Been pretty unproductive the past week or so. Feel like I'm kinda falling back into bad habits of the past few years, and procrastinating on work when I really shouldn't. Only what's worse is this year I literally have no excuses. I am barely committed to any other organisation/club/society etc, that I have no excuse for why I am not doing my work.
Still trying to work out graduate studies plans, and that really gets me stressed and makes me unproductive. But I realised I really should stop whining/complaining and just get on with my work, to snap out of this unproductive state. The Lord has plans for me and gives me strength, and I just need to trust in Him. I should not be spreading negativity and my "misery", and I realised that during the St Vincent de Paul Society (through which I do soup runs) meeting yesterday, when we were reading/reflecting on a chapter from Thomas Kempis' The Imitations of Christ (Chapter 6, Book 3).
THE PROVING OF A TRUE LOVER
THE VOICE OF CHRIST: MY CHILD, you are not yet a brave and wise lover.
THE DISCIPLE: Why, Lord?
THE VOICE OF CHRIST: Because, on account of a slight difficulty you give up what you have undertaken and are too eager to seek consolation.
The brave lover stands firm in temptations and pays no heed to the crafty persuasions of the enemy. As I please him in prosperity, so in adversity I am not displeasing to him. The wise lover regards not so much the gift of Him Who loves as the love of Him Who gives. He regards the affection of the Giver rather than the value of the gift, and sets his Beloved above all gifts. The noble lover does not rest in the gift but in Me Who am above every gift.
All is not lost, then, if you sometimes feel less devout than you wish toward Me or My saints. That good and sweet feeling which you sometimes have is the effect of present grace and a certain foretaste of your heavenly home. You must not lean upon it too much, because it comes and goes. But to fight against evil thoughts which attack you is a sign of virtue and great merit. Do not, therefore, let strange fantasies disturb you, no matter what they concern. Hold strongly to your resolution and keep a right intention toward God.
It is not an illusion that you are sometimes rapt in ecstasy and then quickly returned to the usual follies of your heart. For these are evils which you suffer rather than commit; and so long as they displease you and you struggle against them, it is a matter of merit and not a loss.
You must know that the old enemy tries by all means in his power to hinder your desire for good and to turn you from every devotional practice, especially from the veneration of the saints, from devout meditation on My passion, and from your firm purpose of advancing in virtue. He suggests many evil thoughts that he may cause you weariness and horror, and thus draw you away from prayer and holy reading. A humble confession displeases him and, if he could, he would make you omit Holy Communion.
Do not believe him or heed him, even though he often sets traps to deceive you. When he suggests evil, unclean things, accuse him. Say to him: "Away, unclean spirit! Shame, miserable creature! You are but filth to bring such things to my ears. Begone, most wretched seducer! You shall have no part in me, for Jesus will be my strength, and you shall be confounded. I would rather die and suffer all torments than consent to you. Be still! Be silent! Though you bring many troubles upon me I will have none of you. The Lord is my light, my salvation. Whom shall I fear? Though armies unite against me, my heart will not fear, for the Lord is my Helper, my Redeemer."
Fight like a good soldier and if you sometimes fall through weakness, rise again with greater strength than before, trusting in My most abundant grace. But beware of vain complacency and pride. For many are led into error through these faults and sometimes fall into almost perpetual blindness. Let the fall of these, who proudly presume on self, be a warning to you and a constant incentive to humility.
- extract taken from http://www.leaderu.com/cyber/books/imitation/imitation.html#toc
I was hoping to get a day in the Peak District today, but there weren't enough places. Pretty gutted, cos it's such a beautiful day and I was really looking forward to climbing outdoors. But wells, we don't always get what we want. Went for a short run to the botanical gardens (finally), and hope I manage to get some work done.
I'm a Nature-lover, aspiring conservationist, and wannabe traveller in search of outdoor adventure.
My interests vary from conservation to education to heritage to Nature (biodiversity & wildlife) to outdoor activities to life in general.
They occupy most of my waking moment.
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