In brief...

I'm a Nature-lover, aspiring conservationist, and wannabe traveller in search of outdoor adventure.
My interests vary from conservation to education to heritage to Nature (biodiversity & wildlife) to outdoor activities to life in general.
They occupy most of my waking moment.
Do read my blogs, follow me on Twitter (@jocelynesze) and friend me on Facebook (subject to my discretion). Visit my Nature blog, Nature Rambles, at http://natureramble.wordpress.com.

UPDATE 2 Apr 2017 - This site is no longer maintained, please visit jocelynesze.wordpress.com if you're interested in more recent writing.

Thursday, June 30, 2011

i miss my friends. i miss talking to you, laughing, chatting, sharing, htht-ing, whatever else. so many people i havent spoken to in such a long time, even if we were never very close, i still miss talking to you.



i have yet to find that balance in life. and the ability to keep in contact with friends. dont forget me, please.





i miss rg. all those cheesy songs we used to sing.

(i dont rmb the title of this song)
Sometimes I wonder, if I made a wrong step somewhere
And times don't seem as good as they have been before
It's not so hard then, to want to break down and cry
But then i hear a chorus of voices, calling from the other shore
Look up, look up

These are my friends, my friends
Just some people walking the same road
With hands, joined as one together
Cross the bridge, see the rainbow
Feel the breeze, watch the flowers grow
Touch the sky, don't you know
You can go higher, higher, higher...

(and there's another verse but I don't remember it either.)



(also dunno the title to this song)
We have shared our morning days
And gone through all rainy nights
Even in the darkest of nights
Stars still light up our way

Tomorrow is a beautiful dream
A dream that will be fulfilled
Cross the bridge of rainbow
In search of the gold

For here we stand (for here we stand)
Our dearest friends (our dearest friends)
Sincerely from our hearts we wish (from our hearts we wish)
May streams of sunlight shine like rays of hope (shine like rays of hope0
Hand in hand we'll work and strive
For the best things in life (for the best things in life)

Sunday, June 26, 2011

there are so many things i want to do yet can never summon that energy and commitment to doing it. i dont innately have that 'just do it' spirit in me, that attitude where i think about doing it and i go about doing it. action to accompany the thought.

which is quite dumb really. it's not that i'm lazy, i think. it's just that i have other things on, other things that i seemingly prioritise over the "many things i want to do"... and i guess i could work it all out, fit everything in. but i just dont have the energy to be busy all the time. and i know many ppl think i'm busy (i'm really not), but they havent seen busy.


i personally have a few ppl i idolise (k it's more of really highly highly respect and regard and value), because of their commitment to their cause, their insane schedules and their energy in doing things. it's amazing, truly. a niche that i fear can never be filled by anyone else when they leave. which is not anytime soon i hope, but all man die eventually.



and i realise i have poor communication skills. really. i mean i'm not a social retard i guess, i am socially aware and am quite perceptive (about certain things) and stuff, but really. my communication skills suck. so much more for me to learn and pick up.




and this is a really random post. full of random jumbled thoughts. i was just looking at the stats for this blog, and according to the data, there are ppl from outside singapore who are reading this blog. i really wonder why.


then i look at the name of my blog, and i feel like i've drifted so far from what this blog is supposed to be about. i feel like i've regressed over time, from rg to rj to now. in having something worth leaving behind, in making a difference, in helping and changing things. now i'm just full of grouses and whines and this blog does not seem worth reading anymore - unless you want to know what's the latest thing i'm whining about. bleh, i feel like i NEED change. i need to change. i need a change of environment, a change of scenery. i need to get someplace for a long period of time, long enough for me to muse about life and the future and how i really want to live my life. i keep saying that yet i never do anything about it. gah.





i need more courage, more strength, more wisdom, more patience, more understanding, more love, more everything. God please help me be what I cannot be on my own.


take me back in time



I'm Telling the World - Taio Cruz
Every part in my heart I'm giving out
Every song on my lips I'm singing out
Any fear in my soul I'm letting go
And anyone who ask I'll let them know

