In brief...

I'm a Nature-lover, aspiring conservationist, and wannabe traveller in search of outdoor adventure.
My interests vary from conservation to education to heritage to Nature (biodiversity & wildlife) to outdoor activities to life in general.
They occupy most of my waking moment.
Do read my blogs, follow me on Twitter (@jocelynesze) and friend me on Facebook (subject to my discretion). Visit my Nature blog, Nature Rambles, at http://natureramble.wordpress.com.

UPDATE 2 Apr 2017 - This site is no longer maintained, please visit jocelynesze.wordpress.com if you're interested in more recent writing.

Sunday, May 29, 2011

i realise my weekends are all kinda themed. like nature stuff, or outdoor sports stuff, or catch up with friends. i need to find a timetable, a schedule where i can do all of them in a weekend, every weekend. instead of one week nature stuff one week outdoor sports stuff etc. if i make any sense at all.



this weekend was a very lepak weekend. mostly jogged at ecp (for the first time in. hmm possible ever?), climbed at Onsight (guillemard village, guillemard road!), swam a little. got my backpack for Island Peak. wish I went for Walks of Life Sungei Buloh walk. but i needed the sleep i guess. conked out today afternoon for a 2 hour nap despite my 8 hour nights.


i just feel like i really need some direction and some meaning in life. http://blogs.hbr.org/haque/2011/05/is_a_well_lived_live_worth_anything.html
read the article. just made me think more.

about how people today know, but dont bother taking action.



i feel like i need some quiet me-time, in a nice isolated place. perhaps some good friends as well, people who talk meaning and life. you know who you are ^^

i need to get back my sense of... purpose i guess.



hardly been keeping in touch with friends too, which is saddening and prob contributes to the lack of meaning in life. sighs i think i need to revamp my life. before that i need a break to think through my life properly.

Saturday, May 28, 2011


tired. the past week has been pretty tiring, been sleeping late and work is fairly tiring.

really need to train more, exercise more. physical fitness level has been in steady decline since.... since i graduated from rg (and hence odac) i guess.

stamina and endurance, both mental and physical is kinda gone. and climbing is also sucking.

tried to run 10km today, but ended up running sth like 5km or less. damn fail :P need to run more :/

then went to the new climbing gym, Onsight which is at Guillemard Village. super near my house now(: and damn close to where kong hwa used to be.

it's a pretty big place. fingers got really raw after a while tho, and i gave up climbing. sooo screwed for pumpfest next week :/ :/ i really think i'm gonna end up somewhere near last.



anw Zoolympix started, in the zoo. so exciting (: tiring but quite fun. 2 weeks more to go though, and i'm not that involved in it. but i like face/hand painting the most (: i painted a penguin that looked more like a frog/parrot on thu, but forgot to take a photo of it. fri was more successful (:




elephant! :)






need to figure a schedule where every week i can exercise, go outdoors to Nature haunts and catch up with friends.


i think i'll be friendless in a few months more, when uni starts.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

all i want to do is to live free and dream big. because that's all i can do for now.

somehow that seems to be a crime, almost, in singapore. people say encouraging things, or show affirmation, but somehow there is still that underlying inhibition of sorts.


been talking to so many people about uni and life and everything these two days. so i may be idealistic (youths and their idealism) and less than realistic. but i still want to live my dream. unless i have no choice.


which means it's status quo, all over again. before As, after As results, after scholarship interviews and results, after uni results. same.

and anyway i cant do much now.





been waking up at 5am and 530am over the weekend. may be early for some, may be late for others. but weekends are meant for me to catch up on my sleep T.T nonetheless, the effort and sleep deprivation were worth it. need to blog on a number of things, but i'm too tired to do so.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

I WANT TO DIVE AND CLIMB AND TREK AND HIKE AND KAYAK.




anyway, i'm glad that so far, i've just been hearing people congratulating me on having rejected the scholarship offer.


but with local uni results (whatever you call that) coming out, and most people getting their acceptance offers from various schools/faculties in unis (mostly nus medicine and nus law...), people still ask, so what you gonna do? where you gonna go?

just like how, after A level results came out, people ask, so what you gonna do now?



i think i'm still taking my gap year. i mean, i have no where to go this year. maybe i should announce it on facebook. i am not going anywhere, not gonna do anything. not in the near future anyway.




