In brief...

I'm a Nature-lover, aspiring conservationist, and wannabe traveller in search of outdoor adventure.
My interests vary from conservation to education to heritage to Nature (biodiversity & wildlife) to outdoor activities to life in general.
They occupy most of my waking moment.
Do read my blogs, follow me on Twitter (@jocelynesze) and friend me on Facebook (subject to my discretion). Visit my Nature blog, Nature Rambles, at http://natureramble.wordpress.com.

UPDATE 2 Apr 2017 - This site is no longer maintained, please visit jocelynesze.wordpress.com if you're interested in more recent writing.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

went from the Singapore Zoological Gardens to the Singapore Botanical Gardens today.


spent an hour or so lying on the grass near the Shaw Foundation amphi (or whatever that structure is called) talking to ruici about the future. and i guess the future is what most of us are thinking about now. be it the uni we want to go to, the company we are considering spending years with and our dreams. if it all reconciles.
my brother (older) used to have a dream. of an ideal job, of what he aspired to be, dreams. but then, he went into ns, and got jaded. and now he decides he shall just focus on earning money. dreams got lost.

i just hope that i never lose my dream. i may never achieve it, never manage to fulfill my aspiration, but i hope i never forget it. and honestly if you ask me what i really want to do in the future, i have no answer for you. i dont know exactly what i can do, like the options for me. but i do know that i dont want my life planned out for me. i know what i dont want to do.


but i also know that if i do get bonded, i know how the rest of my life will pan out. which is not a bad thing, i guess, but just not my dream. i dont know. i just want to go with the flow and see how my life turns out. how many individual, independent choices come together to result in my life.



and i'll be going tioman this weekend for my advanced diving course. hope there'll be awesome stuff to see. gonna be a boat trip, so exciting (:



thought of this idea one night. to contact all my kindergarten and pri sch teachers. go back to my kindergarten and pri sch to find my teachers and talk to them. i think teachers appreciate this kind of thing. but i always have ideas that i rarely act on. maybe this will be different.


and the most awesome thing ever. free cone day this coming tuesday, and includes the outlet at the zoo! yay :D i've already eaten so much unhealthy things at the zoo since i started work. but i went for a jog today at the botanic gardens. i must say the botanic gardens smell a lot better than the zoo, though i suppose that is not surprising.



pardon me if my english make no sense, i'm quite sleepy. fell asleep standing on the mrt today. and leaned onto the person on my right, whoops.




I Hope You Dance - Lee Ann Womack
I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty-handed

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance
I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances but they're worth taking
Lovin' might be a mistake but it's worth making

Don't let some hell-bent heart leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out reconsider
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always)
I hope you dance
(Rolling us along)
I hope you dance
(Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder)
I hope you dance
(Where those years have gone)

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

Dance
I hope you dance
(Dance)
I hope you dance
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always)
I hope you dance
(Rolling us along)
I hope you dance
(Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder)
I hope you dance
(Where those years have gone)

Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder
(Dance)
Where those years have gone
(Dance)

Sunday, March 27, 2011

i am actually quite proud of myself that i qualified for finals even though today was quite horrible (my climbing).

and watching open just makes me wanna train more! those people are just sick. but seriously, it was damn cool being in the crowd watching them attempt the routes.


so this weekend was the slackest i've had in a long time, and i spent it on climbing (:


watching some show on prince william now. he went to st andrews university, which is one of my choices for uk. should i go there? there's a beach there, i can go surfing... and there's a countryside i can escape to on weekends. nice and picturesque. though i have no nice house in the middle of the countryside to go to, unlike prince william. my mom wont buy me a nice house there, unlike the queen.



i think i really gotta settle into a routine, where i have time for work and climbing and running/training.



Saturday, March 26, 2011

awesome feeling being able to wake up at 9am and go backt to sleep again (:

anw my table was full of junk again, so cleared it a bit. found the issue of ONE that we were given when we were graduated, that i meant to read but never really had time. and i realise that as an alumni now, a rafflesian alumni, the feeling when i read such publications is different. i am now an alumni, no longer a student at the school. i dont quite know how to verbalise it, but the feeling's just different. there's that sense of proudness? that i graduated from rg/rj. that i never really felt when i was studying.

and some words just spoke to me.


