In brief...

I'm a Nature-lover, aspiring conservationist, and wannabe traveller in search of outdoor adventure.
My interests vary from conservation to education to heritage to Nature (biodiversity & wildlife) to outdoor activities to life in general.
They occupy most of my waking moment.
Do read my blogs, follow me on Twitter (@jocelynesze) and friend me on Facebook (subject to my discretion). Visit my Nature blog, Nature Rambles, at http://natureramble.wordpress.com.

UPDATE 2 Apr 2017 - This site is no longer maintained, please visit jocelynesze.wordpress.com if you're interested in more recent writing.

Sunday, February 27, 2011

today's Gospel reading was really apt.

Gospel, Mt 6:24-34

'No one can be the slave of two masters: he will either hate the first and love the second, or be attached to the first and despise the second. You cannot be the slave both of God and of money. 'That is why I am telling you not to worry about your life and what you are to eat, nor about your body and what you are to wear. Surely life is more than food, and the body more than clothing! Look at the birds in the sky. They do not sow or reap or gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they are? Can any of you, however much you worry, add one single cubit to your span of life. And why worry about clothing? Think of the flowers growing in the fields; they never have to work or spin yet I assure you that not even Solomon in all his royal robes was clothed like one of these. Now if that is how God clothes the wild flowers growing in the field which are there today and thrown into the furnace tomorrow, will he not much more look after you, you who have so little faith. So do not worry; do not say, "What are we to eat? What are we to drink? What are we to wear? It is the gentiles who set their hearts on all these things. Your heavenly Father knows you need them all. Set your hearts on his kingdom first, and on God's saving justice, and all these other things will be given you as well. So do not worry about tomorrow: tomorrow will take care of itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.'


yeap. apt because almost everyone is worried/stressed/afraid for what will come this friday. namely A level results. i'm trying not to worry about it too much, because like what's said in today's Gospel, God will provide, and i should trust in His plans for me. whether i get good grades and not so good grades, He will provide for me, He has plans for what i will do with my life. may not be what i envision myself doing i guess.

and it's hard, i agree. i would definitely still hope i do well. but not much point worrying i guess. shall just trust in Him.


please dont worry too much, or worse, do something foolish when the results are out. life has more meaning than that, i'm sure.







on a separate note, today i sat on the park bench and stoned for a really long while. just looking up at the nice blue sky with fluffy white clouds, and humming along to my music. thinking but not really thinking, wondering but not really wondering, rather content with life and not worrying or rushing for anything. feels great to be able to do that. i think singaporeans should do more of it. and i sat in the swing too, and swung up high and happily (:



if i could control the minds of people, i think i'd make everyone content with what they have, take time to enjoy the scenery and play with their kids, be environmentally friendly and enjoy the outdoors and be at peace with everyone.






i need to go out more often. go out just to enjoy myself. and by out, i mean outdoors. places with green and brown and blue, dirt and wind and sun.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

stuck at home with nothing much to do, so i decided to work on my compare & contrast table for my unis.


it's so hard to decide which uni to go to. between edinburgh, st andrews, sheffield and exeter. anyone has suggestions/advice?


so anyway been surfing the websites of aforementioned unis to check them out properly (during apps period i didnt really bother cos there were more pressing issues to deal with like studying for As..). was thinking that edinburgh didnt really appeal much to me (like it's not near the sea unlike st andrews and exeter, and there isnt heavy emphasis on fieldwork like exeter and they didnt offer scholarship (some science international scholarship that all singaporeans who go there is automatically awarded) unlike sheffield) but thennnn, i was checking out their sports facilities and realise they have a climbing wall/gym! so edinburgh immediately jumps several points in the favourable aspect.

Friday, February 25, 2011

the past week was not a good week for me.

first on monday at macritchie, i hit my head REALLY HARD on the info boards at the visitor centre. cos i bent down to pick up some stuff and got up in a rush, forgetting the boards above my head. i can still feel the bruise now.
then on wednesday, again at macritchie, i fell off the boardwalk. cos i was walking backwards while talking to the students we were guiding. fortunately the water level was not high, or i'd have gone swimming. but there was some plant there with thorns or sth, and i got splinters stuck under my skin. that couldnt be removed on my own with tweezers.
and finally today, i got a sore throat and fever. ultimatum. i hate having a fever cos i'll be feeling cold perpetually, and it gives me headaches as well.



and now i feel like i've been grounded. stuck at home for the weekend :( maybe i'll get to go out on sunday.



and i realise almost everytime i fall ill with fever, my dad's not in singapore. in 2009, he was in malaysia. in 2010, both my parents went for the anniversary holiday. and this year, he's in malaysia again. maybe my dad should not go overseas. it sucks when he's overseas cos i have to go to the doctors on my own and walk home after that, feeling like crap.




