In brief...

I'm a Nature-lover, aspiring conservationist, and wannabe traveller in search of outdoor adventure.
My interests vary from conservation to education to heritage to Nature (biodiversity & wildlife) to outdoor activities to life in general.
They occupy most of my waking moment.
Do read my blogs, follow me on Twitter (@jocelynesze) and friend me on Facebook (subject to my discretion). Visit my Nature blog, Nature Rambles, at http://natureramble.wordpress.com.

UPDATE 2 Apr 2017 - This site is no longer maintained, please visit jocelynesze.wordpress.com if you're interested in more recent writing.

Sunday, July 31, 2011

i realise i suck at writing. majorly. sighs, and writing is such a vital skill some more. and i suck at expressing myself when it comes to things that matter too.
ah wells.


went for Batam Build, under Habitat for Humanity, with Li Fang and her friends. Cos I missed doing community service, and building houses (whether fundraising for the money to build it or really going down physically to help construct the house) felt more tangible and impactful and meaningful than what I used to do in OSL in RGS. Not that OSL was a bad thing; it was the best we could do at that point in time, and it had a bigger purpose to it than just contributing to the community. I believe the main point of OSL was to introduce students to the world of volunteerism and plant that little seed in them, to inspire them to do more, and never forget to contribute back to society and the less fortunate.

But anyway, I realise I have evolved, in my community service works. I am now more focused on the job, on the task that I need to do. I take much less pictures with the kids there, play with them much less, interact much less. Not that I'm less enamoured with the kids, but I guess I find the need to work and contribute, rather than play with the kids to satisfy my own personal happiness more important. I don't know.



It was an interesting experience anyway, and as usual, I can't be bothered to blog properly, with pictures and everything :/ I've still got a huge backlog of posts to post on the other blog, whoops :/ and a lot of things to think about.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

The Road Not Taken - Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.





with the start of unis approaching, the lines "Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one less traveled by" keeps surfacing in my head.



i guess the full impact of me taking a gap year is only hitting me now. no regrets, definitely, just a twinge of apprehension and what life will be like from hence forth.


but like what many people have been telling me, i should stop worrying about the future. trust God to do that. i just need to do what i need to do.


mainly, really sit down and think about what is the purpose of my gap year. and how to go about doing what i mean to do. and actually DO it.

i havent been thinking a lot this year. nor reflecting. nor doing anything much, apart from daily life routine.


and then i need to consider, seriously consider university. it sucks that i have to go through everything all over again, but i think now i have a better idea of what i want.


and yes, i am very fortunate to have these "problems".



i need to sleep more, definitely.


Jar of Hearts - Christina Perri
I know I can't take one more step towards you
'Cause all that's waiting is regret
And don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore?
You lost the love I loved the most

And I learned to live, half-alive
And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart

You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are?

I hear you're asking all around
If I am anywhere to be found
But I have grown too strong
To ever fall back in your arms

And I learned to live, half-alive
And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart

You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are?

Dear, it took so long just to feel alright
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed
Cause you broke all your promises

And now you're back
You don't get to get me back

And who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart

You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Don't come back at all

And who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart

You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
Don't come back for me
Don't come back at all

Who do you think you are?

Who do you think you are?

Who do you think you are?

Saturday, July 16, 2011

i know i'd never study anything apart from something to do with biology. never law, biz, acc or ENGINEERING. nor med or vet.


but you know, i just wonder, what if i did? what if i didnt have a "pet interest" and would have just gone with the flow to apply for something just cos i could, and just cos everyone else did? and what if, i got in? what would life be like? it's just like 2 years ago, with council. i feel almost exactly the same. there's always the i could have...

the grass on the other side always seems greener, more fun, more exciting.


but i never regretted not joining council, and i'm pretty sure i wont regret my decision to study whatever i may choose to study in uni. it's just that for now, in this lag period before i go uni myself, there's just so much room to wonder.



seeing all the familiar faces in photos (yes i'm a fb stalker), it justs makes me pretty envious. but i know i would not have survived it. it's just the i wonder.... phase. when you see all your friends there and you here. SIGHS, i so need to make my gap year worth it :)

paths diverge.







today i went to a flea market in singapore for the first time. to sell clothes to fundraise for Batam Build. it was at scape, and it was crowded and stuffy and probably dusty. i kept sneezing and sneezing. but we managed to make a profit, so yay (:

we're still selling shirts for our project, so it would be good if people supported!


