Haven't really been in much of a blogging mood, partly because I'm increasingly finicky about how I write what I write and what I'm trying to say in my writing. I feel like by this stage, my writing should be near flawless, spelling and grammatical errors aside, my sentences should flow and my logic be sound, and every post have a point and a message to carry. I also don't want to end up writing things that I may regret later, especially if I'm writing to vent, knowing how these works in public domain come back to haunt you later. Knowing what I want to do with my life, I feel like I have to be ultra careful with what I say on such public spaces. But at the same time, it is quelling my writing and writing is one of those skills that you get better at the more you practice, and once you stop, you lose it. So I guess for now, I'll just have to live with imperfect writing, and hope that it improves over time.
I've been meeting up with friends since being back, as I always do, but this time seems a little different. I seem to have shifted a little closer to being an actual adult, given that I now have a degree in something (Cambridge doesn't actually specify what). But I think I've also become more sure of what I want to do with my life, and what my short and long term career goals are, even if at the moment they're just possibilities (with lots of roadblocks in the way). I am able to state with more certainty what I am doing and will be doing and want to do, and assess my options in Singapore.
A few too many times I've been asked about being a politician, especially with all the politic talk this GE. I have definitely entertained that thought, even from the last GE in 2011. For now though, that's not a career I'm considering. My perspectives might change down the road, but right now I have no desire to give up my weird geekiness to become an MP (and having to interact with people all the time). Furthermore, as it stands, I already habitually apologise when I'm not at fault (think it's a result of excessive politeness, not wanting to offend, and wanting to be humble) and I don't think that's very good either (it gives the impression of a lack of self-confidence I think). Given the current climate and hostility to so-called 'elites', I will probably be apologising endlessly for my entire life if I ever dabble in politics.
In Singapore, we judge way too quickly, way too superficially. Perhaps there is some basis for it, and more often than not, the stereotypes (of ah lians/ah bengs/uncles/aunties/atas people etc) hold. Still though, I find it frustrating when I meet someone for the first time, and after a couple of questions, they find out I studied overseas and go "yeah can hear a bit of accent". Like, really? Or is it 'a bit of an accent' when proper English is spoken? I've realised since coming back, that I actually consciously try my best to speak as Singlish as possible when meeting new people (particular when climbing, but also in every day situations like ordering food/drinks, talking to taxi drivers etc. Not that I take taxis everyday). I try really hard to blend in (as I do when I'm overseas, speaking in a somewhat chimeric accent) that sometimes I wonder if I'm trying too hard? Though at the same time I don't give a damn that I'm the only one reading a book in the MRT instead of being on my phone (though today, in a carriage I was in, there were THREE of us reading, THREE! How amazing is that?!?)
Anyway, it's been nice being home and meeting friends, having good conversations and catching up. It does mean though, that I also slack off majorly, and all my work-related habits (reading papers, articles and blogging thoughtfully) fly out of the window. I've also stopped learning coding and have barely spent time preparing for the GRE. My priorities are primarily to spend time with my family and friends, even if I'm not actually doing anything productive with them, just sitting there and chatting idly, because that's just something precious that I can't do when I'm away.
Physical presence does make a difference, even with all our modern technology to keep us connected when apart.
I'm a Nature-lover, aspiring conservationist, and wannabe traveller in search of outdoor adventure.
My interests vary from conservation to education to heritage to Nature (biodiversity & wildlife) to outdoor activities to life in general.
They occupy most of my waking moment.
Do read my blogs, follow me on Twitter (@jocelynesze) and friend me on Facebook (subject to my discretion). Visit my Nature blog, Nature Rambles, at http://natureramble.wordpress.com.
UPDATE 2 Apr 2017 - This site is no longer maintained, please visit jocelynesze.wordpress.com if you're interested in more recent writing.