspoken, but also reserved. friendly but dao. outgoing but shy. maybe you disagree.

i would air my views if i want/need to. i would talk to strangers, sometimes even randomly. i will talk a lot and a lot of rubbish and try to break the ice and stuff if i need to. or if i'm high. but i dont like crowds and strangers. when i walk in a crowd i tend to not notice anyone. i dont like walking in a crowd, i'd rather choose a more deserted way if i could. put me with a bunch of strangers and chances are i may not open my mouth at all. not unless i'm supposed to. or if i have to.

and i realise, i tend to get high if everyone else isnt high. and if everyone else is high, i tend to not be high. usually.


coming to rj, never really needed to make completely new friends, in the sense that at least i already have friends from rg. but moving on to uni, i'll probably have no friends there and need to make new ones. or be a really lonely person. i wonder if i'll be able to make friends.


and like 2 years in rj is coming to a close. only have one last day where i need to wear the sch u. but right now, i'm not feeling any nostalgia. the past two years, i've had experiences that i would never have gotten in rg.

maybe i'll get nostalgic soon. like maybe during gradnight. which is a bit of a pain really. so much trouble. but then again, prob the last time in my life, might as well make the most of it.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

yay. the nightmare that is As are almost almost almost over. and then it starts all over again when we get back our results T.T


finally got to climb again. and go out. and stay up really late doing everything but studying and not feeling too bad about it.


there's still bio paper 1 and SAT 1, but well. a lil' break wont hurt. i hope.



i highly doubt i can get my As now. but nevermind. i trust and hope that. there'll be something for me anyway.




cant wait for 14 dec. cos it'll mean As are really over, SATs are over, and uni apps are over.

Friday, November 19, 2010

i think i must be the only person who didnt realise that the first qn was really a macro qn. it didnt even occur to me that it was testing macro stuff until everyone said it D:

ah wells the end is near. and the end = next tue, cos bio mcq doesnt count. i'm not gonna wait till bio mcq to start doing other things again, there isnt enough time!


and it's nice to know that, as crappy as my prelim grades were, nus and ntu would still like me to join them, and same for mfa and mha and whatever other ministries/companies. makes me feel slightly better. like at least the govt still wants me.


while studying for econs, i realised something.

i dont ever want to say that my biggest failure in life was to not have achieved straight As. true, As are important, but if my biggest failure in life was to not get straight As, then i think there's something really wrong with my priorities. remind me if i say that come feb/mar next year.

and i realised many other things too. because i lack the concentration to focus solely on econs, as worried as i was about it.

the most worthwhile jobs do not require straight As. or perhaps even good grades. i suppose the definition of "worthwhile job" differs from individual to individual, but well. i know that at least for me, the jobs that would give me satisfaction and happiness would not require straight As.


and i wonder, what's the point of an education, if it doesnt go back into helping to solve problems (like poverty which is the basis of lot of other problems like human trafficking and env issues and i dunno what else that exists but i'm sure there are)? isnt that the point of education? and of course to run the economy and all that stuff.

and while studying for econs, i realise that econs acknowledges that economic growth harms the environment, causes negative externalities and all that. but for all that talk, it still encourages economic growth at the expense of the environment anyway.



i still think about my dream job and wonder if i'll ever reach there. ah wells there are lots of alternatives anyway.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

the chem paper-setting department of cambridge hasnt been in a very good mood this year.

i really dont know what to expect come feb/mar next year.

been watching way too much tv (shrek 2 and 3! and narnia) maybe.



but i think no matter how important As are to us now, family and friends (and of course God) are still the most important, and should always be. time spent with them, is worth the time not spent studying. the opportunity cost of not studying for As may be high, but i think the benefits of spending time with family and friends far outweighs whatever cost there may be.


what if you chose to stay at home and study, and not go to your grandma/grandpa/aunty/uncle/whoever's house for family gatherings and what not. and because life is unpredictable, something happened. i think the regret would last forever. far longer than not getting straight As for a levels.

and i believe, God loves us very much and would not let us fail As, just because we spent time talking/laughing/eating with people we love. trust in Him, in His plan for us. no matter what grades i get, what uni i get into, what job i get, it's all in His hands. He knows what's best.



in any case, just 2 weeks more. or even less, for some. all the best, before we graduate from the system. and wander off into the depths of the unknown ahead.



