I feel overwhelmed by humanity, by humans. I went into London on Friday to meet some people, and as soon as I got out of the train station, I felt overwhelmed. By all the people. I looked at all the faces passing me on the street, about their stories, possible preoccupations, emotions. Everyone has a story to tell; you can't judge too quickly. Living in cities is so easily desensitising. You stop treating people as individuals, you see them as part of the scenery, or part of a category. Like the homeless on the streets. The banker-type. The tourist. Etc. I don't think I ever realised properly how flippantly we treat people in cities, having grown up in one. I guess being at Silwood was just that much more isolating (I'm interacting, seeing, walking past with the same few people everyday, no more than 50 probably), that going into the city after about 2 weeks, it was just too much, my brain was going into overdrive.
While outdoors though, my mind was a blank. It was just so nice and peaceful and calming to be out there, without any external pressures. It's hard to even fathom the horrors that are going on. I thought, perhaps people wouldn't be so unhappy and violent if they spent more time outdoors. But then, if people don't even have basic comfort and security, being outdoors would be more of a threat and a fear. I guess I say what I say cos I'm in a position of luxury and privilege. I feel like there is nothing much I can do, physically, about all the wrongs that go on in the world. The only thing I can do is to pray. For those who died in the attacks, their families, and perhaps especially for those who perpetrate such atrocious acts, that they will stop.
I know, but I just don't understand this world we currently live in, I don't understand the humans. I am naively still hoping for world peace one day, but meanwhile I am praying for humanity. For lives lost and lives still present.