sihui and liangsi sleeping over at my house, but they've already conked out. so sad, they're all gonna be staying at hostel, and i'll prob hardly get to see them. or any other friend. argh :(

it's like, the rest of the world has already moved on to the next stage of life, but i'm still stuck (willingly of course, but still) at this stage.







i suddenly revisited old questions. like marine bio or conservation bio? uk or aus or even us?


any helpful advice would be much appreciated. i need to know very reputable unis in the world for either or both of the degrees mentioned. i wish my mom weren't so concerned about rep; but as she's funding my education, she has a right to demand that, i guess.








i really want to know where everyone is going to for uni. and i really wonder if, 20, 30 or even 50 years down the road, how many people would still say i am their friend...




Graduation (Friends Forever) - Vitamin C
And so we talked all night about the rest of our lives
Where we're gonna be when we turn 25
I keep thinking times will never change
Keep on thinking things will always be the same
But when we leave this year we won't be coming back
No more hanging out cause we're on a different track
And if you got something that you need to say
You better say it right now cause you don't have another day
Cause we're moving on and we can't slow down
These memories are playing like a film without sound
And I keep thinking of that night in June
I didn't know much of love
But it came too soon
And there was me and you
And then we got real blue
Stay at home talking on the telephone
And we would get so excited and we'd get so scared
Laughing at ourselves thinking life's not fair
And this is how it feels

[chorus]
As we go on
We remember
All the times we
Had together
And as our lives change
From whatever
We will still be
Friends Forever

So if we get the big jobs
And we make the big money
When we look back now
Will our jokes still be funny?
Will we still remember everything we learned in school?
Still be trying to break every single rule
Will little brainy Bobby be the stockbroker man?
Can Heather find a job that won't interfere with her tan?
I keep, keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly
And this is how it feels

[Repeat chorus]

La, la, la, la:
Yeah, yeah, yeah
La, la, la, la:
We will still be friends forever

Will we think about tomorrow like we think about now?
Can we survive it out there?
Can we make it somehow?

I guess I thought that this would never end
And suddenly it's like we're women and men
Will the past be a shadow that will follow us 'round?
Will these memories fade when I leave this town
I keep, keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly

[Repeat chorus (3x)]

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

i realise it's been such a long time since i blogged!

it's probably a reflection of how i've been all this while, with barely even time to reflect and think and ponder.


been sleeping late for a couple of weeks now, i dont even know what i'm doing with my time, there's always just things to do.


went to monitor seagrasses at chek jawa last last sun, felt so good to go back there again after such a long while! and spent the afternoon walking the ktm railway track. with a 11kg backpack for 14km on the gravel. no joke. preparing for island peak (getting equipment and trying to train) but somehow i think i'm mentally still not prepared. dont really know what to expect, and my imagination sucks.


met up with people whom i've not seen for a long time. actually been meeting up with quite a lot of people. it was nice catching up again and chatting and eating and everything! some people's company are just irreplaceable. i dont ever want to lose contact with them :( though it's just gonna get harder to meet up.

and also met some new people, talked about life and all that stuff. i felt so naive and idealistic. i guess i still believe that one day the world could be good.


i wondered, why do i bother doing the things i do? i guess i ended up choosing the environment over humanity. not because i dont care for humans and i'd rather care for grass and animals, but because i feel that there are enough people out there who are concerned about other human beings in other, less fortunate parts of the world. and not enough caring about the environment.

and i try to live more eco-friendly, env-friendly. to lessen my damaging impact on this world. and to know more about our natural history and advocate conserving our biodiversity and stuff. spread awareness about the little things we can do to help.
i do all this, because maybe, deep down, i believe we still have some hope. maybe i believe that one day, everyone will care about the environment too. that everyone will know that we are entirely dependent on the environment and we need to take care of it.


maybe i believe that one day, once i've "grown up" (ie gotten a proper job after getting my degree), i'll be able to "save the world". maybe. but i do know that i want to make a difference. a positive difference. need to remind myself, and not lose sight of my dream. because life and work can often suck everything out from you and you lose yourself in the midst of busy-ness.



a lot of random rambling.



oh and i'm currently trying to fundraise for our Batam Build project, which is under Habitat for Humanity. we're selling t-shirts for $15, in white and light blue.

please email/sms/fb msg me if you're interested!!




"Never forget that everyday you live, you impact the world. And you decide the kind of impact you want to make." - Dr Jane Goodall