29 life lessons learned in travelling
the world for 8 years straight
Vastly different as the world’s cultures
are, if you speak to Italian millionaires, homeless Brazilians, Dutch fishermen
and Filipino computer programmers, in their own languages, you start to
see that we are all incredibly alike where it matters.
Everyone just wants validation, love,
security, enjoyment and hopes for a better future. The way they verbalise this
and work towards it is where things branch off, but we all have the same basic
desires. You can relate to everyone in
the world if you look past the superficial things that separate you.
2. Deferring
your happiness to the future is a terrible idea
Too many people presume that when they have that
one thing they can
work towards for yearsthen “everything will be alright”.
This is delusional.
When you get it, there’ll be something else
missing in your life. I fundamentally believe that long-term pure happiness
from one particular situation or achievement is a pipe-dream, but we can learn
to be content with what we have, live in the now, all while enjoying the
progress and changes we are making.
If your whole life is working up towards one
really big major goal that you hold on to for years, then you will have a major
anticlimax after the dust settles. Work towards it, but stop deferring your
happiness.
Get there slower and enjoy the ride. I like
how it is portrayed in this video:
Enjoy the show, and don’t wait for the
finale. A song I really like (in Spanish) reminds me that the
present really is all we have.
3. “Someday
my ship will come in” is bullshit. You will NEVER win the lottery. Be
practical.
People seem to have a strange concept of how
luck works and how the universe/some deity/karma/their lucky shoe or how “they
deserve it” will mean that things will eventually fall
into place for them. You are “due” to win the lottery or will get swept away by
prince charmingany day now.
“You deserve it” (as if others don’t).
This is a
misunderstanding of how the world actually works. Perhaps I’m wrong
and praying or hoping that it will all work out, or generally being
a nice person is what really “does the trick”, butwhy not actually get off your ass and do something tangible
too while you’re
at it.
I personally don’t believe in magic or
fairies or astrology or sky wizards or large-scale invisible inexplicable
forces at work on petty daily activities of humans. I’m sceptical about such things, and believe they are all
impossible/ridiculous, and knowledge of this has enriched my life.
As apractical person, I see the world as
a very logical place with physical and social rules and understanding this has
helped me live well in it.
The universe owes you nothing,
you owe it to yourself to be the master of where your life ends up.
4. There’s
no such thing as destiny. This is excellent news!
Destiny is used as a cop-out and standard
excuse by most people for why they don’t do something with their lives. The
thing is, it doesn’t exist.
Your limitations are not set by who you
know, where you were born, what genes you have, how much money you have, how
old you are right now, what you did before or other things that you can claim
are your stamp of failure for life.
If you are determined enough there is a
shitload of opportunities in life that are totally achievable with minimal
cash, regardless of who you are.
5. Seek out
people with different beliefs and views of the world to yours and get to know
their side of the story
As you can probably guess from #3, I have
some beliefs about the world that don’t jive with a lot of people’s. However, a
lot of people get their meaning in life from believing in things I don’t. If
everyone thought like me, the world would be a very boring place.
So when I meet someone with a very different
belief system to mine, it’s better to get along than to try to “convert” them.
This is as true for how the world works as it is for language learning methods, fashion, movie
tastes etc.
When someone is sure about
something and has believed it for many many years, then you cannot convince
them with a few cleverly picked words. Everyone is closed minded about
something, including me. They have to
discover it themselves over time or just continue believing what they do. Don’t
take responsibility for convincing the world you are right. It’s important to
acknowledge that maybe you are
actually the wrong one.
The world is much more fun with people of
varying interests and beliefs. Despite my scepticism, in my travels I have hung
out with astrologists, palm readers, very religious folk, conservatives, and
people who hate technology. And my life and experiences are enriched so much
because of it.
Spending time exclusively with people who
agree with you on everything would never challenge you and allow you to learn
so much more.
6. Living a
good life is the best way possible to convince people
Enough words and enough arguing. Just live
by example and soon you’ll have people on your side when they see your results and how passionate you are. No need to
“convince” them. Just show them that you are there,
tell them how you got there, and they will start to realise that maybe you aren’t
that crazy after all.