She's the one, she's the one
I say it loud
She's the one, she's the one
I say it proud

Ring a bell, Ring a bell
For the whole crowd
Ring a bell, Ring a bell

I'm telling the world
That I've found a girl
The one I can live for
The one who deserves

Every part in my heart I'm giving out
Every song on my lips I'm singing out
Any fear in my soul I'm letting go
And anyone who ask I'll let them know

She's the one, she's the one
I say it loud
She's the one, she's the one
I say it proud

Ring a bell, Ring a bell
For the whole crowd
Ring a bell, Ring a bell

I'm telling the world
That I've found a girl
The one I can live for
The one who deserves

To give all my heart
A reason to fly
The one I can live for
A reason for life

Oe oh oe oh
Yeah yeah
Oe oh oe oh
Yeah yeah
Oe oh oe oh
Yeah yeah


i think this is such a sweet song.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

tired.

i enjoyed my family trip to tioman. i enjoy getting out of singapore, where ever it may be. even ubin is considered.
and now, my mom and bros are PADI divers too :D looking forward to free dive trips woohoo!


but right now, i just feel like getting out of singapore. but i have no money.


conflicted, quite.


i cant believe that while (almost) everyone else already has a place to study in university, i'm still stressing out about them. my parents have decided that i should reject all my current offers (in uk) and reapply.



Boulevard of Broken Dreams - Green Day

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah,
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone

Read between the lines
What's fucked up when everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah
Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I walk alone
I walk a...

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone...



yeahh. honestly it's something i expected yet totally not prepared for. for everyone (i mean it figuratively alright, i know not everyone's in uni) to have some place in some uni somewhere (mostly local), choosing ccas and staying together and stuff. to have confirmed plans for the next few years of their lives, to be staying together with friends and to still be in contact. perhaps the thing i'm most afraid of really, is losing contact with them.



sometimes i really wonder, why did i bother studying so hard to get straight As? since i already know that what i want to do, that would make me happy, would most likely not need straight As. and i most probably won't be able to earn much. money doesnt make me happy, i dont live for it. but i cant deny that i need money for quite a number of things. like travelling and equipment and learning.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

so many things i wanna do and not enough time. or money. who says i dont know that money is important?

but money shouldn't rule our lives, and we should never let that happen. whether now, or in the future, when you can earn big bucks. i hope my friends never turn mercenary and forget their real goal/motivation/dream in life.



i want to learn things, i want to go out and do field trips, go overseas, play, study, work, learn, laugh, enjoy. too many things to do, i'm barely doing all i need to. maybe there's something wrong with my priorities, something that i need to sort out. exhausted. i really greatly admire people who are so committed and dedicated and who are handling a million and one things yet still manage to keep their heads up.


went for sea anemone workshop (more will be up on the other blog, when i find the time to clear the backlog of posts :/), it was great. really enjoyed myself.


tried to apply for provisional driving license but computer system was down =.= so have to get it another time. anyone got private driving instructor to recommend?

gonna be at camp tomorrow, then tioman from friday to monday.

Wednesday, June 08, 2011

super exhausted. too tired to even walk up the escalator, which i usually do. i'm just falling asleep all over the place, just not in front of the comp. but yet i'm still not sleeping early. always seem to be many things to do.

spent world environment day in sungei buloh, then had a great weekend in ubin. good reprieve from the stresses of working life. i really wish i could stay there longer.

today's world oceans day, spent at tanjong rimau. blogposts shall be up on the other site sometime soon. hopefully. it's so tedious to blog a proper account with photos, i salute all those who do it. and do it much better than me.


i realise when you're working, there's no end. unlike when you're in school. there's always an end. end of term, end of CTs, end of SPA, end of etc etc etc. something to look forward to.

when you start working, all i look forward to are holidays. breaks and reprieves. weekend doesnt count, unless it's spent in ubin/somewhere away from civilisation.

biophilia