In brief...

I'm a Nature-lover, aspiring conservationist, and wannabe traveller in search of outdoor adventure.
My interests vary from conservation to education to heritage to Nature (biodiversity & wildlife) to outdoor activities to life in general.
They occupy most of my waking moment.
Do read my blogs, follow me on Twitter (@jocelynesze) and friend me on Facebook (subject to my discretion). Visit my Nature blog, Nature Rambles, at http://natureramble.wordpress.com.

UPDATE 2 Apr 2017 - This site is no longer maintained, please visit jocelynesze.wordpress.com if you're interested in more recent writing.

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

(coming out of) the cave.

Well not really, I don't tend to exhibit hermit-like behaviour even if it's exam period.

The exams were bad, so bad. It's the first time I feel like I could actually cry during an exam, that I would hand in half-empty scripts, that my stomach cramped from the fear. I usually moan and whine about exams, but most are fine, I can at least write something. This was so bad that you're gripped by the fear of handing in blank script cos they tested everything that you wouldn't think would come out (having done a couple of past year papers and all). The range of topics covered in the syllabus is like insanely large, and they test just a fraction of it. and the fraction that's tested always happens to be the one that you didnt study. And it's such a tragedy when they don't test the stuff that you've been studying so hard for - I felt quite cheated.

Really, this is worse than As. For A levels, you study hard, you prepare, you do tonnes of TYS that you've got answers for and you know the model answer and what to write and you've got time to think during the exam. Also, if you fail your As, you can retake it. Not cool, but you can.

Failing these exams, you get kicked out (or so I was told). No retakes. No chances.

No wonder they had to repeatedly reassure us that first year grades don't count to the degree and it's quite hard to fail.


Apart from the stress of cramming and the fear of failing, I also tend to get homesick during exams cos nothing else to distract. So I just end up emo-ing around and doing nothing productive in particular. And feeling guilty about that subsequently. Vicious cycle, not cool.

--
A late night realisation at 1.20am on 9 June. I've just finished covering sedimentary facies, the climate system, in the midst of British geological history. And I realise I really like what I study (or rather, I remember that I really like it), the things I learn. That the climate is affected by plate tectonics, the movement of continents, earth orbital movements (precession, eccentricity, tilt), green house gases, solar constant, reflectivity and all sorts of things. How mountains are made. I don't think I can remember the details sufficiently to regurgitate what they want during exams, but I'm happy to know the mechanics of the systems. Does it really matter that I got a 2:2? I know that I know what I know. I say that now, but when results are out, I'll probably still be depressed. But for now, peace.
--



So the nightmarish week is all over now, till a year later. It's been an experience, sitting for exams again, and I really hope I'll get a decent grade. Or I'll be a disgrace to my country, as my younger bro reminded me. :P

The Cave - Mumford & Sons
It's empty in the valley of your heart
The sun, it rises slowly as you walk
Away from all the fears
And all the faults you've left behind

The harvest left no food for you to eat
You cannibal, you meat-eater, you see
But I have seen the same
I know the shame in your defeat

But I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck

And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again

Cause I have other things to fill my time
You take what is yours and I'll take mine
Now let me at the truth
Which will refresh my broken mind

So tie me to a post and block my ears
I can see widows and orphans through my tears
I know my call despite my faults
And despite my growing fears

But I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck

And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again

So come out of your cave walking on your hands
And see the world hanging upside down
You can understand dependence
When you know the maker's hand

So make your siren's call
And sing all you want
I will not hear what you have to say

Cause I need freedom now
And I need to know how
To live my life as it's meant to be

And I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck

And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again

No comments:

Post a Comment