7. Nobody
has it all figured out
Almost everyone has problems and puts on a brave face -- don’t
presume they have it easy. You see of each person what they let you
see. You have no idea what they are going through or what they had to put up
with to be in a situation that you can consider “easy”.
This is universal -- millionaires, students,
the cool kid, the party animal, the introvert and everyone in between has more
to their story than the superficial restricted one you see. Never dismiss them
as having it easy if you don’t know the entire story.
9. More money will NEVER solve your problems
As long as you are not living in the street
or going hungry, then you do not “need” more money. When you spend enough time
with people who are actually living on next to nothing, but having a full life,
then you will truly understand this. Everything that is wonderful about life
doesn’t cost a penny, and the rest is way cheaper than you think it is.
10.
Possessions own you
Look at the real reason you want to buy more
expensive crap and realise that it all comes down to validation from others in
one way or another. You don’t really need any of it unless it’s directly
related to essentials in how you work or survive.
The need to buy new crap dictates your life
-- it fixes you in one location with that house and furniture, and it governs
how much money you need to earn. And it almost never actually
enriches your life in any way. The less you own the better.
11. TV is
the greatest black hole of time available to mankind
I wasted so much of my life before age 21
spending 3-4 hours a day watching
TV. Following shows that I “had” to see, in order to “relax”. I regret almost
every second of it. The whole world was passing me by outside.
TV was an important part of the 20st
century, bringing communication and news to the masses, but now it’s wasteful.
People get biased news through it, when much better alternatives are available,
watch terrible TV shows through it that teach them nothing, and it sucks so
many hours of their lives away that they seem to forget about when they delude
themselves into thinking that they don’t have time to pursue real passions in life.
TVs encourage people to be antisocial.
The only TVs you should be watching are someone else’s -- go to your friend’s
house to share a series you like if you must, or go to the bar with your mates
to watch sports. Your life will not be enriched by sitting at
home watching a screen with zero interactivity to it.
12. The
Internet is the greatest tool ever available to us, but daily use must be
capped
Unlike TVs, the Internet is interactive and allows you to take part and become virtually social.
It connects communities all over the world and without it, the last 8 years simply
would have been much more difficult for me for many reasons.
Having said that, it has the same potential
as TV to become a black hole of time. Use it to enrich your life, but put a cap
on how much you use it so you can get out and live that life. Replacing one
screen with another (even when you use it to chat to people) is just escaping
the real world, which is much more beautiful.
13. Get
outside and do something with other people
My favourite website in the world is Couchsurfing.org, precisely because I spend so little time
on it. It has simplified my travel life tremendously by allowing me to host people to
maintain my languages, and to search it for interesting people to meet up with.
The world that is worth experiencing is not
in books or on TV or computer screens. It’s with other human beings. Stop being shy and get out and meet them!
16. Take your time
If there’s one thing I’ve learned from
living in countries that are more “easy going” it’s that they are way wiser
than the rest of us in their pace of life. People and countries that do
everything quicker also do it worse. Take it easy and go slowly.
Enjoy every bite of food, walk at a slow
pace and take in your surroundings, let the other person finish their side of
the conversation while you listen attentively, and stop in the middle of your
day, close your eyes or look at nature and become aware of your breathing.
17. You
can’t please everyone
“I don’t know the secret to success, but the
secret to failure is trying to please everyone” -- Bill Cosby.
State your opinion and stick to your guns.
If you are confident enough and share your idea with enough people, you will piss
off someone no matter what you talk about. That’s their problem, not yours.
18. Trying
to be cool or following trends is for mindless sheep
Peer pressure is for people who are afraid
of their individuality. Stand up for yourself, and go against the flow if
that’s what you feel is best. What’s cool now will be frozen over in
a few years.
21. Stop thinking so much and act
People think their way out of doing
everything that’s worth doing in life. The reason I feel I’m getting so much
done in the last years is precisely because of how much time I give to over-analysing whether I should do something
important or not: None.
23. Making new friends is easy and so is appreciating your current ones
My entire eight years travel has been alone.
I arrive in a new nation without a single friend waiting for me in many cases.