Chances - Five for Fighting
Chances are when said and done
Who'll be the lucky ones
Who make it all the way?
Though you say I could be your answer
Nothing lasts forever
No matter how it feels today

Chances are we´ll find a new equation
Chances roll away from me
Chances are all they hope to be

Don't get me wrong I'd never say never
Cause though love can change the weather
No act of God can pull me away from you

I´m just a realistic man
A bottle filled with shells and sand
Afraid to love beyond what I can lose when it comes to you
And though I see us through yeah

Chances are we´ll find two destinations
Chances roll away from me
Still chances are more than expectations
The possibilities
Over me
Eight to five, two to one
Lay your money on the sun
until you crash what have you done?
Is there a better bet than love?
What you are is what you breathe
You gotta cry before you sing

Chances chances

Chances lost are hopes torn up pages
Maybe this time
Chances are we´ll be the combination
Chances come and carry me
Chances are waiting to be taken
And I can see
Chances are the fascination
Chances won't escape from me
Chances are only what we make them
And all I need

Friday, November 12, 2010

i want to go to Patagonia once in my life! it's a super cool place. south america, located in argentina and chile. the photos are simply awesomee. taken from Nat Geo.


















dont they make you wish you were there already? :/

yayyy half of A levels is done. cambridge is ridiculously mean. 6 papers in 4 days, and the next 6 papers in 3 weeks. and out of those 6 papers, 3 papers are in 2 days.

super annoyed with my chem paper :/ for not studying things that came out. everyone said it was hard, but on top of it being a difficult paper, i didnt manage to do some pretty standard questions, and that makes it all the worse. hai. need to mentally prepare myself :(

gp was okay enough, thankfully not killer-standard kinda tough, but pfft essay qn on environment didnt come out >:( wasted all my time reading up on and writing out environ stuff. ended up doing a qn that i havent touched since like, start of j1. and since everyone though gp was okay, i really hope i didnt screw up my papers :/

bio was pretty okay too, thankfully managed to spot a few topics but it makes the bell curve scary. either way, whether the paper was okay or not, you dont really know what to expect for results.


and math paper 1 had some hard questions, really thought paper 2 was gonna be damn hard, but hai. ah wells on the very very bright side, no more math and gp forever! :) maybe some stats, but no more calculus, vectors, complex (and annoying imaginary numbers) etc etc.
and no more having to read newspapers and try my best to remember everything i read.





i feel like going for a run, havent exercised in like, a million years. but inertia and all is making me lazy.



hope econs and the rest of bio and chem will be okay. cambridge is totally playing with our minds, giving a damn tough chem paper 3 then relatively okay bio p2 gp and math, when you're expecting them to be tough. ahh.
but i think As is much better than prelims, at least i'm not having nightmares about some subj or other every night (though i dreamt about negative externalities last night) and i still can fall asleep relatively easily (: in fact i'm dreaming about completely unrelated things. like going to wales on a solo trip immediately the day after As end.

looking forward to the end of As, but not so much to having to deal with uni applications and everything :/



King Of Anything - Sarah Bareilles

Oh (oh oh oh)
Oh (oh oh oh)
Oh (oh oh oh)
Oh (oh oh oh)

Keep drinkin' coffee
Stare me down across the table
While I look outside

So many things I'd say if only I were able
But I just keep quiet
And count the cars that pass by

You've got opinions, man
We're all entitled to 'em
But I never asked

So let me thank you for time
And try to not waste any more of mine
Get out of here fast

I hate to break it to you babe
But I'm not drowning
There's no one here to save

Who cares if you disagree
You are not me
Who made you king of anything
So you dare tell me who to be
Who died
And made you king of anything

Oh (oh oh oh)
Oh (oh oh oh)
Oh (oh oh oh)
Oh (oh oh oh)

You sound so innocent
All full of good intent
You swear you know best

But you expect me to
Jump up on board with you
Ride off into your dellusional sunset

I'm not the one who's lost
With no direction oh
But you won't ever see

You're so busy makin' maps
With my name on them in all caps
You got the talkin' down just not the listening

