The exams were bad, so bad. It's the first time I feel like I could actually cry during an exam, that I would hand in half-empty scripts, that my stomach cramped from the fear. I usually moan and whine about exams, but most are fine, I can at least write something. This was so bad that you're gripped by the fear of handing in blank script cos they tested everything that you wouldn't think would come out (having done a couple of past year papers and all). The range of topics covered in the syllabus is like insanely large, and they test just a fraction of it. and the fraction that's tested always happens to be the one that you didnt study. And it's such a tragedy when they don't test the stuff that you've been studying so hard for - I felt quite cheated.
Really, this is worse than As. For A levels, you study hard, you prepare, you do tonnes of TYS that you've got answers for and you know the model answer and what to write and you've got time to think during the exam. Also, if you fail your As, you can retake it. Not cool, but you can.
Failing these exams, you get kicked out (or so I was told). No retakes. No chances.
No wonder they had to repeatedly reassure us that first year grades don't count to the degree and it's quite hard to fail.
Apart from the stress of cramming and the fear of failing, I also tend to get homesick during exams cos nothing else to distract. So I just end up emo-ing around and doing nothing productive in particular. And feeling guilty about that subsequently. Vicious cycle, not cool.
A late night realisation at 1.20am on 9 June. I've just finished covering sedimentary facies, the climate system, in the midst of British geological history. And I realise I really like what I study (or rather, I remember that I really like it), the things I learn. That the climate is affected by plate tectonics, the movement of continents, earth orbital movements (precession, eccentricity, tilt), green house gases, solar constant, reflectivity and all sorts of things. How mountains are made. I don't think I can remember the details sufficiently to regurgitate what they want during exams, but I'm happy to know the mechanics of the systems. Does it really matter that I got a 2:2? I know that I know what I know. I say that now, but when results are out, I'll probably still be depressed. But for now, peace.
So the nightmarish week is all over now, till a year later. It's been an experience, sitting for exams again, and I really hope I'll get a decent grade. Or I'll be a disgrace to my country, as my younger bro reminded me. :P
The Cave - Mumford & Sons