I have no connections, but I make them anyway. I find a party online and go
straight to it and say hi to everyone. Soon, if I try enthusiastically enough,
I’ll find people I can socialise with on a regular basis.
If you are friendly, genuine and charming,
making friends with people from every culture
and background is possible.
When people who are surrounded by family,
networks, work and school colleagues, other friends, clubs and communities they
are a part of… tell me that it’s hard to meet new people I feel like slapping
them in the face to wake them up to the opportunities around them, which I
haven’t had consistently for almost a decade. Look around you!
24. You
don’t know what you’ve got ’till its gone
Don’t take anything for
granted. I couldn’t afford to pay for accommodation one night and had to sleep
outside on a rock because of it. Ever since then I appreciate having a bed,
couch or hammock, no matter how small or where it may be, because I know what
it’s like to not have one. One night was
enough to burn it into me -- I sigh a breath of relief every time I go to bed
now.
I went partially deaf due to an ear
infection for two weeks and appreciate my hearing and all the beautiful sounds
around me all the more because I got it back. I also gained an appreciation forsigned communication that I’d take advantage of several years later.
I’ve never lost anyone close to me, but I
hug my family members and tell them I love them every chance I get, and clear
any bad air with friends and don’t hold back on sharing my emotions with them.
Life is too short -- if I lost anything important to me then I want to make
sure that I never wasted the time I did have with it or with him or her.
25. Swallow
your pride and apologise
Never hold a grudge and never try to win
every argument. Sometimes it’s best to let your pride slide for the sake of
clearing the air with someone. Be the first to say you’re sorry. Never
wait for the other person to make the first move.
26. Doing
anything specifically to impress people is stupid
People will never give you the validation
you seek if you try to be a dancing monkey for them. Saying how many languages you speak, how rich
you are, who you know, where you studied or what you do for a living, or trying
to show-off in any other way to get someone to like you, or working for these
things just for the bragging rights will leave you really
disappointed.
People are impressed by those who aren’t
trying to impress them and are comfortable in themselves and social and
interesting. Sometimes to be “interesting” all you have to do is be a good
listener.
27. People
are not alone in being alone
One of the most frequent questions I get
asked as a long-term solo traveller is if I feel lonely. The short answer is no.
The long answer would require an entire post in itself.
But the fact of the matter is that
loneliness is much more common around the world than I previously thought it
was. I was actually much more lonely
in my university (fixed) life than I am now. And I meet many people who have
vast networks of social groups who feel desperately lonely because they feel
nobody gets them.
Then others who simply changed their
lifestyle in some way (not necessarily by travel, but perhaps marriage or
starting a demanding job) and have lost contact with all their childhood
friends because of it, also feel lonely.
I’ve talked to many people who are convinced
they are the only ones who feel this way. Each time I hear a similar story I
can hear the Police in my head “seems I’m not alone in
being alone…” Believe it or not I find this very comforting when I am genuinely
separated by thousands of kilometres from anyone who even knows what my name
is. Even though nobody is in exactly the
same situation, the amount of people in the world I’ve met tells me that I’m
very likely not the only one in such a
situation, even at that very second.
No matter how lonely you might feel, there
is always someone
who can relate to you. Perhaps you can’t talk to them right now, but they are
out there.
28. Love
isn’t “all” you need, but if you don’t have it in some form, your life will be
very empty
We don’t need love to survive, but without
it there will be a huge hole inside you. Make sure that every day you have
someone (family, friends, lover) to remind you that you are special. If you
postpone this part of your life until later, after you get or do that thing
you want to do, you will continue in that lonely path indefinitely.
29. The most
important lessons in life can never be expressed in black and white, but must
be experienced
I thought I knew it all back in university
-- and that everything of importance can be found in books. But the truth is
that the most important things in life are very hard to put in black and white,
including what I’ve said in this post.
When most of the world’s information is at
our fingertips, a mouseclick away, it makes it feel like we don’t need to experience any
more. Movies, books, or “living vicariously through someone else” means we can
apparently get the general gist of anything.
This is false. Experience is the greatest
teacher of all. Stop reading about or watching the world passively and start
living.
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