And who cares if you disagree
You are not me
Who made you king of anything
So you dare tell me who to be
Who died
And made you king of anything

All my life
I've tried
To make everybody happy while I
Just hurt
And hide
Waitin' for someone to tell me it's my turn
To decide

Oh (oh oh oh)
Oh (oh oh oh)
Oh (oh oh oh)
Oh (oh oh oh)

Who cares if you disagree
You are not me
Who made you king of anything
So you dare tell me who to be
Who died
And made you king of anything

Who cares if you disagree
You are not me
Who made you king of anything
So you dare tell me who to be
Who died
And made you king of anything

Let me hold your crown, babe

Sunday, November 07, 2010

As are cominggg. for sanity's sake, i wont repeat the annoying jingle here.

i keep alternating between stressing and panicking cos i dont feel prepared enough (the more practices i do, the less confidence i have :/), and between assuring myself and telling myself to trust in God's plan for me, whatever grades i have. i'm sure He'll have some plan for me, whatever grades i'll get, whatever uni i'll get into, whatever career i do. i'll be fine, i know.

but wells. the stress is still there :/ stomachaches and diarrhoea doesnt help :(


andddd the tv. is a major distraction i know understand. the documentary, Great Migrations, is starting todayyyy.




trust and have faith.

Wednesday, November 03, 2010

while most people spent the significant 'one week left to As!' studying hard, i spent it sleeping.

hope i didnt get any lasting brain damage. else i'll be very sad, after all the studying :(


and i wonder, how are you supposed to take capsules? are you supposed to put the whole thing into your mouth, plastic and all? or are you supposed to open the capsule and and pour the thing in your mouth? i just did the latter, cos i didnt think i could swallow the whole capsule.


bleh now it's less than one week to As. scary but exciting too. i honestly could never imagine myself crossing this barrier in life. didnt have much foresight. and i suppose, it is really better to just stay on top of studies and keep it as a top priority all through the different things you do in these two years of jc. though my mugger club never worked out, but i think i kept that drive, and even though i never really excelled as much in my studies as i would have liked to, but at least it wasnt that bad. so in other words, better to aim for the moon and land among the stars. to the graduating batch of rg students, if anyone even comes here, i hope you enjoy the next few months and when you go to rj, try and do something different, but always do your work consistently. rj is different from rg in so many ways, from the teaching styles to the people around and how they behave to the place and the workload. but at the end of it all, i suppose it was a great experience all the same, and you get so used to it that i can hardly think of exactly how rg is different from rj now (apart from the fact that rj has boys). but then again, i scarcely spend time thinking about that now anyway.



and i got a new pair of specs! okay a bit of consumerism there but hey, a back up pair is always good. oh no sounds like a slippery slope argument. but wells, point is, it makes me feel smarter(: hopefully it'll help me think critically and write cogent, evaluative and insightful essays/aqs. and perhaps see clearer so i will read everything on the exam paper from cover to cover and not make any silly mistakes, like copying wrongly.



on an unrelated note, i always get annoyed by that advertisement in the papers that says "exams are just a game! is your child winning?" because it makes it seem as though exams are just there for the sake of being there and that if you're not "winning" which i interpret as getting As, you need tuition and tuition will definitely help. as though handling exams were just a matter of getting tuition or not. i dont know what rubbish i just said, but bottomline is that that advertisement just annoys me. i think tuition is making kids think less, learn less. it's like just cramming notes and "cheatsheets" for kids to memorise and regurgitate during exams. and "evaluative" comments could easily be fed to them to score during exams. but there is no tuition for worklife in the future, nor for tertiary education (not that i can think of), or for life in general. i think the most important thing i learnt from As, was how to study and plan my time and stuff like that. skills that tuition teachers cant teach you. not really anyway. but okay, i suppose there is something to be said about tuition centres, tuition is probably not all that bad as i make it out to be. some tuition centres probably try to teach students how to think, or something like that. it's a necessary evil maybe. just like exams themselves.


kay i should blog less and study more. and stop treating As so flippantly :/ :/



i need to think more critically and evaluate the larger reasons behind certain trends/phenomena instead of being shallow!! :/