"life is a series of choices. somtimes, the choice isnt even ours to make and we can only choose to embrace the outcome (or not). we make a decision and move forward with it until we need to choose again. each decision may be a considered and responsible choice but how they all string together if often rather random. we can only determine the general direction that we want to walk towards.
recognise what speaks to us. and what does not. cultivate our moral compass and figure what we stand for as a human being. wherever possible, pursue our passion(s) and hopefully, beocme good at it. enjoy the journey because the destination will probably look quite different from what we imagined it to be when we started."
- Dr Beh Swan Gin (RJC 1985)


i totally agree with him.

and i just wonder where i'll end up. if i'll become like them, successful in what they do.



and i realise that there used to be a RI Museum CCA that started in the 1950s, like a natural history society. i wonder what happened to it. i would totally have loved to join it. but i guess that's kind what we're trying to do with Walks of Life/(unofficial) Raffles Nature Society.





anyway went for nus boulderactive today, and it ended unexpectedly. i really dont expect much from myself, not when i train (or even climb) so little, and not when i've dropped so far in standard from previously. but wells. in any case i'm a very blessed individual.





We can only make a difference by using our giftedness to serve others. If you were to die tonight, what would people say about you at your funeral?

Friday, March 25, 2011

looking forward to tomorrow -- it's the first time in a long time i can sleep past 630am :) :)

though boulderactive's gonna suck majorly. but wells. it's essentially just like my first comp all over again. only this time, i'm not really caring too much about it. with barely time to climb, let alone train, i really doubt i'll have any good climbs.


been going to the doctor's very often since i started work. wonder it's because of work, or because of the place i work at, or i dont know, just the way things are. even though i use dettol hand sanitiser very often.


so many things to do, both at work and at home. i need more time. and i wonder if working life will always be like this.



too tired to blog much, but this weekend is the slackest weekend i've had in a long time. though it's low tide and there are many trips going on. but boulderactive :/ :/ let's just hope the goodie bag's worth it. (such a singaporean thing to say)




on a random note, i can count one to ten in german now :) and i know how to play a german game including the song. though the hyperactive kids deprived us of sleep.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

not been blogging for more than a week! though i have been thinking about it, but really been too busy.

didnt really talk much about my wiang kaen trip beforehand, was preoccupied with work and scholarship apps i think, so well dont think many people realised i was overseas.

but wiang kaen (northern thailand, nearest airport chiang rai) was awesome. this catholic mission home (link: http://wkmissionphotos.blogspot.com/ though it's not been updated) is one that my family's been going to since 2003 quite often. though my last trip there was like 3 years ago or more (my family went without me in j1). i really miss the place. it's a very nice place.

just some background bout the mission home. It's a place for the kids in the villages around the area. they're not orphans, they have family, parents, siblings. but the villagers around the area are not Thai, not ethnic Thai. they're hill tribal people. like Hmong and Karen and i cant rmb what else. but most of the kids at the mission home are Hmong. so anyway, the ethnic Thai supposedly look down on the hill tribes. i suppose they see them as backward and inferior. the centre brings them up like Thai kids, and well, let others realise that the hill tribe ppl are normal people too. but anyway, i never really understood the significance of the mission home until this trip, when i listened to the stories the Sister Bernard (the nun who runs the place) was telling us bout the kids who've grown up. what the mission home gives them is not just a place to stay, it gives them equal opportunity. access to schooling, and to keep them there. cos i think the village kids who go to sch, most of them drop out halfway to work. but at the home, they are given education till pre u level. and then, if they're good enough and fortunate enough i guess, they get sponsorship to further education. as a religious, a teacher, a mechanic or anything. and they get to work elsewhere, in the cities, and not just confined to their villages. and earn money they would otherwise not get to.

but anyway, so going back there after all those time. it's a bit like, old friends meeting up again. only i dont speak their language and they're not very good with english, except for a few. and i realise they've grown older too, just like me. like a parallel thing, me in singapore, they there. and watching them grow up with me, since they were like 6/7 to now about 15/16. and some of them have moved on, left the centre to go work. and because the Sister and Father (the priest who runs the church there and various other stuff) are leaving the centre soon, i wont be able to go back. maybe for a year, maybe forever. hence the "random" trip. but when we left i felt like crying, the emotional bond developed there was not little. and i wished i could extend my trip.

the kids are really cute. they run a lot, play games that do not involve electricity/batteries, and have natural brown highlights. cos they're slightly malnourished. not that the centre doesnt feed them enough; what they get is probably much more than what the families can afford to give back home. and keep them clean and in good health.

my family also visits the villages around the region. and the kids there are all grimy and wearing old and tattered and ill-suited clothes, like dresses on boys. and some of them have golden hair, again from malnutrition. we visit the villages to give them stuff, material goods bought from donations collected. not the solution to their problems i know, but i guess it helps. blankets, food, clothes. a solution to their problem (poverty) is hard. i keep thinking of what i can do, long term and sustainable, to help. but i dont really know what. and i guess for now, all we can do is give them such material goods to help alleviate their sol and stuff.

