Clearly it's not the time to be blogging, but I'm in a spate of boredom. Today has been a relatively calm day. I did work, at a relatively slow pace, I ventured out of my house (cos I was rostered to read in chapel), and I went for a run. Yesterday though, I was in a state of panic, suppressing the urge to just give up and sleep and avoid reality. I was really stressed.
It cycles and fluctuates, my attitude towards exams. And I don't know why I can be so chillax one day and verging on hysteria the next.
Sitting for tripos here is like taking A levels all over again, only the coursework was crammed into 20 weeks, you don't have answers (known as cribs) to past year papers and you can never feel prepared.
Also, back home, taking exams made you king (or queen) of the household for that short period of time. When you would be shuttled back and forth everywhere (if you were fortunate enough) by your parents who don't want you to waste time (taking public transport), when your parents would scold everyone else in the household who was making too much noise so that you could study in peace and quiet, when you would get your favourite dishes cooked. Generalisations perhaps, which may not occur in every home, but I think in such an exam-oriented society, it's hard to imagine that such exam fever is not present to some degree.
What I really want.
Image taken from: http://www.cookingmomster.com/?cat=110
So many things going on in the outside world, but when you have exams, nothing else really matters.
Two weeks, and I claim my life back. Why do we have exams? Why do we have educational institutes, where we train people to come out all the same way? What's wrong with apprenticeships as was done in the past? Perhaps because a lot of craftmanship work is replaced with machinery, and what is valued now is the ability to come up with ever newer technology so we can save more time to do more things (like put people in school to study and sit for exams) and perhaps one day we'll discover immortality, and that will be evolution, triumphed. (I know that's a run-on sentence and it probably doesn't make sense but it's the exam season and that shall be my excuse)
And to remind myself that stumbling blocks are good:
Not only that; let us exult, too, in our hardships, understanding that hardship develops perseverance, and perseverance develops a tested character, something that gives us hope, and a hope which will not let us down, because the love of God has been poured into our hearts by the Holy Spirit which has been given to us. - Romans 5:3-5