In brief...

I'm a Nature-lover, aspiring conservationist, and wannabe traveller in search of outdoor adventure.
My interests vary from conservation to education to heritage to Nature (biodiversity & wildlife) to outdoor activities to life in general.
They occupy most of my waking moment.
Do read my blogs, follow me on Twitter (@jocelynesze) and friend me on Facebook (subject to my discretion). Visit my Nature blog, Nature Rambles, at

UPDATE 2 Apr 2017 - This site is no longer maintained, please visit if you're interested in more recent writing.

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

It comes and goes, yeah, it comes and goes

Exams, known as tripos here in the world of Cambridge, are in a weeks' time!

Clearly it's not the time to be blogging, but I'm in a spate of boredom. Today has been a relatively calm day. I did work, at a relatively slow pace, I ventured out of my house (cos I was rostered to read in chapel), and I went for a run. Yesterday though, I was in a state of panic, suppressing the urge to just give up and sleep and avoid reality. I was really stressed.

It cycles and fluctuates, my attitude towards exams. And I don't know why I can be so chillax one day and verging on hysteria the next.

Sitting for tripos here is like taking A levels all over again, only the coursework was crammed into 20 weeks, you don't have answers (known as cribs) to past year papers and you can never feel prepared.

Also, back home, taking exams made you king (or queen) of the household for that short period of time. When you would be shuttled back and forth everywhere (if you were fortunate enough) by your parents who don't want you to waste time (taking public transport), when your parents would scold everyone else in the household who was making too much noise so that you could study in peace and quiet, when you would get your favourite dishes cooked. Generalisations perhaps, which may not occur in every home, but I think in such an exam-oriented society, it's hard to imagine that such exam fever is not present to some degree.

What I really want. 

Here, the tension in the air is so palpable with almost everyone taking exams, you're not likely to get sympathy from anyone. And feeding oneself becomes such a chore. I barely even feel excited about meals anymore, it's more like a damn, I need to find something to eat. What will it be, an egg sandwich? Perhaps a ham sandwich this time. Microwaved meals are horribly bland and unsatisfying. And you generally live in a state of mess and disorder. Papers and files strewn over the floor, used dishes and mugs lie near the sink until you run out of clean ones to use (very quickly for me, since I have max 2 of each anyway, and just 1 spork), clothes just piling up waiting to be washed, footwear in disarray and all.

So many things going on in the outside world, but when you have exams, nothing else really matters.

Two weeks, and I claim my life back. Why do we have exams? Why do we have educational institutes, where we train people to come out all the same way? What's wrong with apprenticeships as was done in the past? Perhaps because a lot of craftmanship work is replaced with machinery, and what is valued now is the ability to come up with ever newer technology so we can save more time to do more things (like put people in school to study and sit for exams) and perhaps one day we'll discover immortality, and that will be evolution, triumphed. (I know that's a run-on sentence and it probably doesn't make sense but it's the exam season and that shall be my excuse)

And to remind myself that stumbling blocks are good:
Not only that; let us exult, too, in our hardships, understanding that hardship develops perseverance, and perseverance develops a tested character, something that gives us hope, and a hope which will not let us down, because the love of God has been poured into our hearts by the Holy Spirit which has been given to us. - Romans 5:3-5

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