i'll put up pictures when i get them and when i have time.




so after i got back from my trip on tuesday (before the rest of my family and family friends), i was just preoccupied with scholarship applications. so many things to do and prepare. been so tired. but i realise when i get stressed, i cant sleep at night. no matter how tired i am. when i have a lot of things to do, things on my mind, i'll just keep thinking and thinking and not fall asleep, no matter how much i know i need my sleep.

and tuition too, cos ct1 is soon. hope my students will do okay T.T


but thankfully, all the scholarship apps are settled. just hope everything goes smoothly!
and that i'll finally be able to decide, US OR UK! though of course, if i dont get a scholarship, it'll just be NUS!




went to climb yesterday after work. i'm climbing once a fortnight. some kinda crappy training. boulderactive next sat is sooooo screwed. sighs. ah wells. then had nepal trip meeting. exciting but scary. but actually, i'm not dreading the training and the trek as much as the COLD. hopefully everything works out for the trip. then stayed over at lynnette's place.

and today was a packed day. from helping out (just a little bit) at rockfest at uwc (sea) to iccs meeting to cyrene trip to help siti with her doctorate project. more about cyrene (which is a submerged reef in the middle of our shipping lanes and industrial buildings) in my nature blog (http://natureramble.wordpress.com)

then tmr there's some pub launch at macritchie and ecolit is involved.



really tired and sleepy, but happy too. i like being busy. but i'm not someone who can survive on 5 hours sleep per day for many days in a row.



to end off, just for laughs. on work.
my reply to someone's query on free dates for a programme:
Hi XXX,

Greetings from the (where i work)!

4 May can
6 May can
10 May cannot, 5 May can?

Cheers,
Jocelyne
(where i work) education


(i dont want to put too much info, just in case there's any policy about something)

i accidentally sent it out T.T so embarrassing and all my colleagues were amused. meant to press save draft but pressed send instead. sighs.



and i'm so used to picking up phone calls on queries that when i picked up the phone at home today, i went (in the cheery, bright voice you use to pick up office calls) "Hi!" and was about to continue with a "Good Afternoon" when i remembered i was at home.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

my throat hurts and my voice is half gone and i'm developing a cough. and this is the second time in something like two or three weeks that i'm sick. though at least there's no fever now.

doesnt help when i pick up calls and the teachers complain they cant hear me over the phone. :(

i dont even remember the last time i lost my voice.



but you know, i really think that when the kids walk around the zoo, the visitors stare at them as much as they stare at the animals. perhaps a Kids Zoo where we put kids in exhibits for people to watch would not be a bad idea.



and our new ferret called farrid is really smelly. ferrets always remind me of draco malfoy. but i doubt draco malfoy looks half as cute as a ferret.




so many things to do. scholarship applications are scary.




going to Chiang Rai (Northern Thailand) tomorrow night till tuesday. then it's back to work. and tuition. ct1 is coming, i am getting quite stressed. but haha my mom says yi fen qian, yi fen huo. which means that since i charge so little for tuition, the quality they get isnt very good either. she's so mean.



throat really hurts to swallow. but i'm sick of going to the doctor's. and i'm really sleepy. people keep commenting that i look tired/like i didnt sleep. which i do, really, my usual amount. but somehow it's not enough.





you never really know.

Friday, March 04, 2011

after doing camp at the zoo with pri 3 kids, i realise they dont really know english. they dont know how to speak proper english and they dont quite understand it. i thought they speak singlish cos you know, like when we talk amongst friends we dont speak proper english either, but really, they can't even ask "where will you be sleeping tonight?" in proper english. "where you sleeping tonight" gets 2 votes, "you sleep where tonight" gets 3 votes. scary much.



and really, all i want to do is thank God for everything.



though honestly, while i really care about grades and stuff, even when i do get good grades, it's nothing much. in the sense that i dont really celebrate, my parents dont really celebrate (and i dont get rewards for good grades either, ever) and it's just. not really a big deal. like birthdays and christmases and new years.




tired. brightsparks gave an annoyingly heavy bag full of not-very-interesting information that i had to lug around.



long day tomorrow. filled with events that i cant go for; why is 5 mar such a popular day and why do events always have to clash.

looking forward to next friday. holiday (:






hope everyone's happy enough. God will provide.

Wednesday, March 02, 2011

since i'm gonna be at camp tomorrow and wont be home, wont be able to hear all the before-results-day whining.


not to say that i'm not scared for what will be revealed on friday. but wells, should not worry but trust everything to God.

i cant imagine what will happen.






all the best friends, hope you'll be happy with what you have and not do anything foolish!