enough whining, i guess lots of people are also down with flu or some other bug that's been going around. take care and get well people (:





i am very excited about moving house. i like moving house. i like moving around, dont like to be sessile and sedentary. i've not stayed at a house for more than 5 years; i think the current house is the one we've been staying in for the longest time, close to 6 years. so anyway, back to moving house, my parents are renovating the place we're gonna move back to. and i'm happy i get my own room still :D

the walls are gonna be green and the ceiling blue. hope it doesnt end up looking weird. was wondering if they could paint white splotches on the ceiling too to make it look like clouds.



and i'm having trouble deciding which uni to accept now. gonna wait for D-day (coming soon! D: ) and for US unis to reply first i guess.







you know i'd never say.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

i really liked today's gospel. a reminder to me, because i've been losing sight of it. i think it's the whole point of being Christian, the whole meaning of being a Catholic.

Gospel, Mt 5:38-48
'You have heard how it was said: Eye for eye and tooth for tooth. But I say this to you: offer no resistance to the wicked. On the contrary, if anyone hits you on the right cheek, offer him the other as well; if someone wishes to go to law with you to get your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. And if anyone requires you to go one mile, go two miles with him. Give to anyone who asks you, and if anyone wants to borrow, do not turn away. 'You have heard how it was said, You will love your neighbour and hate your enemy. But I say this to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you; so that you may be children of your Father in heaven, for he causes his sun to rise on the bad as well as the good, and sends down rain to fall on the upright and the wicked alike. For if you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Do not even the tax collectors do as much? And if you save your greetings for your brothers, are you doing anything exceptional? Do not even the gentiles do as much? You must therefore be perfect, just as your heavenly Father is perfect.'


and that's what i'm trying (have been trying) to do. to love and forgive everyone equally, to be nice to everyone, even people who are very likeable. and it's not that we're supposed to just stand there like an idiot. if someone is in the wrong, shouldnt get angry at them (as hard as it is) but should just inform them of their offense. for if we get angry at them, then we are sinning too. and if they continue sinning then all we can do is pray for their conversion.



it's incredibly hard to do. it's so easy to just be like everyone else. to gossip and bitch and talk about other people, sometimes in not very nice ways. it's so easy to follow and get influenced. and become like that. not bad, not an evil person. but not as good as i could be if i try. yeah i know, i'm a guai kia like that.


but i think as long as i try my best to be a good Christian, as long as i really try, it'll be good enough.



i think i need to sort out my life properly, figure what i really want and what i will do with my life this year.




and hope for good news.



never ever give up hope.

Saturday, February 19, 2011


i think i gotta start doing more with my life, then just working and coming home. working is fun and all, but i find no meaning to life, no goal.

while studying, i used to have many goals. short term ones, to be fulfilled in the year. long term goals, i naturally still have them. in terms of career and life.

but short term, like targets for each term and stuff, i am lacking them now. i dont have any targets for this year. no goals, nothing. and that makes me feel like life is a bit meaningless, pointless.

i need projects and meaningful things to occupy my time and make me feel like my life is worth living.

i was quite... not say miserable, but well i dont know. i was bored and restless and felt like something was not right with my life. and so i went for a long jog (for me) to figure all the above out. only now that i know what i need, i dont quite know what to do.

i actually want to learn many things this year. skills and languages and stuff. but inertia is always getting the better of me, as is dementia. i keep forgetting what i want to do when i have nothing to do.



anyway, went to semakau today with team seagrass, and the best thing i saw was a rainbow :D

i've decided to keep a separate blog for my nature-y stuff, so if you want to know more can go check it out.
http://natureramble.wordpress.com/


Tonight - FM Static
I remember the times we spent together
on those drives
We had a million questions
all about our lives
and when we got to New York
everything felt right
I wish you were here with me
tonight

I remember the days we spent together
were not enough
and it used to feel like dreamin'
except we always woke up
Never thought not having you
here now would hurt so much

Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up
And every night I miss you
I can just look up
and know the stars are
holdin' you, holdin' you, holdin' you tonight

I remember the time you told me about when you were eight
And all those things you said that night that just couldn't wait
I remember the car you were last seen in
and the games we would play
All the times we spilled our coffees
and stayed out way too late
I remember the time you told me about your Jesus
and how not to look back even if no one believes us
When it hurt so bad sometimes
not having you here...

I sing,
Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up
And every night I miss you
I can just look up
and know the stars are
holdin' you, holdin' you, holdin' you tonight

I sing,
Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up
And every night I miss you
I can just look up
and know the stars are
holdin' you, holdin' you, holdin' you tonight

Sunday, February 13, 2011

you know, this thought never occurred to me. but i think it's gonna be possible that i'll wish i could go uni earlier or something. I'M INCREDIBLY BORED AT HOME.

i dont know what i was thinking, maybe that i'd find something to do at home (i should..) or something that would occupy my time at nights at home. it's not that i am very free; there are many things i want to do and places i want to go. just not the kind you can do for a few hours at night? or maybe it's just not what i wanted.


that's why i dont really want to be at home. cos there's nothing to do. maybe i should start playing my piano more often (but at night, i'd be disturbing people's sleep...) or pick up guitar (finally) or something. anyone got anything for me to do at home??