and i guess, after telling people about my gap year and what i may/may not do, even if people wanna say stuff that isnt very encouraging, they wouldnt say that in my face (ie i wouldnt know about it). yeah, my life is pretty undecided now. makes me feel like a waste of space, especially compared to all the rest of the world (i exaggerate) who are in medicine/law/business/somewhere.




no i'm not whining. or being a sore loser/wet blanket/sour grape. haha i cant, considering i never applied. and actually, i'm feeling quite great now. out of that sian feeling.





and i realise why i miss my secondary school days. because then, at least i did something useful with my life. i felt like i made a difference to some people then. right now, i feel like the only difference i'm making is using up scarce resources and not contributing in any productive, positive way. i enjoy helping people and being a senior to juniors and that kind of stuff, but i do none of that now. i suppose that's why i'm not particularly enthusiastic about life now, or anything of that sort.







anyways, i didnt get the holiday i wanted, but i got a little break. in the form of climbing at dairy farm :) i missed dairy farm, and climbing outdoors on natural wall. very very much. climbed only 2 routes, before it started pouring. hid in the cave. had an interesting conversation with interesting people. for an hour, before the rain lessened enough to trek out to civilisation.

but awesome part was the rain gushing down the slope, forming a little stream. totally awesome, wading in it and everything.







life should be more like this and less filled with grouses and unhappiness and sianness and well. i guess it's really up to me, but i really do need to go outdoors more :/





catching up with osl mentors (save soff and bella :/) was great. i love how we still can talk and talk and talk. i miss them very much, and our days spent in cambodia/rg. love all of you :)



Somewhere Only We Know - Keane
I walked across an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet
Sat by the river and it made me complete

Oh simple thing, where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

I came across a fallen tree
I felt the branches of it looking at me
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?

Oh simple thing, where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

And if you have a minute, why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go somewhere only we know?
Somewhere only we know

Oh simple thing, where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

And if you have a minute, why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go? So why don't we go?

Oh, this could be the end of everything
So why don't we go somewhere only we know?
Somewhere only we know
Somewhere only we know

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

many things happened in the past week, that i have yet to mention here.


many things that would have/have impacted my life. such as being offered a scholarship by NParks.


i've struggled with the decision for many days since i heard of the good news. and as some may know, i had a lot of problems with this decision. it's probably one of the hardest decisions i've made in my relatively short life. the full impact of it have yet to hit me, but well.


most normal, sane singaporeans would probably have signed it without further thought. after all, a free overseas education and guaranteed employment for 6 years after graduation, who wouldnt want that? rather, which singaporean wouldnt? is not stability and security something we strive towards?



but to me, that would have meant giving up on my dreams and being tied down, with no chance for other opportunities. i guess what i really dont want, is knowing what is going to happen in the future. maybe i like a certain degree of uncertainty.


and then there are my parents and older brother who's also going to uni to consider.


all in all, it was a very tough weekend. but i finally made the decision. one that i guess some people would criticise me for, while others might congratulate me. i dont know. i guess all that matters is i'm happy with it and God is happy with it. i prayed, and now, i'm just trusting everything to Him.





i suddenly felt like what are dreams and aspirations? everything suddenly felt so meaningless, even living. maybe it's time for me to take a break and go back to a few years ago.


working sucks everything out of you. but then again, i shouldnt blame work. i should blame myself, for not putting in enough effort.


i miss the way i was a few years ago, when i was in secondary school. i was a lot more believing, a lot more naive (and happiness came more easily) and a lot more. i dont know, i think a few years ago, i was a much better person than i am right now. or maybe not. i really dont know. too many voices in my head. i suppose i shouldnt regret whatever is in the past. just look forward and well. move forward.





as you can tell from the whole post, i'm really all in a mumble-jumble mess. i need to go for a quiet retreat with some good company and sort out myself and my life. which is something that i'm definitely not going to get. which means that i need to stop whining and get on with life.





Wake Me Up When September Ends - Green Day
Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
wake me up when September ends

like my father's come to pass
seven years has gone so fast
wake me up when September ends

here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we are

as my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost
wake me up when September ends

summer has come and passed
the innocent can never last
wake me up when September ends

ring out the bells again
like we did when spring began
wake me up when September ends

here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we are

as my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost
wake me up when September ends

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
wake me up when September ends

like my father's come to pass
twenty years has gone so fast
wake me up when September ends
wake me up when September ends
wake me up when September ends



and i just wanna say thanks to those who helped, one way or other. thanks for listening, for giving advice, for being there. i think you know who you are.




i think i need to start believing in myself again.

Saturday, May 07, 2011

today, i turned from a "politically apathetic singaporean youth" to someone who actually does care about GE.


true i dont know much about politics and parliament and policies and everything. but this year, i gave a damn about who was running for candidacy, which parties would win which constituencies. and even though i didnt go for rallies (though i really wish i did), i bothered to read facebook notes (social media ftw) and keep myself updated.


and as results were announced, as sleepy as i was, i stayed up all the way, just to hear aljunied's official results.




a few things that keep resurfacing:
1) damnit why Tin Pei Ling in parliament
2) sad that Chiam See Tong not in anymore (though i dont feel much for this, potong pasir a bit far off and so is bishan-toa payoh)
3) Returning Officer Yam Ah Mee's style of delivering official results
4) WHYY GEORGE YEO NOT IN PARLIAMENT ANYMORE (and the rest of the pap aljunied team)


but yeah, i agree that it's good that opposition won more seats, and in the constituencies that they lost, they mostly only lost by a small margin.



sighs. okay wells. time to sleep.





nike goddess 5km run was not very awesome. the name is kinda dumb and it was just oozing feminism everywhere. like seriously, asking us to chant collectively that "running is for girls not guys" ???? =.= and other similar retarded things. annoying. and the whole run was rather boring.
and the many volunteers they had were just there for display. really. so crowded, i'll never go for it again.




i hope the news broadcasters and everyone else who cant not get involved with reporting the news get a day off for reporting till 230am in the morning. and for tomorrow's newspapers.

Sunday, May 01, 2011

april is over. i am glad. it was a pretty stressful month. i get pimple breakouts every time i'm stressed, whether i really think i'm stressed or not.


interviews are over and moving house is more or less done. i am now in mountbatten smc.

and my room is no longer green with a blue ceiling. it's white. white walls and white ceiling and white cupboard and white table and white bed and white fan. only the floor and book shelf is brown. wall paper and curtain not in yet.


i really want a house in the countryside though.




been meeting up with quite a few people, always nice to meet up and chat. there are always people with whom you can talk for hours without wanting to leave. and then there are those when sometimes you just wonder why on earth you bother. but now, all the talk is just unis and scholarships. and ns. no one really talks about the future future. like 10 years down the road future. maybe because most things seem uncertain, even where we're gonna be one year down the road, that to talk about what's gonna happen 10 years later is just ridiculous.

but i realise i seldom feel the need to take photos anymore. i hardly take any photos in fact. i dont know if it's a good thing. somehow or rather, there just doesnt seem to be the need to take photos. yet i am someone who needs photos or notes or something, to help me recall past events and outings. ah wells.



there used to be so many things i wanted to do in my gap year. still want to do, in fact. but i've just been so caught up with life and everything that i just cant be bothered starting. which is why when i finally decided to register for driving, my BTT ends up in June.







maybe it's a crime to say this, but i really miss school. was reading notes from jc years, and i felt really nostalgic. and i dont think it's that i dont treasure friendships or anything, but somehow i drift quite a lot. in part, i think i dont like the idea of someone getting too close to me.







my family went to watch Lion King. it is awesome. i love the props and choreography and voices and music and everything. makes me wish i could sing and dance half as well.



He Live In You - Lion King
Night and the spirit of life calling
Oh, oh, iyo mamela oh, oh, iyo
And the voice with the fear of a child answers
Oh, oh, iyo iyo mamela

Wait! there's no mountain too great
Hear these words and have faith
Oh, oh, iyo
Have faith
Hela hey mamela, hela hey mamela
Hela hey mamela, hela hey mamela

He lives in you, he lives in me (hela hey mamela)
He watches over everything we see
Into the waters, into the truth
In your reflection, he lives in you

Dream, and the voice in the wind whispers
Oh, oh, iyo, iyo mamela oh, oh, iyo
Wait! there's no mountain too great
Hear these words and have faith
Oh, oh, iyo

He lives in you, he lives in me
He watches over everything we see
Into the waters, into the truth
In your reflection, he lives in you

Ingonyama nengw enamabala
Ingonyama nengw enamabala

He lives in you, he lives in me
He watches over everything we see
Into the water, into the truth
In your reflection, he lives in you

He lives in you (oh yeah), he lives in me
He watches over everything we see
Into the water, into the truth
In your reflection, he lives, he lives, he lives, he lives in you

He lives, he lives, he lives in you
He watches over everything we see