Chances are only what we make them / And all I need

Saturday, February 12, 2011

was great meeting up with osl mentors, mr lim and ms chia for lunch today. miss all the times we spent together, and all the fun we had (:


watched chingay for the first and last time of my life. i would never watch it if not for the fact that soff had an extra free ticket. never quite saw the point of chingay. seems kinda like a major waste of resources.

but it was quite fun/interesting i guess. maybe the whole point is just to give students more cip opportunities and to engage senior citizens or something. i'd like to try participating in it next year, just for the fun of it. just once at least, in my life. and better young than old.



but they released loads of helium balloons. utterly horrified. all those balloons are gonna come back down into the seas/oceans and kill marine life and add to marine litter.



super annoyed that msn keeps giving me problems. sometimes can sign in sometimes cannot. most of the time cannot. keeps telling me i signed in at another location. argh.



Need You Now - Lady Antebellum
Picture perfect memories, scattered all around the floor
Reaching for the phone 'cause I can't fight it anymore
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I've lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now

Another shot of whiskey, can't stop looking at the door
Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I've lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now

Woah, woah
Guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all

It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now
And I said I wouldn't call but I'm a little drunk and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now, I just need you now

Oh baby, I need you now

Wednesday, February 09, 2011

getting really tired from work. not that i dont enjoy it; i love my work(: but the working hours and travelling time gets me tired. and i hardly get to climb.

met up with 3E yesterday for dinner, was good to see them again, those that came. hardly got to talk to everyone, but i guess since most of the guys are only going in may, there's still time..
then had dinner with my awesome pw group today. we're all quite different, yet quite similar, and it's cool how we can talk a lot of rubbish.


but i realise that even though i have a vague idea of what i want to do in the future, i dont want to plan out my life so early and in such great detail, because i want to leave room for dreams. for things that are so far away from me, i could never dream of doing them. but perhaps, just perhaps i will get the chance.



as long as i dont lose sight of my dreams.

Sunday, February 06, 2011




i enjoyed this cny hols. maybe cos i'm finally out of school so dont really have homework and stuff (though i gotta study some stuff for the zoo job!) and it was really relaxed and meeting up with people whom i've not seen in a month was awesome (:


soff, resh, shaina, roy and me. we have no cool clique name. but it doesnt matter. hope we'll meet at LEAST once a month! it was just awesome talking to you guys till the security guard chased us away. heh all the outdated stories and everything. and i believe, i really really believe, despite everything, that we'll be able to stay as friends forever.


the two photos belong to rach oon. but anw og outing! my og is seriously the most awesome (: i guess after seeing yall almost every school day for the past two years, the bonds dont break too easily.




in any case, cny was a good break (: though i had to keep explaining what my job in the zoo entailed. now back to waking up earlyyy every morning. but i'm excited (:



all the best to those who are going overseas to serve the nation. just be sure not to try swimming.





Tears And Rain - James Blunt

How I wish I could surrender my soul;
Shed the clothes that become my skin;
See the liar that burns within my needing.
How I wish I'd chosen darkness from cold.
How I wish I had screamed out loud,
Instead I've found no meaning.

I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.

How I wish I could walk through the doors of my mind;
Hold memory close at hand,
Help me understand the years.
How I wish I could choose between Heaven and Hell.
How I wish I would save my soul.
I'm so cold from fear.

I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.
Far, far away; find comfort in pain.
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.

Tears and Rain.

Tears and Rain.

Far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.

Wednesday, February 02, 2011

i realise my last post was my 888th post.

but anyways, so i've been working for 3 days now (more like 2.5 days), and so far, i'm not regretting the long travelling hours (: gotta wake up early, earlier than i've been in my past decade of schooling, but least there's a 30min bus ride when i can kip a bit.

and work so far's been quite fun (: much to learn and remember but least there's variation and little animals to play with and stuff. and programmes with kids start next week!




went back to rj for ecolit stuff ytd, talked a bit before heading over to macritchie. dont remember going to mr in the evening before, but anyway it's a totally different experience from going in the mornings/afternoon. went through the trail which we'll be bringing pri sch kids to and plants/animals along the trail. and walking back through the forest trail was totally like walking in some enchanted forest. the half-light and the noisy cicadas/frogs and everything. i wanna go for forest night walk sometime!



many places i wanna go, many things i wanna do. hoping i'll actually do them..




happy chinese new year friends (: